“ I wish I'm you, Jessica.. "

She  never feel this empty before, but loosing hertwin sister is like loosing her own self and she trying hard to find something to hold on.

Its been an hour since Taeyeon sit inside her car and just staring at a house on other side of road. She still hesitate to do what she supposed to do right now. Her heart telling her that its not right but each time she want  back out and just go away, her mind keep replying the last word that her sister tell her. Her sister last wish..

[Flashback ]

A week ago..

“ Her body reject the treatment we give to her. I’m sorry sir, I don’t think we can do anything anymore. “

Taeyeon was silently stand on corner of room, listening what doctor said about her sister. She not crying like what her parents do right now, but she feels devastated. She let her feet take her out of doctor’s room only brought her back to the other room where her sister, her twin sister, laying on bed, dying.

“ What’s with.. the solemn look..? “

Taeyeon look up and her eyes quickly lock with her other half who give her a gently smile. Something that she don’t know how she can still produce with her condition right now.

“ Taengoo.. “ Taeyeon said but quickly get cut by her sister.

“ I’m not die yet, Taeyeon.. “ she said weakly as she try to attempt a joke. A very bad joke if Taeyeon must say.

Taeyeon offer her a small smile before her feet walk her closer to Taengoo and sit herself at the chair beside her bed.

“ You not gonna die sist.. “ Taeyeon said a she reach and hold her sister hand and brought it to her cheek. She know she said it to cheers Taengoo but it feels like she only said it to give her own self a slightly hope. Hope that somehow her words is true.

Taengoo, her twin sister only can smile to her, she seems like she knows what future brought for her already. Taeyeon feels like crying, but she hold it hard, because she don’t want her sister last memory of her is that she’s crying.

“ Tae..can you help me with something? “ Taeyeon furrowed her eyebrows at her sister question. She never ask her for anything before, so of course Taeyeon will granted every wish she ask now.

“ Anything for you sist. “

Taengoo smile before she slowly rise her hand to point at a box above a table that Taeyeon never seen before.Taeyeon quickly get up and grab the box before put it in front of her sister.

“ Open it. “ her sister ask and Taeyeon follow her order. Inside the box, there’s a phone, a notebook and  a lot of picture of girl. Taeyeon curiously took at one photo before look up to her sister, questioning.

“ Her name is Jessica. We meet a while ago through Tinder. “ Taeyeon raise one her eyebrow when listen her sister story, but it only makes her sister chuckles. “ I know, I don’t look like someone who use dating online to find lover right? “

“ Hey I don’t say anything, I mean if its work who am I to judge. “ Taeyeon said quickly as she raise both of her hand in give up manner as she then grinning to her sister. “ So are you two together? “

For first time since her sister get into hospital, Taeyeon sees a color on her face, this time is red and she know what it mean, her sister is in love.

“ We never actually meet, we only calling each, sometimes do video call other and a lot message. “

“ Why? “ Taeyeon ask curiously.” Is she live far away? “

Her sister shake her head slowly and smile sadly, “ I can’t meet her Tae, who knows it will be our last time.. “ Taeyeon only stare at her sister as she lost for words, “ I can’t let her through all of this. I better have a memory of her smiling than see her crying for me. “ her sister then added.

Taeyeon don’t want admit it, but she agree with her sister, if she in her position, she will do exactly what she do.

“ So what you want me to do? “

This time her sister reach a phone from inside a box before give it to Taeyeon. Taeyeon hesitate for moment before grab the phone from her sister hand. “ I promise to meet her at new years. After all this time, she finally convince me.. “

Taeyeon smile when hear her sister plan, “ That’s great. I will help you to go to her, just tell me her address or.. maybe I can take her here instead? “ she not sure of how her sister want to meet her girlfriend, but she only see her sister smile and shook her head again.

“ Not me.. you.. you the one who will go to meet her. “ she said to Taeyeon who now confuse at what sister trying to say.

“ What do you me-“

“ As me.. “ her sister added and it all suddenly clear to Taeyeon.

Taengoo want Taeyeon to pretend to be her.

