It has been a few months since I came back from my long 'trip'  and that Jinyoung had asked me to marry him. I was very glad to become his wife and our marriage was set in october, next year. Why it would take so long was because we still needed to do a lot of stuff, especially when we still have to take some time off and spend time with our little child, Jiyoung. 

Up 'til now, Jinyoung had taken care of Jiyoung without my help and it had been a long time since I watched over Jiyoung. I almost forgot how I had to take care of a child but thanks to Jinyoungs smartness and not to forgot, sometimes his annoying doctor advice, I managed to get the hang of it quickly.

New Year's Eve was today and right now, I was sitting with Jiyoung in the living room, playing with her dolls to kill the time until midnight. We got the house only for us two, because Jinyoung had to be an emergency doctor at a hospital for urgent accidents, like third-grade wounds, and such. So he's overworking these past holidays, that annoyed me a little because he hadn't been able to spend some time with me or family. But I couldn't blame him, he was the doctor. It was his job. But now it made me wonder why Yoona didn't have to help him. She's a doctor too, you know, and after thinking about this, it reminded me the fight that had happened between me and Jinyoung about his job, this early morning.

"Yah, Jung Jinyoung, are you seriously going to work?" I asked him, while I had my arms folded. Jinyoung smiled scornful and took on his jacket. He walked over to me and kissed my forehead.

"I know, I'm sorry. But I'm in charge of the emergency room this year. I can't go on holidays." He spoke against my skin, not daring to look into my eyes. I knew he was feeling terribly sorry, but that didn't stop me from being angry at him. 

"I was okay with you working on Christmas, but does it really have to be on New Year's Eve too?" I frowned my forehead and looked up, since he was a lot taller than I was. His eyes shifted from left to right, as he felt a little uneasy.

"I'm sorry. Really sorry." He took me into his arms and the side of my cheek with his finger. "Please don't be mad. I will make it up with you when my shift is over, okay?"

I sighed and looked to the ground. My heart ached when I had to let him go again on a day when you should be celebrating with your family. This would be the very first time that we were celebrating as a family, after being apart for almost ten years. And now, he was going to miss it. Next year wouldn't feel the same, like now. Every year is different. And I really thought that today would be something special and be cherished for a lifetime.

Jinyoung lifted my chin up with his finger and looked into my eyes, as he still hadn't an answer. My eyes teared a little up and I looked away, angrily blinking my tears.

"Why does it have to be you this year?" I asked. Jinyoung let go of me and sat down. He pulled me with me and as I slowly sat down next to him, he put away his car keys on the table.

"I guess I had bad luck. My name was hussled into a bunch of thousand other papernames and as the director of the hospital pulled one out, it turned out to be me. But I only have to do it once, so I won't be missing holidays in the future. My name won't be added in the hat after this year."

"That's not the problem." I spoke. He was being a little too careless about my feelings. He has been like this since we reunited with each other. I thought that what had happened at school was a little traumatic for him, so now he wanted to do his job as good as possible to avoid problems.  Which would also mean, choosing his job over me sometimes. And that hurt me.

I knew he still loved me very much, but now it felt a little different. He was a little too careful. He had also become a little scared of losing me but I had assured him multiple times that I wouldn't leave him anymore.  But once a scar in his heart, stays a scar.

"Then what is it?" He asked dumbfounded. I sighed another time and put my head against his forehead. "Jinyoung, it's not about me being difficult but Jiyoung. She never had a holiday with both parents." I explained. That was only half of the reason why I made a problem about it.

Jinyoung blinked with his eyes and stayed silent. It looked like he didn't know what to say. He surely didn't see that coming. "I-I...err.." He uttered, then he looked at the clock. His eyes narrowed and sadness was written all over his face. "I need to go. I'm sorry. My shift starts over five minutes, if I don't leave now..."

"Then go now. " I said with closed eyes, trying to push away the pain from what I had just said. He was too careless about my feelings and I felt like I needed some time alone. Jinyoung stood up and kissed my cheek with a weak smile. 

