It was already late in the afternoon when Daehyun woke up to a still-sleeping Youngjae curled up beneath the sheets. He narrowed his eyes, muttering to himself at how much a lazy he other was being, even though he was already used to this routine of theirs. It almost felt like everything was back to normal. Well, almost. If normal meant ing your band mate who you more or less despise, then yes. Maybe it is pretty normal.

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, his feet reaching the cold, wooden floor. With the use of both of his arms, he propped himself up and off the comfortable mass of blankets, padding softly to the younger with a slight frown on his face. He had half a mind to slap Youngjae awake for still being asleep. And he very nearly did so, too. Until he saw the streaks of leftover tears trailing Youngjae's chubby cheeks.

Even the sadistic Jung Daehyun wasn't that heartless.

His hand stopped in mid-air and he instead kneeled on the hard floor, chin resting on the crumpled sheets. Daehyun watched as Youngjae sniffled quietly, breathing irregular and choppy, evidence that the younger was probably awake a bit earlier and fell asleep again crying. Again. Daehyun wondered what the reason was this time around, and wished for a second that he was awake when the other was. He knew the feeling of crying alone all too well, and he of all people knew how unbearably unpleasant it was. Another sigh escaped his lips as he brushed away the soft, blonde strands of hair hovering over Youngjae's dark lashes.

"Don't get used to this, idiot. I'm only being nice because I don't want to have to see your ugly face crying again," the older muttered, more to himself than to anyone else, really. He paused for a minute, allowing the sweet scent of watermelons emitting from Youngjae to linger a bit longer in his nose. Slowly he moved away, pushing himself off the solid ground and venturing to the kitchen. Not even bothering himself with the formalities of at least slipping on pajama pants over his boxers, or even a shirt above his bare chest. He figured that if Youngjae's seen him once, then he's probably going to see him a dozen more times.

On his way to the kitchen, Daehyun noticed the white plastic bag of what seemed to be groceries sitting in front of the door. He froze for a second before he sped up in pace and brought the bag to the kitchen counter, eager to explore the items contained in the bag. With one hand, Daehyun reached inside and pulled out the various items, setting them out in the light so that he could see what food he could cook.

"Ramen, milk, bread, sushi, eggs, strawberries, coffee, more ramen..." a simple curve of the lips out of habit appeared on Daehyun's face as he placed some of the ingredients in the mini fridge under the counter top.

The elder shrugged his shoulders dismissively, wondering to himself how long the rest of the members were planning to keep him trapped alone with Youngjae. He honestly didn't think he could stand it for much longer. Anymore time spent together with the younger vocalist would only send Daehyun further into the spiraling, dizzying mass of confusion that he wanted so badly to steer clear from. He didn't need another bout of pessimistic uncertainty gnawing at the very fiber of his being. He's had that feeling once, and he sure as hell didn't want to have to experience it again.

He was Jung Daehyun. He was confident, cool, assertive. Uncertainty wasn't supposed to be in his dictionary.

---

"Now I feel like ."

"Language, Junhong."

"It's true, though."

"I want to cry alone in the corner."

"You're already crying, Himchan-hyung. Just...Not in a corner."

"Then get me a damn-hic-corner!"

"Who wants nutella?"

"Me!"

"I am a horrible human being."

"Youngjae-hyung deserves better friends..."

"..."

"Aish, Jonguppie-hyung! Stop talking! You’re making Himchan-hyung cry again!"

Loud sobs racked the ullzzang's body, and the rest of B.A.P were left to comfort the second eldest in the group hugging a Pooh stuffed toy tightly to his chest. Now, if you think that only Himchan had a stuffed toy in hand, think again. Various Disney characters were sitting on the laps of these young adults as they were left to gawk at the screen and feel like worthless human beings for not being there when Youngjae needed them. But then again, it’s not like they knew that he needed them. Youngjae was always happy and upbeat, free spirited and spunky with no care in the world. How were they supposed to know?

The two youngest patted the Himchan's back comfortingly, despite the waterworks spewing from his eyes. They were all seated on the couch, watching the situation unravel before their attentive eyes.

Youngjae talked about his past, voice barely loud enough for them to hear, but they managed to hear most of what took place anyway.

"You know, sometimes I wonder..."

Yongguk began, folding his leg so that his chin rested on it while the other remained on the floor. He saw the pain in the younger vocalist's eyes, the heart breaking memory probably just enough to break him as well, if this went on.

"Wonder what, Yongguk-hyung?" Jongup answered, still rubbing Himchan's back in an attempt to calm him down a little. A few more sobs erupted from Himchan's mouth before he fell victim to sleep on Yongguk's shoulder.

"Why is it that the one's who seem the happiest are the one's who've had tragic pasts?"

"Well, I think it's because they don't want others to experience the same misfortune they had to. Maybe they‘re smiling for the happiness of everyone else."

Yongguk stared, dumbfounded. He wasn't really expecting an answer nor was he expecting it to come from Jongup, either.

---

Youngjae woke up the second time that day to the tasty aroma of ramen drifting through the air. He reached for his phone on the small table between the beds, checking the time because he really had no sense of reality at the moment.

4:57 p.m., it read.

"You're finally up."

The younger flinched before his eyes met another pair of dark orbs of the person sitting at the edge of the cream-colored bed with two bowls of food.  

"Uh, yeah. Sorry for waking up so late."

