When Minho left his house around nine pm, Jonghyun threw himself unceremoniously on his bed, letting out a deep sigh and closing his eyes. 
With his limbs splayed on the bed, his hand grabbed for his pillow and he stuffed it in his face as fatigue took over his body. Before his closed eyelids, the only images that appeared were from Kibum -- and Jonghyun wondered how it was possible to look even prettier up close.

He shivered, thinking back at the space that had been between them and how hard he had to fight the urge to fill it. He peeked out from under his pillow, raising his hand, the one that had held Kibum's, and intently looking at it. His heart beat increased a little as he could still feel the other's soft hand in his. The smile that appeared on his lips was pretty much inevitable and he found himself crushing on Kibum a little harder.

He stared at his fingers, sighing again when he thought about how perfect it would feel to have Kibum's intertwined with his. He wondered how it would feel, probably even softer than when they just shook hands. But how was that even possible ?
He raised his other hand and folded them. So this is how it would look like, he thought longingly.

He was glad that Minho had come over to do homework together, he was pretty sure that if his best friend hadn't helped him that evening he would've just neglected it like any other night where he would crawl into bed right after school and think about his crush. It was ridiculous how head over heels he was, it was absolutely ridiculous.

His mother had noticed, she had received a phone call from his teacher saying that her son hadn't been all too attentive in class, and he wanted to know if there was something going on that he had to take in consideration. You might never know with pupils, their bad grades could be bad because they were just lousy students, or maybe it had something to do with their home situation.

When his mother had told him that there was nothing going on in their household that could possibly affect Jonghyun's grades, they both confirmed that it had something to do with Jonghyun himself.
The sixteen year old had told his mother that it was nothing special, that school was just exhausting and that he was tired by the time he got home. But his mother knew better. Jonghyun wasn't tired, he was always all smiles and jumpy when he came back from school. He was glowing, she noticed, he was happy.

His father had noticed it, too. It wasn't fatigue, it wasn't exhaustion, everybody could see that Jonghyun had been acting different, his best friend too.
And when one day, his mother passed by his room and heard him singing some love song, she concluded that -- her son was in love.

The smile that bloomed upon her face was a soft, satisfied one, even though this crush of his caused many problems involving his grades.

Eventually, happiness comes first -- success just follows.

She immediately told her husband, and they both decided to ask Jonghyun about it during dinner. They knew it was none of their business, but they still had to have a serious talk about puberty and how it shouldn't be affecting grades. About how he had to find the balance between his own happiness and feelings -- and his priorities and duties.

When Jonghyun came down that day to eat dinner with his family, his parents were already waiting for him at the kitchen table. He could feel that there was something going on and he frowned, face still glowing because the love song he had been singing reminded him so much of Kibum and it did funny things to is brain.

His mother wanted to take it slow, but his father was more of a straight-to-the-point person, asking him from the moment he sat down on his chair, "Are you in love ?" taking him fully by surprise.

His eyes widened a little, a dumb "Uh--" leaving his lips as he shot his parents a questioning look.

"Are you ?" His dad pushed, ignoring his wife's harsh stare.

"Why do you ask ?" Jonghyun asked, sending both of them a suspiscious look. Sometimes he really wished his older sister still lived with them, she would've helped him out. It was also much easier to talk with her about his love problems or other puberty stuff. He decided he had to call her one of these days.

His dad kept staring at him, "Yes or no, Jonghyun-ah," His voice sounded sweet.

"Well, yes," Jonghyun admitted, shrugging and picking up his chopsticks, "is there a problem ?" He asked, poking the rice in his bowl before stuffing some in his mouth.
His mother smiled at him, a reassuring smile that said that there wasn't a problem but that they just needed to talk and Jonghyun frowned again. He watched as his father folded his hands neatly on the surface of the table, looking at Jonghyun in thought.

"Uhm, well, maybe that's the reason why you haven't been doing good in school lately," He said, carefully as to not anger the teenager. The last thing they wanted to end up with was a raging teen throwing one of those puberty fits.

Jonghyun frowned, looking down at his bowl as his mother took over the word.

"Jonghyun-ah, it's normal that you ... you know, don't really think about school when you're in love, but you should try to focus on your studies as well," She said sweetly, her husband nodding in agreement.
Jonghyun was kind of confused, was it that obvious that he was in love ?

