“Zelo told me…”

Of course he would. Why wouldn’t he after finding out that one of his new schoolmates is me? Oh wait, was he stalking me?

I didn’t even let him explain further or say anything so I just hung up on him. I didn’t want to be rude but now’s just not the time for further explanation after finding out your ex-boyfriend’s friend is in the same school and even have some classes with you.

Your phone rang again, and without looking at the caller ID, you decided to just take out the battery. You had no one to talk to or text you so might as well just switch it off right? Why waste the phone’s battery?

Excuses, excuses.

He just had to call, and all the memories just had to come right back in this head like water escaping from a destroyed dam. There were the sweet and the not-so-sweet memories. How do you want to me to handle it? I can’t right now. That’s too much for me. I’ve long forgotten them, not wanting for this day to come and it eventually did.

I’ve built up my defence wall around me, around this fragile and already crumpled organ, and I don’t want it to go to waste. It takes up a lot of effort. If I give in, I’d be wasting all my effort and that would just prove that I’m a weak person.

I’ve had enough of being nice and feeling all weak, with people taking advantage of me. It’s true it may seemed like they’re teasing me but sometimes it’s gone too far that even I don’t feel like snapping right  back at them because I was afraid they might hate me if I do that. That was something so stupid now that I think of it. Now they’ve got their backs you. Yay me.

Tiredly, I walked home all alone with the thought of just surviving the school year without having to cause any more trouble.

~

Gosh, the light. The light!

I woke up 2 minutes before my alarm went off. I hate that. But anyway, 2 minutes earlier, means 2 minutes of more time to prepare for school and taking my own sweet time. Once done with the necessary preparation, I made my way downstairs and was greeted by my parents, like every morning.

“Oh, Younha darling.”

I just nodded my head and sat at the same table eating my breakfast.  

“I hope you’ll feel better than the day before when you wake up. We just miss the old you. Your mum and I do. We know you’ve had it hard and we have been patient with it and still are. We just hope you’d come back to us, to the old you.” My dad… I sighed.

I got to admit, I was really really being unfair and going too far by even ignoring my parents. But that’s how big of an impact the whole incident affected me. And every day, I tell myself,
“Tomorrow I’ll be back to the old me, especially to my parents”. But it never happened. My mind was just too clouded by all those horrible and nasty memories that I so badly want to get rid of. Why am I letting it affect me so badly to the point that my parents are suffering too?

I didn’t want to think any further so I ate quickly and made my way to school. The guilt was already eating me up alive, already not making me feel any better. I appreciate their effort but I guess it’s just not the time yet.

~

School was the same. News about Zelo knowing me is still going on. I really have no idea why they’re wasting their time on such news. Don’t they have anything better to do? School ended, and again I was up doing my normal routine of going to the library. The library was the only peaceful place to be in because no one likes being there, especially not when I’m there.

~

I think I was too tired because I fell asleep on the desk and when I woke up, it was already 5 minutes to 9. I only had 5 minutes to pack my belongings and leave. Gosh, a day wasted. When I left the library, I was greeted by a figure leaning against the wall. Again, I almost had a heart attack because no one’s usually here at this hour. So to see another person was weird and scary.

As I got closer, I could feel my heart beating fast. And when I got even closer to the figure, the beating got even faster to the point where I feel like it’s going to burst out of my chest.

“Daehyun…” That came out as a whisper.

He turned to look at me, kicked himself off the wall and headed towards the frozen me. I haven’t seen him in the past year ever since that incident. I’ve been avoiding him and running away from it. They say, you can’t always run because you’ll get tired and you’ll eventually get caught. True to those words, I didn’t even have the energy to turn and walk away. Time to face the moment of truth, I mentally tell myself.

“Younha, please don’t go,” he pleaded. Oh please. Not right now. Don’t use that melodious voice to me, your voice, like music to my ears.

I stared at him, shocked written all over my face because he was obviously the last person that I expected to see.

“Younha, please listen.”

I didn’t speak which only encouraged him to go further.

“I regretted over what happened. I didn’t know how and why that happened but it really wasn’t my fault.”

What. Who are you kidding? Not your fault. Wow, you and your friends deserve all the awards for putting on a nice act.

“Okay fine, maybe it was my fault but I didn’t want it to happen. I was drunk. I was unconscious. I’m the victim too!”

Finally. Took you that long to realise that.

“I’m not asking for you to accept me back but please, at least know that what I speak of is the truth. I don’t want to lie. I’ve suffered, just like you. I reflected a lot. Plus the fact that we didn’t spend so much time together back then and how it feels like I’m taking you for granted. I regretted that. I realised how much of a jerk I was when all I got was so much love from you and nothing much for you.”

Please heart, don’t give in. I don’t want this. I wasn’t expecting any of this from him. I thought he won’t come back and find me and now he’s back, I didn’t expect to feel so weak all over again. Those days when I thought he’d at least come back to find me, he didn’t. And what did I do? I quit waiting and decide to just be a strong person for myself.

You’re not supposed to say all that in that few minutes and make me give in. No! I should not be easily taken advantage of. I shall not fall for this. I shall not! I got over it, I became a stronger person. Ever since the whole incident happened, I waited for months but nothing. Now is all too late.

I turned to walk away.

“Younha… Please.”

No, you cannot give in to him, Younha. I don’t think I can have a conversation with him with the state that I’m in. I wasn’t about to fall… Again.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

B.A.P Crash gave me the same feels that I got when listening to Dancing In The Rain. But don't look at it the wrong way.

Anyway, the MV footage was awesome and so the moment it got released, the other BABYz were damn efficient creating gifs and all that so I spent lots of time reblogging every single possible thing.
You can go check it out on my tumblr. HEHEHE. (Advertising) http://nxzsxmz.tumblr.com/
I reblogged other stuff too, like Infinite and other stuffs. Hahahah.

And I pre-ordered the Crash repackage album when I just got my No Mercy album last week. TSEnt is such a troll. Money fly away. Okay, I should quit complaining when I want to support them.

Okay, back to the story!

Sorry to disappoint you if it's not who you think it is. I'm having a major crush on Daehyun ever since I've learnt about them which was during their Secret Love promotions.

AND, a BIG thank you to all you new subbies, waiting for the person to be revealed. Keep the comments coming okay? Tell me how this story goes.

Sigh, I sometimes feel like this part is longer than my story...

the_sphinx: Hahaha. Yes yes. I agree. Zelo is an adorable maknae that I keep telling myself that I want to keep him in my pocket when obviously he's too big for it. Sorry that it wasn't BYG. Like what I mentioned above, having a MAJOR crush on Daehyun right now. Sorry ):