“ No…. “ Taeyeon suddenly feel mad at what sister ask her to do. “ I don’t want to. “

Taengoo look at Taeyeon with pleading eyes, “ Please Taeyeon, I promise her but I can’t let her see me like this. “

“ No. Are you crazy?! You the one who will meet her Taengoo, I don’t care if you sick and everything, you will meet her, you, not me, and if she don’t like seeing you like this then she not the one! “ Taeyeon said to her sister firmly. Seeing her happy is something, but asking her to lying to someone just to make her happy, is another thing. Taeyeon feels upset that her sister ever think such a thought.

Taengoo look at Taeyeon sadly, she still wish her to able grant her wish, “ Taeyeon, I beg you.. “ she said to her but Taeyeon still stubborn and shake her head.

“ I’m sorry sist, but you will the one who meet her. “

That’s what she said but then fate say another thing. Taengoo condition get worst that night, and after hanging for like 12 hours, she finally give up and leave Taeyeon and her parents into a deep grief.

[End flash back]

Taeyeon back from her memory of train with tears in her eyes. She never feels this empty before, but losing her twin sister feels like losing her own self and she trying hard to find something to hold on. At her last attempt to not get crazy she remember her sister last wish and thought maybe if she granted it, she will finally have peace.

Taeyeon grab a phone from inside her pocket and stare at it for second, it same phone that her sister give to her that day, then her finger put some code into the phone to open it and find a number to calling someone.

At every ring that she heard, her heart beats get louder and louder. She almost give up and press red button when angelic voice greet her.

“ Taengoo..? “

Baddum.

Her heart contract when she hear the voice, her tongue glue inside as she forget how to speak.

“ Taengoo..? Are you there..? “ the voice ask her again and this time she finally able to answer it.

“ Jessica.. I’m here. “ Taeyeon said as she gulp her saliva.

“ My gosh Taengoo you don’t know how much I miss you, you suddenly gone for a week without contact, are you okay? “ Taeyeon listen her complain as another tears fall on her cheek but this time she quickly wipe it away.

“ I-I’m fine. I’m outside your house now, I can’t wait to meet you. “ Taeyeon said with her crack voice.

“ Really? Then why you not come in?? Aish you, just get inside already, I’ll wait on door! “Jessica said before she cut the line off the phone.

Taeyeon compose herself for few seconds before get out the car and walk toward the house. She hold a Tulips on her hand as she remember from the notebook that her sister left to her, that its Jessica favorite flower. Taeyeon about to knock the front door when suddenly it open wide and reveal very beautiful girl. Jessica.

“ Taengoo! “  in next second Taeyeon already in Jessica embrace as the girl hugs her pretty tight. “ Finally, I meet you.. “ Jessica said softly before she pull away and smile shyly while staring at Taeyeon face, making Taeyeon slightly feel uncomfortable as she feels like she can see through her. “ You look exactly like in video. “ Jessica hand now touch Taeyeon face gently, “ But your hair.. “

Taeyeon catch Jessica hand when she trying to touch her hand, “ Yeah, I change it back to black. Grey remind me of sick people, lately. “ she said as she quickly pull her hand when she realize that she been hold on to Jessica hand.

Jessica smile sweetly at her word, “ It’s okay, you good in any color. “

Taeyeon reply her word with small smile before push the flower that she been hold to Jessica hand, “ For you. “ she said to Jessica who now smile more brightly than before.

“ Tulips!  Aw, you remember. “ she said a she take the flower and smell it gently before grab Taeyeon hand and drag her inside, “ Come on in, you must be tired standing in front of door like this. Silly me. “ she giggles as Taeyeon slowly follow her behind to walk into the house.

When they inside, Jessica put the flower into a vase before offer Taeyeon a drinks. Taeyeon ask if she can have a water but Jessica reject her quickly and making her a hot chocolate instead.

“ I thought you will bail on me. “ Jessica start another conversation with her as they both now sit comfortably on couch, in front of a fireplace.

Taeyeon smile at the truth on her words, if only she know that its her original plan in first place, “ I will never do that for you, I mean I never gonna miss to meet you for first time. “ she said on behalf of her sister.

Jessica smile at her before her hand reach to Taeyeon’s hand and hold it, “ Thank you.. You don’t know how much I’m waiting for this moment. “ she said before she move closer then lean her body to Taeyeon, cuddling her.

