Saturday night came.  Sunmi and I were standing in front of Yunho’s house, staring at the house and crowd in front of us.  Loud music could be heard from the inside.  I was hesitating to enter the party but Sunmi just dragged me with her plus my arguments were always invalid when we were in disagreement.

She went straight to the table with the punch.  I didn’t drink those because knowing Yunho and his group of friends’ parties, that drink had an alcohol in it.  ”Mimi, please don’t drink too much, okay?  I don’t want to drag you later and your brother will kill us both.”  I said to her before she drunk herself to death again.



The last time we attended a party, I had no choice but to call her older brother to pick us up because we can’t go home since she was drunk and sprawled on the ground and I can’t lift her up or even drag her to my apartment.  Her brother scolded us both the next morning before I went home.  He was scary, he was talking to us calmly but his tone was so serious.  He never talked to us like that before, but Junho oppa was a real sweetheart when he was not angry.



“Relax Sohee. We’re here to enjoy and chill a bit.”  She screamed at me through the loud music.



“Just be sure you won’t be too drunk Sunmi, please.” I don’t think she heard what I said; she just disregarded what I said with a wave of her hand without looking at my direction.  She left me. 

After dragging me to this party, she just left me. 

I quietly stayed at a corner, keeping my eyes on the people dancing on Yunho’s living room that they made a dance floor.  I saw Sunmi dancing happily with our classmates.  At least my best friend was enjoying this party.



After throwing one last glance over Sunmi, I went outside to Yunho’s backyard to get some fresh air.  It was less noisy and less crowded here.  I really don’t like crowded and noisy places like parties, I rather be at the confinement of my apartment.  I always been a homey person, I preferred staying home and read than going to a mall tiring myself walking.  Yes, I knew it was boring but that was my lifestyle. 



I was enjoying myself gazing at the stars while the cold wind was blowing on my face.  I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs as much as it can take.  If only the wind could took away what I was feeling at this moment.  If only it could ease the pain my heart had been through.  Why can’t I just dictate my heart to forget what it was like to be with him?  Why was my heart so stubborn?  Was it not still tired being hurt?  Because to be honest, I was tired, really, really tired.  I don’t know what to do anymore.  I actually wanted him back on my life and be happy again.  But I just can’t forget what he did.  I trusted him but he betrayed me.  They betrayed me.

I was busy moping and pitying on myself that I didn’t even notice that I was not the only one at the backyard.  If he didn’t utter a word I wouldn’t know that I had company already.



“When I saw Sunmi alone inside, I knew you’d be here.”  I froze.   “Aren’t you cold?”  That voice, I knew that voice too well; the voice that I missed so much.



Inhale, exhale.  I can do this.  I turned slowly and the world stopped.  There he was standing not too far away from me, his hands were on his pockets and he was staring keenly at me with his dark brown orbs.  I wanted to run and hug him tightly.  But I didn’t.  I had no right to hug him now; we were not in a relationship anymore and we were definitely not friends.  But the urge was so strong, so strong that it hurt.  I craved after him badly.

“Sohee.”  He called my name longingly and tenderly.  He looked at me pleadingly like he was saying through his eyes that I should listen to whatever he’d say.  “Baby.  Babe.  Please, we need to talk.”



“What’s there to talk about, Jae?”  I was surprised that those words left my mouth without quivering.  I was very nervous talking to him again after we parted ways. 



He slowly walked towards me.  “We need to talk about everything.  About us, about that night.”



“About us?  Were there still about us?  And I don’t need to hear your explanations, what I saw was enough reason to end our relationship.”  Even though it hurt me to break up with him, I needed to.  Wasn’t it the right thing to do when someone broke your trust and cheat on you?  Okay, maybe I was really unfair to not listen to his explanations but would you blame me?

“What you saw was just a misunderstanding.  Yoona and I—”



Misunderstanding?  He was calling it a misunderstanding?  Ha!  He was kissing another girl when he had a girlfriend.  Yes, I misunderstood what I saw.  Not.

“Please Jaejoong.  Stop! I told you I don’t want to hear it.”  I walked pass him but he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards his body.  We were too close, too close to my liking.  There were only a few inches between our body; and at that moment I wanted to hug him, to feel his warmth against mine again.  

He smelled a bit of alcohol but only faintly.  I almost smiled when I smelled the perfume he was using.  He was using my favorite scent and my gift to him, Bvlgari Aqva Pour Homme.  Just knowing such simple thing as that made my heart tingle.  But I also smiled bitterly.



“Jae.”  I pushed him a little.  I needed space.  Being this close to him was intoxicating.



“Baby please, listen to me.  Please!” 

I ignored him.  I just stood there trying to pry his hands off of me.  I wasn’t ready for this.  Seeing him in the same room was already hard enough for me and now he wanted us to talk?  I wasn’t ready for this.  I knew that one way or another we were bound to talk.  Our relationship didn’t ended well and it was only my decision. 

“Why can’t you give me a chance to explain my side?  Please don’t be selfish, you’re not the only one hurting here.  I know I hurt you badly and I know you needed time.  But Sohee I gave you plenty of time and space, months of it, and you’re still not ready to listen to me?”



“Yes maybe protecting myself from further hurting is selfish.  It hurt so much Jaejoong.  What you’ve done broke my heart and trust to uncountable pieces.  I loved and trusted you but what did I get?  A heartache!  You were my first boyfriend, my first love, my first kiss, my first hug, my first date and my first heartbreak.”



“If you’re gonna give me a chance to explain, both of us won’t be hurting like this!”  He exclaimed.

“It’s my fault now?!!  You’re an Jaejoong! Who was the one who cheated, was it me?  I knew I was not the best girlfriend you had, I often forgot the important dates and I did not make time often for you but I can truthfully tell to you that I really loved you Jae.  I might not show it to you because of my lack of skinship and I am really not good with words like you but I did love you with all my heart.  I guess my love for you was not enough.  I wasn’t enough.  Because if I was, if my love was enough, you wouldn’t have cheated on me.  Of all the girls out there that are dying to get your attention, why Yoona?  Why her?  You knew what she is to me!”  I answered back to him.  If he wanted to talk then we’ll talk about what happened. 

I knew going to this party was a mistake.

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