***

I could apparently remember what happened between us 5 years ago.

No--- scratch that first! Make it many years ago. When we were still four. I, the clumsy and happy-go-lucky girl, and my childhood best friend, the sweetest, and witty yet over-confident and arrogant Lee DongHae.

I don’t remember how exactly we met, but since we were young, we were already best friends.

We grew in the same town in Incheon, the place where paradise seemed real for us. We had lived in a remote place there and lived simple and happy lives. In weekends, if we do not have homeworks, we help at the field of my grandparents, or visit DongHae’s grandparents to have some home-made cookies and some milk. Then we hang out at the playground by the park, chasing and talking to each other. Sometimes, we study together, since both of our parents are strict about our studies. We’ve always managed to have a friendly competition between us, in out grades.

All my life, I’ve done almost everything with him. It was like we were brothers and sisters in blood, and no one could ever separate us.

Well, I had that mentality when I was still a child.

When we grew up, I started to realize everything. That in every day, my feelings started to develop. There was a progress. Until I’ve realized I fell in love with him.

Ofcourse, who wouldn’t fall in love with him? We’ve known almost everything between us. He’s a really cool, smart guy. And handsome too!

But I had no courage to confess, for I was afraid to put our friendship in the line--- what if I get hurt? What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if…

My mind was crowded with conditions and possibilities.

Because of these, I decided to keep it hidden until I’ll have the right time to say everything. But every day, my fears worsened. To overcome this, I decided that it would be the best to forget my feelings for DongHae, to ignore these feelings. To look for another guy whom I can love.

So I did. I looked for other boys who can help me fall out of in love from him. Surprisingly, I gained crushes easily for so many times – Sam Dong, Eun Hyuk, Dong Woon and many others. All of them were the kingkas of the school --- the heart throbs, the clever ones, and the charismatic and sporty ones. They were all the dream boys of almost half of the girl population in school.

But even though it was like this, I failed. I was really in love with him. And there was no way out.

When I realized that, I decided I shall confess. But I let each day pass by unknowingly, without uttering any single word to start confessing.

I get it. I’m a coward.

I thought I had much time left. But then something came up. First day of summer after our High school graduation. Mom told me we’re going to move up to Seoul for my college. Though I didn’t want to, I agreed. Because I know it’s for my future. I went to DongHae to tell him the bad news, and it turns out that after 3 days they’re going to move up to Gimhae for his college, and because of his dad’s work.

After all our years of being best friend, parting ways was the hardest. But our future is the main reason here. We cannot do anything about it anymore.

“Let’s meet after 5 years. Summer 2012. No communication and we’ll just focus on our studies. When we come back, let’s see who has a higher grade.” He challenged me.

Ofcourse, I didn’t want that. I wanted to be with him. I wanted communication between us. But I didn’t want to look like a looser infront of him, and confess that I’ve fallen in love with him. He knew I am tough. And what if he doesn’t feel the same way to me? It might destroy our friendship.Another reason was that I was afraid that because we’ll be apart, I might contact him more because I’ll miss him, and therefore it might distract him from my studies.

“Alright. 5 years of no communication. But be sure to come back.” I agreed. Though it hurt me, I couldn’t think of other reasons on why we should omit the rule of ‘no communication’. 

That was the last thing I could think of.

***

I stared out of the windows, watching everything pass by before my eyes. Remembering them made me somehow proud of my accomplishments. Yes, all my hard work did pay off. We moved to Seoul, dad and mom got better jobs and we’ve become a middle-class family. I’ve been the top of the class, so let’s see if he’d get higher grades than mine.

Suddenly, I yawned, and my eyelids started to close on their own. And without knowing, I fell asleep as I waited to arrive at Incheon.

***

I heard honks of the car and my head felt pain upon my disturbed sleep. Only then I realized how tired I was.

“You’re here.” I heard the driver announce. My body felt the excitement again, and the pain went away. I sat up tall and looked through the window.

