A/N: When the music is mentioned, listen to the song (in the link) as you read it, it will help with the atmosphere that is being created. You don’t have to but it helps. Anyway, enjoy.

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(Jonghyun POV)

“Finally calm then?” I laughed as I flopped down on my bed next to Kibum. The rain was still going, I swear we were going to end up trapped in the house because it would be submerged in water by the time the rain stopped… okay maybe I was exaggerating a little, but still, this storm had been going on for like twelve hours now.

It was now 12.30pm, time for lunch. Yay food.

I was just happy that I’d managed to buy all those groceries before the storm began.

The groceries that my Appa had so kindly put away before taking his own life… My Appa… I wonder what he would say now if he could see me. I wonder if he would be happy that I’d found someone like Kibum. I wonder if he had still been here, would he have one day got past his drinking problem and returned to me, the Appa I knew and loved with all my heart. But it did no good to wonder. He was gone and sooner or later I would have to accept that.

But there was so much I needed to do. It occurred to me that it would only get worse before it got better. Once his body had been looked over I would still have to plan the funeral. But how could I even afford it? I wanted to give him a good burial like he managed to do for my Omma and noona, but where would I find the money to be able to pay for it all? The casket, the plot, the vicar, the church… funerals… they cost a lot of money and I couldn’t just not give him a proper send off.

A proper send-off… like what they got… back when my Appa was able to function slightly.

*Flashback*

I sat there in the front row of the church. Waiting for the coffins to be carried in. I willed myself not to cry. I had to be strong for my Appa. I had to. I was still sore and bruised from the accident, only another reminder that it should have been me in one of those wooden boxes and not them.

I was brought out of my thoughts as the music began. I stood like everyone else around me. Finally taking in the scene that surrounded me. The vicar stood at the front of the church, awaiting the time to begin his speech. White lilies surrounded the place. A small bird sat up on one of the high beams. It didn’t sing though, it was almost as though it knew now was not the time to be happy. Now was the time to take in the grief.

But I couldn’t let it take over me. Not now. I had to be strong for my Appa, who could barely contain himself. Hot tears poured down his aged face. He looked so worn, so tired. Like he had given up as soon as they had left us. He had no will to live now, but he couldn’t leave too. I wouldn’t let him give up so easily, even if that was what I wanted to do myself.

The room was full of people. So many people knew and loved my Omma and my noona. They were two of the kindest, most sincere people you could ever meet and they always made an impact. They left an impression in the hearts of the people they met, even if they had only met once. Those people would forever remember the genuine smiles and warmness of those two women. They were more than words could ever describe. They were both so very beautiful, they looked alike too. And now nobody would be graced with their beauty anymore. Now it was hidden away in two boxes that kept them from the world.

It wasn’t fair that they were taken. Ripped from the world with no explanation. No anything.

They were now in the arms of the angels.

I could feel the lump beginning to form in my throat as I looked up and saw the two coffins being carried down the aisle. Men in black suits held the coffins on their shoulders. Slowly descending to the front to the church. So very slowly. They were in there. Their lifeless bodies were lying still inside those things and there was nothing I could do to bring them back to me. They were now at peace, but in life, were they ever not peaceful? Why did they get pulled away from me?

The coffins were placed on the alter at the front, and the vicar began his speech.

“We are here today to remember the lives of Kim Eunsoo and Kim Sooyeon. These two women were taken from life before their times. It is a sad truth we have to face, but they must have been called to serve a greater purpose elsewhere and we should focus on the good things they brought to us. I cannot say that I knew them personally but I can say that from what I have heard and seen, they were two very loved women.

 “Kim Jonghyun, son to Kim Eunsoo and dongsaeng to Kim Sooyeon would now like to say a few words” he finished off and I made my way up to the small stand that was equipped with a microphone.

I cleared my throat and began in a shaky voice “Hello. First of all I would like to thank you all for being here, it is clear that my Omma and noona impacted so many people’s lives with their warmness and kind hearts. They didn’t deserve to be taken away from us like this. They were two of the nicest people to grace this earth and I really don’t know what I am going to do without them. For some reason, I survived the accident that took half of my family away from me. And it isn’t an easy thing to live with.

