“Hey, Hyesung hyung,” I barely took my eyes away from the screen while my hands stayed glued to the controller. “Where’s Andy?”

It was one of those rare occasions that we could meet. Andy had been released from the military for a precious three-day break, and Eric had enthusiastically volunteered Hyesung’s home to be the place of our little get-together.

It had been a few months since we last saw each other, but our thirteen-year friendship allowed us to pick up from where we last left off.

After some quick small talk, Minwoo and I had started setting up the video games while Hyesung and Dongwan had decided to make something to poison us—uh, I mean, something to eat.

In the middle of our fourth game and yet another argument in the kitchen, I had realised that Andy was missing. He was sitting on the couch right behind me just a minute ago, I was pretty sure.

Hyesung’s voice came floating out of the kitchen, along with a strong sesame smell. “Mm? Isn’t Andy outside? He might be in my room.”

“Ya, Jung Pilkyo! That’s too much!” I heard Dongwan shouting from the kitchen.

“Go check my room, Jinnie! And what do you mean ‘too much’? There’s no such thing as ‘too much’ sesame, okay, Kim Dongwan!”

After I had beaten Minwoo (once again), I threw my controller to Eric and said, “I’m gonna go look for Andy.”

“Ahh, for what?” Eric asked, immediately caught up with the game. “He’s probably just...” He trailed off as even he couldn’t think of what our maknae could be doing at this moment.

I walked down the long hallway and stopped in front of the door of Hyesung’s bedroom. I could hear the faint sound of a song coming from inside.

Slowly cracking the door open, I stepped into darkness.

The only thing that lit up the room was the television that was showing, as I soon realised, our 10th anniversary concert.

My eyes trailed down, and there on the floor sat Andy with his head tilted up towards the screen. He was curled up into a ball, his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. He was sitting a little too close to the television. I heard his soft, trembling voice singing along to the chorus of “T.O.P.,” the performance that was currently playing.

His back was facing me. He hadn’t even noticed that there was someone else in the room.

I quietly made my way towards him and stood just a few feet behind him.

After the song ended, Andy sighed. Maybe it was my loud breathing, but he suddenly turned around and jumped when he saw me.

“Oh,” He awkwardly fumbled with the remote control and hurriedly turned the television off. “Oh, you’re here, Jin hyung?”

He looked me in the eyes for a few seconds before looking down at his feet, embarrassed.

I sat down on the floor beside him and reached over for the remote. “Why’d you turn it off?” I asked and turned the DVD back on. “Only One” had just ended, and our debut song “Resolver” was beginning.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, simply taking in everything that was playing on the screen. It had been our ten-year anniversary concert, our biggest achievement to date. All the sweat and tears seemed to be leading up to this one concert. As Andy and I sat on the floor of Hyesung’s bedroom watching all of these memories again, it felt as though we were reliving these greatest moments of our lives.

“I miss being in Shinhwa, Choongjae hyung.” Andy suddenly said.

I looked at him. He was still staring at the television, but his face showed an unspoken pain that I rarely saw on Andy. “Well... I miss performing too, Andy.” I replied.

He slowly turned towards me. “No... I mean, I really miss being in Shinhwa.”

I had known what he meant the first time he said it. I knew he didn’t mean performing. I knew it had been hard on him. While the rest of us could easily meet up because we weren’t bounded to the military, Andy could only see us once in every few months. While we were laughing and drinking until dawn, Andy was probably lying on his hard bed. While the rest of us had each other, Andy was alone.

He missed the stage of Shinhwa, of course, just as we all do; but I knew that the friendship of Shinhwa meant more to him than the stage; and it was a luxury that he could no longer afford to enjoy.

I didn’t have a reply for him, but he looked as though he didn’t need one. His interest was back on the concert. “Eusha Eusha” was on now.

“Hyung...” he began again, after a few moments of silence. “Do you think that I will ever perform these songs again?”

Shocked, I answered, “Of course! What are you even saying?”

“I don’t know... This,” he pointed at the screen which was showing “I Pray 4 U.” “This just seems like such a long time ago. It almost feels like a dream... something that never even happened.”

“But it did, Andy.” I said firmly. “It did, and you know that.”

He sighed. “Yes... I do. But everything is so different now. It isn’t the same life that I had lived. Reality... reality is different.”

We both turned towards the television together, just in time to catch the scene of the orange sea of glow sticks. ...our orange sea.

“What if we never get to see that again?” Andy asked. “What if... we never come back?”

I knew that another far more important question than this was in the back of his mind, one that he was probably too afraid to ask. Then he opened his mouth again.

“What if the six of us never...” Andy trailed off, not daring to continue further.

There. He finally voiced out his fear.

“Well,” I started, my eyes still watching as the orange lights moved in unison to the beat of the music. “We promised them, didn’t we?”

Andy nodded as the screen changed to show the six of us in a group hug. He gazed at the scene with wide eyes.

I pulled him into my arms.

“And I promise you.”