Donghae didn’t even know when he fell asleep. He just recalled lying down on Eunhyuk’s bed and trying to fall asleep until finally exhaustion took him over. So naturally he woke up next day around midday. Donghae got up, took a quick bath and got ready to go meet Eunhyuk.

He entered the kitchen and found Leeteuk talking with Siwon who had just been released from the hospital.

“Oh good afternoon Donghae” Leeteuk greeted smiling softly. Donghae greeted back and grabbed an apple before leaving the kitchen. “Wait! Where are you going Hae?” Leeteuk asked following Donghae outside.

“To visit Eunhyuk” Donghae answered as he was putting on is shoes.

“You can’t” Leeteuk said, smile fading.

“Why not?” Donghae asked turning to look at his leader.

“Eunhyuk requested to, he said he needed more time alone and therefore he didn’t want anyone to visit him.” Leeteuk explained. “We went to pick up Siwon, none of us were allowed in his room because he didn’t want us to” Leeteuk continued seeing the hurt in Donghae’s eyes.

Donghae looked down but kept working on his shoes. He got up and left his stack of papers by the entrance table.

“Where are you going?” Leeteuk asked.

“Out… I need air” Donghae said before opening and closing the door after him.

Leeteuk looked at the closed door with pity and concern, then he walked up to take the stack of papers and he started scanning them up. Tears made their way to his eyes, and he sighed, leaving the stack of papers on the table and walking back to the kitchen.

He couldn’t break down now, not when two of s needed him strong.

“Hyung is something wrong?” Siwon asked as he sat down in front of him.

“No, I-” Leeteuk started but then recalled Siwon wasn’t informed of the situation. “You… do you know what condition is Eunhyuk in?” Leeteuk asked looking at him. Siwon shook his head.

“W-well Eunhyuk he… some nerves broke down or something and he…” Leeteuk started but he really didn’t want to tell the rest. It was painful to him too, to lose one of his most valuable members, and above all the fact that one of his closest friends was deeply hurt with no cure.

“What… what’s wrong with him?” Siwon asked confused.

“He…” Leeteuk sighed “he can’t walk” he finally let out.

“What? But why?” Siwon asked confused and angry.

“Siwon calm down, it’s not good to your health if you get so worked up” Leeteuk said even though he knew it was effortlessly. Of course Siwon would react that way, he couldn’t blame him; he couldn’t blame Donghae or anyone for feeling so… useless.

“I… I know but I just can’t! I mean Eunhyuk… I mean this is his passion I…” Siwon stammered trying to put his own thoughts in order. Leeteuk sighed again and stretched his left arm to place his hand over Siwon’s arm.

Siwon looked up at him, his eyes moving just the slightest but uncontrollably. Leeteuk could feel through them how powerless the younger felt, just like himself.

“I understand Siwon, I feel the same and I guess everyone is feeling like that too; but there’s nothing we can do. Right now Eunhyuk needs us, he needs us to be strong for him… he can’t go through this alone. We’ll have to be really supportive and show him that we’re here for him.” Leeteuk said calmly and Siwon nodded.

“And also… we must do whatever we can to help Donghae.” Leeteuk said looking down and Siwon’s eyes widened. Donghae… he hadn’t thought about him. “If you feel helpless just imagine how he feels… he is really sick too. All the time Eunhyuk was unconscious he stayed loyally by his side but that resulted in him not sleeping or eating well. Now that he can recover he doesn’t do so. He’s worried sick and that is making him not realize he is hurting himself too… he eats just if he’s forced and I don’t know how much has his sleep improved…” Leeteuk said sighing tiredly.

“But… but what can we do to help Donghae?” Siwon asked desperately.

“I don’t know yet… for now just watching over him, see that he at least eats well…” Leeteuk said his voice sounding… defeated.

“Hyung?” Siwon asked sensing that feeling. Leeteuk never gave up, yet now it felt like he was about to.

“I need a walk alright? I’ll be back in an hour” Leeteuk said smiling ever so slightly and getting up. Siwon’s eyes follow the leader with concern until Leeteuk was out of the kitchen and his vision range.

