A/N: Nothing much happens in this story--there's basically no plot, just Sungyeol's inner thoughts, and memories with Myungsoo, and his decision at the end... So much angsttttt >< Comment and subscribe pleeeaaasssseeee!! And thank you all for reading this storyyyy :)))... Hoep you guys enjoy (?) it <3333333333333333

There were many reasons why Sungyeol smiled that day.

Sungyeol leaned his back against he wall the moment he stepped into the darkened room, and let his legs bend and his body slide down, laying one arm over his knees. All he wanted was to be alone, but his memories wouldnt let him be, torturing him with scenes that used to fill him with bliss. He smiled. There had probably been a time, when he could almost believe that those days would last forever, but they didn't.

At the back of his mind, Sungyeol knew they'd come to an end, eventually. 

What hurt the most was that it was nobody's fault that his life had become this wrecked mess. He couldn't blame his sadness on anyone, couldn't force his heart to heal by turning the pain into anger. Sometimes, when Sungyeol listened to the radio, there'd be a song where the singer would belt out the anger they felt because of broken love. Sungyeol would give a small smile then, because at least they got to feel the anger.

After he came to terms with the fact that Myungsoo would never feel for him the way Sungyeol did him, all Sungyeol could feel was an empty space, right where his chest was supposed to be. Sungyeol had expected himself to cry, to bawl, to shout out his agony to the world, but he didn't. Because instead of the mindblowing pain, there was just a nothingness. It was as if he had exhaled in one puff, short and quick, till there was nothing left in his lungs, and he felt illl.

This was what they called heartbreak? Sungyeol had always thought it'd mean hurting all the while, thought it'd mean going crazy with the pain, just like they sang in the slow, sad ballads.

But then, Sungyeol had never gotten his heart broken, so he couldn't say. He smiled a little at that.

Sungyeol's hand came up to grab the material of his shirt, that lay on top of his empty chest. In the gaping hole that Sungyeol was sure lay within, he could almost bet his life on it that Myungsoo's face shimmered, with a smirk that meant nothing in the end, and a silence that meant everything after all.

Sungyeol had taken about two and a half years to come to accept that he loved Myungsoo something more than a friend. That for Sungyeol, Myungsoo was the only one he wanted. Before Myungsoo, Sungyeol realised, he'd never really liked anyone. Granted, he'd enjoyed teasing a few girls in the past, but he'd never been serious. So, it'd been quite a shock to Sungyeol when he'd realised that he'd suddenly come from being severely uninterested, to infatuated with one boy. He'd had to take two and a half years to come to face it head-on. And when he did, it was too late to say anything.  

All Sungyeol had worried about was how Myungsoo seemed straight, and would never reciprocrate his feelings--he would always be left alone. He didn't tell anyone about what was really going on inside his head. Because he was afraid that his friends'd think he'd gone nuts. He wasn't quit certain that he was sane himself. He smiled half-heartedly in the dark.

First off, Sungyeol could never figure out just what it was that made him want Myungsoo so much. Hell, he even liked him in his sleep, the only place where he could go to, to melt into his embrace and just enjoy the dream, for the short while it lasted. And when he woke up, to have reality crash down on him, squashing the breath out of him, Sungyeol would pretend that he was psychic, that his dreams were merely visions of the future. Sometimes--just sometimes--Sungyeol sounded so convincing in his head, that he almost believed himself.

Almost.

Perhaps, the thing that really made Sungyeol hang on desperately to that thin thread of hope that maybe someday far off in their future Sungyeol's dream would come true, was the way Myungsoo treated him.

Sungyeol's smile trembled, the corners of his mouth struggling to keep the shape they'd been forced into. Sungyeol was surprised at how strong his reaction was towards the memories that surged through his brain now. He'd always believed that crying after love was something only depressed heriones do in weepy dramas. He closed his eyes, to savour the images of the past.

Sungyeol sneaks a peek at Myungsoo as all seven members dance, in perfect sync with one another. Sungyeol watches in the mirror, barely breathing as Myungsoo moves so flawlessly. Every move Myungsoo makes just screams perfect, and Sungyeol smiles, enjoying watching the performance that only he seems to see.

Sungyeol misses a move, and messes the rest of the choreography up. While the rest of the members groan and glare at Sungyeol, Myungsoo lookes straight into the mirror, back at him, and in the split second before he turns away embarrassed, smirks cheekily at him. Sungyeol can't help being afraid that he'll die of a heart attack.

