“Do you still remember when I sulked because you refuse to dance with me in a ball? Instead, I danced with Kris ! And…and… I still keep the birthday present. Look!” I held up a Panda flush toy. I held back my tears. I tried to smile. Tao must be really sad to see I’m unhappy. “I..I…I still remember you like to drink Starbucks coffee. And.. You know I don’t always prefer the coffee. Remember when you bought me that Mocha? I was really hyper because of that drink. Remember when I said, I don’t like aegyo? You always do that bbuing bbuing! It…it..was scary…but still cute.” I wiped my tears with a handkerchief that has a panda cartoon drawing on it. It was given by Tao, too when I lost my handkerchief. I wiped my reddened nose with the back of my hand. My lips were trembled but I tried my best to smile.

 “You should have told me… Who am I to you?!!” I stared while shaking his shoulder. He grew thinner since he was diagnosed with lung cancer. His bright charming eyes were damp; his plump lips had turned pale. He never told me, maybe never think of it. Perhaps it is my fault not to try to find out. I put the blame on myself. “Su-yee, we are in his ward, not his home. Calm down” Kris held my arm and rubbed my back gently.  I looked at them both. My eyes were filled with rage and tears. “I’m sorry, Su-yee. I just knew it…and I asked Kris gege to…” Kris shot him a look. I knew it even before he voiced them out. “JUST SHUT UP, TAO. I’m meaningless to you.” I cried and beating myself mentally.  Kris hugged me from the back. It was such a dark situation. I looked away avoiding his face. “Su-Yee, I have something to show you”, he said and showed his trademark bbuing bbuing. His bbuing bbuing was really weak, but I pretended to like it. Then, I shoved off from the room without Kris to let Kris talked to him.

 “Tao, suddenly I remembered something again and it’s surely made me laugh!” I said, with a bright smile, and I wiped my wet cheeks. I almost giggled but it turned to be hiccup from the crying waste.

It was one of another weekend, bright sunshine heat up our atmosphere. Kris, Tao and I were at an amusement park. “Waaaaa!!! Look so exciting!!” I clung onto Tao’s long arm and leaned my head onto it. I let him led me. I looked at Kris, he was totally emotionless. I wondered what was on his mind. “Kris gege, smile a bit! You will look more handsome!” I praised him hoping he will smile. “Kris gege, stop acting cool” Tao murmured. Kris shot him a look. “I didn’t”, he remarked.  “Then let’s go to the Haunted House ! It would be interesting !”, I shrieked but Tao’s bright expression faded.  Kris calmed Tao down. In the Haunted House, Tao was holding onto me and keep squeezing my hand until we got out. I laughed at Tao’s face expression; his face was white, pale and his signature panda eyes came out. “Baby, I didn’t know you are afraid of ghost”, Tao pulled away from me and hugged Kris.

 “Tao.. It’s just a… fake ghost”

“They look so real ! AHH!!”

“Tao.. It’s not real.”

“They touched me! NO!! Gege, I can feel them. THEY ARE REAL!”

“Err.. Su-Yee, go buy him something to eat” Kris ordered and I ran off to buy some food. I saw Kris was hugging Tao and rubbed his back gently to calm him down.

When I came back, Tao was back to his sense. “Tao baby, here.. Your favourite coffee” I handed him a coffee drinks. He sipped it by the straw and planted a kiss on my cheek.  “Eww what is that?! It’s sticky, Tao!” I whimpered. Tao laughed at my reaction. “That’s called, COFFEE KISS” He smirked. Kris rolled his eyes.

“Your face was totally white. Same as when I last saw you…I’m sorry Tao. I couldn’t….Tskk..” I cupped my mouth from sobbing even more. Cold breeze blew up and flew my hair from covering my wet cheeks. “Remember? You were not handsome at all. You were weak ! Lying on the bed and begging for me!” I was holding my tears from falling.

Just after Kris got out from his ward, Tao’s parents came from China entered the ward with the doctor. We couldn’t let ourselves to watch him dying and it should be that way since we weren’t allowed to enter the ward. After a few minutes, the doctor came out with a dark expression, and followed by Tao’s parents with almost-same expression. I knew it. “Miss Kway, Mr Wu, I’m sorry.” The doctor tapped our shoulders with both of his hands. I kneeled down, without blinking my eyes. I lost him. God let me borrow Tao for only one year and He took him back. *Tao, I haven’t had enough of your love* I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer as I saw his parents were sobbing over his death. If only I knew it would turn like this, I won’t even hurt him and I will keep smiling for him although I knew I’d lose him. I stood up, glanced at Kris. He remained cold but more silent. I couldn’t see his tears. I ran towards Tao’s parents and hugged both of them. “I’m sorry, Su-Yee. I should have told you. But Tao…” His mother couldn’t continue her words. Kris came over and hugged both of them too. Soon, Tao’s mother gave us two letters for us respectively. “Tao wanted you guys to read this. Please consider the content of this letter as his last wish. Please. I trust you, Kris and Su-Yee.” Mrs. Huang said before left.