Yonghwa did not come home last night.

 

I was so worried my pulse was ringing in my ears. I tried to get rid of the tension so I took a long, relaxing, soothing shower hoping that when I stepped out of the bathroom Yonghwa will be there, sitting in the living room, reading, or doing something. It took me 1 hour to haul myself out of the bathroom. The shower didn't work. Whenever I thought I'd hear a noise, I turn the shower off, press my ears to the tiles and just listen, that took about 5 minutes. Then, when I'd decided to come out, I'm scared that when I do, Yonghwa was still not home, so I wen't back in the shower. After my shower episode, I went to my room to change into some comfortable pajamas. Then, I blow dried my hair, not once, but twice. I was really, really paranoid when I stepped out of my room. To pass the time, I brewed fresh tea, drank it, read a book, read another book,watch some tv, and because I had no choice but to stay up late and wait for Yonghwa or else I'll have a mental breakdown, I drank coffee, which I never really do if I had a choice, not once,but twice. I called him, so many times, but he never picked up, I heard only his voice mail. So I left him a message. When that didn't work, I didn't know what will. Minutes passed, then eventually hours, but it felt like forever. I was still sitting in the living room, waiting, I didn't care for how long, I just had to wait for him. Then, finally, morning came. I woke up in the living room, looked like I slept there for the night. When I looked around.

 

Still no Yonghwa.

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He was busy with his work that's why he didn't come home last night. He'd done it before. So he'll do it again. He did do it again. Last night. And I have been worried sick. So worried I thought I'd lost my mind for sure. But I slept through it and I was too tired to walk to my room, too tired    to feel anything else besides fear and worry. I have been crying in my sleep, even in my dreams I waited for him to come, but he never came and so I searched for him but I never found him, I called out his name over and over again like a chant, like some kind of magic spell but he did not hear me. I feel like a zombie, going through my morning activities, eating breakfast, taking a shower, preparing for school. My arms are limp. My legs soggy. I went to school and tried to drown myself in school work, to take my mind off things, to take my mind off Yonghwa. I chatted with my friends aimlessly, Yoona and Yuri noticed something different about me so they took me to the infirmary where they told me to rest. There, I cried silently unable to sleep. Ater an hour, Yoona and Yuri with Sunny, came to visit me to see if I was okay. I closed my eyes shut and pretended to be asleep. They were murmuring. Yoona suggested they call my parents. Sunny suggested they didn't call anyone. Then Yuri suggested they should call Yonghwa. That made my body shiver. Where was he? Where was Yonghwa? After a few minutes they left and I don't know if they DID call Yonghwa. I tossed and turned. Tried to get some sleep. 

 

But my body refused to. 

 

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It was the end of the day. I lost track of time. And no, I didn't stay in the infirmary all day. I listened to lectures, caught my classmates staring at me with worried eyes, received notes from Yoona,Yuri and Sunny, I ignored them, and focused on the lecture. After every class, they asked me what's wrong. But I do not tell them even when Yuri was getting mad about it, even when there were tears in Yoona's eyes ready to fall, even when Sunny shook my shoulders to wake me up. None of it worked. My classmates tried to approach me, asked me if I was feeling okay, asked me if I wanted to go home. I do not want to go home.I don't want to go home because I'll drive myself insane worrying where Yonghwa might be. So I ignored them. Just like I ignored Yuri, Yoona and Sunny. 

 

Seohyun, the shy rich girl was loosing it. 

 

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School ended. 

 

I had to go home. So I did. When I arrived, I called my father immediately. We talk on the phone I tried not to sound too worried. I asked about where Yonghwa was last night,and he told me Yonghwa spent the night in the office. Relief washed over me. But where was Yonghwa no? I asked my father that, he told me Yonghwa left work 3 hours ago. 3 hours ago means I was still at the university. My father asked me if Yonghwa and I had a fight, I told him no and that I was just wondering where he was. I said goodbye to my father and hung up. I paced the living room. I kept looking at the time. 5:48 pm. 30 minutes passed. 1 hour. 2. hours. 3 hours. Yonghwa often came late. So why was I worrying now when he'd done it so many times before? But my father said Yonghwa left work 3 hours ago. I looked at the wall clock again. 8: 50 pm. I cooked my dinner. Ate it and went back to brooding. Then I took a shower. Changed into my pajamas and waited. The time was 11: 38 pm. Then I heard a knock on the door, I composed myself,opened it, surprised to see who it was, who THEY were. Jonghyun, Minhyuk and Jungshin, Yonghwa's friends who work in the company, were aiding a disoriented, very dizzy, very drunk Yonghwa.  I let them in, made tea, and offered them to sit down in the living room while Yonghwa tries to recover from his hangover.

