Becoming closer to Daesung had given me the confidence to be a little more at ease around my members... I had still spent time shut up alone and I had still been hiding but at least now I was able to smile and sometimes we even laughed...

 I guess I couldn't help feeling more at ease with them I had been living with them now for a few months... 

 

 There had been a few close calls over that time... 

 They were always asking questions like why do you wear so many layers of baggy clothes all the time; even to sleep in...? Why do you look so scary sometimes like something is upsetting you... I wished my emotions weren't so obvious on my face all the time but I was lucky that they didn't push too hard for answers...

 One evening I had binged and gone to throw up and was caught by Hyunseung who immediately flapped, Daesung covered for me and said I wasn't feeling well which I guess wasn't actually a lie just... not the whole story...

 Lately though it had felt as if it was all about to blow up...

 I could feel it in the tension at training... I could see it in the ever growing impatient frown on Jiyong's face...

 

 "Seunghyun can I talk to you... alone." He spoke with an overly curious look

 

 I knew it... but how do I get out of it this time??

 

 "Sure," I half mumbled trying to mask my discomfort but I could feel that it was to no avail... "what's up?" I asked trying not to seem shifty as I followed him reluctantly to the far end of the room...

 

 As he lifted his bottle of water to his lips tipping his head back and exposing his slender neck I tried really hard not to stare as he swallowed down the contents... But my eyes felt glued to him and I could feel my heartbeat beginning to quicken...

 

 The sweat beads glistening on his neck... The trickle of water sliding from those plump little lips and down the side of his mouth...

 

 "Hyung..." Jiyong started suddenly breaking my trance as he screwed the lid back onto the bottle and tossed it down onto the pile of abandoned sweaters. "..are you doing alright these days? I know you've been having a difficult time... well we all have really..." He spoke softer than I had ever heard him speak...

 

 Suddenly I felt guilty... I had been so wrapped up in my own problems of trying to avoid him that I hadn't bothered to wonder how he was doing, only took the time to letch over his taught body... oh god don't start thinking about that...

 

 "It's taking some getting used to and training is hard but I'm okay really..." I spoke avoiding direct eye contact as I fumbled the lid on my own bottle...

 

 Jiyong nodded in understanding and my insides suddenly sighed with relief that his curiosity seemed sated for the moment...

 

 ..but just as I relaxed he reached out noticing that I was still wearing my sweater despite the sweat on my forehead... his hand resting comfortingly against my upper arm... I tried to cover up my shock at his sudden closeness as he looked up into my eyes reassuringly...

 

 It was all I could do not to lean in for a kiss...

 

 "Hyung... I've known you long enough to know that you're uncomfortable about your body but you don't have feel that way around us... we're your members..." He finished his eyes searching mine...

 

 I was really hoping that he wouldn't be able to read my expression...

 

 "Ah... I've made you feel awkward. Sorry, just do whatever makes you most comfortable." He smiled genuinely his eyes pinching at the corners... he looked so adorable... 

 

 If only you knew what you do to me Kwon Jiyong I thought as I rubbed the back of my neck trying really hard not to blush as he turned away clapping everyone back into formation...