The following day was a school day. The usual habit I do every Mondays was to go there earlier than the others and secretly take pictures of the school. I would find blooming flowers, newly watered plants, tall trees with birds perched on it, and the calm, undisturbed ambiance of the school. I would take pictures of them with my camera, and then I would only stop when many students are already present in school.

After I entered the gates with my backpack, I immediately walked towards the enormous quadrangle located at the back of the school. It is used for soccer practices, so it is carpeted with grass. I thought it would be nice to take pictures of the clouds there during mornings, since the sun haven’t shone fully yet. And also, it’s a huge open space, perfect for sky-watching. As I aimed my camera up, and peeked on it as I adjust the zoom, I heard a voice coming from my back. I was slightly startled, since his voice sounded so calm. I even thought it was a teacher, so I quickly hid my camera before I’d get busted.

“Nice view, huh?” He spoke again and I turned around, only to find a familiar-looking student guy smiling at me. He has only one strap of his backpack slung on his shoulder and a hand slid inside a pocket. He’s in his school uniform, with his black hair looking disheveled yet stylish. He was somehow familiar, but I know I haven’t seen him or met him.

“Why are you here?” I asked, concealing my camera behind me. My face displayed an anxious expression, because this might be the end of my picture-taking inside the school during mornings.

“Relax.” He uttered. He must have noticed my expression. “I’m not going to tell anyone about you and your camera. To be frank, I’ve always seen you with it during mornings, and I guess you’re glued to it too much.” He added. I felt a huge relief and stopped hiding my camera. I reached for my backpack and kept my camera inside before I wore it again.

“Thanks for keeping this a secret.” I said and began walking away. Upon passing beside him, he held my arm and pushed me back infront of him.

“So tell me. Did you sleep well after last night’s happening?” He asked, his eyes looking straight at me. I was dumbfounded. How did he know… that something happened? I freed my arms from his grip, taking few steps backward to face him properly.

“What happened?” I asked, playing innocent. Maybe he just mistook me for some other girl.

“A gang attacked you. And someone saved you.” He answered unhesitatingly. I remained silent, looking for words that I should say to him. This guy knows too much for me to handle. And I think the best way I could shoo him away is to deny everything.

“You’re lying.” I told him, acting like nothing happened. But he chuckled.

“You really don’t remember me?” He asked. I stared at him for a moment, but I could remember nothing of him. Why do it seem like he knows a lot about me?

“Maybe because my voice calmed, because I’m not mad anymore.” He whispered, audible enough for me to hear. With what he said, I began wondering. Voice calmed? Not mad anymore?

I heard him sigh.

“I’m not lying. You’re the one who’s lying. How can nothing happen last night when I’m the one who saved you?” He told me. My eyes widened, surprised. For a moment, I felt my whole body paralyzed, and mortified. The guy who saved me… the heart-shaped birthmark… last night… I felt my mind spinning. I was confused. I looked at him, memorizing his face slowly.

“Give me your right hand.” I commanded him, knowing it will confirm my thoughts. Without hesitation, he showed it to me. And right there, on his wrist, I saw the same birthmark I saw last night and few years ago. It proves that he was the same guy who has been showing up ever since.

“Tell me, have we met before last night?” I asked him, and surprisingly, he nodded.

“Years ago." This stunned me. "On a Digital and Photography shop, shortly after father died. I yelled at you for wanting to buy a camera.” He told me, and by looking at his eyes I couldn’t read what was on his mind.  

“Why… did you show up here?” I asked him, trying to figure out what could he possibly want to me.

“To get my reward for saving your life.” He smirked. I felt irritated. Even though he saved my life, I don’t want to obey anything he’ll ask. Maybe it’s something I couldn’t do, and I won’t want to disappoint him. So I decided to run away even before he could stop me, just like our first meeting.

 

***

 

Few hours later, during our recess, I was in an empty and slient lockers hall to arrange my things. I afterwards closed my locker, finished with what I’m doing. Just as I turned around, I was surprised seeing that guy again, patiently waiting behind me.

