It was only a split second, but it was as if a jolt traveled that wire thin connection of their met gazes.  So Eun jumped as her heart did the same all the way to while Junsu almost took a (wrong) step back but was too trained to make a wrong move.  The choreography for “Alive” was tight and was even more difficult at the time since he needed to cover more steps and distance on his own, but Junsu effortlessly contained his surprise and managed to complete the tricky sequence of steps. 

                 It was only a split second, however, and at the same amount of time between the intakes of So Eun’s breaths during that second, she was pulled roughly by lithe arms towards the front all the way to the opposite side.  So Eun barely had time to struggle when she heard the amused voice of a kpop girl group member she knew all too well and has not heard in far too long.

 “Only a minute and a half tops and you’ve already created a scandal.  That must be a record.”  So Eun looked up at 4Minute’s leader and her dear dear friend, Nam Ji Hyun.

“Ji Hyun-ssi!” So Eun gasped in relief.  “Where were you?! I almost got killed!”  Ji Hyun looked pityingly and tenderly at her poor friend’s distress.  So Eun’s face was red and her body was still shaking.  Tears threatened to fall from big, luminous eyes. That experience she just had was just the tip of the iceberg if the ‘junso’ coupling was really as big and as devoted as what she just saw.  So Eun looked like she was being eaten alive!  Not for the first time and if a bit unfairly, she wondered if So Eun’s connection, whatever its nature, to a member of such a high profile group as 2PM is really for the best.

               Ji Hyun knew what it felt like to be hounded and targeted by countless strangers.  So Eun must have felt like she was dying in that crowd.  She was so unused to that kind of attention.  Fans of actors and actresses are as avid as kpop fans, but they tend to show control and decorum towards their idols whereas fans from her side of the fence could get scary and creepy real fast.  They had to deal with people who nitpick their every decision and action.  They had to accept that being in the envied limelight included strangers who follow their every move every second of every day and thought that they had the right to judge what their idols could and could not do.  Sometimes, she really didn’t envy the ardent almost fanatical following that groups like Girl’s Generation, Wonder Girls, and 2NE1 has inspired.  Such devotion might have plenty of perks but there is still a big price to pay.  She really did not want her friend to be subjugated to that kind of attention.

              Like a mentor who has known too much of the big scary world, Ji Hyun just put her arm around So Eun and led her towards their core group of friends who has decided to welcome back and support 2PM in behalf of So Eun. 

“Aish, we finally found you. We were so worried!” Go Ara clucked and fussed as she clutched at her best friend and checked out her appearance.  As soon as she found out that So Eun would be arriving alone at the concert, she knew that it was not a good idea at all.  She could almost see how disastrous it would end up being so she offered to pick her up from the train station, but So Eun was stubborn and insistent at not bothering her friends.  As if it was going to be so easy. She slapped at her other close friend, Kim Bum.  “Oy!”  Kim Bum glared at Ara as he rubbed at his slapped shoulder.  “The heck—“

“I knew she was what made the crowd go crazy over there!  I told you that we should have gone and seen what the hell was going on.  We might have rescued her earlier!”

              Before he could retort back, So Eun assured everybody that she was fine.  “It wasn’t really that bad.” She tried to smile, but her body was still trembling.  It really wasn’t that bad.  She was used to people staring and fawning and even following her around, just not to the extent that she just experienced.  Well, she had to get used to it eventually anyway…

              “Still,” So Eun turned to her unni, her best sunbae friend, Moon Chae Won.  Ever comforting and calming, Chae Won hugged her around the shoulders and said “We should have still more actively looked for you.  We knew what was going to happen the second somebody recognized you.  We just didn’t anticipate that big a reaction so we kind of didn’t think things through.  But you’re ok and fine and great and still so,so gorgeous so just relax and enjoy the concert and we won’t let anybody touch you without your approval again,”  Fighting down the worry and antsiness she just felt moments ago,  Chae Won opted for the distraction route.  She gestured with her shining eyes and pleasant grin towards the stage.  “He saved you, didn’t he?” she whispered.  So Eun jerked her head suddenly towards the older woman, confused and bewildered.  Chae Won couldn’t repress a loud laugh.  “Dongsaeng, I knew I saw you!”  She teased in the same quiet voice. “You were completely and totally absorbed when his song started.  So much so that I think you might have lost some of your survival instincts because I would have gotten out of there when the crowd was distracted like that. But you, you! You just went closer to the stage, where the most rabid ones were!”

“Yah, unnie that’s not true! I was, um, er, they came from behind so I thought that I could totally get away if I went to the front.” God, her excuse even sounded lame to her own ears. But what choice did she have? She can’t formulate a reply when she didn’t know what exactly happened in that moment.

