What the h*ll?

I was looking for her with good intentions, to ask for forgivenerss, to reconcile. Now here I am throwing my pride to look for her, and I was even ready if she asked me to kneel before her, since this is my fault. But all I see is she is hugging intimately with that guy in the corner of a room. The door was only some inches opened, yet my eyes caught that scene.

At first I was not even sure that it’s her. Well her backview looks like Hara’s. That slender figure, how can I ever forget it? That long wavy hair.. Oh I miss to touch them so much. This longing feeling could kill me, for sure.

But there's no way Hara would ever did that to me. She’s not that kind of girl. I know her, my mind tried to calm me down.

But when they rolled over, I saw that face. That tiny pretty face. She’s smiling happily in that guy’s arm.

Lee Jongsuk, that kid.

I guess it’s her ‘feeling’ that rolled her eyes to meet my gaze. She have good senses about what’s happening around her. She have that special ability to know if somebody was checking her out, putting their gaze to her. It's sharper when she's offstage, since there's no reason for people to stare at her for a very long time. Unless it's me.

In the other hand, I usually not good in finding things. I even looked for my keys when it's right inside my grip. Why on earth must my eyes be sharp in this kind of situation?

This is so not happening.

I asked her to be with me through a song, a song that tells story about her, a song that was made just for her. Ironically, we’re done with the very same reason. After all these things, all I get is... She's hugging with another man?

Damn it.

-Goo Hara-

“Excuse me, is Junhyung there?” I asked, trying not to sound anxious.

“Oh, Hara? Hmm, he’s not here.  He just went outside…” the maknae, Dongwoon, answered. Oh, he’s not back yet.

“Do you know where he’s going?”

He lifted his shoulders. “Maybe he went out to sightseeing. You know him, he need to relax before going up stage..”

“Okay then, thankyou Dongwoon-ah,” then I closed the door.

I keep searching for him everywhere, but he's not anywhere to be seen. I try calling him again. I don't know how many times I have pushed the 'call' button. If something happen, that will be my fault. I sat on the floor, lowered my head into my lap and let out a sigh, I feel so frustrated right now that I could even pull my hair out of it's root.

I'm so sorry, Junhyung-ah.. I never want it to be like this. Where are you? There's so many things I need to tell you. Please come to me now...

I heard Beast's waiting room being opened and closed again. I don't bother to look up, it must be one of his managers again, or maybe his fellow members going in or out. I don't care anymore. All I want is Junhyung. Now. With me.

I took out my cellphone and stared blankly into the screen. There's a picture of me and him as the background. Both of us were smiling sweetly to each other. It was during our 100th day, we were by the Han river when this picture was taken. We had a small party for ourselves and spent our time together just sitting in his car, wandering around. Both of us were to worn out to prepare any event. But I remember he made me a card, he hand-made it. Inside it, it was ended with "Yours, forever and always.". I try to hold back the tears that are trying to run outside my eyes.

Suddenly, my eyes caught a pair of white Jim Rickey shoes stopped right in front of me. Finally, he come.