I don't remember what I ate for lunch today, I also don't remember what classes did we have today, I don't remember catching the bus after school, and I honestly don't remember the reason that brought me all the way here, to Ha Jin's front door. Well, I do know the reason — she didn't come to school and I wanted to know why. Wasn't she any better regarding yesterday? Was her mother fine? She out, after all. Was Ha Jin sad? Depressed? Were these the reasons that made me mindlessly walk all the way here?

Then, if those were the reasons, and if they motivated me this way, why the hell was I standing in front of a static door for twenty minutes now? Wasn't there any motivation left for me to walk a few steps closer and ring the bell?

I backed away to one of the trees planted in line along the sidewalk and kicked a stone, lost in my thoughts. I watched it roll down the road, where it met the snickers of another person. I raised my eyes along his body and was surprised to see my school's unifor—no, Myungsoo, walking to Ha Jin's door, completely ignoring me since I was somewhat hiding behind the tree — courtesy of my subsconscious, thank you, you're so kind.

And this is the scene where I turn my back and walk away, so that he can do whatever he wanted to and that I should have done as well, moments ago; but, as always, my curiousity was stronger than my will to walk away, so instead I put down my backpack on the ground and discreetly peeked to see Myungsoo stopping for a few moments in front of the door, in the same position I was just a few minutes ago, and then, as if shrugging off all embarassment or awkwardness like he always does, he took out his phone and dialled a number.

"Ha Jin?" He put his other hand on his pocket as he leaned against the short fence, that accompanied the path from Ha Jin's house to the public sidewalk, and crossed his legs. "I'm outside," he waited before continuing "Can you open me the door?"

I should really take it seriously when my heart and mind (they were functioning together for the first time!!!!!!!) tell me/warn me to look away. But, once again, I didn't. 

I saw Ha Jin in her pajamas, opening the door for Myungsoo, slightly smiling at him, blushing a bit as she looked down to her feet, probably embarassed with her clothes, and then standing aside, inviting Myungsoo to go in. My heart clenched and I bit the insides of my cheeks — but it didn't hurt.

What hurt the most was seeing Ha Jin sweeping the sidewalk with a disappointed and depressed look, biting her lip, as if she was looking for something, or someone?, and then, when her eyes fell on me, peeking out of a tree like a coward little boy, I looked away. 

I threw my legs in the air and swung back as I took another chip from the pack I was holding. I sighed as I munched the chip half-heartedly. I leaned my head on the swing's rope and sighed again.

I mean, I don't even have her number. No, worst, I didn't have enough courage to walk up to her, when she was just a few meters from me. And I'm pretty sure she noticed me. We locked eyes, after all. Now she's probably thinking I'm some kind of creep and really, really childish — that is, if she is thinking about me at all. Which she probably isn't, considering she has Myungsoo there to distract her. 

I took a sip from my banana milk as I rummaged my mind for any thoughts but those of an hour ago. I couldn't. I closed my eyes and turned the volume of my iPod up, in hopes it would drive my thoughts away. Moments later, a fresh breeze against my face woke me up to reality and, after picking up my things from the ground, I walked down the hill to the hospital.

I grabbed tightly the black plastic sack, in which a few moments ago were bags of snacks and a pack of three bottles of banana milk and that was now empty, and threw it in the garbage bin before entering the hospital.

Reaching my Mother's room, I was surprised to have found her sleeping; it never happened during visit hours. Doing my best in not making any sound, I sat down on the chair and eyed her. Her once white skin was turning into a very light hue of yellow, and the dark circles and swollen eye bags were more evident than ever. She wasn't sweating, since the hospital's room had a good air system, yet her face was glowing. It saddened me — everything did, actually. Out of habit, I was going ot run my hand through my Mother's hair, but stopped myself as I was once again reminded that her head was now covered and she had no hair to run my hand through. The doctor said it was a side effect of her treatment, and that it wouldn't take long for her hair to grow back again, now stronger.

Instead, my hand made its way to my Mother's hand and lightly caressed it. She flinched in her sleep and, as if she was conscious of everything around her, her hand softly squeezed mine.

I smiled. I felt relieved. I felt happy for a moment there. Happy as in sense of Happiness and not happiness. Like all my goals I had planned for my life were fullfilled, like whatever had been important suddenly turned meaningless and what really mattered was this moment: my Mother's consciousness, in the midst of her unconsciousness, looking for me, and holding me tightly when she was the one that I should be holding onto.

This particular visit to my Mother kept my mind busy for around a week later: a week totally and fully dedicated to my Mother (more than usual), ocasionally interrupted by a few hours of school. Who knew being away from people except your dearest ones (in my case, family?) would feel so right, so good?

But then again, since I wasn't in contact with the 'outside' people, I thought I wouldn't need them. Coincidentally meeting Ha Jin in one of the hospital's halls during one of my afternoon walks while my Mother was receiving treatment, made me deny all my previous thoughts of "not meeting people from the 'outside' being comfortable". I felt nervous, like I somehow grew to be whenever wandering around her, but this time I actually had an excuse to be that way.

It took me a few seconds to remember the last time I saw her, also the last time she saw me, and, for once, I preferred to leave it aside considering how embarrassing to my own self here our last eye-contact had been.

She looked as surprised as I was.

Fine, I won't deny it: it's not that I haven't been thinking of her all through this week, it's just that I've been trying to self-teach myself (it must exist something like this) in controlling my way-too-easy emotions — yes, by avoiding thinking of Ha Jin that way. I mean, avoiding thinking of my feelings for Ha Jin.

I managed to walk both of us to the hospital bar/cantine, and ordered some soft drinks. She took out her sketch notebook from her bag and looked for an empty sheet. I couldn't help but notice the various new and already filled papers with characters and doodles, making me happy everything seemed to be going well with her, and making me wonder about what did I lose these past few days of hospital-classroom-hospital.