“So Eun-sii, Chae Won sunbae is right,” Kim Bum moved towards them and placed an apologetic hand on So Eun’s shoulder. He hadn’t heard their conversation at all   “We totally should have looked for you before they got anywhere near you.”  He scratched his head with his other hand and smiled sheepishly.  “Sorry. I was a bad oppa.” So Eun reassured him again and patted his hand for good measure, since he could be so sensitive sometimes, but she was still distracted by Chae Won’s earlier words.  She turned back to Chae Won.

“How did you see me anyway?” she whispered back.  “It’s so dark and I was far from here.”

“I was with Ji Hyun when we went looking for you.  Besides, there’s not that many girls wearing glittering jewelry and a row of small fans in their hair up there getting so close to the stage that a body guard needed to push them away. But never mind that now,”  Chae Won gestured back to the stage and this time, So Eun followed.

              Junsu was still performing on the stage and, looking at him again, So Eun was once again drawn to the show.  It was almost like watching an artistic creation come to life, the way he moved with such refinement and delicacy while exuding such command and masculinity.  It wasn’t just the music that held So Eun so enraptured, though it was mainly his smooth vocals and the powerful notes.  It was like the song was gaining life because of Junsu’s twists, jumps, and dance. The whole performance was complete and utter vivaciousness, vitality, and dynamism.  The entire audience was held spellbound, their arms and bodies swaying to the rhythm of the music, their voices lifting up and joining and dancing and playing with Junsu’s song.  And So Eun felt like she was floating up with them…

“So Eun-ah, you’re ok! And you have fans on your hair!”  So Eun’s attention was forcibly pulled away from the stage to find her other friend, Jung So Min, gesturing wildly at her before tackling her into a rough hug.  “I was worried sick about you when I heard that commotion a few minutes ago over at the other side so I just started running around looking for you without telling anybody! Chae Won-unni just texted me telling me that you’re already safe.  God, those fans were so scary. And so annoying!  Didn’t they know that it was dangerous for you to have them be grabbing and being all handsy when you came in from a whole day of shooting?  You are just so tired and hardworking and you even forgot to take those fans from your hair…”

             Chae Won and So Eun just drew So Min to their arm hug as the latter continued to rant and rave about the craziness of the kpop fandom and kpop entertainment in general when deafening cheers drowned out the rest of her words and the trio looked to the stage to see the end of Junsu’s “Alive” performance.  So Eun couldn’t hide her disappointment in hearing the last notes fade and seeing the black-clad figure doing his final poses before exiting the stage.  She really wanted to see the whole performance.

             So Min and Chae Won did not miss So Eun’s sigh and puffed up cheeks, signs of hidden disconcertment and frustration.  So Min pointed at herself, but Chae Won shook her head.  It wasn’t anybody’s fault really.  To be honest, Chae Won didn’t really know how deep and true her little teasing went.  To Chae Won, it was merely a distraction tactic to make So Eun forget about what happened earlier.  She knew that whole purpose of that ordeal was so in order for So Eun to support 2PM, and it was all because of Lee Junho, the second youngest, who she made sweet music with.  But still, Chae Won saw what she saw and there was no point denying that So Eun was affected by whatever transpired between her and 2PM’s oldest member.  “Oh yeah, you need glow sticks! And Chae Won-unnie you are supposed to wave them in the air!” So Min handed So Eun two glow sticks, one blue and one green, while Chae Won just looked at the ones she had with a “hmm…” expression and lifted one eyebrow.  She just wasn’t used to all these concert…stuff she needed to do.  Wasn’t a concert supposed to be just to watch and listen? But her stubborn dongsaeng bullied her to submission. 

             So Eun just nodded.  Right, right.  She held hers up in the air, ready to finally get into the spirit of the concert. Go Ara and Kim Bum, who had reconciled and were once again standing shoulder to shoulder lost in their own world, managed to turn around and wave their glow sticks at their companions, excited and pumped for the next performance and the three of them waved back.  Another cheer went up as 2PM got ready to enter the stage for another group performance.

            Junsu was sweating profusely, his right arm may have a cramp, and his mind was already rushing towards the next song, but he felt really good as he hurried backstage to prepare for “Again & Again”.  His heart was racing furiously in a great way, his energy was sizzling in all the right places and the pumping of the blood coursing through his brain was giving him a sugar high. The world felt so grounded and real and vivid.  He felt truly alive at that moment. 

            “Oy Junho, calm down!” Junsu barely registered the sight unfolding behind the scenes when he reached the hair and make-up area, tired as he was.  Nichkhun and Chansung were trying to hold down a jumpy Junho as he paced the length of the room then getting dangerously close to appearing onstage before forcing himself to come back and repeat the cycle over and over again.  Junsu had to keep from rolling his eyes.  Well, at least they were ready to go.  Wooyoung, who was lounging at a couch across the three, was hanging his head over the couch arm as he watched Junho make a fool of himself upside down when he spotted his oldest hyung.  He opened his mouth but Junsu just shook his head and sat down opposite a mirror as two assistants helped him out of his outfit and tame his hair into a softer cap from its previous spiky style.