  “Every day I know that they should be here. I wake up each day and pray that it was all just a bad dream, but then I am forced to face reality. It won’t ever get easier. Not ever. Each day I will think about them, but I will try to remember the good times.

  “To me, they will never truly be gone. I will keep them alive in memory. I will keep them alive in my heart. They will be with me forever and they will be with each of you” I paused as I tried to stop my tears from spilling “They are now in the arms of the angels. And I know one day I will see them again. One day we will meet again and I know they will be looking over me. My Omma, she was, well she was beyond what words could say. I still remember the times when she would just sit with me when I was upset. I remember every day when I returned home from school she would run to me at the front door and pull me into a big hug as though she would never let me go. I remember how no matter how big my problems, she would always make them go away and make it all better. I remember the times that I would be sick and she would stay by my side the whole time. I would wake up with her beside my bed, holding my hand and most of all I remember her being one of the most amazing and beautiful women I ever knew. She was the best Omma I could have ever asked for.

 “My noona. She was special that girl. She was so smart and I often envied how smart she was. She was pretty and popular and so loved by everyone around her. She wasn’t just my noona, she was my best friend. I remember one time when I was in primary school, I was being bullied because I couldn’t afford the new game that had come out, so my noona walked over to all the bullies and scolded them, telling them that if they ever came near me again she would beat them up” I let out a shaky laugh as a tear fell down my cheek at the memory

 “We have always been a close family, and now it is just me and my Appa. But I know for a fact, there are no two people that were more loving and more loved than my Omma and noona. They were…. They were just so…” the tears came now. Heavy and fast. “I can’t even put it into words. But any of you that have met them know what I mean. My they rest in peace and someday, we shall meet again. Thank you” I bowed and left, walking back to my seat as the vicar moved back into his place.

He began to talk again but I couldn’t hear him. I blocked it all out as I watched the deep red curtains close on the coffins that were at the front, taking them away from me. They were gone now and I knew that I could never come back to me. What would I do without them? There was nothing I could do…

The music started up once more as we slowly made our way back out of the church. As I walked out of the large wooden doors, I noticed a hooded man walking away, deep into the grave yard... That figure, he seemed to familiar....

But why?

Before I got the chance to follow him, people were walking up to me and offering their condolences. Just what I needed.. *sigh*

*End of Flashback*

“Jonghyun, you’re scaring me now! Please answer me!” Kibum’s voice said, thick with worry and concern

I looked up to see him looking at me as though he was about to cry. I didn’t know what to think. The memory was playing over and over in my head. I could feel my eyes begin to sting as the tears tried to fight their way out, but I wouldn’t let them. I’d cried enough, I was amazed there were any tears left in me.

I couldn’t say anything, I just pulled Kibum on to my lap and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in the arch between his neck and his shoulder.

“Baby what’s wrong?” he said softly

“I have to sort out the funeral… And I don’t have the money to do it. I need it to be perfect, I can’t… I just… he… he was all I had left and I don’t know how to… to deal with all of this. I just… I want it all to stop, all I have going through my head is my Omma and my noona’s funeral and I can’t deal with it anymore… I just want all the pain to go away and it won’t! I just… I don’t know what to do anymore Bummie. I don’t know what to do…” I sobbed into his shoulder, soaking the grey jumper he wore with my tears

“shhhh Jjongie, it’s going to be okay. I promise. I’ll help you through it all. You’re not alone and you never will be. I will help you with it all so please don’t worry about it. You’re upset and that is normal okay. Don’t think about it just yet, there is still time. We’ll get through this together okay” he cooed, hugging me tightly as one of his hands my hair.

After what felt like hours, but was in reality only thirty minutes I looked up and dried my eyes. I carefully removed Kibum from my lap before taking his hand and leading him to the kitchen, where I lead him over to the island and let him sit whilst I went over to the cupboards and looked from something to make for lunch.