 

"W-What happend to h-him?" I asked. I heard Yinghwa vomiting in the bathroom. It took them a moment to answer. They thought Yonghwa was going to be in big trouble if they told me. This is a fake marriage, I almost said. No one's getting in trouble. 

 

"Uhmmm....Seohyun shi." Minhyuk who was the same age as me, began hesistantly. "Yonghwa, told us he didn't tell you. He thought you wouldn't mind if we went out. But he got drunk and so we brought him home." I was worried crazy, I didn't say it out loud but remained silent. Johyun and Jungshin were enjoying the tea.

 

"You see, we were in the office last night working on something. We thought maybe we could relax for a bit and go out. Sorry if we worried you, Seohyun." Johyun apologized.It was nobody's fault. Yonghwa just drank too much. A little too much for his body to handle and now he was in the bathroom, vomiting. 

 

"We wondered if you got into a fight with him because he was drinking like crazy saying your name. Saying stuff, like, 'Seohyun deserves a better man.''Why the heck did Seohyun agree to marry me.'" Jungshin looked down. Yonghwa and I didn't have a choice. I love him, he doesn't live me. It's worse than it looks.

 

"We didn't fight." I said. Totally unconvinced, Johyun, Minhyuk and Jungshin looked at each other. Just then, Yonghwa stepped out of the bathroom, pale, trying to regain his balance. Johyun helped him sit down. 

 

"I threw up a lot. But I'll manage." Yonghwa said fighting the vomit that was about to come out if his mouth. He breathed heavily, swallowed and rubbed his temples.

 

"Let Seohyun take care of you." Jungshin said, patted Yonghwa's back, drank the last sip of his tea and stood up.

 

"We'll be going then." Minhyuk followed Jungshin to the door. Johyun will be saying their goodbyes.

 

"Get some aspirin, Yonghwa. You'll feel better in the morning. Bye. Seohyun." And they left and the two of us were alone. It's so good to see him. I was so worried I thought for sure something had happen to him. I went to the medicine cabinet to get some aspirin and then handed one to Yonghwa. I gave him a glass of water and he gulped down the aspirin.

 

"Thanks." Yonghwa closed his eyes. He leaned on the sofa. I wanted to comfort him but I wasn't sure how to get close. 

 

"Come here Seohyun." Yonghwa said, eyes still closed, his back leaning on the sofa, his legs outstretched. My insides jump. I slowly sat beside him, silently inched closer to him and put my hand on top of his. My heart pounded in my ears.To my surprise, Yonghwa squeezed my hand gently. 

 

"We're you worried?" Yonghwa asked. Eyes open, now looking directly into mine. 

 

"Yes." I answered and he let out a chuckle. I cannot loose this man. Not to anyone. Not to anything. Not to death.

 

"Good. Because I can't seem to get you out of my head." Yonghwa's voice was suddenly very serious. My heartbeat was drumming inside my chest. I looked down suddenly very nervous. Yonghwa was thinking about me while I worried about him. Yonghwa was thinking of me while he got drunk. Is this somehow my fault?

 

"Is this my fault?" I asked softly. Yonghwa leaned on my shoulder and the weight of him was pressing against me. His scent was filling my lungs. The touch of his skin was electrifying. 

 

"You're so naive." Yonghwa laughed. "Well...you are still 18." he added. Yonghwa sat up, twisted his neck and stretched his arms. 

 

"You...the very scent of you is making me dizzy." Yonghwa said and leaned towards me. I should say the same thing to him. Then, he took a lock of my hair and it. My eyes widen. My heart is beating so fast. My face is hot. Yonghwa leaned on me some more that I was pressed to the edge of the sofa. 

 

"Yonghwa shi." My voice was grave with distress This is all so new to me. What was I suppose to do in this situation?

 

"Seohyun..." His voice trailed off. His hands framed my face while my arms dangle at my sides. "I think this is getting really dangerous." He said. My pulse is racing. He has never touched me like this before. Has never spoken to me like this before.

 

"Yonghwa shi." My voice, almost pleading called out to him. Yonghwa drew my face closer to his, the bridge of our noses were touching. This is too close. Too close.

 

"Seohyun." Was the last thing he said before gently pressing his lips to mine. Yonghwa was kissing me. And it felt great. His lips were gentle, his touch tender and I am drowning in the kiss to care that we needed to breathe. I forgot where I was, what day is it, what time. All I knew was that Yonghwa was here and he was kissing me. I broke the kiss for air, breathing hard, Yonghwa was staring at me his body still pressed against mine and he looked like he didn't need air at all. 

 

"You're a really good kisser, Seohyun." He kissed me again briefly on the mouth before he stood up. "Goodnight." He added and disappeared into his room.  I waited a few moments to compose myself. Then I went inside my room, shut the door and leaned on it. I touched my lips, they were warm from Yonghwa's kiss. I slip into bed, pull the sheets over my body and slept soundly that night.

 

Thinking about Yonghwa.