Chapter 5
Love Like the Wind
Yonghwa POV
I am loosing my mind. I couldn't get her out of my head, couldn't get the scent of her,
the feel of her out of my system. Seohyun. Is one hell of a good kisser than I'd ever imagine.
And it bothers me, it teriifies me, to the very core of my being, that maybe I'm getting too attached.
When she leaves, what will happen to me? If I allow myself to care for her more, perhaps
maybe even learn to love her in the end, I will never be able to let go. But there is no end, and
there is no love between the two of us. I've cleared things up, made it a point there was no
misundetstanding so that we may continue living our lives like we always do. I am being nice to
Seohyun for reasons, I cannot tell her, not without hurting her, and I know I've hurt her enough,
I hear her crying almost every night, hear her sobbing, hear her say my name, and it pains me everytime I hear it,
knowinng that I broke her heart and will continue doing so. Seohyun is convinced there was no one there, convinced
that she was safe, locked inside her room, but I was there, I was always there, just listening, it hurts me too,
because Seohyun does not deserve the pain. When her crying is too unbearable, her tears steadily falling,
there was no escape, I feel like crying too. I wanted to console her, to offer what I had to make her feel better
but how could I, when I was the reason behind her tears. I wonder when I started feeling sorry for her, I don't recall, maybe I never will.
But at some point, I tried to see the good in things again, and I only saw goodness in Seohyun.
I was 8, my world was tuned upside down, I saw things in black and white, there was no good, only the bad existed, I thought I hated her, throught I always will, but it turned out,
no matter how much I hated the world, no matter how I hated myself or my parents, no matter how I hated this marriage,
I couldn't bring myself to truly hate Seohyun. In the outside I am cold and heartless, in the inside I am bleeding, just as much as she was when I hurt her.
I thought I could just live with it, live with her, without feeling anything, without making any move to get close to her.
I purposedly, bought this flat, because it had two bedrooms, I was afraid what might happen if we sleep in the same bed,
afraid that when I dream of her, long for her, my dreams become reality, because she is so young she will never understand, not for now, and she may drift away from me, I do not want that to happen,
I endure, because I want her to wait for me at night, even when it is so late, I want her to look at only me, because I see only her, I want her to say she loves me and promise to never
leave my side, I want to kiss her, the way I did last night, when my world completly revolved around her, I always wonder what it would feel like
to make love to her, to see her all, to touch her all, to make her mine, mind, body and soul. I am thinking such indecent thoughts, but when I see her in those rare moments when I forget
about everything but the fact she was there, it takes all the control I have to steer myself away from temptation, she is still a child, she may look like an adult, but she is still a child, so I want to wait for the right time,and at the moment,there is nothing more I can do but to cherish her.
But I cannot do that, because I know, Seohyun hates me, I do not see it in her eyes, what I see is fear, fear of not pleasing me, but whatever she does, always manages to make me happy, on the inside,
on the outisde, at times, I have to be unpleasant. But I feel the hate somehow, I'm not so sure about it thought. Long ago, I told her I hated her, finally, because I was done playing goody two shoes in front of everyone,
I thought she'd yell at me, tell me she hated me too for being so insensitive, but she didn't, all she did was stare at me, eyes wide open, tears ready to fall, I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out. To this day, I regret doing that, because I know
she remembers it well, and I know the pain is still fresh like it had happen only yestereday. I am nice to her, but I have ulterior motives, I do not want to tell her, I am scared to.
I am not certain how I feel for her, the many times she's always there even when I push her away, the dinner we had two nights before and the way she enjoyed it with me when it was only the two of us,
and of course, the kiss, last night's kiss, how badly I want to hit replay over and over again, all those leads to one things. I do not want to admit it, maybe beause I am not ready for it yet. But
people say, it comes when you least expect it. Hell, I'm having an emotional break down right now.
I MAY be falling in love with Seohyun.
I don't know what to do with it, I don't know how to push my feelings aside, to just forget about it and move on, but hell, how can I move on
when she's just there, her scent filling my lungs, making it almost impossible to breathe, her skin, smooth like porcelain, waiting to be touched, to be carressed.