“Hi.” He greeted with a smile. I decided to ignore him and walked my way to the cafeteria for some food. But he was silently following me behind. I got irritated halfway through and finally stopped to face him, who was looking all innocent. I could not simply deal this guy ‘cause he’s someone not easy to deal with. The worse was he’s someone who goes to the same school with me, so there’s no way to escape. I could not read his mind, and what he wants from me.

“Can you please stop following me?” I asked. But he shrugged his shoulders. I continued to walk, my face grimaced. But then I still felt he’s still following me so I stopped again, faced him.

“Okay, tell me how you can stop following me.” I told him.

“Oh,” He uttered, before smiling. “I’ve thought of it this morning. Because I saved your life, I want to be your friend.” He told me. I could not believe this. Years ago, he asked me the same question. Though I turned him down, he still persists on the same thing?

“Sorry, that’s one thing I could not do.” I answered him and continued to walk, deciding to ignore him. When I entered the cafeteria, for a moment I felt he was gone from my behind. I felt relief, knowing he already got what I meant. Upon getting my food, I looked for an empty small table to sit and eat my foods alone. But the moment I sat down there, few minutes after, the guy showed up infront of me and without asking my permission, he sat on the chair infront. I grew annoyed.

“You’re not allowed to sit with me.” I told him and stood up. But he pulled me back to sit down.

“Have you thought of the answer? Are you now my friend?” He asked. Thinking it would be hard to make him stay away from me, I gave a sigh, giving up. He’s just one person, right? Just one person.

***

 

And after school, I had finally thought about it through the day. I decided to agree to be his friend, but it must be kept only between us, no one should know. Or else I’ll be dead meat to my parents. The reason I agreed was I think God gave me a chance to have a friend when he asked me years ago. And now, I think God is giving me a second chance. I thought I should not let this moment pass, so I could experience having someone to talk to. After school, I met him at the gates and told him my answer, and told him my rules. He agreed it must be kept secret.

 

Since then, I felt my life had changed. Lu Han did not only become my friend, but also my protector. I learned he’s living in the same neighborhood, so we’d walk home together and at the same time, so I could be safe. His mother is at abroad, so he’s living with his grandparents. With him, I would forget I have an ailment and enjoy every minute of my life.

We would always eat at the cafeteria during breaks and lunch, and we would often hang out in school. During mornings of first school day of the week, Lu Han would accompany me around school as I take pictures. And at those times we were together, he had told me a lot about his life. He’s a senior student, class C on the third building far from mine. He’s also a bad boy at night, who would often go clubbing and gets into fights because of his aggressive attitude. He belongs to a gang, and he told me the gang who I encountered was one of their arch-nemesis. He would be into fist fights, but because he’s skilled fighter, he’d never get bruised. And he never cared about his grades. Because of this, I would always review with him when exams are near, so he’d not fail. And surprisingly, his grades improved little by little.

He had also told me about his father, who was a photographer. He died while on his way to a photoshoot location. Ever since, he disliked photography, even the camera. It would remind him of his father’s work, which killed him. And he had told me about his unique birthmark, that heart-shaped one. He said his mother, who’s currently working abroad, told him he’s special because of it.

We became good friends, of course secretly. It was nice being around him, someone I could laugh and spend time with. Besides being with school at him during the day, I would sometimes sneak out during nights to go clubbing with him. Doing this, I realized life is not dull and boring. There was this other side of life I’m forbidden, yet I could be happy. And I’ve seen it because of him.

I could finally say I didn’t regret befriending him.

 

As time pass, I realized one thing. I was slowly falling in love with him, without knowing. Looking back, every time I spent with him was special. I felt happy, contented, and I felt like a normal girl living her life happy. But he’s my only friend. Should I risk my feelings for him? He maybe my only friend, and I fail, it might make a much lonelier than I was at first. I kept my feelings hidden, and continued to be happy with him.

