Donghae remembered the ambulance going as fast as it could. He remembered arriving at the hospital and the paramedics quickly grabbing the stretcher where Eunhyuk laid and run as fast as they could with him into the hospital.

He remembered following in toe until a nurse stopped him from entering the room Eunhyuk was just lead in. Donghae then just stood there, watching the doors blankly expecting someone to come, but the same nurse lead him to another room where doctor would check his own wounds.

He could hear nurses and doctors talking to him, asking him questions about the accident, but he couldn't speak. He couldn't make out their words, he could catch a little bit of what they asked but he couldn't make the whole sentence. He was so in shock. His mind could just focus on Eunhyuk's pale face, and all the blood scattered on his body.

Donghae. Donghae. Donghae!

"Donghae" Donghae heard Leeteuk calling him and he could felt him moving his shoulder trying to get his attention. Donghae shook his head and looked up at his leader. "Donghae… are you alright?" Leeteuk asked him concerned.

Donghae tried to answer, but he could only open and close his mouth. Leeteuk sighed; he then asked a nurse how bad was Donghae's condition. She answered he wasn't that injured and just needed to rest and recover from the shock. Leeteuk smiled sweetly in her direction and thanked her; the nurse smiled, nodded and left the room.

"Come on Donghae, let's go to the waiting room" Leeteuk instructed and grabbed Donghae's left wrist urging him up. He led Donghae to the waiting room where Shindong, Yesung, Ryeowook, Heechul and Kangin were waiting. Leeteuk sat down on the chair next to Kangin and Donghae went to the one next to Heechul.

Heechul tried his best to make Donghae talk to at least distract him a little from the fact Eunhyuk was still in the operation room. But it was futile. Donghae wouldn't –couldn't- answer; he was anxiously waiting for someone to tell him how Eunhyuk was.

Worst thing was that Donghae blamed himself for what happened. He kept telling himself that if he hadn't asked Eunhyuk to change his seat he would be alright. His mind was torturing him with guiltiness; it pained him more than the wounds did.

It's my fault.

It's my fault.

It's my fault.

He kept telling himself. He prayed for Eunhyuk to be safe, to be alright, because if something happened to Eunhyuk for his fault… he wouldn't know what to do.

Hours passed before a doctor came to inform how Siwon was. Sighs of relief were heard from everyone but Donghae now that they knew Siwon was out of danger and besides having to spend some time at the hospital for his full recovery he was going to be fine.

More hours and another doctor came to inform Sungmin was alright too, though, Sungmin was a little bit more hurt than Siwon and he'll have to spend more time than Siwon in the hospital he; too, was going to be alright.

"What about Eunhyuk?" Leeteuk asked once he had taken Sungmin's news.

"We still don't know. From all he was the most damaged one… three of his ribs are broken, along with his left arm and leg, his head thankfully suffered minor damage and we aren't sure of all the damaged made to his nerves… we'll be sure when he wakes up but we don't know when that will be" the doctor informed before vowing and heading out.

The relieved atmosphere upon hearing Sungmin would be alright, disappeared as they took in Eunhyuk's news.

It's all my fault- Donghae could just think.

A week later and Siwon and Sungmin were recovering fast. The members visited them frequently to check on them. Fortunately for Sungmin Kyuhyun was his roommate, being that Kyuhyun requested it since he had to spend some time at the hospital too. And they were both helping each other. People felt the happy aura coming out of that room, because even if they were hurt they still got each other.

Which wasn't the case in Eunhyuk's room.

It had been a week and Eunhyuk still didn't wake up, or showed any signs of getting better, he just lay helplessly on his bed. Donghae sat faithfully by his side… all the time. He saw as nurses came and changed Eunhyuk's water bag, how they checked their signals and changed his bandages, and every time a nurse will tell him to go home and rest but Donghae would always refuse.

He didn't want to leave Eunhyuk's side, not again. After all he still blamed himself and the guilt consumed him if he just went to the bathroom. He hadn't eaten or slept well the whole week, but he didn't care. All he cared about was the fact that Eunhyuk was still asleep.

Leeteuk and Heechul tried to make him leave the hospital as well, even if they knew their efforts were in vain. Donghae held Eunhyuk's right hand in his justifying that Eunhyuk could felt it and if he let go; even if just for a moment, Eunhyuk would felt it too and would get sad; and even if they tried reasoning with Donghae that they would hold Eunhyuk's limp hand, Donghae wouldn't let it go.

