It was almost that day again. October 12, the dreaded day, the anniversary of your kidnapping. You had hated October 12 ever since it happen. You couldn’t help but feel anxiety and fear wash over you as soon as the clock turned midnight. You sat, curled up in bed, watching the time tick by.

11:50pm

11:51pm

11:52pm

No one but your doctors, old friends, and family back home knew about this day. You didn’t tell them when you moved here, you were too afraid to. You didn’t even tell him. The one person who you can trust anything with. Almost anything. You just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him. He had other things to worry about than you and your paranoia.

11:54pm

11:55pm

11:56pm

You felt the pressure building in your chest. You felt sick. You felt as though your heart would beat straight out of your chest. You couldn’t do this. Not again.

11:57pm

You felt the tears rush to your eyes and whimpers came out of your mouth.

11:58pm

The memories of that day began to play themselves out in your head.

Your mother telling you goodnight.

You crying that you were afraid of the dark.

Your mother smiling softly and telling you everything was okay and nothing would happen to you.

You begging her to stay with you.

11:59pm

Her smiling before whispering goodnight and closing the door.

The screams that had rang out not even 10 minutes later.

The thuds of the steps running upstairs.

The men kicking your door in, shouting something downstairs.

The men roughly grabbing you, dragging you outside and throwing you into a van.

12am

The sobs finally turned into full-out crying. You clutched the sheets as you began to feel nauseated. You heard a knock on your front door and began freaking out. You buried your face into your pillow, hoping the person at the door would just give up.

“Jagiya! It’s me! Open up!” you heard his voice as he continued to knock on your door. You wiped your tears roughly before walking to the door. You unlocked the door and opened it, revealing a smiling Seungri, “Jagiya! I just got back!”

“Ah… Seungri,” you replied, stepping back from the impact as he shot towards you, wrapping his arms around you.

“How are you jagiya?” he asked, waltzing in and jumping onto the couch. You swallowed harshly, trying to think of something to say to make him leave. You just wanted to be alone tonight.

“Fine. What are you doing here?” you asked calmly.

“I thought I would visit my jagiya. Is that wrong of me to want?” he asked before smiling, “Of course not. Do you want to watch a movie? I heard Taken was playing.” He picked up your TV remote and turned to a certain channel. It tuned into the scene where the guys were breaking into the house. You felt the fear rising in your chest again and your heart began beating faster.

“S-Seungri, turn it off,” you said faintly.

“Why? I’ve been wanting to watch this,” he smiled at you, patting the seat beside him, “Come. Sit.”

“N-No,” you replied, “T-Turn it off.”

“_____, what’s wrong?” he asked, his smile falling off his face.

“Just turn it off,” you replied shortly, staring at the screen as the girl got under the bed, “Now.”

“Jagiya, just tell me what’s wrong,” he said.

“Seungri,” you whispered, backing up as the guys walked into the bedroom. You closed your eyes, trying to block the TV out.

“______, what is wrong with you?” you heard him stand up just as the girl screamed. You felt your heart leap and you ran to the kitchen, hurling into the trashcan. He turned the TV off, running behind you, “Jagiya!” He pulled your hair back and kept you from collapsing to the ground. You fell into his arms, crying again, “J-Jagiya, what’s wrong?” You knew what was happening. You were having a panic attack, brought on from the TV and the memories. You pointed to your cabinet, unable to talk anymore. He looked confused, “Jagiya?”

“C-Cabinet,” you managed out, pointing again. He got the hint and picked you up, steading you on the counter as he reached for the cabinet.

“What am I supposed to get?” he asked hurriedly. You hand flew up to your throat as you pointed to the white bottle. He grabbed them down and you roughly took them from him, popping the bottle open, sending pills flying. You grabbed one before pointing for water. He quickly got you water as you threw the pill in your mouth and swallowed it. You sat there for another ten minutes, waiting for your heart to calm down and the nausea to go away, “W-What happen, jagiya?”

“I… I can’t tell you,” you replied, looking away from him.

“Can’t tell me?” he asked, disappointment lacing his voice, “Why can’t you tell me, jagiya?”

“I just can’t,” you mumbled.

“I thought we told each other everything,” he began, “Or at least, I told you everything…”

“Seungri, it isn’t like that,” you said, looking up at him, grabbing his hand.

“It isn’t like that?” he asked, anger now making its way to his expression, “I told you everything. I trust you with my life, jagiya, but you can’t trust me with something like this? I want to help you, _______, but you can’t tell me about something that’s hurting you this much?”

“Seunghyun…” you tried to speak but the words got caught in your throat.

“Nevermind. I’ll just be leaving now,” he said, ripping his hands away, “Call me later and we’ll talk…” He turned around, walking into the living room.

“Seunghyun!” you ran after him and entered the living room just as he reached the door. You felt a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach as the words tumbled out in a whisper, “I was kidnapped.”

“What?” his body froze, turning around.

“W-When I was younger… P-People… no. Monsters broke into our home, a-almost killed my mother and k-kidnapped me,” you said, falling to the ground in a heap, “I-It was this night… well, morning really… October 12.” He stared at you with sadden eyes as you continued, “Every year… on this day… I just can’t deal with it. Any other day, Seunghyun, I’m okay, but this day…” You started crying. He rushed forward, gathering you in his arms, hugging you tightly to his chest.

“Baby… why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, rubbing your back and kissing your forehead.

“I couldn’t Seunghyun,” you said, burying your head in his shirt, “I… I didn’t want to worry you. You’ve been b-busy with promotions… and… and… I just couldn’t! But I don’t want to lose you, Seunghyun!”

“You won’t lose me, jagiya,” he said, pulling away to look at you, “I promise that. You won’t ever lose me. A-And… I’m never too busy for you. Ever. Don’t think that. Y-Yeah, Big Bang is important to me, but jagiya…. You are my life. You are my future. So don’t ever think anything is more important than you. I promise to always be here for you, wherever and whenever.” You nodded, burying yourself in his chest once more, “N-Now… let’s do something… fun, jagiya. To take your mind off… H-How about watching that drama? I know I said I would never watch it but… if it’s for you I will. Do you want to watch that drama, jagiya?” You nodded, wiping at your tears, “O-Okay…” He picked you up and sat on the couch before you cuddled into his side.

“I’m sorry for not telling you Seunghyun,” you mumbled.

“No. Never apologize for that, jagiya. It will always be okay,” he said, kissing your forehead, “Y-You’ll be okay… as long as I’m here I’ll make sure you’re okay.”