Things weren’t as good and peaceful back then. Like any other relationships, we had our ups and downs. Back in 2008, it was the worst year for our relationship, especially when it became a long-distance relationship. He stayed in Seoul, Korea, in order to build his career as an official Kpop singer, while I decided to flew all the way to Sydney, Australia for my tertiary education. We were still young and naïve, so we thought everything will be fine as long as we still loved each other.

Needless to say, we learnt through the hard way that love wasn’t enough to sustain the relationship.

That day, it was the 5^th of June. Apparently, I heard from the boys that they have successfully finished their debut stages and showcases. It was the beginning period of my new semester so I hadn’t got time to check out the Music Video called “Replay”. However, I couldn’t delay that any longer because Taemin had been spamming me with links of the MV in our personal chat, pestering me for a long time now because he wanted to show off his solo dance break.

“Noona, you just HAVE to see this.” Attached with a cute face emoji.

“Alright, alright, I got it. I’ll watch it now, satisfied?” I replied.

I giggled to the messages and finally brought myself search the song on Youtube in my computer. When I saw the views, I gasped upon realizing the popularity of SHINee because the view and comments count were pretty amazing. Basked in the glory, I smiled proudly to myself.

As I was watching the MV, the annoying Taemin kept sending me messages asking me to pay attention to the details and blah blah blah. My phone was buzzing noisily and notifications from him kept popping out so I had to swipe them away. Because of his disturbance, I got out of focus but something happened in the video that had quickly caught my attention back. It was a girl, the female protagonist of the MV I assumed, interacting with Jinki. My eyes turned green as I stared attentively at them and literally replayed that short scene of the both repeatedly.

As soon as the song finally ended, I took a screenshot of the girl and Jinki and sent it to Taemin, questioning him on her identity.

“Who is she???” I typed furiously, waiting impatiently for his reply. It better be prompt or I am going to call him and yell.

Few seconds later, he finally replied, saying that the girl was “Victoria noona”. I blinked, my blood still in boiling point.

“Where is Jinki? Call him to call me now!” I sent.

“Ok...” Taemin replied, signing off immediately.

Another few seconds gone by, and I was staring at my phone waiting for an incoming call. When I saw his name, my fingers didn’t wait a nanosecond before pressing on the green button and accept his call.

“Who’s Victoria!” I shouted mercilessly.

I pressed my phone tightly to my ears, and I could hear a sigh from the other line.

“She’s just a friend, love.” He finally said.

“Don’t call me love, you stupid! That scene in Replay was uncalled for!”

“It’s my job, EunMin. We’re just working partners...” Another sigh.

“Oh, sunbae was my working partner too!” I shot back sarcastically, recalling the last time we argued over me getting too close to my male classmate in a group photo.

“Now that was uncalled for! Who’re you calling sunbae?!” That must have set him off because he began to reply with a raised voice.

Somehow, the heated argument went on and on for a long time, because I was having a hard time trying to adjust to his new “status” and working environment (which includes working closely and getting intimate with different females and stuff). I was beginning to feel tired, just at the thought of how this sort of argument will happen very frequently in the future. And because of that, I vaguely recalled that that was the first time the word “breakup” was brought up.

“Let’s just break up.” I suggested in a cracked voice.

The other line went silent for a minute, before Jinki took a deep breath and answered again,

“I’ll talk to you when you’ve calmed down.” And off went the line.

---

Two months slipped through our consciousness, and by the time we realize it, another challenge was bestowed upon us. It was SHINee’s Yunhanam. That day, I was scrolling through my newsfeed randomly when I saw the news before my eyes. I got curious about the nature of the show, so I dialed Jinki’s number as soon as I could.

“EunMin?” He answered.

“What’s Yunhanam about?” I asked innocently. Weirdly enough, he must have been surprised by the question because he did not spit a word for a while.

“Jinki?”

“U-uhh... It’s uhm... about dating noonas...” He stuttered and replied in a timid tone.

“What???” My voice increased by instinct. I could hear him clearing his throat from the other line before he continued,

“EunMin, repeat after me. Everything you see on TV is a lie.”

“Everything you see—No, Jinki, no. That does not give you the permission to get all lovey-dovey over those women, I’m telling you!” I yelled and pressed my lips together after that, feeling utterly dissatisfied.

“Look, I’m sorry but I have to end the call now. I’ll text you in a while okay?” And the line went off again. My mouth was hanging there agape from the sudden cut off, and I had to look at my phone to confirm what just happened.

“Okay fine... Everything you see on TV is a lie...” I inhaled deeply and mumbled to myself, still feeling uneasy and frustrated about the whole situation. But, no matter how I think, I knew that there was nothing I could do to stop that so I could only monitor the show against my willingness.

---

When I started watching the episodes of the show, I couldn’t help but punching the doll that Jinki gifted in my hands whenever Jinki flirted with the women. I cursed them silently in my mind, but I mentally apologized the next second for doing that. Insecurities crept into my mind sometimes when I compared myself to the pretty unnies, but I always ended up with a sigh and throwing the doll violently to the floor, only to pick it up again. My roommate, Jennifer, said that I must be getting mad and even asked me to seek for a psychiatrist, but I growled at her and she would just laugh it off. The cycle went on and on, but I was low-key glad when none of those women picked Jinki to be their final date. Not until Park Ji Sun unnie came onto the show... Even crashing into SHINee’s dormitory...

“You said you’re never going to get chosen as the final date!” I whined into the phone.

“Hey, that was unexpected for me too!”

I cringed when he whined back, so I just dismissed the topic and faked a cough.

“Jinki.”

My voice sounded weary. To be honest, I have been thinking a lot for the past few months about our relationship. For each of the challenges that came to us, I thought that everything will be fine at the end of the day. But really, it was tiring to be dealing with all of that all the time. I still couldn’t get use to his work, and I’m starting to think that I’ll never get used to it.

“I’m tired. Let’s end this.”

“I know where you’re coming from, EunMin. But I honestly don’t want to give up yet.” He replied calmly after a short pause.

After hearing that, tears finally streamed down my cheeks for the third time ever since we started this. I began to sniffle and cry into the phone. He listened without a word for another minute, and finally said,

“Ok. Let’s take a break for now. Just know that I still love you.”

----------------------------------------