"Thanks," he muttered, as if I was happy about my decision. He grabbed his car keys and as I followed him to the hallway, I rubbed against my arms. They felt cold, only because I missed the warm feelings that we once had shared. I missed the passionate times that we shared when Jiyoung wasn't around. And once in a while, I felt horrible thinking about that marriage while I shouldn't be. If this kind of relationship continues, I don't feel like I want to marry him. It doesn't feel the same like when we first met. Where I would had butterflies when we kissed, having that feeling as if I could overcome everything. Now, he didn't even kiss me that often. Once in a while, as a goodnight kiss, but during the day, we would only embrace each other of kiss the cheek or forehead, like what he just did.

He kissed my forehead and held his hand on the door. He saw me thinking and then raised a eyebrow. "Is everything alright?" he asked. No, nothing is alright. I'm yearning for you, can't you see? Kiss me or touch me, whatever as long as you're close to me.

I plastered a fake smile on my face and looked at him. "Yes, everything's alright." I lied. "I just wondered at what hour I should pick up Jiyoung at Kwangmins house?"

Jinyoung looked at the ceiling and then clacked his teeth. "Two P.M.?"

I chuckled to myself and then placed my hand on the door, as he slipped out of the house through a small doorway. It was cold and Jinyoung probably wanted to let the cold stay outside. He pulled the collar of his jacket higher up and walked the stairs down of our front door. He turned him around and smiled, as if he wanted to tell me something urgent.

"I forgot to say I love you." He chuckled. I smiled at him and leant my head against the door. "I love you too." I whispered. Jinyoung nodded and walked over to his red car that was parked in front of our house. The car peeped as he stuck his key into the car door and slammed the door. I watched his start the engine and drive street out to his job.

"Umma, ummaa..." Jiyoung whined, whilst pulling my sleeve. I snapped out of my trance and looked down at Jiyoung who had made a strawberry stain on the carpet. I frowned my forehead and looked at her.

"Jiyoung, I told you to stay out of carpets when you are eating ice cream." I told her. Jiyoung shrugged her shoulders and looked at me innocently. She was doing her puppy-eyes and it made me swoon every time. Damned.

I took a roll of paper and dipped away the cream from the carpet. Jiyoung helped me as she felt a little guilty for making the stain. I laughed at her as I saw how good she was at cleaning. She must had gotten this from his dad as Jinyoung tend to clean up immediately after having a patient.

I over her head and took her into my arms. She was so cute and pretty. She got the eyes of Jinyoung and the nose of mine. Her lips were a mix from both of us. I pluckered my lips and bent closer to her. She sat up right and kissed my lips rapidly. Her eyes shone like diamonds and the fire of the stove danced like sparkles.

I sighed and imagined how it would be if Jinyoung was with us. It felt so cozy and warm. Jiyoung grabbed my waist tighter and put her head onto my chest. She yawned and her eyes slowly began to close. I forgot that she wasn't used to stay up so late.

"Do you want to sleep now?" I asked her. Jiyoung nodded and closed her eyes. I took her into my arms and stood up. I climbed the stairs and walked into her room. It was dark and Jiyoung immediately made a dissatisfied noise. I put her in bed but the problem was that she didn't want to let go of me.

"Let go, what is it?" I laughed at Jiyoung. Jiyoung yawned and looked at me with sleepy eyes. "I don't want to sleep in dark." she whined. I chuckled and her head. "Then what do you want me to do?" I asked.

Jiyoung shrugged her shoulders and rubbed in to her eyes. "Sing a song."

I widened my eyes and looked at her dumbfounded. "Mommy can't sing. You know that."

Jiyoung shook her head and pointed at me with her little finger. "Daddy will sing. You don't have to sing." I looked at her a little uneasy and bit my lip. I knew she would say that. Jinyoung had a hidden talent and that was playing the guitar and sing. He would always sing a lullaby and make her sleep. I never was capable of doing that since I never finished high school and never learnt to play an instrument. 