A smile automatically formed on my face upon seeing my grandparent’s home outside. The house is antique, has a porch, and is two stories high. They were waiting for me on the porch, while sitting on the chairs and enjoying teas on the table between them. For five years, I haven’t seen them. And I’ve missed them.

I ran out of the car and ran towards them. I hugged them both.

“I missed you guys.” I whispered to them. They chuckled.

“We missed you too. We’re glad you’re having vacation with us for two weeks.” Grandma replied. The driver had taken my luggage out and carried it for me towards the porch.

“She’s all yours.” He kidded. Grandpa smiled.

“Thanks for bringing our granddaughter here safely.” He told him.

“You’re welcome. And I’ll be leaving. I’ll pick her up after two weeks, in the morning.” He informed us and then walked away. Upon getting in, he started the engine and sped off.

“You look tired. Take a rest, okay?” Grandma told me. And ofcourse, I agreed since I wanted to. But before I took my luggage upstairs, I decided to ask one of them a question.

“Grandma,” I uttered. “You remember DongHae, right?” I asked her. She nodded.

“Have you noticed them coming by here? Did they come here?” I asked. She seemed calm, like she knew I would eventually ask there this question.

“They’ve arrived yesterday. Mrs. Lee came by and asked me to tell you to drop by their house at 3PM.” They informed me. And since there were still few hours left before 3PM, I decided to take a rest.

***

I took a sleep and woke up around 30 minutes before 3, and it was just the time I needed to prepare. After I had fixed myself, I told grandma and grandpa that I’ll be going to DongHae’s house and will be back. Afterall, his house was just around 7 blocks away from our house. I went out of the front door and walked along under this fair day.

When I got to their house, I found his mother, who was going inside her house with gardening tools on her hands. Their house has a lawn infront, and there were bushes cut into different figures and shapes. The house itself was 2 stories high, and it was painted in sky blue and white.

“Mrs. Lee!” I yelled, and luckily it got her attention. Before she could get in, she had heard me and turned around. I waved my hand at her as I approach her and she did too.

“How are you? It has been 5 long years, huh?” I greeted her along with a 90-degree bow. She nodded, still with that unfading smile.

“I know. I really missed this neighborhood. And DongHae missed you too.” She replied. I giggled.

“And speaking of, you asked me drop by here. Is it because of him?” I asked. Ofcourse, her mom knew how strong our friendship was.

“Yes, but I didn’t know he’d be coming here by 2 PM, so I told your grandparents to come here at 3PM. He told me to tell you to meet him in The Bean Coffee Shop.” She answered.

“The coffee shop?” I wasn’t really surprised that he picked that, since it was the place where he first treated me for having high exam results. And I didn’t think he’d like to go there again.

“Yeah. He said that place meant a lot to both of you.” She said. I smiled.

“Meant a lot.” I whispered with a smile. I looked to my wrist watch and became time-conscious.  And because I didn’t want to waste any time, I thanked his mom and bid her good bye, telling her that I’d be back for a little talk in the next days. I decided to take a bus towards the coffee shop, for it was far.

***

I arrived there at almost 5 minutes before three. I got inside the shop, and it was almost empty, seeing only one man sitting at a table inside. But I found an empty table at the corner of the shop. I decided to take it and wait there until he arrives.

I admit, I really got impatient. Who wouldn’t be, in my situation? I haven’t seen my first love – my childhood best friend who has no clue of what I felt--- for so many years! I wanted to see how much he had grown up. I wanted to see how he progressed, how well he had lived.

I began waiting.

5 minutes.

10 minutes.

30 minutes.

1 hour

. 2 hours.

3 hours.

And without noticing , it was almost 6 in the afternoon. I had already drank much lattes while waiting for him. And even though my thoughts debated on whether I should leave or not, I ignored them and listened to my heart. Many people, particularly couples, had come in and out of the coffee shop, yet there were no signs of him. No DongHae. No man ever had the courage to approach me, utter my name then say ‘I’m Lee DongHae! Remember me?’.

