“So, tell me. What exactly does snow feel like? What does it look like?”

I smile, chuckling a little as I watch my little sister drink her hot chocolate. I pat her leg gently. “Careful now. We don’t want your tongue to burn.”

With wide, innocent eyes, she carefully sets her cup back down on the side table. She sits up in her bed, a little stiff. “Come on. Tell me! I really want to know what snow is like. Didn’t you say you experienced it back in the states? Is it beautiful?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses now. One question at a time.” I laugh heartily. I sit down on her bed, by her legs. I start to think about all my times in the states. Suddenly, my heart constructs as I remember a certain someone. I close my eyes, remembering her gorgeous smile. I let out a sigh and I feel my lips slightly turn upwards. “Yes, the snow was beautiful. I had a lot of fun times in the snow.” I shakily whisper.

My little sister’s breathing goes quiet and even. I slowly open my eyes to see her staring at me with burning curiosity. I chuckle once more, feeling my heart squeeze. She reminds me of her, reminds me of my little snowflake. I push the forming image of her away and focus only on my sister.

“You look like you spent your snow experiences with someone special.” She mumbles, still looking at me with her big brown eyes.

This time, I flash a despondent smile. “I did.”

“Oh…” Her eyes finally look down at her lap as she plays with her fingers. “It must be really dear to you. You don’t have to tell me.” She utters lowly.

I stay quiet, having a little tug of war in my head. I want to tell her, but my heart hurts whenever I think about it. I’ve ignored the longing for so long already. Why in the world would I want to bring it back up? Why would I want my heart to be trampled on all over again? I watch as my little sister drinks out of her hot cocoa once more, avoiding my eyes.

Then I move my eyes at her arm, where a needle is injected into her skin. I follow the tube up to the IV.  The monitor makes steady beats, telling me her heart is well. I listen to it once more and reconsider. Her heart is well… Just a little slower than usual. I focus back on my little sister. I exhale deeply as I actually look at her. Her shaky, frail arms hold the cup of cocoa to her pale thin lips. Her big brown eyes look almost scary against her hollow cheeks.

I squeeze her leg softly, feeling more bone than meat. I trail my eyes up to the rise and fall of her small chest. It looks so weak. Then I see the blanket exposing her stomach, her skinny scarred stomach. Feeling sadness, I reach over and pull the blanket up, covering her small fragile body.

“Hey,” I call her attention. She looks up from her drink, meeting my eyes. I smile sadly. “I think you deserve to know what it was like.”

Her eyes light up, almost as if she saw Christmas lights on a tree. “Really?”

“Of course. You’re my sister.” I lean in closer to her and whisper playfully, “But you must keep it a secret, okay? Mom and dad don’t know.” I wink goofily.

She giggles and I smile, happy I can still make her laugh with the most innocent things. My smile soon fades when she starts coughing instead. I stare at her, frozen with fear. She shakes her head and smiles a small smile. “I’m okay. Can you tell me now then?” She asks.

“Alright, alright.” I say, chuckling weakly. She makes herself sit up better, eager. I clear my throat, feeling my heart squeeze once more. I inhale a deep breath. I didn’t think it would be this difficult. “You know I’ve been staying in the states for a whole two years, right?” She nods quickly, wanting to know more. “Well…” I start.