My belief to prince charming came back. He might be the prince charming I’ve been waiting for. The one out of the million, who’s only destined for me.

 

I thought my feelings would be hidden forever. I thought it would be concealed by my fear, until one day. It was after school, and as usual I would meet him up the gates. We walked home together but it was in silence. I don’t know why, but it seemed like an awkward time for us. To fill the silence, I took out my camera from my bag and decided to take pictures of the route, and few pictures of Lu Han being in silence. He didn’t seem to mind it, but instead it seemed like he was thinking about something deeply. Bothering him would be plain rude so I decided to keep my mouth shut.

 Just as we arrived the front of my home, he faced me, and as usual, I couldn’t read what was on his mind when I look at him.

“Hye Mi…” He uttered my name, and I kept silent, waiting for what he’s about to say next.

“I’ve been thinking a lot today and…” He seemed to be lost in words, but I waited patiently, looking at him with a tight smile on my lips.

“I hope you don’t get mad.” He whispered and suddenly, he leaned forward, his lips pressing unto mine for a brief moment. I was surprised, and I felt like panicking. I do not know what to do.

“Please be my girlfriend.” He said next.

With those simple words, I felt happiness. I’ve never felt this before. With him, I realized that life has more things in store for me rather than being reserved, staying away from people.

I do not know if I broke any rules now, but without hesitations, I hugged him and gave him my sweet answer. The most memorable moment of my life. The prince charming I’ve been waiting for. The one thing I believed that will be the greatest experience before I die.

***

Ever since we became couples, I began experiencing new more things. I’ve been often sneaking out to join him in clubbing, and without knowing my grades were gradually becoming low. Thinking about it, I’d rather have a low grade and live my life to the fullest than being kept inside my room with good grades like I had. Trading my grades for Lu Han, I kept this from him as a secret. I did not let him know how I was doing in school. It might disappoint him, so I kept it within me.

 

I thought I would continually sneak out secretly, but my parents had found out. They were furious for what I did, and they had already learned about my low grades. With this, they became stricter, putting difficult padlocks in each door to make sure I’m at home during night. So I had no choice but to quit sneaking out. Even so, I had difficulty in getting back my good grades. With my parents knowing this, they were even more disappointed.

 

Our relationship was full of ups and downs. Though we would fight, we would reconcile quickly. We were too in love with each other to break up. With this, we had no reason to break up. And seeing us like this, I became even more positive in my belief that Lu Han, my boyfriend, is the one and only man destined to make me happy.

On our monthsary, during the winter break, I took him along with me on grocery shopping. Though he doesn’t like to come, he forced himself to, to keep me company in case something happens. I found that sweet, making me happy that he’s the boy I’m in love to.

And since it was our monthsary, I decided to give him a little something I saved up for. It’s a digital, small camera. I know he won’t like it, and I did not have any bad intentions in giving it to him. But I want him to embrace something he could not, like what he did to me. I want him to do the same with me, to capture every moment we have.

Between our grocery shopping, I stopped, holding the handle of the cart infront of me. He stopped too, and looked at me.

“Something’s wrong?” He asked. I took the gift out of my bag and gave it to him. A smile formed on his lips, and it made me happy as well. He opened it, and when he realized it was a camera, his smile faded into a tight smile.

“You know I don’t like cameras.” He told me. I held onto the handle tightly, biting my lower lip.

“I know. But could you atleast give it a try? You knew I dislike having friends at first, but then you forced me. Now I’m forcing you.” I told him. He fell silent, staring at the camera.

“Can you do it for me?” I asked him. He looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. Then he took the camera, turning it on.

“Ah, which reminds me!” I took out my camera, the canon-like zoom infront already replaced with a smaller one. I decided to take a selca myself, as a remembrance of my first grocery shopping with Lu Han. But then as I took my selca, I saw a flash coming from Lu Han. I looked at him after I kept my camera again, puzzled.