Sungyeol's face twisted, as he tried to keep his smile on--he had to practice looking happy, so no one else would know. Maybe, he'd feel better after talking to someone, but he couldn't bear to burden anyone else with this pain.

Sungyeol rubbed his eyes groggily, as he looked up at Myungsoo. Sungyeol wondered what the boy had shaken him awake so urgently for. He sat up, from where he had collapsed to take an afternoon nap earlier on. Sungyeol realised how near Myungsoo is to him, and to cover up his excitement and nervousness at this, Sungyeol reached forward, to ruffle Myungsoo's hair affectionately. Myungsoo's face broke into a small grin, and he ruffled Sungyeol's hair too, just as Sungyeol had expected he would. To Sungyeol, the boy is predictable: he could be read like a book, and Sungyeol knew the words by heart.

"Let's get drinks." Myungsoo said shortly, and didn't wait for an answer--he never did--before grabbing hold of Sungyeol's shoulders, and pushing him out of the door, heading towards the staircase outside the dance studio. Sungyeol let himself be controlled by Myungsoo, and leaned back slightly, to put more weight on Myungsoo's hands, to make his job more difficult.

"Yah! You're too heavy.." Myungsoo panted, and Sungyeol turned around to flash his trademark gummy smile at the boy. Myungsoo was adorable when he complained.

"That's not very nice, you kno--" Sungyeol started, but the rest of the sentence died on his lips.

Because Myungsoo had taken hold of his hand for the first time--not his wrist--and started dragging him down the stairs. Sungyeol's eyes widened. His fingers curled instinctively around Myungsoo's and he stumbled downstairs behind the younger boy, with what was probably the silliest, most heartfelt smile on his face, eyes never leaving their entwined fingers. Sungyeol was deathly afraid of the dark, but he'd never been so terrified as when the thought crossed his mind: his hands were becoming more and more sweaty, what if Myungsoo thought they were gross?

But when Myungsoo finally let go of his hand, once they'd walked together to the vending machine, Sungyeol's hand missed the warmth of Myungsoo's skin pressed against his.

The images didn't take mercy on Sungyeol, they didn't stop at that painful memory. Sungyeol couldn't breathe normally.

"We'll be splitting you guys up into groups, to practice on the choreography." Their mentor said to the seven of them, as he walked out of the room, his job done.

There was a scattering of activity at these words, as the boys lached onto their closer friends, that they'd wanted to be grouped with. Sungyeol looked around the room. As expected, Sunggyu hyung chose Woohyun hyung, and Dongwoo was with Hoya, beckoning to Sungyeol excitedly to joing their group. Sungyeol hesitated, then walked slowly towards them. He wanted to be in the same group as Myungsoo, but he didn't really know how to ask...

A hand on his arm stopped him, and he looked down. The fingers were the ones even more familiar than his own. Sungyeol didn't move and inch.

"No...I want my Sungyeol..." Myungsoo pouted (everyone stared at him), and hooked an arm around Sungyeol's neck, dragging them back to their original spot. Sungyeol didn't breathe normally, and it wasn't only because his neck was trapped in crook of someone else's arm.

Since when did Sungyeol belong to Myungsoo? Sungyeol fought the warmth that travelled up his belly, and tried to settle in his chest. "Maybe it's better if I join them..." Sungyeol left his sentence hanging, teasing Myungsoo.

"No! Promise you will stayyy..." Myungsoo encircled his fingers around Sungyeol's arm possessively, swinging the arm a little. Sungyeol gulped, and nodded. How could he ever say no to that question?

At this, Sungyeol buried his hands in his hair, and combed his fringe off his face, leaving his hands cradling his own head for a while, staring at nothing in the darkness. He smiled brokenly. In a way, he hadn't broken his promise at all. He was still the infatuated boy he was on that day, two and a half years ago. It was the boy Myungsoo that had disappeared.

But then, Myungsoo had never promised to stay, so he had never broken any promises either. The memories, like a movie, that just wouldn't be switched off, continued.

It was after a practice that day, when they were still rookies, that Sungyeol had stayed back to perfect the choreography. Dancing wasn't one of his strong points, and he wanted to make sure it didn't show. Myungsoo had stayed back with him, for some reason, and he played with his phone, as Sungyeol practiced.

