I remember tears streaming down your face

when I said I won't let you go.

When all those shadows almost killed your light,~

Tting!

I sighed as I my hair behind my ear. Again a wrong note. Why couldn't I play it by ear, I wondered when I hit the piano keys. I stood up from the chair and walked around the living room. Jiyoung has left with Jinyoung to buy some groccery and over a few weeks, it would be our anniversary for being together for almost 5 years. And I wanted to play something for Jinyoung, even if I had never played piano, I wanted to at least try. But after playing it like this, I felt like a cat who couldn't sing AND play anything. How do they do it by ear? 

I frowned my forehead and let out another frustrated sigh. I'm really useless, I thought. I flashed my eyes back to the piano and saw a guitar behind it. My fingers itched and I wondered if I could play guitar better. I hopped towards the piano and bent over it, to grab the guitar. The wood felt cold against my warm fingers and a hollow sound echoed through the hole as I accidently, bumped against the piano. I gritted my teeth and placed my hands around the neck of it, while sitting back behind the piano. I have seen Jinyoung play the guitar and if only I could imitate...

Aah, yes, it was like this, and now strum the strings, I told myself. My hand glided down onto the strings and a heavy, loud, unharmonized sound pierced through my ear. I held my breath and tried again.

Tsjuuung...Tjunngg...Jungjungjungg...

"Come on, why isn't this working?" I thought frustrated, and after a few tries I gave up again. I felt so useless. Disappointment hit me as I let the guitar slip a little down from my lap. I really felt like crying. You know, that feeling that as if you couldn't do anything good and how much you try, it wouldn't work? That kind of frustration?

Well, it felt like that and to realize that Jinyoung was a handsome person, who has brains and is smart and good with everything, I really wonder how he could stand me. I mean, my mom left me because I was a bother, I make wrong decisions that get me into troubles and Jinyoung always had to fish me out of it, and worse, I didn't even have a diploma from high school. Which makes me feel a lot more dumber. What did Jinyoung see in me ?

My heart ached when I thought those cloudy, depressive thoughts. Maybe, I have done something wrong in my past lives and this was my ultimate punishment from God. A tear slipped down my face. I wiped it off with my hands and then looked at them.

They were pale and had smooth skin but that wasn't what I wanted. With these hands, I haven't worked ever since I lived with Jinyoung. These hands were like this because I didn't have to work my off for money. If I needed some, Jinyoung would just give me. But I couldn't just let Jinyoung do all the hard work. I knew that earning money was a very hard thing to do, because... I once stood in the shoes of those people, who didn't receive money and had to do a lot of effort for a little bit money. To feel a little bit what well-bread families always feel.

How stupid am I? Suddenly ranting about money, and besides, that wasn't my big problem. The real thing was, why did Jinyoung love an useless person, like me, who couldn't even sing him or play him something.

I wailed and dug my face into my arms to cover my tears from the world. I shouldn't be crying. This would make me look ungrateful and stupid. 

Suddenly, the bell rang. I shot up and wiped rapidly my tears off. I looked through the window and saw Jinyoungs car parked in front of our house. He was home.

I placed the guitar back on where it stood and then spurted up to the first floor. I didn't want Jinyoung to see me like this. He would worry over me again and I would be a bother again.

I closed the door behind me when I heard the front door open with a squealing Jiyoung entering our house. I put my back against the door and breathed out, calmly. Jinyoungs voice echoed through the house as he had a very gentle voice, warning that Jiyoung shouldn't go in with her shoes on.

I smiled weakly and when I heard my name, I opened the door ajar and yelled a reply that I was upstairs. I heard someone climbing up the stairs and with a twirl, I turned me around and rushed under the blankets, hoping he wouldn't see that I had cried.

"Honey?" Jinyoung asked, when he came in through the door. I turned me around and stared at him with a smile. "What is it?" I asked him.

Jinyoung frowned his forehead and observed me. "Are you sick?" He had a worried tone. Oh, no, please don't worry about me.

I shook my head and sat up right. I could feel that my eyes were a little swollen and on some places, there were still tear stains.

"Is everything alright?" He asked me, again when he sat down next to me. I shook my head again and looked at him with a forced smile. "Why would I be sick?" My voice broke.

Jinyoung tilted his head lower and tried to look into my eyes but I refused to look into his. "S-So has Jiyoung bought a lot of candy again in the mall?" I asked him. 

Jinyoung took my arm and pulled me towards me strongly. His grip was a little tense and it hurt me. I winced and looked at him as he looked down on me. I was now pulled in between his legs and his arms were wrapped around me. We were close and his breath my neck and made my fine hairs stand up.

"You have cried, what's wrong?" He asked me, his gaze softening.

I shook my head and smiled again. "Nothing," Tears broke out in my eyes. How weak am I?

Jinyoung hummed a dissatisfied reply and my cheek with his thumb. "Tell me, what's wrong, you know you can tell me everything." He remembered me. I nodded and placed my head onto his chest, grabbing his waist tightly. The scent of his cologne, calmed me down.

"I feel like, everything I do, is useless. I feel useless." I confessed. Jinyoung rubbed my back and then stopped mid-way.

"Which idiot told you that? You're not." He told me sternly.

I sighed and looked down. "Jinyoung, you don't get it. You are such a wonderful person, and I, I'm like a person who hadn't reached any great goals. I feel like I'm a bother to you, maybe should have married with Yoon-"

"Yah!" Jinyoung cut me off. I looked up and saw that he was a little angry. My heart shrank a little, upon seeing him like that. He was angry at me, he never have been before. 

"I-It...' I stuttered. Jinyoung sighed and tilted my chin towards him. "Listen to yourself, right now. I have never been so disappointed in you, after you told me those words. I'm not just a man who marries every woman, you know, and it really bothers me that you still hasn't realized that. I'm your man! I chose to be your man and will forever be. If you are saying those words to me, you might just rip my heart out and crush it on the ground. If you really don't understand why you're my wife, then ask me. I would be happy to tell you why I like you. EVERY single day! I would never get tired of telling  what I love so much about you." He told me, his eyes piercing deeply into my soul. Those words hit my heart so badly that I forgot to breath for a moment. He looked so confident and proud and that actually... made me cry.

I broke down in his arms and cried so hard. Jinyoung embraced me and with a smile, he hushed me.

"Finally, my love has sank deeply into your roots." He whispered. "Now you will never forget so easily that I love you more than anything else."

"B-But... I can't do anything right..." I hiccupped. Jinyoung smiled and wiped of my tears. He kissed my tears away and looked into my eyes.

"Everything you can't do, I will learn you to do anything perfect." He muttered those words into my ears, as he pushed my head against his chest and laid his chin on top of mine, lightly humming a song.

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound...

I was actually sad when I wrote this, so excuse me if this was a little depressive, but when I'm sad, I tend to write out my emotions so I can feel relieved.

I hope you enjoyed this extra. 

Much love,

Smilecake. <3