“Did you take a picture of me?” I asked him, and he nodded his head with a smile. He gave me the camera and made me look at the picture he took.

“Wow, you’re a lot of potential. The photo looks pretty nice.” I complimented him, and he scratched the back of his head with a hand, with a sheepish smile forming on his lips. I gave him back the camera and he kept it inside his pocket.

“Let’s go.” He uttered. I held his hand as we continued walking.

 

***

I spent Christmas with him at his home, because my parents were on out-of-town trip that time. I lied to them that I could take care of myself. They wanted me to come, but I lied and told them it would be bad for my heart. I lied, so I could spend my First Christmas with Lu Han. It was happy getting to know his other family members, and the acceptance they made me feel was nothing compared to anything.

And I thought I would eternally be happy.

 

Not too long after Christmas, my parents found out about Lu Han. They became even more furious than the first, but surprisingly they told me they would not do anything to Lu Han and I. They told me that I would regret having him as my boyfriend, and for keeping such secret from them. But I ignored all of them. Knowing they would leave us alone is enough for me to be happy with him.

***

On New Year’s eve, we went to mall to see the fireworks display, more like our last date for this year. As we watched, we cuddled in each other’s arms, the fireworks illuminating our faces. They were of different colors, attractive and fun. A year passes by, and I’m still with Lu Han. Living like this, here in this planet, with the people and things I had learned to love, it makes me wish death was still million of years away from me. But when death does come, seeing the destined one for me, I think it’ll be a happy one for me.

Later on, we decided to walk home. On the same shallow road, a seemingly never-ending rain poured down heavily. But we didn’t have any place to run for a shelter, or an umbrella to protect us. So we didn’t mind the rain and continued walking, our hands intertwined. The streetlights were barely illuminating the place and the silence that eloped the aura seemed so right. It was an almost empty road but with two people, both of us. Few light rays hit us, making our silhouettes visible from afar.

But few moments later, halfway through the road, Lu Han stopped and faced me. I faced him too, wondering what was wrong. He let go of my hand. I was standing like a statue. He was looking straight into my eyes, his facial expression unreadable. He heaved a sigh before speaking.

 

“Hye Mi. Let’s break up.” He said. I was speechless for a moment, and I thought what I heard was wrong.

“What?” I played along. A moment of silence passed.

“It’s over.” He smirked, finally breaking our silence. He told me ‘it’s over’ so quickly, like we just played a game and I lost.

“What? But… Lu Han… why?” I was so confused. We were a sweet couple earlier and all of the sudden, we broke up? Was it the rain?

“You have an ailment, right?" He utterred bluntly, which led me into being immobilized with fear. "I couldn’t marry someone like you. My life wouldn’t be happy with you. And I could live a so much better life without you, so let’s just break up.” He continued, without even considering my feelings. He called it quits between me, and walked away without regret. His face, his gestures and his words were like spears stabbed into my soul. He knew about my ailment, yet he didn’t accept who I am. It’s like he doesn’t really love me. It’s like he’s not Lu Han anymore. It’s like I do not know him anymore. He didn’t care.

I wanted to ask so many questions to him, but I was too hurt to speak. Being left alone, my shoulders shook and I covered my face with my hands. Tears finally escaped from my eyes, streaming down. I felt numb and weak in pain. I was too hurt to walk. My knees felt shaking and suddenly, I knelt down, still crying.

 

I thought he was my prince charming? I thought we’ll live a happily ever after? I guess I didn’t look forward to this, because we felt so perfect. I thought he’s the one, the only one for me?

 

***

Since that day, I’ve began looking forward for my death soon. I want to leave this world soon. I have no reason to live anymore. I was too caught up with my belief that I didn’t even realize we could possibly end like this. I thought love was all about happiness? I guess I was too naïve to know. I was too caught up by those fairytales and romance books that I read, that I thought when we’re together, we would last forever.

