May 2012

"Kajima kajima kajima tteonaji mana—"

"Stop." A cold emotionless voice rang out from the intercom, interrupting Seungri's wistful singing.

"Is there something wrong, hyung?" He asked nervously, bracing himself for another round of scolding.

"You tell me."

"Um...I...uh...I need to watch my pronunciation? I think..." Seungri replied slowly, all the while scratching the back of his head.

"You think." Jiyong retorted bluntly. "I think you've been too busy partying and neglected to memorize your lines. I think you need to reevaluate your priorities. I think you've forgotten that you're not the only one working and your laziness is beginning to distract you. I think—"

Taeyang caught sight of Seungri's stricken expression and interrupted Jiyong. "Jiyong, that's enough. I'm sure Seungri is sorry for being unprepared. Why don't you give him a break for now? Let him memorize his lines."

Seungri held his breath and heaved a sigh of relief when Jiyong told him to get out. He trudged dejectedly out of the recording booth and sat down heavily next to TOP. "Is it me or is Jiyong hyung getting crankier every day?"

TOP rubbed a hand over his face and stifled a yawn. "I don't know. But at this rate, we're gonna fall asleep while recording."

Daesung shook his head. "He's been like this for the past few days. Something's definitely wrong."

"Maybe he needs to get laid or something." Seungri whispered. "Do you think that's why he's cranky? Because he didn't get some."

"I can hear you." Seungri flinched violently at the sound of Jiyong's voice . "If you have time to talk, you should use it to memorize the lyrics. Gossiping is for es."

"Guys, please. That's enough. Both of you." Taeyang snapped. "Jiyong, it's 3 am. Give him a break. Seungri, please watch your mouth. Now is not the time to joke around."

Jiyong eyed Taeyang before pointing to the recording booth. "You, get in there."

Taeyang walked into the recording booth, slid on the headphones and nodded at Jiyong. "I need you baby. I'm not a monster. Nal al-janha ireohke kajima—"

"Stop."

Taeyang winced. He knew why he was interrupted. He'd done something he hadn't done in a long time and he knew that making that mistake now would not only anger Jiyong, but delay the recording even further.

"Sorry for the voice crack. It won't happen again." He said quickly. Seeing Jiyong nod stiffly, he gulped down a mouthful of water and cleared his throat. When he was done warming up, he gave Jiyong the go ahead.

"I need you baby. I'm not a monster. Nal al-janha ireohke kajima—"

Outside the recording booth, Seungri and Daesung  sighed as Taeyang's voice cracked yet again. "Hyung's gonna get a verbal beatdown." Daesung whispered anxiously. TOP said nothing and watched carefully, ready to step in if the situation got too out of hand.

"Sorry—"

"You call that singing?" Jiyong barked. "Your voice just cracked twice in the span of five minutes. Please, if you guys don't want to do this. Just say so. Don't waste my time."

"Just because something crawled up your and died doesn't mean you can take it out on us." Seungri retorted angrily under his breath.

"If you would stop ing around, maybe I wouldn't need to be an ." Jiyong sneered.

"For 's sake, can you stop acting all high and mighty?" Seungri snapped. "We're tired. We're hungry. And we're sick of your attitude. Please get off your high horse."

"Wanna say that again?" Jiyong hissed as he lifted Seungri off the couch by his lapels. "I didn't hear you the first time."

TOP and Daesung leapt off the couch, each moving to hold Jiyong and Seungri apart. "Guys, let's just calm down." Daesung pleaded.

"Why don't we just call it a day, okay? We'll continue tomorrow." Taeyang jumped in. "Please."

"Maybe you should clean your ears." Seungri replied sourly. He was tired of his hyung's attitude and it was about time someone let him know.

Jiyong didn't hesitate and moved to punch him when a deep voice interrupted.

"That's enough."

All five members turned towards the open door, flinching when they saw just who it was. TOP and Daesung loosened their grip on Jiyong and Seungri. The five of them straightened themselves into a line and bowed. "Hyung."

"I came in here to check on you because Teddy told me that the five of you were still here slaving away in the studio." YG drawled. "I certainly did not expect to see a fight about to break out. So, which one of you will like to tell me what's going on?"

There was nothing but eerie silence.

"No? Okay then. Jiyong..." YG gestured, "Come with me. The rest of you, go home."

"Explain to me why you nearly fought with Seungri."

"It was a misunderstanding." Jiyong replied calmly.

"Ah...a misunderstanding, was it?" YG repeated airily, to which Jiyong nodded stiffly. "Although, a mere misunderstanding wouldn't constitute a fist to the face."

Jiyong shrugged, unconcerned. "Depends how big the misunderstanding is."

"So you don't think you were in the wrong." YG stated, watching Jiyong's face carefully.

"No."

YG sighed heavily. "Okay, I won't force it out of you. I understand if you want to solve matters yourself, but exchanging blows is definitely not the answer. You and Big Bang as a whole have an image to protect. You should know better than to let your anger control you."

