Zitao awoke in the hospital room.  His eyes took in the bland-colored ceiling and walls, and for a moment he tensed, thinking he was in a lab.  But then his eyes moved down and he saw a hand clutching his on top of the blanket.  He looked to his side to see Sehun, staring at him hungrily.

Zitao uttered a little cry, hand clutching the blanket.  Sehun immediately jumped up, putting his arms around Zitao and his face in Zitao’s neck.  Zitao put his arms around his friend, fingers clutching Sehun’s shirt tightly.  He couldn’t help it; tears formed and streamed out of his eyes.

Sehun shook, once, and then he was crying too.  They clung to each other awkwardly, Sehun closing his eyes and relishing the feeling of Zitao’s thoughts once more.

“Ugh,” came a voice from the other side of the room.  For a moment they didn’t react.

“Hey,” came the voice again.  Zitao sniffed loudly and peered around Sehun. 

Baekhyun was in a bed opposite, looking at them with mild distaste.  “You’re being kind of grossly emotional,” Baekhyun muttered.

“S…sorry,” Zitao stuttered, but he didn’t let go of Sehun.

“OK,” Baekhyun said after a moment, “can you cut out either the crying or the hugging?  I can’t take both.”

Sehun didn’t move.  Zitao wiped his hand across his face. Then he pushed himself to the side, patting the bed as Sehun disentangled himself.  Sehun understood instantly, climbing up onto the bed with care and settling beside Zitao.  He pushed his face into Zitao’s shoulder, clutching his shirt.  Zitao held onto his hand tightly.

Baekhyun still looked disapproving, but didn’t say anything.

“Hey, kid,” he said, and Zitao looked at him.  Baekhyun looked away.  “I’m glad you’re not dead.”  

~

Zitao’s lip trembled when the others came to his room and expressed their sincere pleasure and relief at having him back.  They all stared when Kyungsoo stepped forward and pulled Zitao into a tight embrace; and Zitao burst into tears.

The doctors allowed them to leave the hospital that evening, though with disapproval on the issue of Jonghyun, who was still unable to stand steadily.  He had pressed his lips together in frustration, ignoring his splitting headache with difficulty and insisting that he would get better faster at home.

It was impossible to detach Sehun from Zitao.  They clung to each other, always sitting close, usually with their fingers wrapped tightly together.  Both boys seemed tense rather than relieved, as if they had to hold on for dear life lest they be torn apart again.

Noting Zitao’s tension from his place lying back on the couch, Jonghyun ordered him to bed about an hour after they arrived home.  He protested as Kyungsoo scooped him up to take him to his own room, telling Jonghyun that he needed to go to bed as well.

Sehun couldn’t bear to detach himself from Zitao any longer than the time it took for each of them to change into pajamas and brush their teeth.  Zitao’s thoughts fluttered about like nervous birds, with one underlying thought: I need Sehun by me.  Sehun followed Zitao into his bedroom.

“I wish to stay with you tonight,” he said.  Zitao nodded, eyes still wide with leftover anxiety.  Sehun could feel his relief that he wouldn’t be left alone at night.  He’d spent most of the last few days asleep or in a haze of drugs, by himself in an unfamiliar and terrifying setting. 

"Not... not here though," he said, "it... doesn't feel safe for some reason."  Sehun nodded, and they went to his room.

Sehun crawled into bed, holding up the blanket for Zitao, who followed.  At first it was awkward as they lay side by side, looking at the stars out the window.

Suddenly Zitao grabbed at Sehun’s shirt, turning and burying his face in Sehun’s chest.  Sehun could feel him shaking, pent up stress from his misadventure catching up with him.

“Shh,” he said quietly, enfolding Zitao in his arms.  He brought his face down into Zitao’s hair, rubbing his back slowly.  “Shh.  I’m here.  I will not leave you.”  He felt as if his heart would break from fear and relief and love; his emotions and Zitao’s tangling together in his heart and head.

He held Zitao as the boy began to sob, soaking Sehun’s shirt with tears.  It wasn’t long before Sehun’s eyes filled too, and they clung together for some time.  Eventually they quieted, drained; and slowly they slipped off to sleep.

