It was lunch time on Thursday and the third time I’d eaten spent that period with Ara Cha that week.  With all of the confused emotions stirring inside of me, I needed girl time and space between Youngmin.  Seriously, how could that kid mess with me so much?  I’d promised myself that I would never kiss anyone, but here he was almost doing it twice!  And that wasn’t even the scary part.

The scary part was that I was going to let him.  Okay, the first time I was totally messing with him, but the second?  That one left my mind and heart in a whirlwind.  Every time we talked, my heart would beat faster.  Whenever I looked at his eyes, I couldn’t pull my gaze away.  His voice, his touch, even his smell sent my heart aflutter.  My sketchbook diary was filled with his profile to the point that bordered on obsession. 

And no matter what I did, I couldn’t get him out of my head.

“Jin Haneul-ah?” a voice interrupted my scattered thoughts.

“Hm?” I asked, turning to Ara Cha. 

“Are you okay?  You seem kind of…distracted.”

I sighed, putting all of my emotions into that one exhaled breath.  Then I smiled at her.  “Yeah, of course I’m okay.  Like you said, I’m a bit distracted.  I have a track meet a week from Friday.  I guess I’m a little nervous.”

She gave me a hard look, analyzing my face.  “Liar.  What’s really bothering you?”

I bit my lip, contemplating.  I really wanted to tell Ara Cha, she was my best friend next to Youngmin, and I did need someone to talk to.  But the other girls were there as well and I didn’t want to reveal what was on my heart in front of them.  Ara Cha seemed to sense my hesitation and turned to the others.

“Do you guys mind if we leave first?” she asked kindly.  They motioned for us to go, obviously not aware of anything other than their conversation about something called Super Junior –whatever that was.  She led me out of the noisy cafeteria and to a deserted classroom, shutting the door for privacy.

“Okay, spill it,” she ordered, folding her arms.

I sighed again, collapsing in a desk, my face in my hands.  “I almost kissed him.”

All was silent and I could mentally see the shocked, wide eyes on her face as understanding dawned on her.  And then…

“MWO?  Are you serious?  When?  Where?  Younmgin-oppa?  Wait, almost?”  Ara Cha exploded.

Sullenly, I lifted my head and looked at her.  “The first time was…”

“The first time?!”

“Would you let me finish?  The first time was on Saturday when he took me home after our…study session.”  Since Monday, Ara Cha had been filled in on the details all the way up to the point where Youngmin took me home.  She didn’t know what had happened at my door and I took this time to tell her.

“So you didn’t kiss him?  Jin Haneul-ah!  He practically begged you to kiss him and you !  How could you?”  Ara Cha looked at baffled as I felt.

I shrugged glumly.  “I didn’t want to ruin what we have and since he’d been teasing me all that day, I thought a little revenge was in store.  But he’s just been clingier.”

“Okay, fine.  I’ll let you go just this once, but you said that was the first time.  Does that mean there was a second?”  Her eyes were alit with excitement.

I nodded, looking down at my hands folded on the desktop.  “The second almost kiss was on Monday during lunch.  He took me to the greenhouse.  It’s kind of become our spot since no one bothers to go there most of the time.”  Surprisingly, I didn’t feel afraid to disclose this piece of information to Ara Cha.  I guess I trusted her more than I myself knew.  “He had brought me a vase of lily flowers.  White ones.  They’re my all time favorite flower and he remembered that from the first time he took me there.  I was just so excited and happy to see them, but I was even happier that Youngmin had remembered and gotten them for me.  I don’t know what came over me, but I hugged him and couldn’t let go.”  I smiled a little to myself at the memory.  “And then… well, I guess we were both caught up in the moment and he just kinda leaned in, and I really thought he was going to kiss me.  And I was going to kiss him back.  I knew I was going to, but then the bell rang and we had to make it to class.”

Ara Cha gaped at me.  “I can’t believe it.  That stupid bell!  I’m going to smash it!  Give me a hammer.”  She started searching to room, as if the tool would magically appear in front of her.  Surprised at this violent streak in my friend, I stood up and rushed over to her, placing my hands on her shoulders to still her.

“It’s okay,” I assured.  “I’m actually glad that the bell rang.  I mean, who knew what would have happened if it hadn’t cut us off just in time?”

“What would happen?” she nearly shrieked.  “I’ll tell you what would have happened!  You would have kissed and you two would be dating right now instead of avoiding each other!”