I can't let myself fall even deeper, to just loose her in the end, then ultimately loosing myself in the process of trying to get her back, just like what happend, with Tiffany,
I was lost in the illusion that she was going to find her way back to me, and thing's will go back to the way they used to be, both of us together, but she never did, and I gave up. Hated myself for it,
hated the world, hated everything, I forgave everything else, but not myself, I could never do that. The times I spent with Tiffany we're the best days of my life,
I thought we were meant for each other and I didn't mind spending every second of everyday with her even when my parents nagged me about Seohyun getting closer to 18 every year. Then Tiffany stopped seeing me, stopped calling me, she cut all her ties with me,
in a no strings attached kind of way, I went to see her, she was never home, her family moved away, at that time I knew it was the end of the world for me and it was all because I loved her so much, I fell for her
so much, but never considered that one day she may leave me. Then finally, Seohyun comes along, it was time to get married, I looked at her and I saw a little girl, I was full of hate thinking maybe my parents drove Tiffany away because they only wanted me to marry Seohyun, but Seohyun
was kind, too kind, it made me sick, made me wonder if it was all just a pretend game she's playing, but then I found out, Seohyun was not capable of lying. When I come to terms with the past, when those memories come to haunt me, I wonder
where Tiffany might me, wonder if she's seeing anyone, wonder if she's happier with that person than she was with me, and then I fight the pain and the tears and I move on. Everything is happening all over again, history repeats itself,
now it is Seohyun, and she is likely to leave me, just like Tiffany did, Tiffany didn't love me as much as I loved her, but it was not one sided, I just loved too much and had to pay the price for it. I don't want it, I don't want the pain, I have to stop myelf, I have to restrain my feelings,
I am always so good at that, but Seohyun is unlike Tiffany, Seohyun is the ideal type of girl any man would want, Tiffany on the other hand would be whatever you wanted her to be, which was great, but now I know why we ended up parting ways, Tiffany WAS NOT Seohyun, nobody was
like Seohyun, nobody even comes close, Seohyun is incompatable. That makes things worse, I have to forget about her, there was a time when all I felt for her was guilt and remorse, I have to remember those feelings and ignore the fact that I am falling in love with her, or I already am. But how
can I? Even when I act cold, even when I act like I don't have a heart and I am not capable of feeling any hurt, with one look, from the inside, Seohyun thaws my frozen hurt. I am lying in bed. It has been an hour since I woke up. I hear a noise. It was coming from outside my door. Seohyun is awake. I hear her. I wish I could touch her, did that kiss last night
mean anything to her? It sure as hell meant everything to me. I'll be a lot sweeter to her today, I'll forget about the ulterior motives and be genuine about it, tell her how I feel with actions.
And that starts now.
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Still Yonghwa's POV
I don't know how, standing there, made me want her more, made me want to just get over with it and make love to her already.
Hell, she was having trouble responding to a kiss and now I want her to go to bed with me. How dillusional can I get? Seohyun is making breakfast,in a cute way, stop it Yonghwa!, like she always does,
chopping what looked like onions, humming to herself, mumbling to herself, earphones in her ears. She did not notice me when I took a seat in the dining table, I studied her, every part of her, from head to toe,
then I smiled to myself really pleased, remembering I was supposed to forget my feelings towards her, I turned away, resisting, it was early in the morning, I don't have that much control, but I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Seohyun had a nice voice. She was singing now, whispering the lyrics,
the ryhthm, the tone, clear as day, filling my ears with the most beautiful sound imaginable.
I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
The lyrics. I am able to relate to them. I am able to find myself in the words that make up
the song, Seohyun was singing. It was a feeling I could not explain, mere words could not do that.
But I WOULD give my all, only to Seohyun, my life, my heart, my everything. If she takes it, I will never be free again,
but that's okay, because I want to be bound to her, just like the clouds are bound to the vast sky, if I drift away, I will always be part of the sky, thus, I am always part of her.
I continue to stare at her, wishing this moment would never end, wishing time would stand still, she does not notice me and continues what she was doing, which is a good things
because it gives me more time to figure out why I am so attracted to her, heck, why wouldn't I? Then, finally, when all of it, all of her, everything that she was, was just too hard to resist.
I approched her stopping only when my chest touched her back, she must have felt it, my prescence, because she flinched, startled, surprised I was awake at this hour.
"Good morning....." I leaned towards her, and whispered in her ear, Seohyun, who is rarely clumsy, who looks like she's always in control, must have acidentally slipped the knife because it cut her,
and now she was bleeding, physically. She wiped the blood on her apron, it was stained crimson red, I examined the blood, wondered how it would taste, then, cursed myself for even thinking about it.
"G-Good m-morning..." Seohyun managed to say, she didn't expect the cut to hurt so much. Because it killed me, from the inside, to see she was in pain, this was worst because she was in front of me, I grabbed her
hand and put her injured finger inside my mouth before she had any time to react.
