Kris flopped onto his bed, offering himself a moment to drop appearances. He rolled off to the side, burrowing his head under the pillow as his long arms stretched, his hands dangling off the edge of the bed. He took slow, deep breaths and allowed his body to fully relax for the first time all week, perfectly comfortable where he was and with the knowledge he wouldn't be returning to school for a few days.

His eyes, what small part was exposed from beneath the cushion, focused in on the left over scarring on his left palm. It was mild, and he was certain it would fade, but he couldn't help but trail his thumb over the mark with a sigh. He wasn't sure if it bothered him or not that there was a slight chance his skin would be forever marked, and he shook his head before hiding himself back in the cool bedsheets.

He had a slight ache in his lower back from sitting in the school's chairs all week - they were definitely not designed for someone his height - and he wiggled slightly to get comfortable before falling back into his thoughts. Somehow they always brought him back to the same place, and he wasn't sure how to draw a conclusion from that. He wasn't sure there was a conclusion to be drawn, honestly, but still his thoughts circled around the school's cry baby - Tao.

There was no denying it, Kris was invariably drawn to him time and time again. When he cried, Kris felt the urge to protect him, even comfort him. When he smiled, it almost made Kris want to smile too. Even when they sat in class together and Kris would notice a mistake in Tao's English, he found himself wanting to correct him and explain where he had gone wrong. He wanted to be this boy’s friend.

But it wasn't just Tao. He certainly had a much stronger pull toward him, but he found himself being just a bit kinder to Lay, and he was tolerating (enjoying?) Chanyeol, Chen, and D.O's company more and more. And he actually found Xiumin and Luhan...endearing in a way. They seemed so much younger than they were, but still managed to care for two fifteen year old boys on top of work and school, and they always did it with a smile and a kind word.

He wasn't entirely sure he had much of an opinion on Baekhyun or Kai. They seemed to keep to themselves for the most part, though it had been made painfully obvious that no one was the boss of Kai. Sehun certainly had him reigned in considerably, and Kris could see he was wrapped around the younger boys finger, but Kai was not under anyone's control. Baekhyun seemed to live in his own little world, only venturing out into reality when Chanyeol was involved. Apparently Baekhyun and Kai were cousins, but they both lived with Baekhyun's mother. Kris hadn't pried into that.

Sehun was something entirely unexpected as far as Kris was concerned - not to say he had expected much, but still. The kid looked so much older than he was, but he seemed so much more playful than the rest of the group. He, Kai, and Tao were the youngest of them all, but Sehun was the baby of the group, and more often than not his elders would indulge him just to keep him smiling. If only it were so easy to keep Tao smiling.

So far, the only two Kris had given in to were Lay and Tao - and while he could justify Lay by claiming he had to live with the boy so it was better to keep him happy, he  couldn't come up with any sound reasoning for why his mind went blank every time Tao did the smallest bit of aegyo. It was kryptonite - he could easily control Kris’s entire life with a single look.

There was a knock on the bedroom door that startled him from his thoughts, but before he could even think to react the door opened. He listened to the footsteps coming closer, and so he wasn’t overly surprised when he felt a gentle hand on his lower back. He shifted his head slightly to see around the pillow and gaze up at umma, and she offered him a smile.

“How was your first week of school?” She asked, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. He moved to a seated position before shrugging slightly. “Lay said you’re tutoring someone in English, for free even. That’s very nice of you.”

“I...guess...” Kris said, shrugging again.

“Are you still nervous around me?” She asked, but Kris got the impression it was a rhetorical question. “I know I’ve been working a lot, but don’t think you can’t come to me, alright?”

“Alright.” Kris agreed, nodding. It was silent for a moment before Kris spoke up again. “Do you know how long I’m going to be staying here?”

“How long?” She echoed, looking surprised. “I don’t. As far as I know, the intent is to have you stay here until you get adopted, age out, or it’s no longer a reasonable living situation. Why? Are you uncomfortable here?”

“No, no.” Kris denied quickly. “It was just...I just wondered.”

“Ah...” She said, pinching his cheek. “It must be so hard for you.”

Kris blinked in surprise at her words and actions, not sure what to make of them. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure what she was talking about, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to ask either. She smiled softly at him, then stood up and headed out of the room, leaving him more confused than he’d been before she came in.

What was hard for him? The instability? The uncertainty? The loneliness? His head began to swim with thoughts, and he glanced over at the firmly closed door before diving into his sheets, hiding his head back beneath the pillow. What was wrong with him lately? Why was everything affecting him so much suddenly?

In Canada, when things had begun to slip past his barriers more and more he had simply put up his defenses to a higher level and continued on with his life. Now, though, he was finding himself hiding away more and more often. Reality was closing in on him from all sides, and there wasn’t anything he could do to shut it out.

He clenched his teeth as an unpredicted wave of anxiety swept through him. Anxiety...was that even what it was anymore? Or was it just his emotions starting to seep through? If that was what it was, he was going to allow himself some smugness. All of the doctors had said all the repressed emotions would unload simultaneously, once given an opening. A single moment of vulnerability would be all it took.

Well, here he was. He wasn’t feeling particularly vulnerable, but something was definitely taking place on that level. He had yet to cry, though. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually been brought to that point. It had been years, though. He was certain his lack of tears was what caused him to be so sensitive to everyone else’s.

He jumped suddenly, pulling his head out from under the pillow when he felt a hand press into his lower back, right where the ache was. He looked up at Lay, completely shocked to see him standing there. He hadn’t even heard the door opening.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Lay said apologetically.

“You didn’t.” Kris denied, dropping his head back on the pillow. He felt the bed sink slightly as Lay sat beside him, but before he could ask what the younger was doing he felt fingers digging into the tender points on his back and relieving the slight pain.

“Sometimes Tao get back-aches from the chairs at school, because he’s so tall.” Lay mumbled out as he continued to rub Kris’s back. “I figured you might have the same problem since you’re even taller than him.”

“Hn.” Kris grunted, his eyes falling closed as Lay worked various places. Eventually, the ache was gone, and Lay rubbed his hand gently between Kris’s shoulder blades. The elder was on the verge of sleep, his eyes having fallen shut a while before.

“Do you feel better now, gege?” Lay asked, and Kris noticed the desperate need for approval hidden in that simple question.

“Mm. Thanks, didi.” Kris mumbled out, not having the energy to even open his eyes.

“Um...” Lay stalled momentarily, and Kris wanted to tell him to just come out with it already, but something kept him biting his tongue. “Are you and Tao...friends?”

“What?” Kris asked, his surprise causing him to slip into English.

“You and Tao. You have all your classes together, right? And you guys talk during your free period?” Lay pried, and Kris finally opened his eyes.

“That doesn’t mean we’re friends.” Kris said, holding back the part of him that wanted to ask Lay how to make that happen. He may have been the elder, but he knew Lay was significantly more knowledgeable when it came to social situations. He might even be able to explain the confusion in Kris’s head - assuming he would tell Lay he was confused in the first place. Yeah right.

“Tao thinks it does.” Lay said, his expression serious. “In fact, he thinks he’s your only friend, since he’s the only one who ever looks for you outside of me.”

“I never asked for him to be my friend.” Kris said, his tone guarded.

“No. You just did nice things that implied you were trying to be his friend.” Lay said. “You watched out for him when he was crying - we all noticed that - and then you decided to tutor him for free, and you’re just all around nicer to him than to anyone else. Except maybe Xiumin and Luhan.”

“It’s impossible to be mean to Xiumin and Luhan.” Kris said with a sigh. Lay rolled his eyes before flopping down on top of Kris, using him as a pillow and making the elder’s eyes widen.

“You’re not mean.” Lay said. “You just have a lot of barriers.”

“...get off of me.” Kris said in response, but the younger didn’t listen, instead wrapping his arms around the elder and hugging him. Kris tensed up and tried to move away, but Lay was determined. “Lay, get off. What the hell are you doing?”

“You’re always so grumpy. You need a hug.” Lay said decisively. Kris remained uncomfortably still, refusing to give in completely, but not willing to make the other upset, until Lay finally let go. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“I’m going to sleep.” Kris said, slipping his head back under the pillow. Lay laughed and got up, grabbing the edge of the blanket and pulling it up over his gege before leaving the room.

Kris waited until he was sure the other was gone to let himself relax, and when he did he realized two things. The first, was that this was the second meltdown that Lay had managed to intercept before it got too out of hand. The second, was that that was the first hug he could remember getting in his entire life. He remembered being young, when he was still desperate for attention and affection, trying to get his foster parents to pick him up and hold him, but none of them would. No one ever wanted anything to do with him.

So why would Lay?

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I wonder if you guys are going to guess where this is going? Hm...:P

I'm not sure if you guys got the notification that this was updated or not..