He just couldn't let Eunhyuk go.

A week and a half and all the members were getting worried. They kept telling themselves that Eunhyuk is a fighter and therefore will come back but after so many days and no signs of him waking up they were starting to lose hope. And their worries grew when they saw the state Donghae was in.

Donghae had dark circles under his eyes and his vision was lost, he had lost weight and looked as he was about to faint in any minute; the only thing that brought him to life was whenever someone wanted to break the hold of his' and Eunhyuk's hand. Then Donghae came back just enough to hold Eunhyuk's hand tighter, signalizing he wouldn't let go. Donghae wouldn't talk to anyone, despite all the members' efforts to make him speak. And they couldn't blame him. They all knew just how much love Donghae felt for Eunhyuk, they knew how badly Donghae wanted him to wake up, what they didn't know was that Donghae blamed himself.

Day and night, Donghae still blamed himself, and because he blamed himself he was letting his body die. He saw not eating, not sleeping, not taking care of him as a punishment for the accident. He kept telling himself it was his entire fault, and until Eunhyuk wouldn't wake up and prove him wrong, he'll continue thinking the same.

It wasn't until two weeks passed since the accident that slowly, ever so slowly, Eunhyuk woke up.

"Donghae please you haven't eaten in days you need to eat!" Leeteuk motherly worried voice sounded through the room.

"Monkey will be fine, fishy. You; in the other hand, are dying!" Heechul said impatiently.

Donghae didn't reply he just stared at their intertwined hands.

"Lee Donghae you have to eat!" Heechul said trying to get Donghae's attention, but couldn't do so.

"Donghae seriously, if Eunhyuk was awake he'll tell you the same! He wouldn't want to see your state! You need to eat!" Leeteuk said losing his patience as well.

It was then that Donghae felt a tug at his hand and he looked up at Eunhyuk's eyes. Eunhyuk stirred and slowly opened his eyes. He took in his surroundings; he was in a white room, Leeteuk, Heechul and Donghae were there, he had tubes connected to his body. He gulped not being able to say something.

He could only stare at the wall, waiting for his brain to fully wake up.

"Hyukkie!" Donghae said in a hoarse voice before getting up from his chair and above Eunhyuk, hugging him with as much force as he could.

"Do-donghae?" Eunhyuk stuttered bringing a hand to caress Donghae's grease hair. He found that odd since Donghae –if his memory didn't fail him- had silky hair. Eunhyuk weakly pushed Donghae away so he could look at his face. He gasped in horror as he saw the dark circles under Donghae's eyes, his pale face and his cheekbones standing out –like if he hadn't eaten in days. "Donghae, what happened to you?" he asked concerned.

Donghae looked down and separated from Eunhyuk completely, returning to his chair.

"It's… nothing… I just…" he started, still looking at the floor while he nervously played with his hands. He gained deathly stares from Heechul and Leeteuk since he was lying to Eunhyuk.

"It's not nothing" Leeteuk said, voice angered.

"You haven't eaten or slept in days; let alone that, you haven't taken a shower in more than a week" Heechul stated the facts, voice as angry as Leeteuk's. Eunhyuk gasped shocked upon hearing this.

"But… why?" Eunhyuk asked; no one in particular, shocked. Donghae bite his bottom lip and continued to play with his hands, Heechul sighed and took a deep breath.

"He was worried for you, he refused to leave your side because he was really scared for you" Heechul explained. Eunhyuk nodded taking the news sadly. He reached out to Donghae's hand and grabbed it with his own. Donghae looked up to him and Eunhyuk had this sweet smile on his lips.

"Hae… no matter what had happened to me you shouldn't let yourself die, ok? From now on take care of yourself for me, alright?" Eunhyuk said with a love filled voice. Donghae smiled weakly at him and nodded.

There was a moment where Eunhyuk and Donghae just starred at each other with love and Heechul and Leeteuk wondered if maybe they should leave the room and find a nurse to inform Eunhyuk was awake.

But then Eunhyuk tried to move closer to Donghae and his love-struck face changed to one of pure horror. He looked down at himself and started panting.

"Eunhyuk was wrong?" Leeteuk asked concerned taking a step closer to his bed.