"Yonghwa shi!!!" She screamed, I the blood out, Seohyun tried to wiggle her finger free,
but it was no use, my mouth would not let go, even though it knew the small cut on her finger was no longer bleeding. I look up to see her
reaction, it was a mix, of confusion and nervousness, she shyly looked away when she noticed my eyes were on her. Hell, if she always looked so cute how am I suppose
to NOT fall in love with her.
"I'm sorry." Sensing she was uncomfortable I opened my mouth and she quickly snatched her finger away, thinking maybe
I'd change my mind of she didn't. "Let me wipe it for you." I said, but Seohyun shook her head, she would do it herself. Then, she stares
at her once, injured finger covered with my saliva, I thought maybe she was going to put it in , but she didn't, thanks god.
"I-it's okay." Seohyun said and continued making our breakfast. I was still standing her, just watching, staring, examining, her. Couldn't take my eyes off her,
couldn't stop myself for taking a whiff of her scent. My head jerked back, for a moment, I thought, what am I doing?
"Yonghwa shi...." I wish she would just drop the honorifics. I need to keep my head straight. There is a reason for this. I am not falling in love with her.
Yeah right, a part of me said. Shut up, I am internally having a battle with my subconcious. The contract, major investors, if her parents would just stop worrying,
and sign the contract, with the foreign investors, I wouldn't have to do this, no one asked me to, but it is the only way, if Seohyun assures her parents it was okay, then they'll eventually sign, and
after that, I can continue to ignore her, forget her, be cold to her again. Heck, how can I do that, when I'm falling for her? Stop it, Yonghwa, I said to myself, you can't, you can't afford to fall for her, this is a fake marriage,
you were forced to marry her, in the mean time, act sweet.
"Yonghwa shi...." Seohyun repeated snapping me out of my gaze, her eyes, soft and full of worry, made my defense crumble in an insntant. Why does she have this kind of effect on me?
How can she keep her cool? Does she not feel the same way I do? Is she not having trouble with her feelings for me? Does she hate me? I am bothred my these questions and I will not find peace as long as they remain
unanswered.
"What?" I answered, my gaze leveled with hers, she turned to face me, I take one step back to give her space, if I don't, I might kiss her again.
"C-Can I ask what is b-bothering you?" Well, for starters, what the hell made me fall in love with you? Second, why are you so irrisistable so unbelievably impossible to hate. Lastly, how the hell am I going to
stop why heart from screaming your name. It would probably be for the better if I don't admit any of those things to her.
"Nothing." I said. She did not believe me. It showed in her eyes, her body movement, the way she rubbed both her hands together." Really." I said to reassure her. This time, she looked like
she believed me. I realize I was thinking too much about her at the moment. There were things I need to do, first of all, I need to convince her to convince her parents to sign the contract to a bunch of foreign investors, I'm going to do this
without actually saying, Honey, tell your parents to not be so paranoid about loosing their business and just sign the contract already. No, no, not saying it to her face will actually work better.
"Seohyun."
"Eh???" She looked confused at the tone of my voice, sweet, affectionate, caring, to her it almost sounded like the need I have for her was too hard to ignore. Which was probably true. I wrap my arms around her waist, gently, slowly, pulling her towards me,
our chest's touching, our bodies pressed together. Seohyun's shoulder's shook, and her knees, weak from my touch, bucked. Nervous. Yes, Seohyun was nervous. I wish I could hear her thoughts. I wish I could know how she really feels about me. It would help
me sort my feelings, it would help me, untangle the mess in my head. But the closeness of her, oh god, the closeness of her, is just too much. I can't resist, I don't want to resist. I wonder what it would feel like to jusr give in to it.
I move my face closer to hers, she must have gotten the idea that obviously, I want to kiss her right now. She did not back away, or tell me to stop, she was daring me, inviting me, how can a man continue to resist? Our noses were touching, because our chest's were pressed together,
I could hear her heart beat, it matched mine. My stomach tied itself into a knot, all logic wanted to escape from me. All it takes is one push, one gust of wind, and my lips would claim hers, what is stopping me?
"May I kiss you?" I asked, boldly, no, it is just too much, if I continue to resist, I would go insane, I would give in, but I would take it slow, for the contract, for business not for love, oh Lord please, not for love. I wait for her to answer, but her silence must have been a yes, I think, but
I wanted to be sure, I wanted her approval, I wanted her words, I wanted a yes to escape from her lips.
"Yes." Nothing in this world could be sweeter than her breath, her voice, it made me dizzy, it made me loose myself. Seohyun, what have you done to me?