What is going to happen now? Leeteuk thought as he walked down the street trying his best to remain focused on the road. Eunhyuk won’t be able to perform with us anymore… and only God knows if Donghae is going to quit too, though I wouldn’t doubt so. Being that we’ll be short on two more members… and I’m going soon, and then there’s Yesung departure next year… Heechul returns late next year… if only Kibum came back… but who is going to be the lead dance? And the lead rapper? Most importantly who is going to take Eunhyuk’s place on variety shows?

Who is going to have that infectious smile that all of us need so bad?

What is going to happen to him?

Leeteuk was interrupted by the honk of a car; he was being ushered to cross the street. He bowed the slightest and then run across the street getting to the gym near the dorms. A good work out session always helped put his thoughts together, and that was exactly what he needed right now.

He entered, registered and then he proceeded to the treadmill where he started the machine and ran along with it.

And what am I going to do with Donghae? How can I help him? The only way he’ll be fine if it’s Eunhyuk is fine but he isn’t and he won’t be in a time… I can’t risk Donghae’s health…

Frustrated tears started rolling off from Leeteuk’s eyes, and he just made the machine sped up, speeding himself while he let out frustrated sobs.

How am I supposed to help him?

How am I supposed to help Eunhyuk?

What am I supposed to do?

~~

Donghae had gotten to one of his favorite places: The Han River.

Seeing the water flowing calmed him like nothing else could.

Eunhyuk didn’t want to see him. This was the second day Eunhyuk didn’t want to see him. And it broke his heart so much he could feel the little pieces falling to his stomach. He needed Eunhyuk, he needed to see him, to apologize, to be with him, to support him, to embrace him, to rock him, and he needed to felt that this was just another stone in the path.

That this was something they could go through together and that it would only made their relationship stronger, not tear them apart.

He needed to feel that, he needed something to reassure him, because his own thoughts made him believe everything was going to go otherwise. That he would lose Eunhyuk, and that there was nothing he could do about it.

Sure, he was convinced Eunhyuk would decide not to continue with Super Junior but he just couldn’t conceive Eunhyuk deciding not to be with him anymore.

Donghae hit the bench he was sitting with both hands and let out a painful scream. People around him looked confused at him before speeding up to leave him alone.

Donghae looked up at the water still flowing calmly as tears started flowing down his eyes.

What am I going to do?

~~

What am I going to do?

Eunhyuk asked himself as he slowly ate a spoon full of his ramen.

I can’t continue in Super Junior… I’ll just bring them down… and I can’t do dance solos anymore… I don’t have the best voice neither am I the lead vocal so they won’t need me just sitting there.

Besides the fan will take pity on me… I don’t want that. They are supposed to have fun in a concert, not look at a disabled man and feel pity for him. They’ll have to continue without me.

Shindong can dance as well as I can… and he can take the lead rap, if no Leeteuk can do it… he’ll have more lines like that... so is good right?

Sungmin is a good dancer too and Kyuhyun is improving so they can do the dance solos without me… isn’t it?

And then there’s Donghae…

Donghae.

My Donghae.

Eunhyuk gulped hard and he pushed his almost finished bowl of ramen away from him. Tears came to his eyes as he recalled the face of his lover when he just had woken up. Donghae looked so beaten back then and yet he looked so beautiful. His eyes full of love; that crooked shivering smile that let him know just how happy he was that he had finally woken up.

Donghae loved him so much, and he loved Donghae with all his being.

And this… this might separate them for good.

For Eunhyuk would never want Donghae to stop his life just for him.

What am I going to do Hae? What am I supposed to do?

Eunhyuk felt a pang on his heart and he clutched his shirt with his good hand –seeing that he had a cast on his left arm- again the thoughts didn’t let him finish eating, same as the day before.

He lay against the headboard and closed his eyes tightly, letting his tears fell down and taking long intakes of air.

He had to make a decision, not for him but for Donghae.

He bit his bottom lip hard as another tear ran down his cheek.

This took so long I'm sorry DD:

comments makes me happy :DD and write faster owo no, really they do... kind of

Anyway thank you all for reading :DD