Song used as inspiration.  Finally back! Sorry for the long wait! Summer is finally here and I finally have inspiration and motivation to update! Please anticipate more updates. Hope you atleast enjoyed this one. 

It was one these rainy days that I remembered him the most. You could say I was stubborn, but all I knew was

that my heart hurts. It hurts for the stupid mistakes I made, for the person who changed so quickly, and from

the hatred of the person I couldn’t hate. The weeks had passed and soon months rolled by, but time did not fix

anything. I’m still the same. Still broken up and depressed, but boy, was I good at hiding it. Well, when you

have a natural face like mine, feelings will naturally be concealed. Here I am standing at the window

staring out into space as the rain drowns out my silent cries. The air in my room is a depressing one. It was

suffocating me and my air pipes felt stuffed. The rain wasn’t pouring or anything so I open the window just a

bit. The scent of rain fills my nose, and again, I’m reminded of the time he waited for me outside of the SM

building. The “man” that I was in our relationship has sadly shrunken into this state. I wanted to protect him and

ensure his happiness. I wanted the world for him. But did he ever think of me? Did he ever take my heart into

consideration? In this state, I feel like the girl that was dumped by her player boyfriend. The ones you see in

the dramas.  Our roles reversed, didn’t it? How can I be so helpless and weak? I might be hurt, but I’m not the

type to drink the pain away. That was Junmyeon’s thing. Just last week I saw him with a couple of Soju bottles

in the vocal training room.

“Junmyeon ah, what are you doing?!” I rushed over and grabbed the almost empty bottles out of his hands. He was

crying, his tears and snot dripping down his face.

“This must be how you felt right? When the one you love doesn’t love you anymore? Is this how you felt, Kris?” His

words shook me, and I squat down before taking a seat on the floor next to him.

“What can I say, huh? I think I still feel the pain sometimes. Sometimes certain things trigger memories, and I find

myself sobbing recklessly. I keep thinking it’s me who’s done the bad deed. I feel hopeless sometimes. I even tried

to commit suicide once, but Luhan was there to hold me back before it was too late.” I buried my face into my

hands.

“Kyungsoo, he’s changed. Not the one I know anymore. Can’t see the love. Can’t feel the warm. Can’t look at the

light the same way. The words he said. He just ended it like that. I thought it was my fault. Boy, was I wrong. He

and Kai did it, Kris. They did it on my bed the night I left town to visit my family. Said his feelings for the boy

grew strong. Said I was too nice. Said he was shaken by the boy. He couldn’t resist. He couldn’t stop himself. He

said he never thought of me once that night. Ended it with a goodbye.” Junmyeon grabbed the bottle and took a

swig, finishing it down to the last drop.

  I stayed silent for a while. I realized I was given the easy route. At least Chanyeol and I ended with an “I loved

you”. Junmyeon couldn’t even receive that. I wanted to thank Chanyeol at that moment. Thank him for sparing

me of the harsh words. Thank him for having loved me at least once.

“Junmyeon ah….”I realized just how much more selfish I was. I wanted to trade places with Junmyeon so he

wouldn’t have to go through all of this.

I somehow ended up walking down a familiar street. The city had just awoken, and the nightlife began to surface.

Ddeokbokki was the first thing that came into my mind. I stroll over to the familiar stand and order a few skewers

for myself. We used to eat here together. The stand owner handed me the ddeokbokki, and I hand her the couple

thousand wons. The sky was still sprinkling, but I kept walking. My eyes wander to the familiar stand where we had

our first meals. If I wasn’t observing so carefully I would have missed him. His curly hair was sticking out in different

places. He had a few empty bottles on his table. His head was resting on the table, and he was asleep. I was

hesistant at first, but slowly stepped toward him. I could tell he had downed a lot of alcohol.

“How much does he owe you?”

“100,000 won.” I sighed and pulled out my wallet. The owner accepted it gratefully and I turned back to Chanyeol. It

was going to be like old times.

  His head rested on my shoulder as I carried him on my back. His warmth was like I had remembered. I missed

having it near me. We weren’t a long way from the dorms so I casually strolled back. His breathing was heavy.

“…ng…hing….did you know….hhhh…how much I hurted….I….hng….didn’t want it to happen….ng jih….I missed you too

much….it was a mistake…I didn’t sleep with him on purpose….hhhh hing….love me again….I miss you…” He mumbled.

I was pained by the sight of him. What were these words that he was saying? Was I hearing right?

“……..ng…….don’t leave me…..Kris……I love you……come back……….hing hng uh….I need you….jih ng….only you…I was

drunk that time…..hhhhhhhh…….I thought he was you….Kris…..”

Were these words lies or the painful truth? They say that when someone’s drunk, their inner feelings are revealed. Is

my bab-Chanyeol letting out his inner most feelings? Was this the reason why we had to break up? Was he afraid of

what I would think of him? Did he go through this? My head was spinning as we reached the dorms. I texted

Junmyeon, and he came to fetch Chanyeol.

“Junmyeon ah, is there something that I should know about Chanyeol? Do you know anything?”

He was silent. “I’ve had suspicions, but that’s all I really have. All I can tell you is those smiles and affection towards

Baekhyun were fake. His smiles never reached his eyes.” With those words he supported Chanyeol inside, and I was

left standing there.