It had been a bad week... An awful week. I had broken down and called my ex-girlfriend on her birthday... She had sounded fine... My calling her had left her seemingly unaffected... she had obviously moved on already...

 

 I felt like the lowest form of life on the planet.

 Training wasn't going well either...

 

 Boss YG had had no qualms about telling me how useless my dancing was and that the only two things I felt I was any good at were only barely passable as talent. My beat boxing was the best in the group and my rap skills were passable but when it came to being in the group... he said he had doubts about my debut...

 

 I had been cutting everyday for the past week and a half; the back of my thighs were cut to ribbons at this point and just the rubbing of my pants against the cuts was enough to make me want to gasp every time I stood or sat... 

 

 I liked that though in a way... It reminded me of how far I had to go to become something... 

 

 I had lost more weight too... 

 

 It had been partly due to the fact I had been trying so hard to keep up with the others and learn all of the dance routines...

 

 "Hyung... you look pale are you sure you're alright?" YoungBae asked frowning one day after practice. He ducked his head attempting to look me directly in the eyes as I teetered light-headed on my feet.

 

  "I think you should sit down~"

 

 "No." I replied a little too snappishly through my half delirium "...no I'm fine I need to get this routine down."

 

 I heard YoungBae sigh and turned to look at him...

 

 "Hyung... This means everything to each one of us. We all dream of debut and we'd all do anything we could to achieve the goal..." He continued thoughtfully, he shook his head a little before looking up at me again. "But we're all in this together. I think the point is that we work as a team... as a unit and well... if one of us is pushing ourselves so hard we're about to pass out then we're not working together well enough... I guess what I'm trying to say is what affects you affects us all... so it's not considerate to go through everything alone."

 

 I understood what he was saying... and I suddenly felt a lump forming in my throat... I rubbed my eyes as I felt the tears starting to form and my heart swelled... 

 

 Don't cry... don't cry you're supposed to be the hyung I thought berating myself as my treacherous tears betrayed me.

 

 "I guess we should all sit down together and talk then..." I spoke, my voice slightly deeper than usual.

 

 YoungBae smiled encouragingly and patted my arm. "I'm glad you're finally willing to let us in even just a little..."

 

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