"Hyukkie are you alright?" Donghae asked too, looking worriedly at his lover.

"My legs…" Eunhyuk said terrified "I can't feel my legs" he said as tears came to his eyes. "I can't move my legs!" Eunhyuk screamed looking at Leeteuk with horror.

Leeteuk looked back at him shocked his mouth fell open, same as Heechul and Donghae. The three of them looked as Eunhyuk broke down crying trying his best to move his legs.

Heechul was the first one to recover as he ran for a doctor to check up on Eunhyuk. Donghae and Leeteuk weren't able to move as they just saw how Eunhyuk desperately hit his legs trying to feel the pain, trying to feel anything.

Doctors and nurses entered the room and they urged Leeteuk and Donghae out. They were taken to the waiting room, along with Heechul.

"What are we going to do… if he can't move his legs?" Heechul asked trying to fight away his nervousness.

"Let's just wait until the doctor tells us his condition" Leeteuk said, trying his best to remain calm and positive, though in this situation it was really hard.

"And there's nothing I can do?" Eunhyuk asked the doctor, struggling to keep his tears in.

"I'm sorry… the nerves broke down and that can't be helped" the doctor answered sympathetically.

"So… I won't be able to… dance anymore?" Eunhyuk asked the doctor, terrified.

"I'm really sorry… but there's nothing we can do" the doctor apologized.

Eunhyuk looked down at his hands tears falling one after another. This is a nightmare; this has to be a nightmare- he thought.

"You will need a wheelchair… and you will have to spend a time here on the hospital so you can fully recover, and then so you can train a little bit with the wheelchair. And it would be good if you start seeing a psychologist… here in the hospital we count with one… I'll make you an appointment with her. It's not up to discussion." The doctor informed him. Eunhyuk nodded.

"Can I… can I have a moment… alone?" Eunhyuk asked through his sobs.

"Yes of course… I'll tell your friends you wanted to rest and send them home, ok?" the doctor asked him. Eunhyuk nodded in approval and the doctor vowed before leaving.

Eunhyuk felt his heart break. He could feel his whole world falling apart. Dancing was his life, it was the thing he most enjoyed in life; being able to perform with Super Junior had been a dream came true. He loved his life, despite all the hardships, he truly enjoyed his life.

And now he had to give everything away.

How could he perform when he wasn't able to dance? How could he stand on stage when he couldn't even stand? He didn't want to give up his place on Super Junior, he didn't want to stop dancing, but he had no choice.

After all, what can a dancer do when he lost his legs?

I mean, they were still there, but they were useless.

Eunhyuk cried out in anger, he screamed in rage, and throw his pillow to the floor. He needed a way to let out all his wrath. He continued crying and sobbing hard.

He wanted to die.

If he couldn't dance then he wanted to die.

He didn't want to live in a world where he couldn't fulfill his passion.

"Ok… we understand" Leeteuk said smiling softly.

No, no we don't- Donghae thought, as he was pulled up by Heechul tugging at his arm.

The doctor that had attended Eunhyuk just came out to tell them Eunhyuk needed to rest and that they should go home and rest for themselves. Donghae didn't want to… he didn't want to leave Eunhyuk alone, not when he knew Eunhyuk must be suffering from the news.

The doctor informed them that the condition Eunhyuk was in was irreversible, he had lost the ability to feel his legs, therefore he couldn't walk… dance. And from now on he would need a wheelchair to move.

Donghae felt miserable. He felt miserable because he would give anything so Eunhyuk could have his legs back.

He had hid his face in his hands the moment the doctor broke the news to them, tears immediately coming to his face. He felt like he had no right to cry –after all he had been the one to blame for Eunhyuk's loss- but still he couldn't help it. He let out long hurt filled sobs as Heechul and Leeteuk helped him up and out of the hospital.

They got into Heechul's car and he drove them off to the dorm. During the ride Leeteuk tried his best to comfort Donghae, but it was impossible. Donghae could only cry harder.

Finally when Donghae had shown a smile he had lost it mere seconds later.

And that hurt both members since Heechul and Leeteuk couldn't deal with a crying Donghae. The only member that could easily calm Donghae down was Eunhyuk, but Eunhyuk was even more hurt than Donghae, and he was probably crying harder than Donghae and that pained them more.