             “We could barely keep him from jumping across the stage when he saw Kim So Eun appear in the middle of that rampage just right before you started,” Taecyeon went to stand by his chair while still looking behind at Junho now going at it about crazy fans while Chansung just listened patiently.  Nichkhun looked like he has given up since he just sank down at the couch, his expression pained and tired.  Wooyoung actually seemed like he was enjoying the whole thing.  Then again, he hasn’t been with them so much since his solo debut so he hasn’t yet gotten his fair share of Junho’s life and times revolving around his “not yet” girlfriend.  Junsu saw Taecyeon rub his face at the corner of his eye.  “What are we going to do with him?  He might just go crazy himself.”

              “Eh,” Junsu shrugged half-heartedly as the two assistants made the finishing touches in his next look.  “He’ll get over it.  We always see fans get like that everywhere we go.  He’s lucky that So Eun-ah was a celebrity like him.  She’ll be more understanding and she’s visible and likeable enough on tv that more than half of the fandom actually likes her with him.” Junsu stood up and clapped him on the shoulder.  “Don’t worry about it.  It’s expected, anyway, and like I said, she’s also a celebrity.  She’ll be fine.”  Junsu slapped Junho on the back of his head and told him to stop acting like a child as he passed the other members and took his place in the “Again & Again” formation.  He filled his lungs with air, then slowly exhaled through his nose before giving up halfway.  Despite his words of comfort to his fellow member, Junsu couldn’t help but be worried, too. His earlier buzz has all but faded away and he could not get his bearings.

               He thought back to that split second when he and the aforementioned girl, who he did recognize as Kim So Eun, locked gazes.  At that instant, even in the dark, he had seen her fear and confusion, and he felt guilty because he knew that it was because of them that she was subjected to that type of treatment.  For all his worry, however, it wasn’t that feeling that stayed and echoed within him now.  Instead, what he remembered so distinctly was how the fear and confusion in her eyes faded away to be replaced by calm then by fascination and curiosity.  For the life of him, he did not know what affected him so badly when he saw that gradual change that he was broken out of his musically-induced trance and caused him to almost falter in his solid performance.  All he knew was that, in the span of that split second, Kim So Eun went from being the sole dark figure in a sea of illumination to being the brightest light outshining them all. 

               Then, the music started and his worries melted away for the moment.  He automatically focused his attention to the beat and rhythm as his captured every nuance of sound and his body went through the memory of the motions he had practiced countless of times before. 

                His eyes moved to the sea of people in front of them, beckoning and seducing.  His body was the instrument, but his eyes were the bridge that connected the gap.  As he locked his smoldering gaze to each person the light of his eyes hit, it was as if his eyes contained a song of their own.  A song that bespoke of the sadness that always seemed to accompany Junsu, no matter how much he tried to chase it away.  There has been a lot of things that happened to him during the course of his years as an idol that everybody knew about, but it was the events that happened before his life in the public eye that seemed to tail him everywhere, their influence directing his every move from the shadows.  The joy and love that he experienced with s were his guiding lights that helped him move away from that dark corner and it was due to and with them that he slowly started to face and fight the demons of his past.  Yet he remained mystery to everyone else, impenetrable and closed.  This song, in particular, brought out the memories that he has hidden at the further corners of his mind so he had an unusually strong connection to it.  It was as if the song presented a challenge to him that he willingly accepted. He didn’t know if he ever really won, though. 

                His gaze continued its sweep all over the place, his emotions blazing and uncontained and always moving, until he found her again.  Kim So Eun.  An enigma to another enigma.  It was the first time he really saw her as somebody independent of Junho’s hopes and beliefs and feelings.  At that moment, she was just her, a girl who had glossy hair and big eyes.  A girl who was still smiling and laughing and waving her light sticks joyously (which still glowed dimmer than her). A girl who looked so open and accepting of somebody who was really just a stranger to her.  It scared the out of him, to suddenly think of her that way. Still. He could not look away.

                But So Eun was not looking at him now.  Her open gaze was for somebody else.  Her eyes finally found the source of her happiness and laughter these past few months dancing with such wild abandon, so near yet still untouchable.  Junho has spotted her first and his smile was so radiant and the extra bounce and vigor in his steps so heartfelt that everybody knew, just knew, that their beloved Junso couple has found each other again.  Though his eyes stretched so widely, So Eun swore that his eyes were dancing as exuberantly as his body was.  Laughter bubbled up from somewhere deep in her heart and she waved her sticks wildly at him, so happy that she could cry.

                All the while Junsu watched and he felt cold.  Junsu turned and met Junho’s gaze from across the stage.  He was lit up everywhere, just like her.  Junsu forced his gaze away.