"Haven't seen you in a while."

I slowly nodded as I sipped from my iced tea and asked her the question I've been meaning to ask the most these past few days, "How are you?" She flashed me a goofy smile and gave me a thumbs up. I squinted, "For real?" She nodded. "Well, that's great then!" I smiled.

We stayed quiet for a few moments, which made me mentally hit myself for making the mood so uncomfortable. Ha Jin awkwardly smiled and shrugged as she played with her drink's straw, before suddenly stopping and grabbing her pen.

"There's a movie showing in the Pediatric Break Room, want to see?"

"Here?"

She nodded.

"And can we? I mean, just like that?"

She shrugged, showed me the notebook with, "I'm a regular here, don't forget." and smiled.

"Hopefully it will be a cool one."

And, well, if you consider Cars a cool movie, then either you are a kid under 10 and it's totally reasonable or you have some serious problems and you totally need me to introduce you to good movies. At least it was entertaining and kept us together for an hour. A short yet decisive hour for me, in which, for the first time, in between laughs, smiles and playful glares, I thought that if I couldn't have her as a lover—as I don't seem ready to face it—then I should keep her as a very close friend.

"Class, your grades were miserable." Our homeroom teacher adjusted her eyeglasses before glaring at all of us. "I mean, these exams were so easy, how could you fail?! Class President, please distribute the reports around. No peeking!"

"Easy my ."

"Hey mister, I don't think you'd want to stay after school," The teacher spat back.

"Aish, I failed again!"

"If you had studied that wouldn't have happened."

"I did study!"

The teacher chuckled, "Thankfully not everyone failed. I'm particularly happy with Kim Myungsoo, who was able to score straight A's, thus contributing to our class' average even though he's rarely awake."

"Whoa, he's a genius." 

Could almost swear those compliments had a tiny bit of jealously and sarcasm. I glanced at Myungsoo to see him busy looking outside through the window. I found myself wondering about what happened that day between him and Ha Jin. What did they do, what did they talk about, what show did they watch, if they watched one, what did they eat, what— I just... wondered what did Myungsoo have to talk with her that I didn't. Why was it so awkward with me when with him it seemed so easy? He just had to reach her home, call her, and get into her house.

I turned to my desk and focused my eyes on my open notebook, where my grade report fell a few seconds before. 

It seemed so easy. So easy, yet why was it so hard with me? "Perhaps you should talk more." My father's words took place in my thoughts. "I'm sure that would solve everything." But would it? If I, instead of thinking too much, started actually saying what I think— would it help? Or would I do a fool out of myself, saying things I don't mean or saying too many embarrassing things I shouldn't even have thought of them in the first place? I closed my eyes and rubbed my hands on my face, letting out a sigh.

I should really stop acting like a coward little boy and be sincere to myself.

And I was pretty sure I could achieve that by leaving thoughts of Shin Ha Jin aside for awhile, but it didn't help. At all.

"Hey, aren't you coming?" 

I felt a light touch on my shoulder. I turned to one side, but there was no one. I then noticed how stupid I just looked and glanced to the other side, to face and hear a rare chuckle from Myungsoo. I shook my head and frowned as I stood up from my seat. 

"Where?"

"To the cantine, where else would you want to go?"

I smiled as I took a look at the empty classroom, "Right," and left with him, walking side by side on the hallway.

"You've been so quiet these days, is everything alright?"

I nodded. "Thanks for asking."

He shrugged, "Just doing my duty to a potential friend." 

I chuckled, but no smile came from it, and eyed him. He was a nice boy. And he considered me as a potential friend, so I guess that's a good thing. He's... he's good to Ha Jin. 

"Maybe you could be better? You never know." Could I? Or would this just ruin Ha Jin's likely happy future with Myungsoo?

"So, were your grades good?"

His gaze was locked ahead, not exactly paying attention to me, so I didn't take long to realize he was just trying to fill the awkward silence between us. "Yeah," I scratched the back of my head. "they weren't exactly bad, though they weren't as good as yours, not even close!" I chuckled. "I guess I still have a long way to go when it comes to Spelling and Korean History..."

He chuckled.

We remained silent the whole way. 

I feel the need to mention the three different girls that smiled at me and greeted me and tried to hold a simple conversation with me as I was standing in the line for the cantine, waiting. I don't mean it in a way as to brag, but it was so unusual that I just had to mention it. It didn't exactly make me jump around in happiness and excitement now that people were starting to notice my presence, it only made me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious all the time. Now I'm starting to understand what those guys meant with the "fan club" thing. But then again, it were only three girls.

Until I got my tray of food, I spent the whole time looking at my feet.

A/N: Today is actually a special day since it's Mute's first year! 

I've been reading all notes I have written for Mute before I actually started writing it, and the scenario is pretty different in there. I had originally planned four chapters and that was it. There was no Myungsoo, only Ha Jin and Byunghun. It was supposed to be a short fluff story—and it will be. 

Thank you so much for those who still read this story although I rarely update it. I swear I'm doing my best but I really can't think of more storyline besides this one, and that's how it will be. I don't really want to complicate it. Mute is coming to an end soon, but I'll be sure to make that end worth it to all of you :D

btw, I wrote a one-shot for a one-shot contest and, although I didn't get any 1st place, I got the 2nd Chemistry Special, which in my opinion is pretty good. If you have 5 minute to spare, I would like to invite you in reading it and in leaving your opinion, as it would mean a lot to me. Thank you! One-shot is called Seventeen and is an entry diary written by Kim Joon Myun a.k.a. EXO's Suho.