With this, I became sadder and sadder as time passed by. Pessimistic thoughts clouded my mind.

Have you really waited for me, DongHae? Are you there to meet me after these years? Or… had you ran off… far, far away from me?

I couldn’t stop these from barging into my mind.

I decided to wait several minutes more, hoping he’d finally come before I give up. And just as I was ready to stand up, the guy who had been sitting at a table even before I got here seemed to have noticed me, stood up and unexpectedly took the seat across me, with a smile.

It was just then when I noticed that the guy was handsome, and at first sight, I suddenly felt that my senses were tingling. And he looked kind too. It was like he was a manga character that had come to life. And his friendly smile, along with his eyes, was something rare. It was a smile that could swoon anyone who’d see it.

In short, I thought I was in love at first sight. I thought I was finally met a rightful man for me, other than DongHae.

“Hi.” He greeted. I raised both my eyebrows briefly, and gave him a tight smile in acknowledgement.

“ I’ve noticed you’ve stayed long here. I’m wondering if you’re waiting for someone too.” He asked. I nodded; actually surprised he’d be talking to me.

“Yeah. I’ve been waiting for a particular person. I think he hasn’t arrived yet. It’s almost 3 hours.” I told him.

“By the way, who are you waiting for? Your boyfriend? Cousin? Brother? Father?” He said. I sighed. I wish he was my boyfriend, I thought. I looked at him.

“My… my---“

I was cut off by the sudden ring of his phone. He signaled me to wait and answered his phone. After the conversation, he stood up, looking apologetic.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go. My friend called to meet me. Nice meeting you for a short time, by the way. See you if I’ll see you again?” He told me. Though I was kind of disappointed, I nodded and waved my hand briefly at him.

“Alright. Take care.” I told him. He gave me a tight smile and hurriedly walked away.

I sighed. I guess the saying ‘people come and go’ is wrong. I think it would be better if revised into ‘Good-looking guys whom I fall inlove to ALWAYS come and go’.

With this thought, I accepted the truth even if it hurt me. He’s not going to come, I convinced myself. After some few minutes, I stood up and leave the coffee shop. To cheer up myself, I’ve decided to drop by some stores to entertain myself and shop for myself.

***

I went home after an almost one-hour window shopping along the mall and different novelty stores. I had done that in order to cheer myself up but I ended up hoping I’d bump into him coincidentally anywhere. But for the second time, I didn’t see him.

Before going straight home, I dropped by to my grandparent’s field to catch some cold breeze to refresh myself. On a little space beside the vast field, a little hut was located ever since we were young. Both of us usually hung out there when we were still kids, to review, play or share some interesting stories.

But coming back after 5 years, it served only as a place of memories. A place where the old memories had been made and can never return. Because he didn’t show up. Maybe he wasn’t really planning to see me again.

I got inside the hut and sat down on one of its benches. The cold breeze caressed my skin and brought me back to those sweet nights of my childhood when I’ll just stay with him here to watch the stars or get some air.

Tears almost escaped from my eyes if I didn’t control myself.

As I enjoy the tranquil moment, I heard some footsteps. I turned to where it was coming and I saw a tall man’s silhouette, due to the dim surroundings. I reached for the built-in light switch of the hut and turned it on.

To my surprise, when the guy approached me, he was the same guy I saw inside the coffee shop.

“You? What are you doing here in Ae Rim’s fields?” He asked. I was suddenly puzzled.

“What are you doing here in my grandparents’ fields? I’m Ae Rim. Who are you? Are you stalking me?” It felt like my obligation to interrogate him thoroughly. But what was weird was that he came inside the hut while chuckling, and sat down on the opposite bench inside, across me.

“You seriously don’t remember me? Really, Ae Rim. I should have known.”