They arrived at the dorms and Donghae immediately run towards Eunhyuk's room, locking the door after him.

The concerned looks from the members gathered at the 11th floor followed him. Leeteuk was the one to explain the whole situation, while Heechul tried to make Donghae leave the room so he could eat and shower.

But Donghae wouldn't do so. He was currently sitting on a corner of Eunhyuk's room, hugging Eunhyuk's pillow close to his chest.

It's all my fault, I should be the one in the hospital, it's all my fault, he protected me he changed his seat for me, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault-Donghae repeated like a mantra. Tears fell down his eyes non-stop and it became hard to breathe from his sobs. His nostrils were full and he had to get up and get some tissues so he could breathe.

He needed Eunhyuk's company, he needed Eunhyuk. But he was damn sure Eunhyuk will never want to see him again.

He will never want to be with him again. He was sure Eunhyuk hated him so much right now.

If I could only give him his legs back… I would give anything for him to be able to walk again… what is he going to do? Now that he can't dance… , , ! He loved to dance! He must hate me… he hates me, I'm sure he hates me… and I can't blame him, I hate myself too… I want to die. It's all my fault, I should be dead!

Donghae cried harder hugging Eunhyuk's pillow close to him. Even if he couldn't smell completely, he still managed to sniff Eunhyuk's characteristic smell through all the room.

Donghae came out of the room 2 hours after. He took a really long and hot shower, letting the few tears he had left run free and cleaning himself of 2 weeks of dirt. He felt fresh once he got out, yet his heart felt heavy.

He came out from the bathroom and before he could lock himself on Eunhyuk's room again, Heechul caught him and make him sit down on the kitchen table. He served him a plate of Ryeowook's ramen and made him eat it all. Donghae did; he didn't want to fight with Heechul, or worry Eunhyuk more, and once he was finished he hurriedly went back to Eunhyuk's room.

He grabbed Eunhyuk's pillow and hug it tightly as he rested his head in another pillow. Eunhyuk's smell was surrounding him and it made him relax completely, he soon fell into a deep sleep.

Next day he woke up to find a new voice message on his phone he opened it.

"Donghae-ah… umm… I… I kind of… need another day to rest… so, I'll appreciate if anyone come visit me today… ok? I-I know you want to see me… but I really need to rest… so please, baby? Umm… make sure to eat something and take a bath… and umm sleep well… lo-love you. Bye"

It wasn't the fact that Eunhyuk didn't want to see him that had Donghae staring longingly at his phone. It was how it sounded forced when Eunhyuk said he loved him. He sounded like if he didn't want to say it but felt like he had to. And that made Donghae's heart hurt.

Eunhyuk wasn't supposed to lie to him. He wasn't supposed to say something just to make him happy. They were honest to each other… and that hadn't been honesty.

Donghae left the room and informed everyone what Eunhyuk had requested; all the members nodded, and Donghae went to the kitchen and grabbed an apple for breakfast. He took a shower after and once he was out he run out of ideas of what to do.

So what he end up doing? Looking for disabled people that danced; he researched for hours stories from disabled people, because he really, really wanted to make Eunhyuk feel better. When Eunhyuk had left the voice mail he could feel the sadness in his voice and the fact that his voice was hoarse just let him know he had been crying hard.

He printed everything he founded useful; he was going to take them to Eunhyuk tomorrow. He was scared and nervous. He didn't know how to act in front of Eunhyuk. He was really, really scared of Eunhyuk rejecting him… of Eunhyuk hating him.

He tried to think how to move on without Eunhyuk… but he came out blank. He needed Eunhyuk. He needed him as badly as he needed to breathe. Yes, it sounded exaggerated and completely cheesy… but it was the truth.

Whenever he felt scared, Eunhyuk was there to protect him. Whenever he was sad, Eunhyuk was there to cheer him up. Eunhyuk was the reason he was able to smile brightly, of course he could stay away of him for a couple of hours, or days, but it was only because he knew he would meet up later with him.

But if Eunhyuk hated him… if Eunhyuk left him… he wouldn't know what to do. His whole world would crash down and broke in pieces in front of him if that happened. Just the thought of it made Donghae pant breathlessly.

Donghae was so, so scared. He needed Eunhyuk.

He couldn't live without Eunhyuk.

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I'll edit this later...