I still worked at the bar. That was about the only thing that hadn’t changed in the year that had passed. None of the guys kept contact with each other, but they all still talked to me. I’d started going back to school, they’d all convinced me that I should. Although, I got to see at least one of them on a daily basis, I still missed them all together. Now, I knew they would just fight, they’d stopped getting along. Just as Block B and ChaEun had predicted.

            Tonight, I was working a double shift, just to keep my mind off from what today was: the anniversary of Dongjun’s death.

            I was cleaning off the counters when someone walked in. Without even looking up, I pulled out a class and poured some soju into it. Siwan sat down on the bar stool and took the glass. I poured myself a glass and looked at him.

            “One year.” He muttered. “I can’t believe it.” We drank in silence for a while before he said, “How you’ve been handling it?”

            I shrugged. “Probably just as well as you have.”

            “So, terribly.”

            “Pretty much.” I glanced up at him and sighed. “I still miss him, and I doubt that will ever go away.”

            Siwan nodded. “I know.”

            I waited for him to say something else. He didn’t. He just sat there and stared at me. So I broke the silence. “I also miss ZE:A.” This was a touchy subject with any of the guys. I’d stopped bringing it up after Heechul had yelled at me to “give it up.” But tonight, I really needed to say something.

            Siwan looked away, without saying a word.

            “Don’t you miss them?” I whispered.

            “Stop it, EunKyung.” He said, looking back at me. “You’re just hurting yourself by bringing it up. We’ve all moved on.”

            “But you haven’t—“

            “Stop, before either of us says something we’ll regret.”

            Then he got up, said goodbye, and left.

            Shaking my head, I went back to cleaning the counters.

            I knew the guys missed each other. They’d been best friends for years, there was no way they could be over it so quickly. I knew this was just their mechanism for dealing with the pain, but wouldn’t it be easier to deal with it together?  Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to fight back against Block B and prove them wrong? Didn’t they care?

            I sighed, staring down at the counter, trying to blink away the tears. Why were these guys such idiots? And why was I letting it affect me so much?

            Minwoo walked me home after work. We were both silent, too deep in our thoughts, so I didn’t even notice when we arrived to my apartment.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He said, and began to walk away.

            “Minwoo?”

            He turned back around and looked at me. “Yeah?”

            “Do you miss ZE:A?”

            He sighed and turned away. “Goodnight, EunKyung.”

            Once I got to my apartment, my phone rang. It was Hyunshik.

            “Hey.” I said, unlocking my door.

            “Hi.” He mumbled. “Are you home yet?”

            “I just got home. Why, what’s up?” I asked, flipping on the lights in the hallway and walking towards the kitchen.

            “I’m in your kitchen.” Was his response. I the lights and looked up to see him sitting at the kitchen table, looking miserable. I let out a heavy sigh and went to the fridge, pulling out the carton of ice cream and then grabbing two spoons. I sat across from him and set the ice cream down in front of him, holding out a spoon from him. He gave me a grateful smile and took the spoon, digging into the ice cream without a word.

            “I picked your lock.” He mumbled. “I didn’t want to be alone.”

            “Me neither.” Just like with Siwan and Minwoo, Hyunshik and I fell into silence, just eating the ice cream.

            Once it was gone, I had to ask again. “Hyunshik, do you ever miss ZE:A?”

            He nodded, looking down at the table. “All the time.” I looked away, not wanting to see the pained expression on his face. I knew Hyunshik had been like Dongjun, no one to depend on, and taken in by the guys. He’d grown up with the boys the same way Dongjun had. They were his only family, since his parents had stopped talking to him after he’d dropped out of school to join ZE:A full-time. Now, he had no contact with either of his families.

            “Do you see the guys a lot?” he asked in a quiet voice.

            “Everyone except Kevin.”

            “Why not Kevin-hyung?”

            “He doesn’t want to talk to me, I made him angry.” I sighed, picking up the spoons and going to wash them off. “We got in a fight. That was a couple months ago.”

            It had been the worst fight ever, to be honest. We’d yelled at each other so much, that my voice had been almost gone by the time he left, slamming the door the same way he had when he’d left ZE:A. I don’t fully remember how we’d led up to the fight, but I do know I had brought up ZE:A along with racing and he’d gotten pretty angry about it.

            Hyunshik and I stayed up most of the night, talking about old times. He left early the next morning to go to work.

            As soon as he left, my phone rang again. This time it was Kwanghee.

            After short greetings, we sat there on the phone in silence. This seemed to become a habit we all had picked up from somewhere.

            Finally, Kwanghee said, “I just wanted to check if you were okay.” I told him I was fine, which was a lie, but he didn’t seem to be paying attention. We said our goodbyes and hung up and I got ready for class.

            I don’t know why, but on the way to class, I got this idea in my head that I was going to bring ZE:A back together. Every one of them, because I knew if Dongjun was here, that’s what he would want.