The morning was unusually warm today.

This time, I didn't wake up with the chilling shiver of my spine and the usual, cold goosebumps that would litter across my body, my skin weirdly pale against my tanned complexion. Today, I woke up as I always would and stetched my body out of habit. My muscles flexed and they seemed to click into place after a few seconds, like how my gun would after putting all the parts together to make a weapon of instant death.

My eyelids felt heavy and as I blinked the sleep away from my eyes, the sun still not up yet, something moved besides me. I froze at the movement and held my breath still.

 I didn't make a sound, nor did I move.

Instead, I just listened and could faintly pick up on peaceful breathing. I then realized how much more noisy it was in my solo tent and carefully, slow with my movements, I turned my head to my side.

A loft of brunette hair could be seen from underneath my thick covers and as I trailed my eyes from the bush of light brown hair down the tiny body towards the end of my make-shift bed, I saw a little foot stick out, laying limp from exhaustion. I took a deep breath to calm myself and looked back at the covered head, a bare arm laying above on my pillow.

I ran a hand through my knotted hair and shut my eyes tightly to try to remember.

I wondered.

Aimlessly, my mind decided to retrace its steps back from my dreams and back to yesterday night, the hazy memories of what stayed concealed flooding back at me like a giant wave. My head pulsed and I rubbed my temple back and forth.

What was it?

Think Yuri.

--

When I was young, I was told that I didn't look like I thought much of the things around me. Simply careless, they said and for a long time, I took what they had said to heart and spent most my young time doing the careless. I doubt I knew better back then and if I did, I was sure that I tried hard to block it out. Fitting in was the key to success in my town -every child was ignorant of what was around them anyway-, which now lays in ruins from the careful planning of tactics and the powerful blows of man's actual best friend.

Gunpowder.

Though I couldn't remember clearly, I could remember the fast blurs of my mother and father pulling me out of bed in the dead of night only to push me inside of the closet. They had warned me not to make a sound in a rush of words and sobs, and the last thing I saw before darkness closed on my face was the sorry faces of my parents.

Bittersweet really; they died.

My father had died a painful, quick death when the morning after, I opened the door to find him lying breathless near the enterance of our apartment. My mother had died a painful, slow and peaceful death years after, her heart tired and still burdened of the fact that her lover was gone and all she had left was a useless daughter, not even with a son who could have potenial to protect.

Gunpowder.

I could still feel the trembling of my mother's fingers in my hand as she took her last shaky breaths in this world. Her wide eyes, parted as her chest heaved heavily. If it weren't for my unwanted sobs, I swore we both could've heard how her heart was racing painfully to the finish line.

Mother was so excited to leave.

It hurt.

She was so happy to leave me in this world and reunite with father, and forget everything that happened in this life, which was me.

It hurt.

I wanted to remember all the good things that they had gave me. I really did.

It hurt.

I wanted to remember all of the good things that came with this life, me being alive and still here.

It hurt.

Gunpowder.

I opened my eyes to take in my surroundings of my tent once again.

Turning to my side, I my lips and took the blanket inbetween my fingers.

It hurts.

I pulled the blanket down to reveal a full head of brunette hair sprawled all over my plain pillow and saw bare, smooth shoulders geam back at me in a delicious gaze.

The body shifted, my bed creaked, a groan was given, and she finally opened her eyes.

 "Jessica."

I breathed.

I remembered.

---

There had been heat, burning flames that etched it's way deep down under my skin and had set my insides on fire. It was too impossible to stop it at that moment and I had given into the craziness of the situation. My mind was a stupid haze and I was a fool with power who had stepped over the lines and betrayed not only my authority, but myself.

How could've I been so selfish?

"Yuri-shi."

I knew she was hesitant of what to call me now.

She was awake and fully too.

Last night when she had no formalities with me was a huge mistake that I couldn't take back; we couldn't take it back.

So much regret filled this tent.

Jessica had gotten dressed and now sat at the edge of my foldable bed, shifting uncomfortable at my gaze on her. I didn't mean to stare, but after seeing all of her ,what could I do now? This was no place to be acting a fool and playing around like a game. I was no ordinary person anymore; I was in charge of over five hundred women who replied on me to keep their life safe, not at stake.

I didn't know what to say.

This woman...Jessica.

Oh what wrong I've done to her.

"I'm so sorry."

The words had made its way out of my mouth and Jessica flinched.

"No. It's okay."

Her voice was so timid and fragile; like glass, light crystal.

Guilt renched in my gut.

I walked towards her and kneeled on my knee, my boots crunching against pebbles and sand.

I needed to apologize to her.

"How can I ever be forgiven by you?" My tone had become soft and the words seemed to stumble out of my mouth awkwardly. I tried to hold her curious gaze as best as I can without looking away embarrassed and ashamed.

Then, with her small hands, the other cupped my slim cheeks and stared at me.

parted.

She answered me with a voice like a whisper.

"First, you should start eating more," A lone finger traced its way down my obvious jawline and I swallowed hard.

I nodded.

Jessica sounded so lonely.

"Then,"

She pulled me up to her sightline.

"I want you to kiss me again."

We connected.

And this time I was awake and conscious of my state of mind.

Trouble rumbled in the deepest depths of the future being.

***