My heart almost came out of my chest upon hearing his words. Unexpected. It felt like back when I was with the handsome, caring and loving best friend of all time. Lee DongHae? I examined his face for a while and then smiled. I still couldn't believe what I was seeing, yet I wanted to believe. Everything is true.

‘You’re an idiot, Ae Rim!’I scolded myself mentally. 'He did not leave you'.

“DongHae?” I asked, and my body became almost weak. His smile turned into a grin.

“Thankfully! I thought you did forget my name.” He replied with a chuckle.

And maybe that’s why I had fallen inlove at him at first sight. My feelings for him were still there.

On the other hand, he had grown so much. He used to have a black hair, but now his hair was permed and it was dyed in dark brown. He had learned on how to dress fashionably, not those usual shirt and jeans he used to wear. He had become a different person, yet he’s still the same for me. I ran to give him a tight hug and sat beside him.

We began talking. Turned out he was doing well in college, waaaay better than me. He got highed grades than mine, but he said I was doing well too. We talked about the new environment, the new friends, and of course, the new life. Giggles and laughs surrounded us. But that wasn’t really the main topic. We talked and talked about how our lives went without each other. And that brought us to the topic of our childhood memories.

“Did you remember that time when our parents thought we’d marry each other someday?” He asked. Ofcourse, I remembered that time. They’ve always thought that because we were that close, we would end up being together someday. But as I grew up, and I stared having feelings for him, I secretly wished for that too.

“Yeah. I remembered that. But how about your first ever bad record in middle school?” I asked. He laid his back on the back of the bench with a smile on his face.

“Yeah. When I fought EunHyuk.” He uttered. “It was really just misunderstandings that lead to a fight, really! I didn’t like that.” He continued. “How about you, huh? When you became obsessed with guys in High School and started chasing after them. That was the main reason we got into our worst fight ever. I thought you were neglecting me already.” He added. I smiled. He didn’t know the main reason I did that. It was because I was desperate in forgetting him, yet I could not.

“You’re just jealous!” I and hit him gently on his arm. “And I wasn’t obsessed, okay?” I added, and thought for something to share back. “Aha! How about you, when you took blame for me for the broken window when we were in elementary?” I reminded him.

“Ah,” He clapped his hands, and he seemed amused. “I remembered that. I thought if your parents knew about it, you would be banned or grounded and I won’t be able to play with you anymore.” He explained. We were both grinning from the memories we remembered, and after that a moment of silence came.

“We used to come here and talk about our dreams, right?” He seemed to be reminiscing. I glanced at him and nodded.

“Yeah. Those silly dreams like managing an ice cream factory and inventing a gear that could make us super heroes.” I reminded him. He laughed at those ridiculous ideas.

“You still remembered.” He said. A moment of silence came, before we talked again. After a whole, we decided to go out and watch the stars and point out some constellations, like we used to when we were young.

Honestly, I've never felt happier than before. And he never fail to make me feel that way. He never fail to make me feel like I was the luckiest person living in Earth, and the prettiest woman when I'm with him. That makes him so special to me.

 When we realized it was already getting late, he volunteered to walk me home. Along the way, we chatted again like the old times and then I bid him good bye when we reached my home.

When I got inside, I thought of the possible things that I might be doing with him these following days.

The next days were magical. It felt like waiting for 5 years was worth it. All of the gaps we had created through the long time  were filled once again, just by his presence.

These next days, we decided to do what we used to do when we were still living here. At morning, we’d drop by his house for some cookies and tea made by his mother, and then we’d help at the fields of my grandparents. On other days, we’d explore the vastness of Incheon and visit some other places like malls, amusement parks and other places we had missed. Ofcourse, including our own school.

Time passed by so fast. I woke up one morning and I didn’t notice it until I looked at the calendar. 2 more days left. The two weeks given to me was finally going to end. And I couldn’t extend it even if I really wanted to, because my dad planned to spend the rest of my vacation in other country. He had prepared everything, and it would disappoint him if I do not come along.

I got out of my bed, ate my breakfast and fixed myself. Not too long, my grandparents had called me out for DongHae was already waiting for me on the living room. Grandma was carrying a plate ofbiscuits and laid it down on the center table.

“Help yourself.” She offered with a smile and we thanked her. She exited the room to go outside. We both grabbed a biscuit and nibbled it carefully.

“We’re going somewhere today?” I asked, excited for what he had planned for us. The aura from the smile he has on his face made me even more excited.

“I want you to meet someone important to me. You free?”

“Let’s finish these first.” I told him. He nodded. And then afterwards, we went out.

***

We went inside The Bean Coffee Shop, and ridiculous thoughts barged inside my mind. Is he up to another date again? I wondered. But then when we got there, I found a girl, patiently waiting. We approached her. DongHae told me to sit down across her while he sat down beside her.

I didn’t like where this was going.

And infront of my eyes, DongHae suddenly kissed her cheek and greeted her.

“Ah, Ae Rim. She’s from Gimhae, and she decided to come here and join me on my vacation. She’s my girlfriend, BoRam. And Bo Ram, she’s Ae Rim, my childhood best friend.”