~

Sehun woke in the middle of the night to Zitao stirring, whimpering.  He must be having a bad dream.  He shook his friend gently.  Zitao came awake with a gasp, hands clawing through the blankets to latch onto Sehun’s shirt.

“It is all right now, Zitao,” Sehun whispered.  He didn’t know what Zitao had been dreaming; he couldn’t read unconscious minds.  But he could feel Zitao’s anxiety; the terror of being alone.  He put his arms around his friend, closing his eyes.

“Sehun?” Zitao whispered.

“I am here.”

Zitao’s fingers dug into Sehun’s shirt.  “Don’t leave me.”

“I will never leave you.”

“Do you promise?” 

Of course their separation had been no one’s fault.  But Sehun could feel Zitao’s need to be reassured. 

“I swear it, Zitao.”  His voice grew even quieter.  “I need you at least as much as you need me.”

Zitao stilled.  “Why?”

Sehun didn’t respond for a moment.

“I believed you were dead,” he whispered.  “I…  I was unable to move, to eat, even to stand up.  The only thing I was able to do was weep.  I heard the others at times.  They believed I would die.  And I wanted to.”

Sehun could feel Zitao’s mind process the information.  “Why?” he said finally.

“Zitao… you are… you’re more than a friend.  You are my entire life.”  He hesitated, then continued, “I hear you at all times, and I feel as if I am only half of a person when you are away.  I… cannot live on my own.  The only existence I had before you was the laboratory.  When we were taken out, you awakened me from my mind.  It has only been you since that time.”

Zitao’s mind raced.  “But…”  He stopped, unable to vocalize his thoughts.  “We’ll be together forever, right?” he said finally.

“Yes.”

Zitao pulled back a few inches, hands still in Sehun’s shirt.  He studied Sehun’s face.  Sehun gazed back hungrily, longing crashing through him.  How could he ever get close enough?

Hardly knowing what he was doing, he leaned forward, eyes closing.  His lips met Zitao’s, lightly, lingering for a moment, sending a shock through both of them.  He pulled back, eyes still shut.  His heart thudded wildly, but he felt… right.  As if he had finally found something he had been searching for.  He opened his eyes.

Zitao stared at him.  “Wh… w-why did you do that?” he managed.  Sehun felt his confusion and shock.  But no revulsion.

“Because I love you,” Sehun found himself saying.  And though he hadn’t planned the words, he knew they were true.

“Do I love you?”

Sehun regarded him.  “What do you feel?” he asked gently, though he doubted that either one of them could interpret Zitao’s emotions at the moment.

Zitao looked away.  “I…  I’m not sure,” he said eventually.  “I… care about you more than anything or anyone else.  I feel at home when you hug me.  I think I would die, too, if we were separated again.”  His voice sounded very young and small.  “Is that love?”

Sehun considered for some time.  “Yes,” he said finally.

Zitao pondered this.  “I love you,” he said, tone full of wonder.  He looked back at Sehun, deciding something.  “You’re mine, aren’t you?”

“Always,” Sehun responded.

“Forever?”

“For eternity.”

Slowly, Zitao moved back to Sehun, putting his head against Sehun’s throat and closing his eyes.  Their arms went around each other and they lay still, the only sound their breathing.

Zitao’s thoughts churned, trying to process the new, unexpected realization.  Sehun listened, heart pounding.  There was a new tension between the two of them, and each was very aware of the other’s body against his own.

At length, Zitao whispered a tentative “Sehun…”, pulling back a bit.  Sehun heard his intention and his heart leapt as he brought his head down, their lips fumbling and meeting again.  He couldn’t help letting out a little whimper.

They kissed slowly, gently.  Sehun’s hand slipped up to rest on Zitao’ neck.  Zitao’s body stayed still, his mind focused on Sehun, Sehun’s lips, the tangle of emotions throbbing through him.  He pressed harder, latching onto Sehun’s mouth, desperation welling up.  Abruptly there were tears streaming out of his eyes.  His mouth stilled, hands clenching Sehun’s shirt.  He left his face pressed against Sehun’s, tears wetting the pillow.

Sehun’s arm came up to encircle Zitao’s head, holding him close.  He trembled, once.

“I love you,” Zitao whispered shakily against Sehun’s mouth, mind still tinged with astonishment.

