Third Time's The Charm
AdolescenceWarning: Some facts are inconsistent. I almost made everything SHINee until I realised that they haven't debuted yet in this verse. I write that Kibum's in Daegu but they have a dorm(?). Did SHINee get a trainee dorm of some sort? I really don't know, because I didn't do enough research before writing this chapter. But I think this chapter came out well, even with its inconsistency. Please feel free to correct all of my mistakes. Constructive criticism is very welcome :-)
When Kibum first becomes a trainee, he took the train down to Seoul every weekend.
The weekly routine was alright. He coped with it, juggling training, school, and his social life altogether. It was all for the sake of his dream, he told himself resolutely. No matter how tiring the routine got, he thought about his dream. And then it would be okay.
One day, Kibum stays late until 3 to finish his dance practice. It's been an entire week since he was back after all, and he definitely doesn't want to get left behind. It was all for the sake of his dream, he chanted the mantra deep in his heart. It makes the fatigue slightly go away and he feels slightly better about himself. He looks up and the time on the clock makes him blink, and Kibum stares at it for a few minutes.
"," he says blankly.
The walk to the train station is exhausting. And even when he gets there, Kibum knows that the last train has left for the day, and he has to wait the night out before he gets home. He silently hopes that his mother is already asleep, and doesn't go into one of her fits when he gets home. He drops his bag onto the fall and sinks against the wall, one hand over his leg and another in his hair.
Kibum almost falls asleep, but the sudden shadow cast over him makes him jump in shock. "HOLY !" he shouts before shoving the boy in front of him off violently.
The boy lifts his hands in surrender and takes a few steps back. "Whoa lady, calm down!" the boy yells. "You don't have to shout!"
Kibum reaches for his bag before cautiously moving back. "What the hell are you doing here at this hour?"
"I should be asking you that question," the boy says crossly, checks his plastic bag which seemed to be carrying meat buns. Kibum sighs, and rakes his fingers through his hair.
"I missed the last train, that's all," he mutters, the tips of his ears turning red with embarrassment.
"Cool," the boy says offhandedly, and takes a bite of his meat bun. Kibum blinks, and the boy his head up questioningly. "You want one?"
Kibum nodded, and took the meat bun with gratitude. "So what are you doing here anyway?" he asked curiously.
There is a brief moment of silence as the boy continues to chew his meat bun before slowly swallowing. The night breeze is cold against Kibum's hands, but the steaming hot bun warms his fingers as he waits patiently for his answer.
"I just wanted to take a ride to nowhere, that's all," the boy finally says, shrugs, then takes another bite of his meat bun.
Kibum finds out that the boy's name is Kim Jonghyun, and he was also a trainee at SM Entertainment. He finds out that Jonghyun stays in Seoul, so he really had no buisiness being at the train station at 3 in the morning. He also quickly finds out that Jonghyun was more of a singer than a dancer.
"Sing me a song," Kibum demands immediately.
"Jesus Christ, you're just like a woman," Jonghyun laughs. "But okay, I will."
When Jonghyun opens his mouth and sings, he takes Kibum's breath away. When the song ends, Jonghyun turns around and his head to the side again to ask "How was it?" he finds Kibum crying instead.
They exchange cellphone numbers, and meet up on a regular basis. "Don't call after 10," Kibum warns, "My mom checks my phone. If you want to have supper you have to make plans beforehand."
Jonghyun notes down all the details in his head, and nods. It was hard for them meet up as regularly as he hope, as Daegu was still quite a distance away. However, after Kibum's training over the weekends, they go to different places in Seoul every night, playing and eating until dawn. Jonghyun teaches Kibum how to drink, even though they're both minors and they both get wasted easy, and they bail each time they don't have enough to pay the bill.
The places they go to changes every night. Seoul is big, from one corner to the other. Kibum has never been to so many parts of the city before. Jonghyun lives for the weekly night escapes he has with Kibum, and Kibum thinks that a city of dreams was similiar to this.
Things began to change when he gets a B- on his recent chemistry test. It was hard juggling training with schoolwork, add in Jonghyun and alcohol in it makes it almost impossible.
"Oh, our poor Kibummie doesn't have a future a anymore!" his mother wails and sobs hysterically. "What will the neighbours say? What will society think of him now?!"
"Calm down, umma," he tries, but she isn't listening to him. He spends the next two hours listening to her preach about his future instead, and stiffles the yawn he concentrates on holding in.
When Jonghyun hears about the recent episode Kibum had with his mother, he howls with laughter.
Kibum makes a face before shoving him. "Shut up," he grumbles.
"But it's hilarious!" Jonghyun gasps out, choking on his chortles. "Your mom makes a B- sound like an F!"
"It is as good as an F," Kibum say huffily. "It's an Asian F."
This sends Jonghyun howling again, and Kibum scowls and rolls his eyes the way he always does, but Jonghyun suprises him by cupping his hands on his cheeks. Kibum turns around and blushes lightly, giving him a gentle poke. "What are you doing?" he mumbles.