***

I didn’t actually know what happened to me but hearing the word ‘friend’ coming out from his mouth, it infuriated me. Friend? I’m only your friend? Why can’t you see that I’ve always liked you? Why can’ tyou see that this coward girl likes you?

And after those years… he had gotten himself a girlfriend.

Yup. A girl whom he can truly love more than a best friend.

I couldn’t stand being with them, so I faked a head ache and went home. Pathetic it may seem but, I cried and cried and cried until my eyes swelled. The pain was piercing my heart into two. I just couldn't stand waiting for him, and then seeing him with another girl.

It was a good thing my driver's going to pick me up in 2 days, or maybe I could speed up the deadline and get them to fetch me here already. But that would upset my grandparents. I promised them two weeks of vacation yet I’d make them feel I don’t like it here if I leave early.

That night, DongHae came to talk to me, but I didn’t come down, being my head ache as an alibi. I didn’t want him to think I was pathetic, with my swollen eyes and pity look. It’s my entire fault anyway. I didn’t tell him everything earlier. Because I was afraid we’d ruin the beautiful friendship we had carefully preserved throughout these years.

***

I didn’t talk to him too on the next day. I didn’t come down from my room but instead decided to give myself some alone time. I’ve waited for 5 years, hoping that finally he’d confess to me. But now he’d just show up and say that he already has a girlfriend? It was like he took my heart and ripped it apart. All those inspirations, all those hopes, and even our friendship, gone.

This afternoon, after I had refused to eat lunch, my grandparents convinced me to go downstairs and have something to eat. Since I knew DongHae wouldn’t bother to come, I came down and decided to have something from the platter. But a few minutes later, DongHae came, with a bottle of what-seemed-like-a-juice on his hands. While eating infront of the TV, it was already too late to run and hide from him.

“You okay? You looked tired from crying.” He asked. But I avoided maintaining an eye contact and looked away from him. He suddenly handed me the bottle he was holding.

“I asked my mom to make you an herbal drink to cure headaches. Accept this, okay?” He told me.

“Put it on the table.” I commanded him. He followed.

“I heard that you’ll be going away tomorrow.” He told me. I nodded.

“Then come to my home later. I want to give you something.” He added. And without the permission of my brain, I said some words.

“I’m sure your girlfriend might be there. I might disturb you love birds.” I told him. He chuckled.

“Ahhhh, you’re jealous!” He teased.

“What? Jealous?! I’m not!” I retorted back, glancing at him. He was smiling. And I can’t deny – seeing him smile makes me feel a lot less mad at him.

“Ae Rim, pleaaaaaaseee? Come to my home. I really wanted to give you something.” He pleaded. As much as I didn’t want to, I looked at him. And looking at him, it felt like I wasn’t really mad at him. That was how I was so in love with him.

I nodded, even though my mind told me not to.

“Alright. It’s because you really wanted to.”

***

So I came there few hours later. I was greeted by his loving mother, who was watching TV. He let me in and told me I should enter his room alone and get whatever one thing as his souvenir for me. I went inside his blue painted room upstairs, with different posters of NBA stars. And because I wanted to pick anything random that would make me remind of him, I found this little yellow notebook on an empty shelf. Maybe it’s his Math notebook. It will remind me of how much he hated Math. I took it. I didn’t open it but instead just kept it inside the shoulder bag I had and went out.

“What did you choose?” I found him outside, with his hands inside his pockets, waiting for me.

“Just a little Math notebook. A little reminder I’m better than you.” I teased. He pouted.

“You really haven’t changed!” He retorted. I forced out a little laugh and then headed downstairs.

When we got down, I found his mom still in the living room, watching TV. When she noticed me, she signaled me to come and sit down beside her. DongHae followed.

“DongHae said you’re going away tomorrow. Is it true?” She asked, but her eyes were still glued on the drama she was watching.

“Ah. Yes.”  I replied. DongHae sat beside me.

“Why don’t you stay with us for a while? Let’s watch a movie before you go.” She offered. I glanced at DongHae first, who seemed to be pleading for me to stay for a while.

Maybe he really looks at me only as a friend. And he wanted my presence before we separate again. I have no choice but to give in. I’ll just enjoy this last moment with him.

“Alright.” I answered. DongHae took something out of his pocket and gave it to me.

“My address, email, phone number. Contact me, okay?”

I nodded. And then, a knock on the door was heard.

“I’ll get it!” DongHae volunteered. And both of us looked at the door to see who it was while he opened it.

“Hello!”

Unexpectedly. It was Bo Ram.

“Oh, hi BoRam!” DOngHae’s mother greeted. “You’re just in time! We were planning to watch a movie. Join us!” His mother invited. And upon hearing those words, I felt a little betrayed. I stood up immediately.

I didn’t see DongHae again. I spent the whole night staring at the paper he gave me, whether I shall throw it away or keep it. I was thinking of ending our friendship slowly; by killing our friendship carefully. But it would hurt me too, right? I don’t think I can’t. It left me wondering and confused.