 

I guess I was wrong. Maybe he’s not my prince charming after all. I was wrong about believing he’s the only one for me. He’s not anymore.

Ever since our break-up, it couldn’t be harder than I thought. Seeing him first thing in the morning, bumping by him at school, walking home alone,  it was hard for me to see his face, the man whom I thought was for me. Everything reminds me of him; those times we spent together, the jokes he made me laugh, the cafeteria table he first sat with me and others. This made me a lot furious. So instead of letting them all out, I vented my anger in my studies. I studied hard, knowing that if I live a successful life, I could look down on him someday, making him sorry that he let go of me.

After he graduated, we didn’t see each other anymore. It was our end, and also a new start for me.

I pushed myself far enough until I became a successful photojournalist.

 

But everything, it was years ago. Though the breakup happened a long time had passed, I still don’t know why I couldn’t erase that memory of him.

 

And right now, I’m lying to my deathbed, waiting for my end.

 

I opened my eyes, seeing myself back inside my room, on my hospital bed. I travelled back to my past for a brief moment yet it seemed like a long time ago. I did live my life well, I told myself. And looking back, reminiscing those times Lu Han gave me, I feel like I was ready to forgive him.

The tranquil aura of the room was disturbed when I heard the creak of the door, opening. I thought it was my parents, who came back home to bring me all those pictures I took years ago, compiled in an album. But it wasn’t my mom, or my dad, but a tall man in a black polo and skinny jeans, with his Rayban shades on. Without telling me who he is, he closed the door and sat on the chair beside me. I watched him carefully, thinking if he’s someone I know, or someone from my relatives, or just some guy who got into a wrong room.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Who are you?” I ignored his question, but demanded his identity. I saw him smile.

“I’m someone you know long ago.” He told me. With confusion, I dug up on my mind, thinking if he’s some photojournalist I met along my job, or some Editor-in-Chief who’s chasing after me to work with them. But I'm positive he's someone whom I haven't met yet.

“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I don’t remember you.” I told him. But after a few moment of silence, he took out something from his pocket and gave it to me. I held it and looked at it.

 

It was a picture. A girl, looking all happy with her smile, amid the problems in her life. No one but me, few years ago, taking a selca in the middle of the grocery shopping with... Lu Han…

 

I felt tears forming on the corner of my eyes as I look back on the guy, who already took off his shades. Unexpected. I was right. He is Lu Han, all grown up and rich-looking. I looked away, not wanting to be soaked in tears before I die.

 

“Since you gave me the camera, it was the only picture I took with it. And to be frank, it was the only picture I’ve ever took in my whole life. It was too precious for me to use.” He explained. But I didn’t reply. I waited for him to say something else, to tell me how his life has been after our break up. Is he married to some girl now? Is he living his life better without me like what he said years ago? Is he happy now? Why is he here, visiting his ex-girlfriend?

“I heard you were admitted here.” He told me.

“Yeah, the girl whom you dislike to marry is here, already dying.” I sarcastically replied at him.

“There’s so much that you don’t know.” He told me. Hearing that, he caught my attention, making me look at him.

“What do you mean?” I asked. He smiled.

“I know you have so many questions in your mind. Go, ask me.” He told me. I sighed, realizing it wouldn’t kill me to ask how he’s been, since he’s already here.

“Are you living your life better without me?... Like you said years ago?” I asked without looking at his eyes. I heard him chortle.

“Honestly, no.” He replied. I was surprised with his answer. I was expecting him to say other things like he was glad he didn’t marry me or some other things that would make me upset. But why is it…

“But tell me,” I decided to dismiss my other thoughts and proceed to ask another question.

“Are you already married to someone?” I asked him. He smiled again.

“No.” He answered the same. “I’ve been waiting for someone... I’ve been waiting for you.” He told me. Hearing him say these, I became more confused, but happier. I even thought I was dreaming, but I’m already in reality. Lu Han is already infront of me, telling me everything in him.