Jonghyun looks at him straight in the eye, wearing the most serious look he could muster, and says, "You're brilliant, Kibummie. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
Then he breaks out in a grin and drops his hands off Kibum's face. "Let's go get something to eat!" Jonghyun says happily, and gets off the bench running in the direction of the cafeteria.
For some unexplainable reason Kibum feels a clench in his chest, and he feels a sting at the corner of his eyes.
The rain falls harsh and hard on a weekend night, and Kibum shrieks as the rain soaks them both. They run to the nearest shelter laughing, and Jonghyun pushes his fringe back, the water droplets trickling down his neck. Kibum shakes off the water in his hair as well, and Jonghyun chuckles wryly. "We look like we just swam through the Pacific Ocean."
Kibum hums non-committedly, and shudders a little at the chilling breeze. He gazes off at the falling rain outside, sliding off the roof above their heads like a waterfall. His breaths are slow and steady, and he feels his heartbeat echo resoundingly within him.
"You're kind of beautiful, you know," Jonghyun says quietly. Kibum laughs a little, and gives him a languid look. "Kind of?"
"Yeah," Jonghyun laughs as well. He raises his hand and reaches out for Kibum, his fingers barely brushing Kibum's cheek. "You're beautiful." He lets his hand drop to his side and they sit with the distance between them, waiting for the rainstorm to end.
When Kibum walks into the room, the first thing Jonghyun blurts out is, "I swear I didn't cheat on you."
Kibum scoffs at Jonghyun's words, rolls his eyes lightly before taking his shoes off. "Sure you didn't," he says, but the look on his face tells Jonghyun that he highly doubts him.
Minho looks over the couch at the both of them groans. "Get a room," he says, rolling his eyes. "Don't spread the gay."
"Oh, you're gay enough without our help anyway," Kibum snaps, his cat eyes flaring a little. "Just because you're still in the closet doesn't mean that the rest of us can't be happy."
Jinki looks up from eating his chicken, slightly alarmed. "Break it up kids," he says, and walks to the fridge to get a drink. "But Kibum and Jjong, you're not really gay, are you?"
"I was just kidding," Jonghyun laughs lightly, throwing his pillow onto Minho's head. Minho pulls a black face and scowls. "Seriously, lighten up
guys. What's with this homophobic atmosphere?"
"If it got out that we were gay, we might be kicked out of the company," Jinki sighs, taking another bite. Jonghyun just laughs anyway, poking the maknae next to him who was fast asleep between him and Minho on the couch.
"That wasn't a very funny joke," Minho mutters under his breath, and Kibum secretly agrees. He walks to his room stiffly and locks the door, and stays in there for the rest of the night.
One afternoon when the rest of the members are out and only Kibum and Jonghyun are left in the dorm, they lie on the bed next to each other listening to the sounds of their breath. "Being so popular is tiring," Jonghyun sighs, and Kibum snorts at the narcism of that statement.
"You love it," he says, "Don't deny."
Jonghyun chuckles in sheepish acknowledgement, and turns around to face Kibum. He has really brown eyes, Kibum thinks absent mindedly. And really long lashes.
Jonghyun pokes Kibum's cheeks and grins. "Chubby," he teases.
And that was it. "I love you," Kibum says softly, and it slips out easily, without heisitation, without reservation. It takes a few seconds for the confession to sink in, and even Kibum doesn't realise it himself.
Jonghyun's mouth is opened in a 'o' shape, and he stares blankly at Kibum for a while. Kibum's face is on fire, and he cups his hand over his mouth in mortification. "Sorry," he mumbles, "I- I didn't mean--"
Before he finishes his sentence, Jonghyun gets off the bed and runs out the door.
It is quiet for a while, before Kibum buries his head into a pillow. He notices that Jonghyun's scent lingers on it, on everything in the room, and he covers his face.
"I love you," Kibum sobs out, choking them into the pillow. "You er. I love you."
When Taemin arrives at the practice room with the manager hyung, Kibum thought he looked absolutely precious. "Call me umma," he demands with unusual force. "I'll take care of you."
Taemin is shy and fragile but he awes all of them when the music starts and he dances. In that moment Kibum suddenly feels the weight of inferiority and it's heavy and cold, weighing him down. He pushes it all to the back of his head, squealing at how talented his son was.
Jonghyun acts the same. It's like nothing ever happened, and Kibum is starting to doubt if there was anything at all. But he avoids touching Kibum now, and everytime Kibum tries reaching out for him, he turns away.
When Kibum comes over during the weekends, he finds that many things have changed. Jonghyun's hand is almost always over Taemin's shoulders, and the look in Taemin's eyes is one Kibum knows too well. It's the one he sees everytime he looks in the mirror.
Jealousy was not a pretty thing at all. But Kibum hides it well, slowly he starts to disconnect from Jonghyun, from the part of his heart that clings and claws into him, like wires that have been cut and thrown away. He starts going over to Minho and Jinki more, with Jinki completely oblivious to the circumstances. If Minho notices and knows, he wisely chooses not to say a word, letting Kibum be.
It hurt. There was a longing, but Kibum chooses to let it be, too.
When he finds Taemin lying cold, bloody and lifeless on the floor, he screams. But he wonders if he's secretly happy about it.
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