Taeyeon hold her breath and froze when Jessica getting closer and end up hugging her. Her heart beating so hard and she tremble little bit. Jessica smell so nice, she smell like cotton candy, so sweet. This isn’t feels right, she thought but at same time she can’t reject when later Jessica face lean to her and put her lips on hers.

The kiss is painfully slow as Taeyeon trying hard not to kiss the girl back. So much emotion she feels right now. She feels mad at her sister that she put her in this situation, she feels guilty that she kiss her girlfriend, she feels ashamed that part of her actually enjoy the kiss and she feels scared if Jessica knows if she not the real Taengoo..

“ Taengoo? What’s the matter? “ Jessica ask once she feels Taeyeon pull away from her.

Taeyeon shake her head as she close her eyes to calm down herself and try to avoid Jessica eyes, “ I.. I have to go now, I’m so sorry.. “ she said as she get up from her seat.

Jessica look at her surprise and little bit hurt by her action, “ I thought we will spend new year together..? “ she said to Taeyeon who still trying to not look at her.

“ I’m so sorry but I have something to do. “ she lied to her and walk to front door, follow by Jessica who now feel sad all of sudden by the changing plan.

“ We still meet again right..? “ Jessica ask her unsure when Taeyeon open the door.

Taeyeon stop for moment before she finally brave enough to look up and see Jessica who stare at her with hope in her eyes, “ I.. I don’t know.. “ she said slowly as she see the light on Jessica eyes getting dim by every word she said, “ I’m so sorry Jessica. “ she said before close the door and running toward her car.

“ I hate you Taengoo.. I hate you sist! “ Taeyeon scream as a tears blurry her eyes and hit the wheel before drive away.

______________________________________________________

Meanwhile Jessica still stand still in front of the door. Her eyes still glue on the back of it as she wish Taengoo will walking back inside and say that she change her mind and want spend new year with her. When she found nothing but silent that greet her, she finally realize that everything she plan is fail.

“ I’m so sorry.. “ Jessica said lowly as she feels someone approach her from behind. “ I try so hard to become you, but.. “ Jessica gulp her saliva and turn around to meet her sister who sit on wheelchair, looking at her with tears in her eyes but smile on her lips.

“ It’s okay, Sooyeon..  I guess, its not mean to be. “ her sister said weakly as she try to be strong.

Jessica a.k.a Sooyeon approach her twin sister, the real Jessica and then kneel beside her, her hand quickly wipe the tears from her sister cheeks. “ Hey you shouldn’t be cry, not for someone who not even try to be with you. “ Sooyeon feels so bad because she feels that she ruin everything that they both plan all this time.

Jessica only giving her small smile, as she now looking down to a picture of the girl who just left the house, “ She’s so pretty isn’t she? “ he sister whisper to her and Sooyeon smile as she remember Taengoo, she indeed very pretty, after all the story her sister told her, she been curious with the girl and when her sister ask her to pretend to be her and meeting the girl, she hesitant at first but now she wish she really is Jessica, because when she hold Taengoo before and kissing her she feels.. comfort. Taengoo makes her feels something that she shouldn’t have and she little bit guilty because of that.

“ Jessica, I’m so sorry about.. “ Sooyeon try to talk but Jessica silent her as she caress her head gently.

“ It’s okay Sooyeon, I understand… “ she said as she looking at Sooyeon with gentle smile. Sooyeon not say anything anymore as she looking back at her sister, at her pretty yet pale face, at her used to be long hair but now cut short because the chemotherapy, at her wistful eyes.

Sooyeon then put her head on her twin sister lap, “ I wish I’m you, Jessica.. so you can live happily ever after with her. “ she wishfully said before closing her eyes.

Jessica pat her  sister head gently and caress it, smile never leave her lips. Until  she finally get really tired, until she feel cold on her pines, until she close her eyes, until she finally leave everything in silent.

END

an : Is it confussing? Haha so if you all confuse about what happen up there, all I can say is,~ Taeyeon and Taengoo is two different person but they are twins. Same goes with Jessica and Sooyeon who also two different person and twin sister. Now, enjoy reading! x) ps - Happy Birthday Taengoo! \O/