“Are you lying?” I asked him, but he shook his head, and I could see the purity in his eyes.

“I waited for you until you graduated college, but after High school, I didn’t see you even once. I spent many years looking for you, wondering how you’ve been.” He told me. But looking at him, I could see no signs of lying. I looked away, unable to hide my happiness.

Though I’m happy, one thing still bothers me.

“But I don't understand… all the things you said on our break-up—“ He immediately cut me off.

“I lied, okay?” He uttered, and paused. “The night before, your parents talked to me and explained your condition… why you shouldn’t have a boyfriend.” I looked back at him, and seeing the disappointment on his face, I could see his sincerity.

“They told me I should break up for your happiness… not to make it harder for you on your death… so I followed. But I promised to myself that after college, I’ll look for you and explain you everything and… marry you. I'll stand up for you. I do not care if you’ll die soon enough, but I’ll be willing to take care of you. Because I love you, Hye Mi.” His words felt heartwarming, and it brings me back the feeling I had when we were always together. “But I guess now it would be too late for everything.” He continued, with loneliness obvious on his face. Tears began crawling down my face, not because of sadness but with happiness.

 

Lu Han must be the only guy destined for me, I thought. And no one else. He must be my prince charming I’ve been waiting for my whole  life, and I was wrong about doubting him. I guess knowing these all now, I would achieve that happy death I’ve always wanted.

 

“I’m sorry for breaking up with you. Ever since, looking at you would be hard. I would always get hurt, remembering our times together and how foolish I am to have let you go.” He apologized. I slowly began to sit tall from lying down and gave him a peck on his cheeks. We both smiled at each other, and just by our presence in this room I felt all the memories of us coming back in front of us. No more are those hurtful memories.

“Maybe this is the reason why I couldn’t forget about you, that I couldn’t meet a man better than you. Because we’re a destined pair. Because I still love you, despite the anger that I felt on our break up. And maybe I was ready to forgive you, but somehow denying it because I’m still in love with you.” I told him, and he let out a soft laugh. I laughed too, seeing his happy face again. I missed Lu Han so much. I continued my life without him, and I’ve felt like I’ve wasted that whole time.

“Thanks for loving me, Lu Han. Having you in my life, I have no regrets.” I told him. I reached out for him and gave him a warm hug, enough for me to express how happy I am to have met him, who became my friend, protector and lover, to have loved him and until my end, still stayed by my side.

And being in his presence, I forgot time is passing quickly. I felt my heart becoming weak.

I looked at the Seconds hand of the clock again nearby. The clock is ticking. The time is running.

I still have time to forgive you, Lu Han. And now I do. I’m still in love with you.

 

 

Drenched under the rain, the girl was standing like a statue. And in front of her was the boy, her long-term boyfriend. Her soul mate. The one she had been waiting for. But what is this? He smirked, finally breaking their silence. He told her ‘it’s over’ so quickly, like they just played a game and she lost. He called it quits between her, and walked away without regret. His face, his gestures and his words were like spears stabbed into her soul. He didn’t care. And being left alone, her shoulders shook and she covered her face with her hands as tears finally escaped from her eyes. Her knees felt numb and suddenly, she knelt down, still crying.

Can you still remember me? I ask you this question.

I was that girl few years ago. A fool, naïve girl who still believed that you’re the one of the million. That I’m destined to only one man, a prince charming, and I believed it was you.

But all of those were few years ago. Few years ago. With everything sorted out, I erased them from my memory. You’re the only one for me, Lu Han. Always, and will ever be.

Now, the dream that I’ve always wanted to, a happy death, seems possible. All because of you. Seeing you like this, I’m even much happier than before.

But now my time has come. Time flew too fast.  Few minutes more and I will leave Earth. Few short minutes more.

I forgive you, Lu Han. I love you.

As I gave him my last hug, I breathed my last breath as my chin rested on his shoulder.

 

 

Now I can die happy.