Song that was used in this chapter. It was also the  one I was listening to while writing this chapter. It helped alot. hehe. Sorry for the long wait. I had exams, but I'm free now. I can focus on my writing now. I will also be starting new stories once I finish my current ones. Which is very soon. Thank you so much for subscribing. :D

            Admit it, we’re finished.

            You don’t want me no more

            Like a nightmare, I lived it

            It was too big to ignore

            I hear the sirens, but they pass me by

            My hazard lights are flashing

             Somebody, anyone

            Help, cause it’s an emergency.

            Someone just wounded my heart.

            So HELP, it’s like a bad surgery

            and now it’s time to recharge

            I’m starting over, taking

            One, two, baby steps

            Three, four, baby steps

            Five, six, baby steps

            I’m starting over again.

            I lay on the floor of our practice room with one hand over my eyes. My breathing was short and quick from

the dance that we just wrapped up. It’s been three weeks since we’ve last seen each other. The groups distance had

widened after that night. Luhan, Yixing, and Jongdae hadn’t relieved me of room watch yet. They still sleep in my

room. I had reassured them that nothing like that would happen again, but I wasn’t able to convince them to leave

me alone. The song playing right now explained what I have been feeling these days. It was in English, but my group

mates knew what the lyrics were about. It just so happen that So Nyu Shi Dae sunbaenim had done a rendition of the

song in Korean. I didn’t care though. Right now, the whole world could know how I was feeling, and I wouldn’t care

about a single thing.

I know my situation is affecting everyone of them right now. I have separated best friends because of the tension.

Yixing has to sneak out to hang out with Kai at the practice room. Jongdae can’t see Junmyeon as much as he likes.

Minseok can’t reunite and share his stories about China with Kyungsoo. Luhan can’t treat his donsaengs to bubble tea.

What was I to do though? I didn’t prohibit them from hanging out with each other. It was their choice. For the

better was their excuse. I also caused our maknae to hurt inside. I thought I could handle the break up by myself, but

I ended up hurting Tao because I kept it in. I’m so stupid. That I know. I let someone go and then regret my decision.

I almost killed myself over my decision. I admit my stupidity, but when you’re in this state, I’m sure you would be

the same like me.

I sit up rather quickly and glance at the surroundings. I scan the room before landing my eyes on the cute “couple”

before me. In that minute, I forget my pains and smile. Tao was sitting in between Minseok’s legs, playing with

Minseok’s lunch.

“Tao, don’t do that to my precious babies. I haven’t even been able to bite into them yet.” Minseok struggled to

reach for his precious buns, but Tao held them up high out of his reach.

“Minseok oppa, you must learn to share with the hungry maknae.” Tao puffed out his cheeks and prevented Minseok

from reaching his food.

“Aigoo! Little Tao is being naughty here. Luhan, tell him to give me my food~” Minseok whined.

  “Don’t look at me. I am not helping you get your food back. I don’t want my to be wushu-ed on,” Luhan replied

before turning to finish his conversation with Yixing and Jongdae.

Tao smiled triumphantly before leaning in to whisper something into Minseok’s ear. Minseok let out a small chuckle,

and leaned in to give Tao a peck on the lips. Tao’s face turned a bright red before handing Minseok back his buns.

“Ew, get a room people.” Yixing’s face wrinkled as Tao stuck out his tongue. They all look over at me for a few

seconds, and all I am giving them is a reassuring smile that I am, once again, okay.  Every one of them stare at me

with eyes that pierced my poor heart. The guilt and pain rush back overwhelmingly, and I excuse myself to go to the

restroom. I just didn’t want them to see me tear up and become a mess. They’ve had enough on their minds.

The walk to the bathroom was long. I walk with my hands in my pockets as I stroll down the hallway. Lately, my mind

doesn’t want to work properly. I can’t seem to remove the images of him from my head. Sure, I lied to myself that

I’ve moved on, but does that mean I really did? Of course not.

            I’m so broken, my love’s frozen

           How do you live with regrets?

           I see the memories flash before my eyes

          My tank is running empty, somebody rescue me.

I stop dead in my tracks as six pair of shoes approached me. I had been staring at the tiles on the floor for god knows

how long. My eyes reluctantly look up to see the people that I had avoided for three weeks. They also stop in their

place. It felt like a cowboy staredown. Junmyeon smiled softly at me while Kai and Sehun look at me with their

pitiful stares. Kyungsoo’s eyes were widened (when were they not?). My eyes land on them. They had been all lovey

dovey before we came across each other. It was awkward, but better than I had expected. The pain I felt wasn’t

that bad. I just give them all a weak smile before nodding goodbye and heading to the bathroom. I didn’t dare to

look back at them. Not even once. My heavy heart lightened as I reached my destination. After finishing my business,

I return to find the six from the hallway in the practice room. According to the choreographer, we were to rehearse

with each other. The room was filled with tension as this was the first time we were all in the same room again.

We practiced in silence. Only our breathing was heard. We had not talked to each other once. We were

uncomfortable with each other’s presence in the room. I wanted things to be better between us, but as the weak

and silent leader I am now, I cannot bring myself to utter a single word. The practice ends on a quiet note. One by

one they all file out. Luhan had offered to take me out for some spicy rice cake, but I declined. Before I knew it, I

was the only one in the room. I suddenly think back to the sight of them together. My stomach churns as the images

keep appearing.

             It’s unexplainable

             Kind of unattainable

             when the person you love ain’t in love

             I feel so pitiful

             look at my face

            you’ll know the pain is in my eyes

            I need some help

            Help, cause it’s an emergency.

            Someone just wounded my heart.

            So HELP, it’s like a bad surgery

            and now it’s time to recharge

“Kris.” I turn around to find Junmyeon standing by the door. A small smile appears on my face. I hope he isn’t here to

talk about…

“Can we talk about that night?” His caring voice came out, and I wanted to melt. I wanted to release my feelings and

just tell him. I couldn’t though.

My eyes begin to tear up unexpectedly. I tried to stop them from leaking out, but I couldn’t. Junmyeon ran over and

hugged me. His arms wrapping around me, and I let go. I hug him back and sob away. Junmyeon’s hand my

back, as if trying to tell me that it’s okay. I can only hold him tighter. I was glad he knew me so well.

  “Junmyeon hyung, are you comi-“ a unfamiliar yet familiar voice asked. I couldn’t care less who it was, all I know

was I needed Junmyeon to be the understanding friend for me. Anyone else can wait their turn.

            I’m starting over, taking

            One, two, baby steps

            Three, four, baby steps

            Five, six, baby steps

            I’m starting over again.