CNU and I have been friends for years. So why is it now that whenever I’m around him I get nervous and my heart beat increases? As I walked up to him I felt my heart rate go up again. I had sent him a text asking him to wait for me. He was leaning on the wall, his bag at his feet. As I stood in front of him he straightened up.

“Hey you ready to go?” he asked in a casual tone. I’m not ready for this but I have to see if he has any feelings for me, then I can finally move on. I thought.

“No, actually there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.” I said not daring to look up at him.

“Sure what is it Eun Mi?” he asked, his voice so full of concern. I couldn’t blame him; I was the one acting weird.

“I-I-I was… um.”

“Spit it out.” He said faking impatience.

“I-I-I Li-ike y~.”

“No, don’t say it.” I shoot up and looked into his eyes. “Just don’t say it.” I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. The only thing that came to mind was to run. I had always loved running. It was always there for me when I was being bullied at school or I was “it” for tiggy. But now that I’m here confessing to my best friend, him telling me to stop, I was the only one who felt this way. I had made him uncomfortable, I was the one who believed that he liked me too, I was the one who over stepped the boundaries of our friendship. I was the one who ruined our friendship even though I barely said anything. And now I was the one running away.

I spun on my heels and ran.  I ran and ran until my lungs needed air. I stopped and looked around. I saw the comfort of my home. And I ran. Into my house past my parents and to my room. I threw my bag aside and hopped on my bed. I cried, and I cried. I cried till I had no more tears left to shed.

I wiped my tears away as I heard my phone go off. I walked over to my bag and began to search for it. CNU’s picture flashed across the screen. I remember the day that photo was taken. We were both just entering high school. My mum had taken the picture on our first day outside the main hall. I began to cry again. My tears clearly had another round to go but I just need a moment to rest.

My mum came in and saw me on the floor crying. She didn’t turn the lights on. She didn’t ask me what was wrong. She didn’t say anything. She just sat on my bed and patted the spot next to her.

I crawled over to the bed and she moved back to the centre and opened her legs. I crawled into the space and she wrapped her arms around my waist, back hugging me. She rested her head on my back and my crying turned into sniffles. My mom always knew sitting like this with her would calm me.

After a while I winced as I felt her pull back. She opened the curtains behind my bed letting light spill into the dark, dull, lifeless room. She sat behind me and crossed her legs. She reached over to my night stand and grabbed my hair brush and a few of the many bobby pins, fringe pins, clips and hair bands that stood scattered along the night stands surface.

As she began to brush my hair I sat in silence staring at the door. When she was finished she went into my closet and brought back my favourite dress and laid it on the bed. She went into my bathroom and came back with my make up bag. She the light