Sehun held him tightly.  “And I love you.”

They lay together for some time, not speaking, not needing to.  Eventually they drifted off to sleep again, clinging together as tightly as if they were two halves of one whole being.

~

Zitao woke in the morning still pressed against Sehun, feeling warm and safe.  He stretched slowly, not wanting to disturb his friend, whose arm lay draped across him.

"It's all right," came Sehun's voice, quietly.  "I was waiting for you to awake."  His eyes had come open, and he looked at Zitao, face all tenderness and love.  Zitao's heart missed a beat as he recalled what had happened during the night.  He wasn't sure how he felt about it.  Confused, mostly.

Sehun gave him a gentle smile.  "I believe they want us downstairs.  We should get up."  He pulled his arm back from Zitao, carefully disentangling himself from the warm nest of blankets.  He heard Zitao's reluctance to move in his thoughts.

"You may stay there for a few minutes; they will wait for us."  

Zitao nodded.

Sehun moved to the dresser, opening drawers and selecting some clothes.  He picked them up, ready to go to the bathroom to change; but hesitated.  He still didn't want to leave Zitao for any amount of time, and he knew Zitao felt the same way.  Sehun glanced back at his friend lying on the bed.  Zitao's eyes were closed.

Sehun turned back, facing the wall.  He drew off his shirt, placing it on top of the dresser.  He slipped out of his pants and underwear, breath catching a little, knowing he wasn't alone in the room.

Zitao opened his eyes at the sound of Sehun's laundry hamper clicking shut.  His heart jerked in his chest as he caught sight of Sehun, standing across the room without a stitch of clothing on.  Sehun stiffened, knowing Zitao had seen him.  Zitao's eyes skittered away from Sehun, but then they glanced back again.  He knew he should look away, but...

Sehun stayed utterly still.  Zitao knew he could hear his every thought, but he couldn't keep his eyes from taking in Sehun's long, thin frame; the indentations of spine and ribs; the smooth curve of buttocks; the pale, soft-looking skin.  Zitao found himself wanting to reach out and touch him.  He had seen Sehun plenty of times, back when Sehun was still locked away in his mind and Zitao took care of his body.  Why had he never realized before how beautiful Sehun was?

Zitao lowered his eyes, abashed, and slowly Sehun pulled his clothes on.  Zitao looked up when he heard Sehun sit down in his chair, watching him pull on socks.

Zitao sat up, pushing blankets aside, and slid out of bed.  He stood awkwardly for a moment; then found himself taking slow steps toward Sehun, pulled by invisible strings.  He stopped before his friend, who was still, looking up at him.

Abruptly Zitao's legs buckled, and he knelt on the floor in front of Sehun, hands clutching Sehun's upper legs.  He hesitated, then crossed his arms over Sehun's lap, laying his head down and sighing.  Slowly, Sehun's hands came up, thin fingers burying themselves in Zitao's hair.  His cheek came down to rest on Zitao's head.

They sat like this for a minute, both their hearts clenching, breath uneven.  Zitao's voice came, sounding small and timid.  "I missed you so much.  At that... place."

"I missed you as well."

"You're still never going to leave me, right?"

"Never."  Sehun's fingers tightened in Zitao's hair.

Zitao moved his head and Sehun straightened, meeting Zitao's gaze, his hands dropping down to rest on his thighs.  Neither said anything; Sehun feeling Zitao's confused emotions tangling with his own.  He moved a hand up, hesitating for just a moment.  Zitao closed his eyes as he felt Sehun's cool, soft fingers touch his cheek.

Then Sehun was leaning down, lips brushing against Zitao's.  Zitao leaned into him, pressing their lips together, not moving, heart pounding.  He wasn't sure if his world was crashing down, or if it was coming together like it should have ages ago.

He pulled back, eventually, laying his head back down on his arms in Sehun's lap, closing his eyes.  Sehun his hair, touching ever so lightly; lifting, smoothing.  Zitao thought he had never felt anything so gentle and soothing before in his life.  He couldn't bring himself to speak, but he knew Sehun could hear the words that resounded in his mind.  

I love you.

-----------------------------

THEY FINALLY KISSED

OH MY GOSH THAT TOOK FOREVER

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