"Y-Y-You don't want me?"

 

My voice cracked, but I had to ask. I had to.

I had to keep him from walking.

 

Donghae's hands was already at the doorknob.

"No, Hyukjae. I-I don't want you anymore."

 

"Is it because I'm a guy? Donghae, please. We've been together for a long while and all of a sudden you're repulsed by me, because you suddenly realised I'm a guy?!"

 

"No. Hyukjae. Listen. I'm with Yoona now. You're just... You're just not good enough for me."

 

 

I felt like a huge hole has been punched in my chest, as I watched the man I valued more than life literally walked out of my life, out of the door.

Not even giving me as much as a backward glance.

 

My legs crumbled when the door shut. 

I heard a scream filled with pain and anguish and clapped my hands over my mouth, realizing that the horrible noise was coming from me.

 

I curled up upon the cold wooden floor, my teeth sinking in to my hand as I muffled the sobs, the screams, the pleas for the man who has left.

 

I could taste the metallic copper of blood, but the pain that I was supposed to feel didnt come as the overwhelming emotional pain washed through me again and again.

 

All this while...Donghae. 

My Donghae.

 

I vaguely register the sound of the door opening or Leeteuk hyung and Sungmin hyung grabbing my hand away from my mouth, as Kangin hyung carried me easily as if I was a feather and placed me upon my bed.

 

The tears never stopped, nor did the pain.

I couldn't hear anything over the thoughts, the words, the sobbing that was coming from me.

It was suffocating. 

I felt hopeless,useless.

I was in so much pain, I'd rather be off dead.

 

It's too early for separation.

There's still so many things I want to do.

There's still so many words I have to say.

There's still so many things, words. 

But the man was gone.

 

 

"Hyuk-ah. I'm here for you. Please, don't do this to yourself. We're still here for you, Hyukjae. We will always be. W-Whatever Donghae did, it's for the best. The public. ..they won't accept it." 

The soft whisper of Teuk hyung hit my ears as he brushed the bangs away from my eyes, caressing my cheeks.

 

I thought it was impossible, but the pain in my chest seemed to have magnified.

Was it really wrong to love Donghae? To love someone from the same ? Why do everyone make it sound like a crime. 

Was it really wrong when it felt so perfect to have love someone like him?

 

"I love him, Teuk hyung. So much." I tried to emphasize my words, as if the way I was behaving wasn't enough to show that.

 

"Hyukkie.. You'll get over it." Sungmin hyung persuaded, his hands holding onto my bandaged one.

 

It was madness. 

I feel like I'm talking but nobody hears me. 

They only hear things they want to hear.

 

Let me tear your heart out and see if you'll ever get over it, if you'll ever be okay, I wanted to rebuked.

But I removed my hands away, my eyes unsettlingly empty as I glared at them.

I turned and faced the wall, drained of anymore arguments that would lead to screaming and crying.

As if I wasn't broken enough.

 

 

I couldn't live without Donghae, and I knew what I had to do - to get rid of the pain that never seem to go, to mend the hole in my chest, to never having to face this world that was full of judgement.

 

And for the first time that night, I smiled.

 

Don't worry, Donghae. 

I promise you, you won't ever have to face me again.

 

Donghae's POV

 

I looked up as I shut the door, hearing the shrill scream Hyukjae let out.

 

"Hyung, go to him, now. Please." I said to Leeteuk, Sungmin and Kangin who were waiting outside just like I told them to.

 

They went past me and I trudged towards the staircase.

The floodgates were released as I cried silently, I cried so hard I felt my heart being squeezed by the tightening of my chest.

 

Hyukjae. My Hyukjae.

I'm so sorry, my love. 

I'm so sorry for all the disgusting words and lies I had said to you in the past hours. 

But it's even more painful than it is for you.

I thought I was going to lose it when you crumbled.

I'm sorry, Hyukjae. 

Please, don't forgive me.

Please, find a way to carry on with life.

 

My phone buzzed, interrupting me out of my thoughts. 

I looked at the name on the screen, took a breath of air and answered it as cheerfully as I could.

 

"Annyeong, Sora noona. Neh, I've broken up with Hyukjae. Don't worry. Don't apologize. I'm fine, it's him you have to worry about. No, don't apologize. I'm sure eomma and appa wouldn't have approve of us anyway. You were right. No, don't apologize. They're like my own parents, of course I'd do this for them. Hyukjae will get on fine without me. Neh, don't worry. But come and see Hyukjae, okay? Make sure he eats well and sleep well and remind him to eat, that boy is always practicing to the point that he forgets to eat! If anything, bribe him with strawberries. Ah, noona. I have to go now. Another person is calling. I'm sorry. Take care, noona! And pass my regards to appa and eomma."

 

I pressed the end button, talking about Hyukjae...

pretending like it was all nothing...

pretending that it was just another break-up..

pretending that it was all lies..

It hurts as I felt my soul bled for Hyukjae.

I fisted my hands in my hair, as the urge to hurt myself magnified.

I had to do this. 

For Hyukjae.

They say loving someone is when you want the best for them even if it means you won't be with them.

Sora noona was right. 

The public would never accept us. Eunhyukkie's eomma, appa.. 

The fact that Eunhyukkie is the only son.

I bit my lower lip. 

 

 

I wanted to go back to Hyukjae, kissed those tears away, heal him, plant kisses all over his face and tell him I love him, that I felt the same way, that it was indeed a camera trick, that Yoona had agreed to help, that it was all planned.

That I never really could ever leave him.

 

I had to hurt him so he couldn't come back to me.

Because I know that if he would come back to me, I couldn't resist it anymore.

I might just really run away with Hyukjae - and I can't do that to his family who had treated me like I was their own, his family who considered Hyukjae as their everything.

I understand them. Hyukjae is my everything, and to know that he had ran off. 

I just can't give the same pain to his family that felt very much like my own.

 

I stared at the wide wall, his empty eyes filled my head, haunting me as I grew angry at this world I was in. 

 

Then, I punched the wall with all my might.

The crunching sound of broken bone could be heard, but the pain never came.

I punched the wall again, as I remembered his face, his pleas.

And how I had to ignored them.

I punched the wall again, as I remembered that things would never be the same.

And how I would have to keep on pretending.

 

I punched the wall, decorating it with a splutter of blood everytime it connected with my fist as Hyukjae's empty eyes, pleas, cries filled my ears so I could no longer hear or feel anything.

 

 

And as I fainted into total blackness..

the memory of our first confession, our first night as lovers, our promises filled my head.

For the first time, I felt a sense of happiness as his gummy smile came into my mind.

The first time we finally confessed.

"Hyukkie.." I whispered before I hit the floor.

 

 

 

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I was going to turn this into a long story but decided against it, thus the abrupt ending. T_T

Thank you for all the lovely subscribers and silent readers and comments. It's my first time writing angst and I would love to hear your thoughts on them.

Thank you! (-: