“You did just fine.” Umma said, glancing at Kris and raising an eyebrow. Kris shuddered, pressing his hand uncomfortably over his chest and scrunching down into his seat.

“I just don’t understand why those things are always so cold and slimy.” Kris muttered. Umma chuckled, reaching over to fluff up Kris’ hair.

“It’s an ultrasound, baby.” Umma said. “They were just checking on your heart, to make sure there were no holes or malfunctioning valves.”

“I think I would rather die than feel that gross slime again.” Kris said petulantly.

“Oh, I’m sure. But I’m not fond of the idea of burying you.” Umma said. “Now, I think we should get your hair cut and grab lunch before your next appointment. We still have a little while.”

“Oh.” Kris said, having thought they were done with the appointments for the day. He glanced up to where his hair was literally starting to fall into his eyes, though, and he nodded. “Yeah, a haircut is probably for the best.”

“Alright then.” Umma said, smiling and pulling into another parking lot. Kris undid his seatbelt once they were parked and got out, stretching a bit. His body was too long to enjoy confined spaces for any length of time, so it was nice to get out, even if his chest still felt weird.

Umma rolled her eyes affectionately at him and lead him into the salon, sitting him down in the first seat she found and going to talk to the hair dresser. His roots had been growing out for quite some time, and the black at the base of all the blond was starting to really stick out. Kris sat patiently, waiting and thinking he was just getting a trim until the hairdresser came over to decide what concentration of bleach she wanted to use in order to match shades.

Kris leaned back in the seat, wondering if Umma knew how long bleaching took. It wasn’t the type of thing most people did on a time crunch, but Umma didn’t seem to care. Once the dye was set in Umma’s phone started ringing, and she glanced at it quickly before silencing the ringer.

“I’m going to shop next door.” She said. “Since this has to sit for so long. I’ll be back soon. Call me if you need me - you have your phone, right?”

“Oh, yeah.” Kris said, pulling it out of his back pocket to show her. She chuckled and nodded.

“Alright, baby. I’ll be back soon.” She said, heading out of the salon and leaving a vaguely confused Kris to sit. He pulled out his phone and texted stupid faces to Luhan’s phone, knowing he would give it to Tao, as he waited for the next 45 minutes to pass.

By the time his hair was washed and cut Kris was anxious to be up and moving again. He and Tao had been having a cute conversation on Kakao, intermixed with Kris subtly complaining about sitting still all day. Umma had come back with a few bags and put one in Kris’ lap, informing him that one of the others was for Lay, and the rest were hers.

Kris laughed, thanking her as he pulled out the giant hoodie and the handful of books. He stood up as soon as he could and hugged her.

“Thank you.” He said, looking at her with a grin, and she rolled her eyes affectionately.

“It’s getting colder, and you wore a thin shirt. Put it on.” She said, and Kris grinned at her, pulling it on and zipping up the front.

“It’s too big.” Kris said, teasing her a little bit.

“My size options for you were too big and too small, and since I don’t want you to have to squeeze, I went with too big.” Umma explained, and Kris laughed, nodding as she lead him across the plaza to get lunch.

By the time they were done eating Kris was fairly exhausted, and the thought of going home and reading one of the new books with Tao curled into his side sounded perfect, but Umma reminded him he had another appointment so he got into the car and pulled on his seatbelt. He texted Tao a couple more times on their way to the next appointment, and when he looked up at the building he found himself confused.

“Is it therapy?” Kris asked, looking at the plain old office building. There was a sign out front that said it was a conference building, or at least Kris was pretty sure that was what it said.

“It’s a surprise.” Umma said, and Kris frowned for a long moment.

“Is it a puppy?” Kris said jokingly, and she smiled a little bit, but still didn’t say anything, so Kris huffed and got out of the car when she parked. “Not even a hint?”

“Nope.” Umma said, ushering him into the building. Kris made a face at her, more relaxed and playful than he’d been for most of his life, and she guided him along with a soft hand on his back. “You know I love you.”

“I know.” Kris said, blinking. “I love you, too.”

“Then just trust me.” Umma said, leading him to a door marked 116. “Go ahead.”

“You’re not coming?” Kris asked, surprised. Umma shook her head, smiling a bit.

“I told you. Trust me.” She said, and Kris nodded, going into the room.

The door sounded a lot heavier than it felt when it closed, but Kris thought that might have had something to do with the man sitting in the room, waiting for him. His caseworker, Mark.

The only time Kris ever saw Mark was when he was moving.

Kris wasn’t the type who needed to be checked in on every few weeks, and he felt sick, suddenly. There was a ringing in his ears, and he felt the panic rising up in his chest too fast to stop it. He backed up, shaking his head like it was going to change what was happening, but he knew better, he knew better and no amount of breath catching on fractured glass ribcages was going to change this moment.

He didn’t even realize he was crying until a sob ripped free of his too-tight throat. He felt hands on his upper arms, and somewhere in his mind he knew it was Mark, trying to calm him down, but it wasn’t getting him anywhere. Kris slowly sank down to the floor, his back against the wall as he melted down, and for all the panic attacks he’d had in the past, nothing had ever hit him quite like this.

“Kris!” Mark’s voice broke through the haze, and he looked up slowly, his eyes red and his expression devastated. “Kris, what’s wrong?”

“What did I do?” Kris asked, his voice cracking halfway through. Mark was momentarily dumbfounded, but Kris sniffed, wiping at his eyes aggressively. “Where am I going this time?”

Mark understood all at once, suddenly, and he couldn’t even begin to process how broken Kris sounded. He’d never seen Kris so much as bat an eye - so what the hell was going on?

“Nowhere. You’re not going anywhere.” Mark said, and Kris let out another sob.

The pain in his head was unbearable, and he might have heard what Mark was saying, but it wasn’t sinking in. He just kept wiping his eyes, his knees pulled close to his chest so he could rest his forehead on them. He was vaguely concerned that his eyes were going to start bleeding soon, with the way he kept wiping them. He just wanted to go home, but that thought sent a pang through him, and he sobbed a little louder. He didn’t hear Mark leaving the room.

Umma came rushing in, kneeling on the floor beside him and hugging Kris close before he could even process that she was there. Kris slowly sank into the warmth of her arms, though, and he just cried harder, waves of emotion overwhelming him, and it wasn’t just the fear of leaving anymore. It was nearly 16 years of pent-up abandonment issues and neglect and uncertainty finally spilling out. It was the rejection from every hug he never got, and the fear from every foster parent who raised a hand to him. It was everything he’d been holding back, his whole life.

“You didn’t tell him?!” Umma’s voice was sharp and heavy with her accent, and Kris almost didn’t recognize it for English. When had she started learning?

Kris felt her fingers running through his hair gently as she bickered with Mark for a minute or so more before pulling Kris all but into her lap, and hugging him tighter.

“Shh, baby.” She whispered, switching back to Korean and gently dabbing at his eyes until he finally managed to look up at her. “What’s all the fuss about? Didn’t Umma tell you to trust her?”

“Y-you didn’t say-” Kris started, but Umma shook her head, kissing his forehead softly.

“He’s here to start the adoption process.” Umma said, looking into Kris’ eyes and watching that information hit some sort of roadblock, causing Kris to still for a long moment before it finally sunk in. Kris blinked out a few more tears before curling into her again, smaller, quieter sobs fleeing him now, and Umma held him close the whole time.

It took a little while to get Kris to speak, and there were really way too many questions that he needed to answer, but he did his best, never pulling out of Umma’s embrace. His head was still pounding, and even after he’d confirmed that yes, this was what he wanted, he still kind of felt like he was going to die. The throbbing in his head was awful.

“Is there anything else you need?” Umma asked Mark softly, rocking Kris just a little bit in her arms, and Mark shook his head.

“No. I’ll come by tomorrow so we can discuss the specifics of everything.” Mark said, staring at Kris like he didn’t recognize him. Sure, he was a little taller, and he had a new haircut, but neither of those things were throwing him off half as badly as the way he was crying - the fact that he was crying at all, honestly.

“Good. You’ll get to meet his brother, YiXing.” Umma whispered, still petting Kris’ hair as she wished he were smaller for the very first time. She wished she’d found him when he was younger, wished she’d taken him when she’s taken YiXing, because he wouldn’t be so heart broken now if she had only known she had two sons, instead of one. “And all of his friends. Unless he wants me to send them home...Kris?”

Kris sniffled, shaking his head. He didn’t want them to leave just because he was being a baby. He’d seen a lot of them cry in the past. It wasn’t a big deal, right? A twist in his stomach told him he might be wrong, but he ignored it.

“Alright.” She whispered. “Are you ready to go home?”

Kris nodded quietly, slowly standing to leave with her.

I would like to thank my new Beta reader Lee_Shin-Hye for helping me with this chaper (that I've been struggling with forever). You're the best!