The first time that Kim Junsu really saw Kim So Eun, as in really see her as a person without the underlying title of actress nor Junho's girl, was under the flashing lights of the dark stadium, as Hottests from all corners of Korea swayed their glowing light sticks in the air in time with the beat of “Again and Again”.  The light sticks she was waving (madly) in the air, completely out of tune from the song his beloved group was performing in the stage, added a rather creepy glow to her face, shiny with the faint sheen of sweat.  However, that thought was only made absentmindedly because what he really noticed was that natural glow in her eyes as she proudly gazed up at the one member whom she had grown quite familiar with, despite all the scandals and rumors: Lee Junho, his dongsaeng who matched him in every way but singing and is catching up pretty fast in the composing.  He knew (of course) that their “Music and Lyrics” stint was not just a passing fling, their collaboration buried underneath the passing of time and of busy schedules.  Somehow, it really was different.  All of the other 2PM members knew it every time Junho would get a text that would immediately be accompanied by one of his typical eyesmiles with just one hint of difference may it be the way his nose would twitch or his ears would redden.  Or whenever they would just be relaxing at the dorm, their schedules free for a change, and Junho would be found talking softly with just the faintest hint of tenderness on his phone underneath the stairs (like he was freaking Harry Potter, relaxed and carefree, in his own personal cupboard beneath the stairs).  Or when he would just spontaneously, to the chagrin of the light sleepers Nichkhun and Taecyeon, just start banging on his drums in the middle of the night singing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” in its most horrific rendition in Engrish.  If even Junsu, who slept like a log and who wouldn’t wake up even in the middle of a hurricane, was disturbed from his sleep by it then there’s really something quite disturbing about the whole thing.  Poor guy was drunk on infatuation and affection.  Such intensity is the worst, Junsu knew, if it was anything like what he felt with Yoo Mi-noona, who he loved with everything he had only to be burned so badly.  The first cut really is the deepest and Junsu was still not quite healed from it.

                Because of their shared interests, contribution to Wooyoung’s solo album, and the typical closeness that comes with being in a Kpop idol group, Junho and Junsu grew the closest, which means that he knew every single detail of his dongsaeng’s turbulent, confusing, and, admittedly, amusing feelings about the budding actress.

“She’s just so different, hyung,” Junho once admitted to Junsu. 

                 Junsu, in his usual snarky and tired way, just snorted and reminded him on the times he thought that SNSD’s HyoYeon, Wonder Girls’s Sunye, and that fangirl’s smug older sister from France were also “so different”.  Instead of scowling and throwing a tantrum like Junho was wont to do (he really does need to loosen up once in a while.  He has never seen somebody go from being such a serious stick in a mud to a 5 year old brat like a flip of a switch quite like Junho.), he only sighed and stared out into the balcony of their hotel room.  Junsu sighed with him.  Less than 2 minutes in the conversation and he was already lost in thoughts of her.  Kid has lost it.  Junho suddenly snorted. 

“Have you ever been lost in a crowd, hyung?”

                Junsu was about to retort a reply about his superior fangirl radar, being a trainee way longer than any other 2PM member, and his tried and tested maneuverability around the worst ones when Junho’s expression stopped him in his tracks.  Junho had a faraway look in his eyes and was speaking in a dazed, as if whatever Junsu replied didn’t really matter, so Junsu just listened.  “Once, in Ilsan, my mom brought me to the nearest marketplace from our house.  It wasn’t really big but I was really young, then, and it was my first time going with her.  I remember how everything was so big and loud and ahjummas were screaming left and right and I just wanted to leave, but suddenly, I couldn’t find my mother.  I felt like I was drowning, hyung.  As if something was suffocating me. So I started crying.  I didn’t even care about the other people looking at me, I just wanted to find my mom.  Then, suddenly, this lady grabbed my hand and led me to a secluded and quiet area.  Of course, I was scared since I couldn’t see her very well and I knew she was a stranger.  But she just wiped away my tears and held my hand and comforted me until I stopped crying.”

               Junho then turned to Junsu.  “That was what it felt like the first time we met.  It was my first time without the members and I was so nervous and anxious and I just didn’t know what to do, so I just started telling the reporters the first things that came to my mind. Just remembering makes me feel so embarassed!  Then, when they told me So Eun was behind me and I turned around, it was like this warmth surrounded me, you know?  She was smiling really nervously and fidgeting just like me, but I only saw that mischievous glint in her eye and the way her whole body just sort of laughed at me, not with malice, but in that endearing way. That was when I knew that everything was going to be alright.”

              Junho finished with a slight smile on his lips, his gaze and thoughts faraway again.  And that was when he knew that his very cute junior, who flies around in broomsticks brandishing wands, who was one of the most serious people he knew yet could still match Wooyoung on his worst baby days, who he still remembered shyly and hesitantly asking him to teach him the basics of composing, has indeed grown up.  He felt a lump grow in his throat and tears threatened to spring up from his eyes.  Not for the first time, he cursed his sentimentality.  He was supposed to be the tough oldest, damnit!  He was supposed to whip the younger ones into shape with militaristic discipline and beat them up when they disrespected him.  He was definitely not supposed to melt in a puddle of goo like a doting grandmother whenever they acted so mature and grown up.  So, to maintain his own personal dignity, he just slapped Junho on the back of his head, called him a hormonal spazz, and went off to bed.  He did tear up, though, when he found himself awake at 1 in the morning, still thinking about it.  Just lil’ bit.  

             Now that he finally understood Junho’s sincerity in his feelings for Kim So Eun, Junsu thus became more patient with the way he so devotedly, if a bit disturbingly, fawned about every reminder of his beloved.  He listened patiently whenever he would rave about the newest news or picture that somebody uploaded about her.  He wouldn’t say anything when Junho hummed their song “Sad Love” for the sixth time that day during studio recordings.  He even restrained himself when he wouldn’t shut up how “excited he was to finally see her” and how “he was going to make sure to get closer to her” now that they are back in Korea.  The other members, however, weren’t so charitable. 

“Is he singing that song again?”

“Why is he so happy all the time?”

“I think he needs to be taken to a hospital.  Soon.”

“Somebody just.please.make.him.STOPPPP!!!!!!!”

             Of course, Junho wouldn’t listen and Junsu had to face the brunt of his brothers’ wrath in his efforts to smooth over the tensions.  Really, the things he would do for s.

“Where is she?”  It was the fourth time Junho peeked out into the audience. It was finally 2PM’s comeback performance in Korea and the apple of his eye, the one he invited and hoped to see the most was nowhere to be found. It was crazy outside.  Fans screamed at the top of their lungs as bodyguards tried to contain the crowd from ambushing the stage.  The chaos was not any better behind the stage.  Staff scrambled left and right as they tried to make last minute preparations and 2PM has quite conveniently lost hair pieces, rings, socks, and shoes 3 minutes before showtime.

Nobody answered poor Junho because they were ushered to their proper places.

The music started smoothly then slowly reached a crescendo.  The lights dimmed.  A single voice started rapping, his voice flowing like silk pumping up the adrenaline of everybody in the stadium.  The crowd went wild as the others joined in and the stage filled with girls in skimpy black outfits wearing silver masks.  The boys joined them and the roars of the Hottests filled the night.