He looked up at his parents, slowly chewing on his rice and swallowing thickly. He gave them a small, reassuring smile. "Okay,"
He didn't really know if "okay" was the answer his parents wanted to hear, but decided they'd just have to deal with it.  And they did, because his mother smiled at him proudly and his father hummed in satisfaction.

They ate in silence for a couple of minutes, until his mom stood up to get herself a cup of water and asked from the other side of the kitchen, "Say, who is this girl ?"

Jonghyun frowned, "What girl ?"

His parents gave him a confused look, "The one you like so much," His mother cleared up and Jonghyun's mouth turned into a perfect 'o'.
His thoughts went to Kibum for a split second, flat chest, short hair, boyish clothes ... Nope, that was definitely not a girl.

Thinking back at his crush made him blush and he tried to hide his smile but failed. His mom had by then already sat herself back on her chair, smiling at her son and sipping from her water. "You can tell us," She chuckled, bringing him back to reality and out of his daydream.

And without giving the blunt answer a second thought, he said, "He's a boy,"

-

"Sodam ?" Jonghyun asked hopefully, pressing his cellphone to his ear.
"Jonghyun-ah ? Hey, why are you calling ?" His sister's voice was sweet and soft and Jonghyun could tell she was happy he had called her.

"I just wanted to talk," He said casually, voice slightly muffled by his comforter. He was lying in bed, tucked under a pile of pillows and duvets because the day hadn't quite been the way he wanted it to be. First of all, his parents had talked to his teacher and told him that the reason why he hadn't been doing good in class was because he was in love. He swore he could strangle them when his teacher walked up to him that day smilingly, telling him that young love was beautiful but not worth destroying your future, or some like that. What happened to his privacy ? 

And second, Minho had broken his promise of coming home with him to make homework together because he had to attend some stupid birthday part of his cousin. It hadn't helped that Kibum wasn't at school today, probably because he was sick.

"You never call me just because you want to talk," Sodam chuckled and Jonghyun had to agree with her, he only called her when he had a problem or when he was in trouble and needed help.
"What's up, Jonghyun-ah ? You can tell me, you know that," She said reassuringly, her voice was calm and soft and it brought Jonghyun to ease.
He burried himself a little deeper under his comforter, letting out a mall sigh and closing his eyes, "I. I really like this. this boy and --"

"A boy ?" Sodam said incredulously, a bit loudly and it made her brother cringe. Why was everybody making such a big fuss about it ?
"I mean, I'm sorry Jonghyun-ah, just, are you serious ?" She said, trying to get her voice back to normal, "do mom and dad know about this already ?"

Jonghyun's face contorted at all the questions, shaking his head even though she couldn't see it. He felt lost.
"Yeah, I. I'm serious," He admitted truthfully, "and uh huh, I already told them,"

He heard Sodam gasp, "Noona, please calm down it's really not that big of a deal," He sighed, "mom and dad ... they were shocked at first but they're not mad, I think.

"Right. I'm sorry Jonghyun-ah, it's just ... surprising," She said, "but I'm happy for you, I mean, if you're happy, that is." 

"I am," Jonghyun said, only partially lying because at that moment, he wasn't happy at all. And he didn't know why, it had probably something to do with puberty. He sighed again.

"You don't sound happy," She said in a soft voice.

"It's just. I. I really like him, Sodam, he's perfect," Jonghyun admitted, voice cracking at the end of his sentence. A single tear escaped his eye.

"Then tell him," Sodam said.

"But how,"

--

It was a couple of weeks later and Jonghyun was desperate, desperate for Kibum. He needed him, he wanted him. His body was longing for him.
He wanted to confess, he really, really wanted to confess but it would be so awkward because they never really had a decent conversation. He didn't know anything about Kibum except for the things his friends had told him. He knew that his full name was Kim Kibum, he was fifteen years old and he liked to draw and paint. His friends who had P.E. with him told Jonghyun that he was always whining, others told him that all the teachers loved him because of his cute face. Most of his friends treated him like a baby, he was really close to one boy named Dongwoon. He was an only child that lived with two loving parents in a relatively big, modern house.

He wasn't really smart but he did get good grades because he studied very hard, he liked the colour blue,  he was a healthy boy despite him having a strong aversion towards sports and carrots, he loved cats, except for art he was also really interested in music and so on.