"I'm serious. I'm really going to kiss you. If you don't want, or if your not comfortable with it, back away, push me away, do whatever you want." I said. I wanted to make sure she was really okay with it. He wants to kiss me, like what he did last night, the best night of my entire life, oh no,
my heart is beating so fast, I can't breathe, how am I suppose to answer? Keep it together, keep your cool. How am I suppose to, Yonghwa is making it impossible to think staright, Seohyun said to herself.
"Yes." Seohyun choked. The word was stuck in . There was no turning back. Don't regret it, Seohyun, don't regret you said yes, it would feel amazing, I promise you trust me. We don't need love, we don't need anything, even if you loved someone else, it would still feel good.
"1....2.....3..." And the world came to a stand still, if it felt good last night, this time, it was amazing, it was beyond words, my head was swimming, my heart was racing. Our lips fit perfectly like they were meant for eacother. I wanted to deepen the kiss, to taste the inside of , to feel her tongue struggling against mine,
but I can't, Seohyun is still a child. "Don't, don't hesitate, just because I'm young, I can handle it." Seohyun said to herself, when she noticed Yonghwa hesitated. Heck, it felt so good, even when he was not giving it his all, when he finally will, how great would it feel? I pushed her against the counter, I am dominating, she is slowly responding to me.
Seohyun, wrapped her arms around my neck, nervously, I am glad she did, I tighten my grip around her waist. We finally stop, panting, out of breathe, looking at each other, Seohyun was the first to look away. It drained the both of us, but it probably satisfied only me, it probably only made me happy beyond compare, that my heart. and all my internal
organs were launched to the stratosphere. We don't take our arms off each other, I leaned my forehead on Seohyun's, she is still nervous, no self confidence at all. Why wouldn't she? Heck, she's one hell of a good kisser, perhaps she is not aware of it yet. Our skin sizzled from the heat that just occured between us.
"Yonghwa shi..."
"Yong.....remember."
"Oh.....well.....s-shouldn't you be in t-the shower right n-now?" Seohyun said. I chuckled, leaned in closer, then bit her lower lip, her arms break free from my neck. Ooops...thats was too much,
for her to handle all at once.
"I was too busy, kissing my wife-" I unwrap my arms around her waist and cupped her chin, moving her face closer to mine, her eyes widen, her breathe no longer steady. I couldn't help but grin. " It's not my fault she's too adorable for her own good." I added. Seohyun looked down, nervously, I tipped her chin up. Don't, I want you to look at only me, not the damn floor.
I feel like dying right now. Yonghwa acknowledge me as his wife. What is happening? First the dinner, then last night's kiss, then another kiss just a few minutes earlier and now this. Is he finally opening up to me? Did my love for him finally reach the depths of his heart, did it finally thaw the icy coldness inside of him?Is it possible that he may be falling in love with me? Seohyun said to herself, feeling
13 again, giddy, from being asked out for the first time by her fisrt love. Hey, what's the difference? Seohyun asked herself.
"I'm sorry if that startled you?" I apologized. Seohyun smiled. Too bright, oh man, too damn bright. "Uhmm...I'll go take a shower." I added feeling a bit nervous myself. I stepped back, and when I was about to walk away she grabbed my hand, but quickly released it, to
get my attention maybe, then, she tugged at my shirt, eyes down cast.
"Uhmm...I...." What? You what? Stop me, don't let me leave. If you ask me to, I'll never leave your side." I mean, it's okay, it didn't startle me that much." Seohyun added. I smiled, ruffled her, and gave her a small kiss on the mouth. This time, she was prepared for it.
"Good. Because I'll be doing it again once I get another chance like this." I said. Seohyun blinked. I left the kitchen, grabbed a towel from my room, and stepped inside the bathroom, closing the door, the last thing I saw was Seohyun turning back, touching her lips, I
couldn't help but feel amused, it looked like it felt great for her too.
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"Come to the office this afternoon." I was out of the shower and in the dining table, eating breakfast, face to face with Seohyun. "You don't have classes in the afternoon right?" I added, taking a sip of coffee, Seohyun looked surprised, I am married to a girl who's still in college,
and how do I know? Easy as pie, I checked her schedule.
"H-how do you know?"
"I checked your schedule." I said suddenly feeling triumphant. I should know basic things, like her schedule, next I'll find out who
she hangs out with, I already know, but I want to double check, she's probably always stuck with Yuri and Yoona, but, if there are any guys...Jealous?
Don't ask. If there are any guys, normally, I would want to find out who? And maybe do a background check if I have time.
"Oh...."
"Does it make you feel uncomfortable?" I asked. The look in her eyes, registered nothing, what was she thinking? I want to know, I want to know desperately. I wish she would
just tell me. Why would she? I'm not telling her what's on MY mind.
