Everything is a blur. Before Daehyun knows it, he is sprawled across the floor of his living room, barely through the threshold when he breaks down. Jongup is fast at his side, careful not to question as seems fit. He takes the elder into his arms and as Daehyun wails unforgivably into his chest, he suppresses the anger beginning to fester within.

Jongup can only assume that Daehyun’s sorry excuse for a boyfriend is responsible and he’s glad that he doesn’t know who he is because in all honesty, he wouldn’t be able to control himself long enough to let the walk away.

~

Daehyun was never on the quiet side, divulging generously and often more than Jongup was interested in all without much inquiry, but when asked about his love life he would manage to divert from answering and Jongup never being one to pry allowed Daehyun the privacy he wanted. Relationships were taboo. That’s just how Daehyun was.

So when the latter began confiding in him one odd fall day saying things about how worried he was and asking what he should do, Jongup was at a loss, not knowing much about the foundation of their relationship to begin with. All he knew was that they had been together for years and it was seemingly perfect. Granted, these past few months have been hard on the both of them, Daehyun quite despondent, Jongup none the better.

He’d offer to listen, attempt to coax a smile and for the most part he kept Daehyun from falling into a miserable trance. The elder appreciated the gestures all the same, telling Jongup not to worry, that he’s fine, but who wouldn’t worry when their best friend walked around the house in a constant daze, bright eyes now vacant.

*

Yongguk gives his phone a squeeze, thrashes thoughts and mental curses with the voice inside his head. He wants to call, to plead and deny and fight, but fear dominates all else and his phone falls to the side as his head hits the wall behind him.

The room is a mess, not that he cares, though in all the clutter a very tiny twinkles shines. He reaches a hand out to brush over the circumference of the ring, tucks it into his pocket. 

It nears two in the morning when Yongguk musters the courage to dial the number he knows so well, heart hammering unbearably against his ribcage and when the ringing is replaced by an automated voice prompting a message, he opts out with relief, letting the phone smack onto the floorboards.

He hates it – the truth. He’s a coward. And after everything they’ve been through together, he the one person who loved him more than life itself.

*

Days turn into weeks, weeks into months.

Yongguk passes this particular coffee shop every day. Perhaps he likes the coziness exuding through glass panels and artsy arrays, perhaps he likes the faint chatter of giddy girls gabbing to one another.

Perhaps he is kidding himself thinking of excuses to walk by because every now and again a familiar face appears in the windows, bobbing back and forth behind the counter then round once more to the front, smiling to customers and peers and – there he goes staring again. Yongguk snaps his attention to a tree down the street, clears his throat in shame and continues on his way.

He often catches himself smiling as he watches from afar, the plight of stalking overwhelming him most times into a state of utter embarrassment and a little in disappointment as he pulls himself from his hiding spot. It’s creepy and desperate to say the least, but he can’t bring himself to stop.

Some part of him needs this – to see Daehyun, to see that smile – because without it, he will fall apart.

Oh the irony, he thinks as he walks leisurely down the sidewalk each afternoon. Butterflies flit through his stomach, sweaty palms dig deeper into his pockets and he rounds the corner to peer from behind the comfort of the only bush he deems optimal.

The coffee shop is on a route that is in no way convenient considering Yongguk’s apartment on the other side of town, though he finds the journey well worth it when that wonderful face comes into view with eyes pinched under folds of cheeks and bits of laughter.

Yongguk always makes sure that he’s just out of sight because there are times when Daehyun turns to look out the window for reasons unbeknownst to him and he likes to think that maybe Daehyun can feel his presence, but then it just makes him feel even creepier so he brushes the thought aside. However, nothing can compare to the day he met Hoon.

“What are you doing?”

Panic keeps Yongguk hostage for a moment before he can turn to the stranger hovering over him with a look of perturbation. He attempts a meek smile and as he stutters over his words, the stranger’s expression transforms into one of fright. “Wait, why are you spying on our café? Oh my God, are you a stalker?” and as the questions continue to spew, his voice cracks into hysterics, “Holy ! Boss!”

Yongguk yanks at the other’s sleeve and he falls to the grass beside him, looking as if the former is crazy – which in his honest opinion isn’t too far of an assumption.

Yongguk presses a finger to his lips in a plea that the worker will hush in compliance, but he is too busy trying to crawl away and to his dismay the escape is in vain because Yongguk is pulling him back by the edge of his apron. The worker thumps back to Yongguk’s side, holds his arms out in defense. “Who the hell are you? What do you want? I don’t have money!”

Yongguk lightly whacks his arm still holding a finger to his lips in another attempt to shut the latter up.

“Ow! Okay, okay, here take it,” he yelps, holding out a few crumpled bills and continues with eyes closed, “These are my tips, it’s only six dollars!”

Yongguk can’t help but chuckle and the worker dares to peek one eye open then the other until he’s stashing the cash back into his apron and poking at Yongguk’s chest. “What’s so funny? You think six dollars is funny? It's the beginning of my shift, okay? And what makes you so high and mighty, are you rich or something? Don't look down on people trying to make their way, okay, mister. I'm not the one sneaking around a bush."

Yongguk's brows squish together and he smiles, “I don’t want your money.”

“Then what are you doing?” the worker asks with arms crossed. Yongguk stops chuckling. How does one explain this? Before he mutters nonsense and backs himself into a corner of lies, the worker speaks, “Oh, do you like him too?”

Yongguk his head in confusion. The other obliges, “Daehyun. A lot of people have a crush on him, but who doesn’t am I right?” The worker prods a knowing elbow into the other’s arm, smirking smugly to himself and when Yongguk’s unamused stare is noticed,