I gaped at her, dropping my hands.  “We are not avoiding each other.  We walk to school every morning, we still sit talk to each other between classes.  He walks me home from track.  Everything is just the way it should be.  Jo Youngmin and I are only friends, and I want to keep it that way.”

“Jin Haneul,” Ara Cha sighed, speaking as if she were talking to a small child.  I didn’t even notice that she left off the honorific.  “Have you even noticed the awkward tension between you guys?  I wasn’t going to mention it because I know you like your space, but I can’t stand this anymore.  You need to tell Youngmin-oppa how you feel.”

I groaned.  “That’s just it!  I don’t know what I feel.  I- I think I like him, but just because I might like him doesn’t mean he’s going to accept it or feel the same way.  Besides, even by some miracle we do start dating.  What happens six months down the road when he realizes that he’s bored of me and wants someone new, someone prettier, someone who looks like him?”

Her eyes widened and I finally heard what I’d said.  I looked away from her.  “Jin Haneul?” her voice was soft and empathetic.  “Are you insecure because you don’t look like everyone else?”

I didn’t move, didn’t speak, but my silence was my answer.  She threw her arms around me in a comforting hug.  “Oh, Jin Haneul, why are you so upset about that?  You are beautiful and perfect just the way you are.  Why would you ever think differently?”

You’d think that someone in this situation would start crying, or at least begin sniffling.  Not me.  My eyes remained dry, any tears that were once there long ago used up and evaporated away.  “All my life since I was six I’ve lived with people who looked differently than me.  Umma and Appa adopted me when my biological parents were no longer there.  They are Korean born and the only reason why they came to the US is because of Appa’s job.  We lived there longer than they thought we would, and when Appa was given the opportunity to move back here, obviously he took it.  But now, my different-ness is more apparent everywhere I go.  I’m always reminded that I don’t belong, no matter how much I feel as if I do or as much as I want to.”

I heard a sniffle and looked up at Ara Cha who had tears streaking her cheeks.  My heart broke.  “Ara Cha, mianhae, I didn’t meant to make you cry.”  I tried to smile for her, knowing I failed miserably.  “Come on, Ara Cha, dry those things and smile for me.”

She wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hand and smiled at me with glistening eyes.  I nodded my head approvingly.  “That’s more like it.  That’s the Ara Cha I know.”  I made my way over to the door.  The girl stopped me before I could reach it, holding me back.

“Jin Haneul,” she said quietly.  “If you ever need someone to talk to, you know you can always come to me, right?  And no matter how different you may feel or look, you are just like everyone else inside.  Maybe even better.”

I smiled softly at her.  “Thank you, Ara Cha.  That means a lot to me.  Now, I need to go get some books from my locker and class will start soon.  Do you want to come with me?”

She nodded eagerly, but sorrow and sympathy still emanated from her.  My heart broke again.  I can’t believe I broke my promise not to put my troubles on to anyone else.  I was only supposed to tell her about Youngmin!  I sighed inwardly, knowing I can’t undo what happened, so I decided to make the best of it and move on, hopefully able to make Ara Cha forget about the conversation in this classroom.  

We finished the distance between us and the door and as I opened, I noticed a cheeky smile forming on my friend’s lips.  “So, when are you going to kiss Youngmin-oppa?” she asked.

I gave a short chuckle, pushing against her shoulder.  “I can’t believe you.”

Little did I know, as the two of us slid into the crowded hallway, that someone had been outside the door, listening to our conversation and now made himself blend in with the mass of students filing to class.

Anyeong lovelies! Another update, and so soon too! You can thank Youngminlynnx3 and 2yendis for that. Youngminlynnx3, thank you for not only commenting, but also subscribing! That makes 10 now! It totally made my day and gave me the motivation to write more. And 2yendis, thank you so much for being a faithful supporter and commenting every chapter! It totally makes my day every time!

How did this chapter go over with you all? A bit disappointed that she didn't share this bit with Youngminn? I know I was when I wrote it, but it just came out that way! But don't worry, Youngmin is to return in the next chapter :)

So, no one guessed the trend in the titles. Is it really that hard to figure out or is it that you guys just don't want to put forth the effort? Do you just want me to tell you?

Okay, a show of hands, who all is getting sick of the fluff? I don't want to be redundant with reoccuring fluff, but I just love it so much! Give me some feedback! I love constrcutive criticsm as much as I love praise :)