“Daehyun comes home today,” Jongup says nervously. 

Yongguk looks over to him on the other end of the couch and gives his shoulder a nudge. “Then you better make sure he’s got someone to come home to.” He offers a smile and it bothers him when Jongup doesn’t smile back. “What’s wrong?”

Jongup leans forward to rest his forearms over his knees and after a stale minute or two, finally speaks. “What do I even say to him? Do I act like everything is normal? Do I bring it up? What if I leave him alone and he tries to do it again?” The questions spill one after the other and Yongguk has to cut him off with a grip to the arm and a stern, “Don’t overthink it.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one living with him,” Jongup says, immediately regretting how it may have come off.

“Look at it this way, Daehyun is coming out of rehab. That means that the doctors feel that he’s stable enough to return to his normal life. So don’t feel like once you take your eyes off of him he’s going to have a blade to his wrist,” he says as earnestly as he can, looking over to his cousin whose face is buried into either palm. 

It does little to comfort Jongup and Yongguk can only hope that he’ll listen. This is a sensitive situation that no one was ready for and to take it lightly just isn’t how Jongup wants to handle it. Yongguk can tell that something’s not quite sitting right with the other and takes a calculated pause before speaking again. 

“I’m not saying for you to brush it off and act like it didn’t happen. I just don’t want you to worry to a point that it’s hard for you to function. You’re going to have to trust him. He’s really going to need that,” Yongguk trails off, looking to the carpet. 

Jongup looks over to him because somehow that last part makes him uneasy. “Everything okay?” he asks not really sure why. 

Yongguk gives his head a shake, forcing a smile. “I just thought that maybe he could use a little stability. Let him know that you know he’s strong enough to move forward.”

“Did you go through this before with him?” The question slips out and Jongup apologizes for being so candid. He feels bad, like it’s not his place to ask, but Yongguk answers anyway, feeling the need to shed light on darker times. 

“No, not with Daehyun. With myself. It was after we broke up. I just totally closed off from everything and everyone and it was the worst I’ve been. It wasn’t just because we’d broken up, it was the guilt, the depression, just stuff,” he cuts himself off, getting a little caught up with reviewing memory lane. “I had a lot of thoughts about ending everything and it isn’t something impulsive. It’s debilitating, constantly having that loom over you, in the back of your mind ready to take the wheel. Some days it hits you harder than others and I would look over the railing of buildings hoping that it’s high enough, but I’d always have another voice come through. Not the one in my head that I hear when I think to myself. No, this voice, it was lovely and stronger than the force compelling me down.”

At this point, Jongup is sitting dumbfounded, unsure of whether he’s more shocked or saddened that he had absolutely no idea all of this was going on. Why hadn’t Yongguk reached out? How did he even get to such a low point? His mouth is agape, wanting to comfort his cousin, but his voice nestles in his throat and nothing but a crack escapes. Yongguk fixes his attention on the other and offers a grin to lighten the mood. 

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