Jiyoung pouted and folded her arms with an overly angry song. "I want song. Song!" She told me. I knew there was some playfulness behind that angry face and also that she wouldn't sleep, until you got a lullaby.

"Daddy isn't home yet." I told her. "He will sing one tomorrow."

Jiyoung shook her head and looked at me, whilst not changing her attitude. "Song, song." she demanded again.

I bit my lip and thought of a solution. When I got one, I looked at her with a smile. "Let mommy tell you a story." 

Jiyoung widened her eyes and clapped into her hands. "Story story!!" she smiled excited. I nodded and covered her with a blanket while she laid down. I supported my chin with my fist that was placed with my elbow on my knee and looked at her with a smile.

"Let me tell you a fairytale." I smiled.

Jiyoungs eyes cleared up and nodded with a smile. "Tell..."

I looked at my hand and began to tell, covering the fact that this lovestory was about me and Jinyoung. How we fell in love, how we overcame the and many more what I have been through, and of course let out the alcoholic stuff and such. She was a little too young to hear it.

During my story, I could see that her eyes were slowly closing but she held herself awake to be able to hear my story. So I quickly ended it and let her sleep. I stood up and covered her well when I heard her breath becoming regular.

I turned off the light and closed her door. I silently walked down the stairs and stared at the clock on the wall. It was almost midnight and I wondered if Jinyoung would come home, saying that his shift had ended earlier. I was really yearning for him.

I looked out of the window and stared at the sky. The room that I was standing in was dark and I couldn't see how late it was. Suddenly, sharp lights popped out in the sky and made an loud bang. I widened my eyes and looked at the firework. I was always amazed at how beautiful it looked. Those colours, those combinations,...

Ring ring....

I turned me around and looked at the phone that rang. I walked over to it with a frown and answered it.

"Hello?"

"______~Ah, a happy new year~!!" someone laughed on the other line and I immediately knew who it was. Kwangmin.

"Ha~, you too." I smiled.

"So, did you see the beautiful firework?" He asked me. I nodded and smiled.

"Of course I did, and besides it's still going on."

I could hear Kwangmin slap his forehead as he had noticed how stupid that question was.

"Right, right... How is it spending the holidays with your family?" he asked curiously. I laughed weakly and twirled with my finger around the line of the phone.

"Great, I think."

"You sound a little bit off, did something happen?" He asked me.

I sighed and looked up. "Jinyoung isn't home, yet."

"What? He didn't spend the New Year's Eve with you?"

 "No, he didn't."

"That little goose..."

"Watch your words, Kwangmin." I laughed, trying to sound indifferent about the fact that Jinyoung wasn't home.

"Yah~, It's really not nice of Jinyoung to leave you at home like this, at least come and celebrate with us, Yunwoo would be happy if he sees Jiyoung again."

Yunwoo was Kwangmin and Yoona's son. So young and cute. Jiyoung was seven years older than Yunwoo, making him look like a very greedy baby. He was amazed about Jiyoung and wanted her always by his side.

"Ha, thanks but it's fine here. I wasn't planning to do any special, so... I'd love to talk with you longer, but I want to sleep if you don't mind."

"No, no, go ahead. Yoona is calling me too, so... Goodnight, _____~ah" he told me.

I smiled and hummed a reply. "You too."

He hook up and I was alone in my living room with only the sound of firework, banging in the air. I sighed and looked at the clock. I had decided to wash up and go to bed. I wasn't in the mood to watch firework, anymore. 

I climbed up the stairs and peeked into Jiyoungs room. She was still asleep and I smiled. I walked over to Jiyoung and pressed a kiss on her head. Next, I headed to our room and changed me. I took off my assescoiries and dug into my bed.

The space next to me felt empty as I placed my hand on it. I shove a little to the other side and placed my head on his cushion. The smell of him was still there and it made a few memories of us free. He had never changed his scent and I was actually glad about it. There was still something that was left unchanged.

