The Gloomy Symphony - lovesuzy1994
♥♥ SummerChild Review Shop ♥♥ [CLOSED! - Sorry because I'm too busy with the graphics shop! :( ]
- Title 4/5:
Your title is really interesting. My first impression was wow. But so far, I don't see how it links to your plot. So hopefully as you go along, I'll be able to see the link.
- Appearance 9/15:
There isn't any poster so I can't grade on that. I thought that the pictures of the characters were nice and it fitted the characters' personalities. Overall,I liked the layout of the description and foreword.
- Characterization 7/10:
I loved how you brought out Sueji's character. At one glance, you could tell that she was bubbly and lively even though she experienced heartbreak due to her father. Myungsoo is just, well, Myungsoo. Cold, arrogant, looking down on people are his special traits after all. You portrayed Jiyeon and L.Joe as bad people so far. Overall, the way you characterized them was rather straight forward. I would like to see my twists in character as they are more realistic this way. (PS: I see baekstal)
- Foreword 17/20:
I liked the foreword. It gave background information on the story. At the same time, it still provides an air of mystery as to what might happen next. You didn't give out too much info, which is good.
- Storyline/Plot 19/25:
I enjoyed the story so far. However, the story so far was rather predictable. And therefore, I have to deduct some marks for no originality...I'd rather you add some plot twists. Your story is quite long-winded, in the sense that you don't stick to the main point. Your first 3 chapters are just basically introductions to the story. I think that you should stick to the original plot. You should focus on "what will happen if the blue sky turns grey?". However, my review is only for the first 3 chapters. So I can't really judge much. You mentioned that the genre of the story is angst. So far, this angst theme isn't brought out much. I hope the story will grow to become more angsty.
- Writing Skill/Technique 16/25:
" all of them were mischievous rakes."
Is there such a word called 'rakes'? Yes there is, but not in that context.
"The speed was really fast and didn’t have any symptom of reduction"
They were driving at a fast speed and they didn't seem to be slowing down.
"
" None of them was good child."
What did this mean?
"and his friends stopped doing like crazy"
His friends stopped being crazy.
I shall stop here. Frankly speaking, there are quite a number of grammar errors. You should brush up your English. It is understandable if it is not your first language. I suggest reading books (because that's how I built up a strong foundation). Your vocabulary was pretty limited. Again, books might help. There were certain errors in expression.
For example, "The atmosphere was covered with their loud laughters."
Covered is a wrong term to use.
You could say,"Their crazed laughter filled the entire car."
Basically, your techniques in writing aren't that good yet.
>> Total score: 72/100
I basically loved the story, apart from the writing techniques and all that. Your story has a lot of potential to grow, so don't waste it! Everyone has areas for improvement so if you felt that I was too strict, I apologize. And good luck continuing the story~ ^^
-- Reviewer: Prawn
8th of Sep, 2012 --
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