The next day, our driver called me and informed me he’ll be picking me up early in the morning. I got up and fixed myself before saying good bye to my grandparents. When I was all ready, the driver had arrived and parked the car infront. He went out and fetched my things inside the house. And when everything was set, and I was ready to leave, I thought of DongHae. Will it be worth not talking to him before I go? Will I really kill the relationship between us?

I erased them from my mind temporarily. We went out of the porch and I gave kisses on the cheeks to each of my grandparents.

“We’ll be looking forward to another of your visit. Come back soon, okay?” My grandpa told me. I left it unanswered but just hugged him. I do not know if I want to come back to this place anymore.

“I’ll miss you guys.” I told them. The driver had already got inside the car and had the engine started. He honked the car twice, signaling me to come fast.

“Well, I’ll really be going. I love you both.” I gave them both my last hug before I got in. Upon getting inside the car, I rolled my window down and waved my hand to them. The car finally strated to move, gradually getting faster. But then I heard my name.

“AE RIM! AE RIM! PLEASE, STOP!”

The car didn’t stop, and I looked to where it was coming. I saw DongHae running behind, desperately trying to catch the car.

But after everything, seeing him pains me.

“Please drive faster.” I told the driver and he nodded. I didn’t bother to look back, but instead a tear escaped from my eye. DongHae’s voice soon faded as I rolled my windows up. And before I knew it, we were already far. No running DongHae behind.

I then wiped the tear with the back of my hand and then noticed my shoulder bag. I remembered DongHae’s notebook, which I never really opened. I took it out from my shoulder bag and flipped it to the first page, and saw this.

LEE DONGHAE’S DIARY

I didn’t know what to react. I took his diary by accident, I told myself. I got an urge to just give the notebook back to him, but then curiosity got over me and I decided to read few entries. The diary was arranged from Elementary to Highschool days. Atleast I’ll remember him this way, right? And we’ve already known a lot about each other. There are no secrets between us.

I flipped pages into random entries and read them one by one.

DEAR DIARY(High School; First Year),

Today is Valentine’s Day. Do you know how pretty Ae Rim is today? She’s an angel. And I’ve been really in love with her for a long time. I’ve bought her a rose but I was too shy to give it to her, since she was always chasing after those boys. Why won’t she notice me? I’m cool,sporty, smart and handsome too! But I’m afraid she just looks at me as a friend. But anyway, I will keep the rose until it wilt. And I took a petal from it and insert it between the pages. It will remind me of the rose I bought for her.

DEAR DIARY (Middle School),

Today I got my first bad case in school. But no one really knows the whole reason. Ae Rim started chasing him few days ago, claiming to have a crush on him. It hurts me, and I feel a little jealous. So I stalked EunHyuk and I was determined to copy off his style so Ae Rim would notice me and like me too. But then in stalking, I heard him that he was planning to two-time Ae Rim with another girl. I became angry and fought for her. Is it really bad? Because I’d do anything for Ae Rim.

DEAR DIARY (Elementary),

            Heh Heh, I’m really hardcore. Today I took blame for the broken windows done by Ae Rim. I was afraid she would be grounded and I won’t be able to play with her. Imagine a world without her. Lonely, right? And recently, I’ve been thinking of her a lot. It means I do not look at her as a friend only, right? Am I already falling for her?

DEAR DIARY (High School),

            Recently, I do not like Ae Rim’s attitude. She has been chasing boys all around, claiming to have crush on them. I really feel jealous, and I feel like she was putting me away from her radar. I want to get in too! I really like her, but then I couldn’t find some ways to tell her since I was afraid we’d ruin our friendship. We fought earlier because I got mad at her for chasing those boys. I don’t know why, but I better apologize. I was acting a little bit strange for her, and she might notice it and she might feel uneasy around me.

DEAR DIARY (High School; Senior Year)

            We’ll be moving away today! It’s the best for us, actually. I’ll have more time to find a girl friend. I have more time to forget her. I told her not to communicate with me for it will be hard to forget her if we do. But after 5 years, we will meet. Of course, she’s my best friend, and it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t see each other, right? I want to forget her because I don’t want to sacrifice our friendship just because of my feelings. It’s hard, right? So I will forget her. Let’s see if there is a progress these following years.

I felt weak and then tears continuously poured down.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I closed the little notebook and smiled as I remembered those memories. I put it back inside the chest, beside DongHae’s yellow notebook. And all of the sudden, I heard a familiar voice.

“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy came from work!” A girl voice screamed downstairs, and yes it was my daughter. I immediately came down from the attic and went downstairs towards the living room where her daddy was carrying her.

“Did you miss me?” His dad asked, with a smile on his lips. Our 5-year old daughter hugged him and continuously said ‘Daddy, I miss you’.

“Come down now, Ha Na. You’re wearing your daddy out.” I told her and reached out for her to carry her instead. He looked at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ll be going upstairs to rest, okay?” He told me. I nodded. And after that, the memories that were refreshed in my mind came back. Before he could come up the stairs, I spoke.

“Wait, I want to say something.” I called out. He stopped on his tracks and turned around.

"I just remembered some things and... I love you." I told him. He smiled.

"I love you too. Don't forget that."

And then DongHae continued walking upstairs.