"No.No. It's fine." You checking my schedule means a lot, keep doing it. Seohyun said to herself, but then suddenly feeling embarassed she looked away.
"So, are you up for it? The office was recently renovated, I want you to take a look at it, tell me if it works or not?" I said. Seohyun's face brightened. Me wanting her opinion
was a first for her. I'm glad she's happy. Wait, I'm forgeting my true motive here, the contract, Yonghwa, the contract. I calmed myself, tried to keep my thoughts in order.
" O-okay. I'll be there. " Seohyun said, in the outisde I merely nod, happily if I may add, but not too happy, in the inside, my heart and all my internal organs were jumping for joy. So, we finished our meal, a excused myself. Yonghwa is really sweet
and kind. I knew that side of his existed, I wish he didn't wait this long to show it to me. But I am still thankful. Seohyun told herself while happily taking out the dishes.
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I am ready to leave. But I suddenly don't want to. Seohyun is with me, in front of the door, neither of us speaking, guess she doesn't want me to leave either. I look at her, my look saying, 'Stop me, I'll gladly stay
if you would just stop me.', but her expression was, hesitant, I knew she had something to say to me, but she doesn't want to say it, I wish she would.
"Well...I'm going then." I said. Grab my hand, tell me not to leave. Tug at my shirt, like you did back in the kitchen. For pete's sake, do something, don't just stand there, don't look like you don't care. I stare at her expectantly. Kiss me.
Can't you take a hint, Seohyun? Make the first move, dammit. Frustrated, I raked my fingers through my hair.
"Did you forget something?" She asked. Our eyes met, I held her gaze steady, don't look away, I keep telling myself, look at me. I move closer to where she was standing, I was a step away, withing her reach, my head barely a few centimeters away from
hers. I took a lock of her hair, smelled it, it, I didn't notice the shock, I can't believe this is happening look on her face. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered.
"No. I didn't forget anything. But, I think YOU did." I said, huskily. Seohyun's shoulders trembled. I could see goosebumps on her arms. She looked cute, looking nervous. Kiss. I want a kiss. So, give me one. Make the first
move, I won't mind.
"Eh???" Playing dumb won't work.
"You haven't given me my goodbye kiss." I said and grinned. Just how many times are you going to make me fall in love with you all over again
until your satisfied, Seohyun said to herself. Fighitng the urge to scream, nervousness rose from her stomach like bubbles, steadying her breathe, she struggled for control but couldn't break free.
I back away, almost two steps from where she was standing, the closeness was gone, Seohyun moved towards me, slowly, gently, with grace, with poise, like a swan. She parted her lips, here it comes, then she kissed me, on the mouth, briefly,
for like, 1 millisecond, I didn't have the chance to blink., Seohyun quickly backed away.
"What was that?" I asked, Narrowing my eyes at her.
"G-goodbye kiss." Seohyun replied, fumbling with her fingers. Cute.
"Come here." I said. Seohyun took one step closer. "Closer," She took another step. "This is how you do it. Remember it well." In an instant, I tipped her head up, pulled her
towards me and kissed her fully in the mouth. Time goes by so slowly. I am lost in the feel of on mine, something buzzed inside me, my skin came to life like live wire,
heat was building up inside of me. I pushed her against the wall, the only sound we heard was the sound of our lips grinding together, I wrap my arms around her waist, she wrapped her arms
around my neck, making the kiss more passionate. I can't take it anymore. I have to do it. I broke the kiss and looked at her seriously.
"Seohyun...when I kiss you, open your mouth." I instructed her, she merely nodded. I pressed my lips on hers, this time I found open, I slid my tongue in, she jolted, new sensations shot through my body.
Yonghwa's tongue. Seohyun said to herself, her face burned, crimson red, embarrassed she closed her eyes, tight. I know now how she tastes, and it is breathtaking. The inside of tasted like mint, like she just
on a piece of candy, it also had a strawberry feeling to it, and it was sweet, so sweet, my heart plummeted to the sky, my body grew numb, I couldn't feel any part of my body working, except my lips. My tongue
glided inside , left no place untouched, she did not struggle for control, she gave me control, I found Seohyun's tongue and it, carefully, she let out a small whimper. I was supporting her now, because her
legs were already giving away, I dropped my briefcase, not having a care in the world. We broke the kiss. We hugged each other breathing heavily, Seohyun leaned on me, still not catching her breath, resting her head on
my shoulder. She gathered herself and broke free from me .
"That's how you do it, okay?" I grinned. Seohyun gulped. I gave her one last kiss on the mouth before going out. "Bye. See you later." I left.
Seohyun collpased on the floor.
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