Afterwards, they'd gone out of the studio, and sat down outside just outside the building, watching the rain. None of them had remembered to bring an unbrella, so they'd have to wait for the rain to stop, before setting out for the dorm.

They'd sat on the step, and talked about everything, and nothing. They teased each other, and made each other smile, and Myugnsoo had told Sungyeol about his family members, and how his sister confused him--she could be so cute and deathly annoying at the same time. Sungyeol couldn't help but smile at that. He guessed it ran in the family. Sungyeol said so, and Myungsoo smacked him over the head, and Sungyeol returned the blow playfully. He and Myungsoo were always hitting each other, but it was just a form of contact, and it showed (Sungyeol had hoped) how close they were.

Sungyeol had told Myungsoo his jokes, and had felt so proud--Infinitely proud, Sungyeol recalled with irony--that he'd managed to make Myungsoo laugh more than he'd ever seen before.

His jokes. Sungyeol's smile disappeared through the hazy film of tears. Two nights ago, Myungsoo had said that he was going over to the room that Sungjong shared with Dongwoo, to help him with memorising the lyrics. Sungyeol had nodded numbly, knowing Myungsoo was lying: they hadn't been given a new song in a while. There was no way Sungjong had lyrics to commit to memory. But Myungsoo had looked so flushed, so happy, that Sungyeol hadn't had the heart to point that out.

When Sungyeol had gone out much later on, to get a glass of milk (he couldn't seem to fall asleep--he had just stared at the door, waiting for Myungsoo to return to their shared room, he couldn't help it), and had stopped outside Sungjong's room door. Listening to the voices inside, Sungyeol realised something that made him feel a little funny. Dongwoo hyung was back at home, to celebrate his father's birthday. Sungjong and Myungsoo were alone, inside. Sungyeol listened to Myungsoo's voice, and heard the familiar smile in his words.

Myungsoo was telling his jokes to Sungjong.

Sungyeol returned to his room, trying to be happy about the fact that Myungsoo had enjoyed his jokes so much that he'd remembered them after all this time. They must have been so funny, Sungyeol's mind whispered, as Myungsoo and Sungjong's laughter rang in his ears, louder than Sungyeol had ever heard Myungsoo laugh, taunting and haunting him.

Now, as Sungyeol looked around his dim room, he saw that much of Myungsoo's things had been shifted over to Sungjong's room. It was natural really, considering how much time he spent there,  Sungyeol mused.

Those two and a half years had ended. Sungyeol knew now, that all the skinship with Myungsoo that had left him breathless, and silly, meant nothing special to Myungsoo. Sungyeol saw the way Myungsoo's eyes turned all warm, and crinkled up when he smiled at Sungjong, the way he brushed the hair out of Sungjong's eyes tenderly, the way they sometimes held hands under the table. The way Myungsoo read Sungjong's never ending texts with that smile, and the way Sungjong smiled more whenever Myungsoo was within a ten meter radius around him.

Sungyeol had asked defeatedly, yesterday, "You seem much happier nowadays..." and Myungsoo had just smiled at him. The smile wasn't as meltingly warm as the ones he shot at Sungjong, and Sungyeol wanted to tug his heart out of his chest, and throw it away, somewhere it couldn't ever be found again, so that he wouldn't hurt, when he spoke the lie.

"I'm glad."

Sungyeol thought of the two and a half years. They had been the happiest in his life, and he'd spent his days either being with Myungsoo, or missing him. He'd felt so alive, he'd never been lonely. Myungsoo had made each day so fun to live. Staring at Myungsoo's embarrassed smile that still lingered on his face, as his eyes sought out Sungjong's slender form, on the other side of the room, Sungyeol decided never to tell. He wouldn't destroy their happiness. Sungjong was a good kid, and Sungyeol knew it wasn't his fault. His pain was nobody's fault. Sungyeol would just deal with it by himself, smiling like the choding everybody said he was, and crying alone at night. He would clutch at his own heart, and maybe, just maybe, the pain would go away once he'd cried his tears. Sungyeol glanced at his best friend, who was staring at him, head to the side, wondering at his long silence. Sungyeol looked straight into Myungsoo's curious eyes, and saw the reflection of a scared boy in the dark orbs. Sungyeol was afraid of his decision and he didn't want Myungsoo to catch on.

So he smiled.

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Finished with the oneshottt!! Pleaseprettyplease comment to tell me what you think of this storyyyy!! Thanks <333333333333333333