"I understand, hyung. I will fix this." Jiyong replied cooly.

"Do so discreetly."

"Understood." Jiyong moved to exit the office when YG called him back. "Yes?"

"Is there something else you want to tell me?" YG asked casually, though his expression was serious. "Anything at all?"

Jiyong's forehead scrunched as he thought carefully. "No, why?"

"Are you sure?"

He gritted his teeth. "Positive." Jiyong lifted his head up and stared straight at his boss. "Why are you asking?"

YG ignored his question and fired one of his own. "Where were you last night?"

"At the club. For Mina's party."

"Who else was there?"

Jiyong paused, mentally sifting through his fuzzy memories for faces and names. "A bunch of YG family and some friends and their friends." He narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"Did you drink?"

He snorted, but answered. "Of course, hyung. Who wouldn't at a party."

"Did you smoke?"

Jiyong almost laughed until he remembered someone offering him a smoke. "Yeah, a little." He replied slowly.

YG sighed. "Was it a cigarette or a joint?"

"Of course it was a—" Jiyong stopped. Actually, he wasn't sure what it was he smoked. All he knew was it made him feel good and nothing else.

Jiyong's confused expression confirmed what his gut told him. "You're not sure." YG remarked lightly.

"No..." He replied, his voice a tad vulnerable. "I don't know..."

"That's what I thought." YG rummaged around in his desk drawers before pulling out a handful of photos and threw it onto his desk. "See for yourself."

Jiyong approached the desk slowly and peeked at the photos. What he saw made his eyes widen in shock. Every single photograph was of him. Trashed, completely -faced and half . But that wasn't what YG was so concerned about. It was the still lit joint he held between his fingers.

He lifted his head and looked at YG. "H-how...?"

"How did I get these?" Jiyong nodded weakly. "Mina called me and told me her friend's friend knowingly gave you the joint and purposefully took pictures of you with it. However, he had too much to drink and accidentally revealed his plans to blackmail you. Fortunately, Mina's friend was able to get ahold of the camera and gave the negatives to Mina, who in turn, notified me."

"So the negatives...."

"Destroyed. I did them personally." YG reassured him calmly. Jiyong breathed a sigh of relief. "Explain to me why you failed to realize that you were handed a joint again and smoked it."

"What do you mean again?" 

"2011." 

I'll never get away from that, will I? Jiyong gritted his teeth. "Right. 2011. I forgot."

"You forgot." YG repeated. "Had these photos gotten into the wrong hands, nobody will ever forget. You'll lose all credibility as an artist. Did you ever think about that?"

"I'm sorry." 

"Sorry is not enough." YG roared, thumping his fist against his desk. "Your lack of judgement nearly cost you your reputation again. Your image must be maintained. You cannot risk having another scandal as big as the one in 2011."

Reputation. Image. ing bull. Jiyong laughed bitterly. "Protect my image? And what is that exactly? The outrageous fashionista of Big Bang? The genius composer? Big Bang's leader, the idol who got caught with in 2011? The idol with a scandal that was so full of holes and seemingly plausible excuses?" His expression hardened and when he looked straight at YG, his gaze was accusing. "Or the idol who had to have a pristine reputation, so his boss used every method in the books to cover his ? Now, tell me. Which one of those images belongs to me?"

"You are Big Bang's leader, Jiyong. You, of all people, should know that in this business a dirty record is equivalent to a death sentence. A stain as big as the one last year may very well ruin you. You may not give a damn about the public's opinion of you, but do keep in mind that you're not the only one at stake here. Stop being selfish. Big Bang is a team, not a one man show." 

Jiyong scoffed. "I'm selfish? I've wanted to be myself from the very beginning. The music before we were popular. That was me. But this..." He gestured to his flaming red hair and designer clothes. "...this is beginning to seem more important. All people seem to care about is what new hairstyle I'll be sporting or which brand and designer I'd be wearing to the next event. And our music. Our music has changed. We've become mainstream. Rather mainstream has become us. I've always strived to be different, and yet, our music is becoming one step closer to what the general public expects us to put out because that's the trend." He shook his head. "And my image? I have so many, I've lost count. I don't know who I am anymore."

YG had a feeling this was the root of Jiyong's sudden violent outburst in the recording studio. He'd noticed the dark circles under his eyes and his lackluster manner these past couple of days. He figured it was because of stress. He never knew that Jiyong harbored such feelings about himself. His failure to see that told him he was still lacking and made a note to talk with the members more.

YG looked at Jiyong carefully. "So what are you saying?" 

"I'm tired." Jiyong murmured. "So ing tired."

"What are you tired of?" He asked slowly. Jiyong lifted his head and stared back at him. The dead look in his eyes told him everything he needed to know.

"Everything."

A/N: The lyrics in the beginning of the chapter is deliberate. I just changed the "r" in mara to an "n" to show a mispronunciation on Seungri's part.