I'm going to be quite honest with you, at first I absolutely did not like any of Yixing gege's friends. They weren't exactly like the normal people you would actually meet. They liked to call themselves "EXO-M". Why they called themselves this, I never really actually knew but that didn't really matter much I guess. They were a rather awkward bunch of guys I assume. Yixing gege knew them since the 5th grade but just recently in the 9th grade introduced me to them. Each and every one of them were very different and interesting.

The oldest out of the group was Kim Minseok, or known as Xiumin. The first thing I noticed about him was his cheeks. They resembled a steam bun and I believe his cheeks made him look rather young. He was born in South Korea but moved to China to study mandarin I guess. He never really told me much about him to be honest.

Next would be Luhan, his face was really doll like. At first I thought he was wearing make up but it turned out that he wasn't. Man his face was baby-like I was about to drop formalities but was soon told he was my gege. He apparently is in a long distance relationship with someone in South Korea called Oh Sehun. He likes to talk about him a lot and how he is going to visit him one day.

The leader of their group is Wufan, or Kris duizhang. When we first met he introduced himself as "Kris duizhang, the dragon who can fly". At first I stared at him with a confused look and he pinched my cheeks, calling me adorable. He was probably the person, other than Yixing gege, who actually showed me affection. Kris gege and I got very close fast. We both talked to each other nonstop. Every day, every hour, every second we have to talk to each other. We get so close it went beyond the friend barrier, but that's a story to save for later.

The last person in the group, other than Yixing gege, was Kim Jongdae or Chen. This guy was the most irritant out of all of them. I swear on my life that every time I see him, he will always do something that would anger me so bad and then he would play it off cutely resulting into me forgiving him. Every damn time he does this. One time, he told me that his birthday was coming up soon and he was going to bring a cake. My face lit up and I actually smiled whole heartedly for once. He then lend close to my ear and whispered, "My birthday is on Februrary 29." Of course he lied to me but at the time I thought he was for real.

They eventually merged me into their group and I had a group of friends for once. Although, I never got to close to them because I knew that sooner or later we would drift away and never speak to each other again. I savored every moment I had with them because they all were an awesome group of friends. Towards the end of sophomore  year in high school everyone started to go their separate ways, just like I predicted but not the way I had expected.

Yixing's mother and my father were going to divorce, meaning that Yixing gege and I were going to be separated. My "security blanket" was being taken away from me and let me tell you, when you have an abusive father it really is frightening to be left bare with no protection. I mean of course, my arsonist feelings would provide some type of relief for me but it wouldn't be the same without Yixing gege.

Yixing's mother said something about moving all the way to France, just to get away from my father. Seems like she was just blinded by my father's "charming good looks". Please, like a five o'clock shadow, a beer belly, and having hardly any hair can be categorized as "good looks". I don't even think it could be labeled as average.

When our parents officially divorced, Yixing gege got on the next flight to France. I accompanied them to the airport, along with the rest of EXO-M, to bid them their good-byes and good lucks. It surprised me when his mother hugged me and apologized for how she treated me. She never thought that I would even see her off. Her exact words were, "Zitao, I really am truly sorry for the way I acted towards you for the past 10 years. I should have acted more like a mother to you. It's a good thing Yixing took on that role. You behave yourself and make sure to make your father suffer. You and I would both take pleasure in that."

For someone who didn't even look or act like a mother, her words did mean a lot to me. I don't even think my own blood mother would say anything like that to me. I think when Yixing gefI hugged, it was the hardest thing ever to let go of him. I had the urge to just follow them on that plane and live with them, far away from my father and with happiness. I was on the merge of tears when he broke free of my grasp and ruffled my hair lightly. I tried to muffle my cries but it just wasn't working. I ended up bawling in front of everyone while Yixing lightly comforted me.

He whispered into my ear, "Why are you crying Little Panda? We can always still talk to each other and webcam. It's not like I'm going to die. If you cry when you see me off I might break in half." His voice was trembling as he comforted me. When we broke away from each other I waved them good-bye and wiped my tears away.


My precious Yixing gege was gone and I was a going to be home alone with that maniac I call "father". The person who I depended on had gone partially halfway across the world and I couldn't do anything about it.

My father obviously took this as an advantage to push my self esteem to below rock bottom. Always saying that I shouldn't be born and that I was just a mistake since the beginning. He would beat me just to show me how much he hated me in his life and how he wished he could just kill me. Soon these beatings decreased though, but soon escalated into ual assault.

My father wasn't the most sane person alive, no doubt about it. During the middle of the night he would crawl into my bed, his filthy fingers all along my body. He fondled with my lower area when I was asleep many times, causing me to wake up in the middle of the night. He would whisper absolute filth in my ears. I honestly dreaded going to sleep, knowing that if I did he would appear.

I soon started to fill my room with candles. Candles would be all along my desk and along the sides of the walls. I would stick toothpicks right next to the wick of the candles to make the flames slightly larger. I was slowly deteriorating in my room, refusing to eat at home or step out of my safe haven.

When I went to school, the only person I would really talk to was Kris. Xiumin and Chen were always together and their lovey dovey paradise whereas Luhan was always running around back and forth from choir practice to classes. The group sometimes talked during lunch but other than that we didn't really converse much.

I guess sweet things don't last that long.

 

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Omg, please forgive me.
I feel like I made Tao suffer too much. ;-; nooooo!
Sigh. Some author-nim I am lol. Repaying my previous followers with this ;-; mianhae!

Please don't kill me.
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