The blonde on the bed shifted more to the side, struggling to make space between him and Daehyun. Of course though, since Daehyun was Daehyun, he took this as a subtle invitation to climb more on the bed. He paid attention to Daehyun as he carried the bowl of food carefully while slipping his legs under the warm blankets, his tan back resting on the cool wall. In response, Youngjae pushed himself upright also, mimicking the movement so that they were both shoulder to shoulder, with a thick sense of awkwardness hanging above their heads like an ominous rain cloud. Youngjae winced slightly at the pain shooting up his spine.

Silently, Daehyun passed the first bowl of food and chopsticks to Youngjae, motioning for him to hold it. The younger did as he was told, puzzled yet grateful for the thoughtful act the elder did for him.

With his own chopsticks, Daehyun poked Youngjae's puffy lips once he realized that the other was just staring at him a little wide-eyed. He cocked his eyebrow, rolling his eyes at the younger blonde next to him.

"Don't think much about it. It's just this once."

Youngjae smiled softly, exhaling the breath he didn't know he was holding. He said a small prayer of thanks and ate, suddenly realizing his hunger. In the back of his mind, he knew that he wasn't supposed to get used to this, so he might as well make most of the situation now.

"I know. Thank you."

"Yeah."

The two ate in silence, still trying to recover from the initial shock that they had with each other last night. Time may have passed already, but it's not like they could brush off the fact easily. Even though only one of them was sober that night, it didn't change the fact that they did it, with Youngjae initiating the whole activity. Both are to blame for their current situations and both are still clueless about where they're supposed to put their relationship-or lack of one-now. The simple action of Daehyun sliding in and out of Youngjae crushed their whole system of mutual hate, leaving the two reckless teenagers with a mass of different emotions they couldn't decipher.  

Was it anger? Sadness? Fear?

If they were afraid, of what?

If they were sad, because of who?

If they were angry, then why?

Hate was so much easier to deal with. At least then, they could justify their actions. Whether or not they were rational to begin with. No one needed an explanation for hate. It's just there when you've found that one person you can impose it on.

"I'm not gay. Well, I don't think I am, anyway,” Youngjae broke the quiet, whispering.

"Neither am I."

"Daehyun, what are we?"

Caught off guard by the question, the said man choked on the ramen noodles in his mouth. Leaning forward, tan back off the wall, Daehyun sputtered violently into the air before him. He felt Youngjae's heated palm ease it's way to his mid-back, patting it gently in order for him to regain his proper breath.

And then, he wondered. What if Youngjae wasn't the one he decided to hate? What if he had met another person to place his hate upon? What would have, or could have happen if they both met again, but under different circumstances? Could they have been friends? Lovers, even? Daehyun didn't know. He didn't think he wanted to know, either. Some things were best left as vague 'what ifs'.

Minutes passed, and Daehyun regained his breathing. Youngjae, however, continued to pat his back mindlessly, staring at the wall before them.

"What do you want us to be?" the elder asked, brushing his blonde locks aside so that he could see Youngjae better.

"Do you still hate me?"

The warmth of Youngjae's hand rested on Daehyun's back, unmoving.

"Do you expect me not to hate you just because we had ?"

The small, bitter laugh was a sound Daehyun didn't expect to hear.

"I guess not."

Another silence.

"Youngjae, I think...I think some things are best left vague and filled with uncertainty. Because, sometimes, the truth lies within those vague 'what ifs' and sometimes, the truth hurts to much for either party to deal with."

Youngjae nodded once. What was he supposed to expect? The cliché 'oh, I love you now that I've had with you!' scenario? No. Youngjae didn't think that would happen, nor did he want it to, anyway. If it did, that would have only added to his disgusting dump of feelings laying in solitude at the corner of his heart. He was old enough to distinguish reality from fairtyale, but that didn't mean that he necessarily wanted to. Fairytales were nice, sweet, simple. Life was the complete opposite.

"I'll go put this in the sink," Youngjae muttered, a silly attempt to escape.

It was happening again.

"Not yet. We need to figure this out, Youngjae. You know that," Daehyun thought that perhaps, it was his time to be mature. To act like the older person. Youngjae, however, reluctantly agreed.

The two piled their bowls on the table next to the bed and continued to stare at the empty air. Physically, they were close, but in reality, they were as far apart as two people who lived on other sides of the world. They were separated by the vast ocean, almost as if they were strangers to each other.

"What now?"

Daehyun took another breath, contemplating his answer. He became aware of the truth that once you start doubting, there really is no end to it.

" buddies, " was the reply Youngjae received.

Daehyun faced the younger, the other doing the same to meet his gaze. Youngjae nodded in agreement.

"No feelings."

"No strings attached."

"No love whatsoever."

"We'll be nothing more."

Youngjae was right. Life was the complete opposite of a happily ever after.

And with that, Daehyun leaned over, cupping the younger's face, pressing his lips onto Youngjae, who more than gladly accepted the empty gesture.

More..um...drama? Lol don't worry, guys. It becomes happier. Promise. Well, scratch that. I won't make promises because I at keeping them xD Anyway, uhh....HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, B.A.P! Congratulations in making it this far, despite the hardships that you've faced. Thanks to your hard work and effort, you've become extremely succesful despite being a rookie group *sobs in a corner with Himchan*. I'm so proud to be a BABY. Keep living your dreams!

Thank you so much for reading this...sad...piece of scheiße...LOL me and my y German skills. To all of you German readers, forgive me for doing this to your awesome language. But yes. Thank you so much for taking the time to read/subscribe/comment! It really does mean a lot. See any grammar/spelling mistakes? Feel free to point them out :D LET ME LUVS U ALL. Okay, I'll stop talking now...

Me Outtie~