A tear dropped from the corner of my eyes on the cushion as I looked into the dark. I miss the old Jinyoung, the one I fell in love back then. I wanted to wait for Jinyoung to come home but sleep gradually overmastered me and I fell asleep on his cushion.

I had a dream, a sweet one that was a memory of our past. The touch, the feeling, they felt so real. I really could feel someone kissing me, someone holding me and caressing my skin.

My head became lighter and the heavy smoke of the dream disappeared. I was conscious while my eyes were still shut. I felt my body lying in a pose that I didn't remember that I had slept like this. Then I felt two warm arms embracing my waist. They felt so warm on the skin of my stomach. My T-shirt crept a little up, and I could feel my skin being caressed by the blankets. I could feel a warm breath next to my neck and slowly, I opened my eyes. 

I could see a person lying against me, while he held tightly onto me.

"Jinyoung?" I muttered, unsure about the person. I heard a familiar chuckle and as he kissed my neck, I shivered. He hadn't kissed me like that in a long time and I closed my eyes to enjoy it.

I moaned lightly as it felt really good. I wrapped my arms around his arms that got to my neck and pulled me closer. Those warm arms felt like a heater and it did great because I began to feel a little cold around my toes. 

He the side of my head with his warm arms and pushed my head to his side. His lips trailed from my jaw line to my lips and lightly kissed them. His breath was against my skin when he stopped and caught breath.

I looked at him and nuzzled closer. He smiled and I felt his chest getting up and down. "Why? I was just doing so well." He whispered. I smiled and turned me around so that I laid on top of him. His arms never left my body.

I looked at the clock and saw that it wasn't that late. It was only 2 O'clock in the morning and mostly, Jinyoung would come home around five in the morning when his shift had ended.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him with a smile. "Why so early home?" I asked.

Jinyoung smiled and dug his face into the nape of my neck, turning me around again. "Because I have convinced Baro to do my shift. I owe him but it's worth it."

Oh god, those little kisses made me go crazy. I leant my head more back when he reached higher with his lips. His hands the sides of my waist and our legs were intertwined with each other.

"Why, I thought that you really wanted to do that shift?" I asked, breathing irregular.  Jinyoung chuckled and looked amused. I hadn't seen that look in a long time.

"Because an angel called me that I had to give up this shift, and I got scared of that angel, since he said it in a very threathening way." He joked. I laughed and immediately thought of Kwangmin. Of course it was him.

"So you just did it because of that angel." I pouted.

Jinyoung shook his head and gave me another kiss. "No, I gave it up because I was a fool." He muttered against my skin. His eyes didn't look at me and I knew he felt really guilty.

"Jinyoung..."

He hushed me and looked deeply into my eyes. "I was a fool for choosing my job over my love. Even if my job wasn't the problem, I would still choose Jiyoung over you. I forgot that you have feelings too. I forgot the bond that we share, and only we two can share. So special and I neglected that." 

"Jinyoung, it's not that bad..."

"Really?" He looked with disbelief. "When was the last the time that I really gave full attention to you?"

I stuttered and looked at him as he gave me that don't-lie-look.

"A...while..." I uttered.

Jinyoung smiled amused and bent in to kiss me. He bit onto my lower lip and pulled it lightly. "Still as sweet as cotton candy..." He muttered against my lips. I blushed and as his hand moved higher to my shoulders under my shirt, he kissed me again. This time, a little wilder and I could feel that he really had missed this. But so did I.

I kissed him back and enjoyed his touch.

"W-Wait... Jiyoung is still here, you know." I muttered when she suddenly shot into my head. Jinyoung smirked and kissed my jawline.

"I know, but as long as we're silent, she won't know." He whispered y. I raised an eyebrow and looked at him.

"Since when are you like this?" I chuckled.

Jinyoung chuckled too  and traced with his finger across my neck. It tickled and I couldn't help but to let out a moan.

"I have always been like this. After such a long time, I still know your weak spots." He muttered in my ear. "Let's play."

This was an extra ^^

Hope you enjoyed, and everyone, a happy new year!!