It was clear to me that I'd never be able to tell them. Not my unnies, anyway. The maknae, maybe; but who knows how she would react. I can't say whether I've done a good job of it, or it was just dumb luck, but I've kept it from everyone for years, somehow. I'm lucky it's something I can hide. I know there are others who don't know how to control it. I've met a few like me before. It's always strange being around others who are like me. We're all wary of each other. I suppose it's a learned reaction. When you're different, you learn to be wary of everyone. Keeping this secret is eating me alive, though. It's becoming harder to keep it under wraps as time goes on. The more relaxed I am around the others, the harder it is to stay focused on keeping it hidden. I just need to remember there are others who have it worse than me. Who don't know how to hide it. I'm lucky. Yes. Keep thinking that. I wonder what will happen if they find out? If I tell them? Will they never trust me again, since I've hidden this from them for so long? This train of thought needs to stop. I've probably been in the shower for half an hour just thinking. I haven't even washed. “Damnit.” I'm usually quick in the shower, the others will know something's wrong if I keep this up. “Today is not the day for this. Get it together.”

After washing, shampooing, conditioning, and rinsing as quickly as I could, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I suppose I could have just left the shower, but I'm a neat freak. Not just about my surroundings but about myself as well. It's not OCD or something like the other members seem to think. I'll let them keep thinking that though. It's better than revealing the actual reason. I'm sure breakfast was getting cold so I'd just have to eat like this. “In a towel? Are you really gonna' do this?” I sigh and shake my head. Today isn't a day off (as if we ever get those, the president can be such a ) so I don't have time to stand around. I walked quickly to the kitchen and took a seat. There was a plate set out for me but no one seemed to be around. The table was empty besides my plate. The dorm was empty. Where was everyone? Had I really been in the shower that long? I shook my head and ate quickly. The food was cold and tasted sour. It occurred to me then that something was definitely wrong. What time was it? How long had I been in the shower? I set down my chopsticks and walked to the microwave to check the clock, but there's no way it was 12:75. That didn't even make sense. I shook my head and walked back to my room to get dressed and check my alarm clock.

Once in my room, I looked around carefully for anything out of place or out of the ordinary. I was very careful about who I let in here and could usually tell if something had been moved. Finding nothing wrong, I turned and locked my door, letting my towel fall to the floor. When I turned back around, I wasn't alone anymore. Why didn't I see her before? Why didn't I sense her presence? I quickly and awkwardly tried to cover myself, feeling my cheeks flush and my ears twitch. My ears? Oh god... no... anything but that. I immediately pressed my hands over my ears, feeling more exposed than I ever had in my life, and not because someone saw my body, no. It was my ears. It had to be my ears, didn't it? I was ed.

“S-Ssan... Ssan...” I couldn't even say her name. This was it. I had finally failed. I knew I couldn't hide it forever, but I had hoped to at least have a few more years with the group. This was my life. I didn't know where else to go. I needed them. “P-Please don't leave....” was all I could stutter out. I felt myself falling. I was passing out, wasn't I? Great. “Yah! How many times must I tell you-” and then her voice faded with my vision.

I was suddenly aware of something pressing down on me. “CL-Roo~! Wake up~! We have a schedule today.” She was sitting on me, trying to wake me up. Like every morning. My unnie was adorable. She... didn't run away? Why hadn't she run after she saw me? Oh god... she saw everything, didn't she... But then why is she trying to wake me like it's morning? I opened my eyes just barely to look up at her. “Unnie... w-what time is it?” I reached up to brush my hair out of my eyes and opened them wide, my blurry vision slowly focusing to reveal the smiling face of my best friend. “It's 6:30, CL-Roo~. C'mon, you need to get ready. We need to be in the van by 8!” I sighed and smiled, closing my eyes. It had been a dream. Relief washed over me. I felt so light and free. “It was a dream.” I said without realizing. I felt her weight roll off of me. Opening my eyes to see where she'd gone, I turned my head to find her laying next to me. “Did you have a bad dream, Chaerin-ah?” I smiled sadly and nodded, appreciative of her attention. She reached out and combed her fingers through my hair gently. I purred softly and she giggled, letting her nails rake over my scalp. My eyes shot open in realization. I had let my guard down. Did she know? I was beginning to panic when I heard her voice again. “You're like a little kitten, Chaerin-ah~, it's so cute.” I let out a long shaky breath, my muscles relaxing from the tension that had overtaken my body.

She doesn't know.

Good.