Okay, maybe he knew everything about him. But that was due to all the observation he did. (No. It wasn't creepy at all.)

He had been sitting on the floor of the corridor, leaning against the row of lockers behind him and watching Kibum talk with his friends. He had tried averting his eyes from the mesmerizing sight several times, but to no avail.
He watched Kibum flip his hair to the side, watched him laugh, watched him smile .... Everything about him was so beautiful, so pretty, why couldn't he be friends with him so that he could see all of it up close.

He also wanted to be able to randomly hug him, throw his arms around his tiny little frame and pull it to his chest. He wanted to know how it felt with the other's small and thinner body pressed flush against his. Would it feel warm ? Would he be able to feel his heart beat ?
He also wanted to kiss him on his cheek so carelessly like his friend had done in the cafeteria a few weeks ago. He wanted to talk to him, hear his laugh and witness his smile, smell his scent and touch his hand.

He wanted to know how it felt to be able to call Kibum his boyfriend. He would be so proud.

But he couldn't muster up the courage to do just that. Normally, when he wanted to confess to someone he asked his friends for back up or some tips. Minho would help him out and at the end of the day he'd always come home, telling his parents about his newly found girlfriend. It had only been two times that a girl had turned him down. He was scared that he would be turned down by a boy this time.

He didn't even know if Kibum liked him, sure they shared secret glances and smiles. But that didn't mean anything, right ?

"Hey man," A sudden voice interrupted him from his thoughts, looking up to see Minho staring down at him, "what are you doing here on the floor ?"
He asked and Jonghyun just shrugged, looking back at Kibum. He felt Minho sliding down to the spot next to him, placing the basketball he was holding in between his legs and supporting his arms on his knees.

"Where are you staring at," He asked his friend, bumping their shoulders together.

"Kibum," Jonghyun admitted truthfully, keeping his eyes trained on Kibum's body movements and how they were so graceful and elegant.

Minho let out a low chuckle, "Why," He asked, absentmindedly playing with the basketball between his legs.,
"Because he's pretty," Jonghyun said dryly, as if it was the most normal thing to say.

He felt his friend turn his head to him but he ignored it, too engrossed in Kibum's smile and body movements. He blushed, quickly looking down.

"Jonghyun," Minho began slowly, "that's really gay," He looked at Jonghyun disgustedly. Jonghyun winced.

What a nice friend.

"Are you gay ?" Minho said quickly before Jonghyun could respond.

"Does it matter ?" Jonghyun answered, turning his head to his friend so that they were facing each other. 

"Well, yea, kinda," He gave him a 'duh' face and when Jonghyun didn't respond he let out an amused laugh, "So ... you are gay," 

Jonghyun just shrugged, staring at his feet in thought, "What if I am," He said in a monotone voice, feeling how Minho's eyes were boring holes in the side of his head.
"I dunno," The other said softly, shrugging. He sounded unsure and a little lost and Jonghyun instantly felt guilty for putting his best friend in this awkward situation. Maybe he should've just kept his feelings to himself.

"I just thought ... you were, you know, for the ladies," Jonghyun sensed the hesitation in his friend's voice, not blaming him at all.
"I thought so, too," He said, looking back at Mino with a small smile.

"So," There was an awkward silence, "you like Kibum ?"

Jonghyun nodded slowly, looking back up to stare at the boy on the other side of the corridor. Kibum turned his head a little and looked at them.
Minho chuckled as Jonghyun began blushing heavily, quickly looking into another direction.

"He's getting red," His friend said with a smile and Jonghyun stomped him in the stomach, "I think he likes you too,"

There was another silence, "Oh ew what am I even saying," Minho quickly stood up, dusting off his P.E. shorts, "you know Jonghyun, you made our friendship really awkward now," 

Jonghyun stood up as well, raising an eyebrow, "What," He began, "are you scared I'm going to like you, because I promise I won't," He said, his face contorting at the mere thought. Minho narrowed his eyes, "I'm hot, okay" 

Jonghyun grinned, "For the ladies, maybe,"

There was a look of horror on his best friend's face for a second, but that quickly turned into a smile, "You , you know that," He slung his arm around Jonghyun's shoulders, pulling him to his side and walking away.

***