In the end I settled for making a warm chicken salad. I got out the ingredients I needed and got cracking. It didn’t take very long to make and the end result looked good~

“Is this okay? I can make you something else if you don’t like it” I said as I placed the dish down in front of Kibum before taking a seat next to him and beginning to eat my own

“Ani, this is fine, thank you” he smiled and began to eat as well.

“So… How are you feeling about Minho and Minnie dating?” I asked, trying to get my mind off of the memories I didn’t want to relive.

“Urgh, why did you have to remind me?” Kibum sighed “I guess I have no other choice than to be fine with it, but I would prefer it if that stupid frog would stop telling me about my son’s…. habits…”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction “You need to trust him more, and don’t let Minho get to you, he likes to see your reactions”

“He’s an ”

“Yeah, he is” I chuckled, “But he is also my best friend so I’m kind of used to it”

“You have bad taste in friends” he said before taking another bite of his food.

“Yah! Does that mean you were chosen in bad taste?” I raised an eyebrow

“Ani, because I don’t think I should be classed as a friend…” he sighed

“What is this then? What is going on with us?” I asked, it wasn’t that I wanted to challenge him, it was that I wasn’t even sure myself. I kind of hoped he had an answer.

“Well, I don’t know. I mean you said you love me and you know I love you back, yet at the same time neither of us will ask the other out so we just remain ‘friends’ then we make out and stuff, not to mention the fact that we almost… anyway, at the minute we kind of sound like friends with benefits but I don’t want that. I want to date you but you are too afraid of me getting hurt. So really Jonghyun, I can’t put a label on what the hell is going on between us” he sighed and moved to put his empty plate in the sink and getting himself a glass of water.

I really hope the electric came back on soon, otherwise we’d have to eat all the meat that was in the fridge by tomorrow. I’m not sure what that just popped in my head… oh right, we’d just had chicken. Okay, maybe I was just trying to distract myself from actually thinking about what Kibum had just said.

I know what he said was true, but how could I give him what he wants, ani, what we both want when I wasn’t even whole? I was a broken toy and I didn’t understand why Kibum would choose me over a shiny new toy. It just didn’t make any sense to me

“I will never understand you” I sighed

“Wae?” he turned to face me with a surprised look etched into his perfect features

“Because you love me…”

“So? Why is that so hard for you to accept?” he asked softly

“Because I’m broken Kibum, I am so far gone that I can’t be fixed and I don’t understand that you would fall for someone like me when I am sure you have tons of people falling at your feet…” I said, looking him straight in the eye.

“Do you not know me Kim Jonghyun?” Kibum smiled softly, “Trust me when I say I will fix you. I will fix your heart and I will help you to make sense of what life has made you become. If you’ll let me that is…”

I stood up and walked over to where he was stood, wrapping my arms around his thin waist, I pulled him into a hug and rested my chin on his shoulder.

“Promise you will never leave me Kibum” I whispered into his ear, silently praying that he really would. Many people have said that in the past and yet sooner or later they leave me, just like the rest…

But for some reason, when Kibum said “I promise Jjongie, I promise I will be by your side forever, no matter what, you will always have me” I couldn’t help but believe him.

“I love you so much Kim Kibum. I hope you know that” I whispered as he wrapped his arms around my neck and let his head rest on my shoulder.

He sighed slightly before whispering back “I love you too Jjongie. I love you too”

I really did want to be with him. More than life itself, but I just didn’t know what would happen if I did give in. It would be like a dream and all good things come to an end, right? I just wouldn’t be able to live with more heartache and it would kill me more if I ever hurt Kibum, even if it wasn’t intentional. Things were too good with him and I didn’t want to risk it, because I knew that when something good happened in my life, it was inevitable that something bad would come after it and rip it all away from me.

ottoke?

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A/N: Awww~ Poor Jjongie T^T

Why do I keep making him so sad? Gosh I'm such a mean author T^T

But even so, i hope you enjoyed this chapter (Please don't hate me for making him so sad, mainhae)

Comment and let me know what you thought, and don't forget to subscribe and vote :)

Sorry if there are any mistakes or type-o's~

Love you all millions :D

Until next time~

<3