[Page One]

20^th October

Hi diary, I’ve never thought that I would be writing it here because keeping a diary seems to apply only to girls and I’m too man for it *chuckle*.

It’s officially one week after… I was diagnosed with leukemia. I wasn’t shock, the massive vomiting of blood and my knowledge gained from watching the soapy dramas with Nicole already got me suspecting. But I was worried, dead worried. Okay I can’t use the word ‘dead’ verbally anymore, anytime I use the word relating to leaving this world, Cole would start crying at how selfish I’m going to be to leave her alone. Anyway, back to why I’m worried…there’s only one reason, Nicole Jung.

We’re both orphans, but no we didn’t grow up together as childhood friends, we actually work together in a mart as part-time job and we got to know each other from there. Come to think of it, it’s already our third year this year, and if I struggle through this two months, we get to celebrate our third anniversary this year =)

Nicole never have many friends, she have this thing about trusting people and letting them in her life. She’s friendly, but she’s really insecure about herself, especially when both her parents were alive and kicking but gave her up for their other side of family when they divorce. She always blames herself for that but she never understood how blind her parents were to give up such a beautiful child. I’m not saying just the appearance, but Nicole is pretty inside out.

Quote one example, how often do you see a small-sized girl protecting an old granny from being robbed by three tall and strong men? Or the second example… how many times are you able to find a girl who lied about herself stealing and losing her job for that just to protect a starving little boy from being arrested?

Yes, there you go, my perfect angel.

And if…I can’t get through this, and I really have to leave…who can I entrust her to?

It was always just me with her.

Furthermore, how would anyone know how to take care of her? Nicole’s always acting so strong and happy but she’s actually the most fragile and weakest person I’ve seen, she get sad easily, she get hurt unknowingly and she is actually very sensitive. When she’s sad, you can’t ask her for the reason straight, just let her lie down on your shoulder and when she’s better, she will tell you what happened automatically. When she’s especially happy or relieved, she will crave for desserts and the only dessert place she goes to are the one nearby our house call ‘Happy Castle’. When she’s angry, you have to play peek-a-boo to cheer her up because she couldn’t control her laughter with this game; yes she’s this kiddy XD

And ever since we both received the news when we went to the hospital a week ago, this girl is starting to stick to me like super sticky glue. When I’m in the toilet for more than 5 minutes, she started banging on the door to make sure I’m okay. When I sleep without snoring, she started to bang on my chest to make sure I open my eyes. When I shivered a little, she dialed for the ambulance straight away when she could have just put a jacket on me.

I know how afraid she is, and I know how much she went through to finally accept this news. I know how she still cry in the middle of the night in the toilet, I know how she still went to the living room at 1am to use the laptop and do research for my illness, I know how hard she tried to pretend like everything’s fine.

I knew it.

But Nicole, you’ve to be stronger than this.

Sincerely,
Dongwoon who is still being optimistic

[Page Two]

25^th October

We just came back from the hospital. And as we were playing the X-Box, I feel nauseous again and I quickly run to the toilet. I wished Nicole would joke about me being pregnant like she would if it were in the past, but no, we both know the reason and she don’t find it funny at all.

I know she was outside the toilet, I could hear her footsteps pacing around and her worried fast breathing, but as soon as she heard me unlock the door, she rush back to the living room and pretended that she have never move away from the couch and then even pouted and said “what took you so long, I can’t wait to start round 5 already!”. Yes, she never knew she’s such a bad actress.

We went to the nearby ramen restaurant in the noon and I finally challenge the really spicy ramen. In the past, Nicole would always asked me to be a man and go for it but I was reluctant to, yet when I told her I wanted to do it today, she started to object harshly, girls -.-

But anyway, after an hour of convincing, I manage to do the challenge and guess what, Son Nam Shin did it ^^ They took a really suave photo of me and pasted it right there in the winner list.

Okay fine, I admit I felt really unwell right after that, though I had no idea if it’s due to the spiciness or leukemia, but one thing I’m sure is Nicole’s not happy. She started to nag at how bad it is for me and how I do not know how to take care of myself. But anyway, the winner gets to leave a message there and I wrote it without her knowing keke.

Okay its 1.30am now and Nicole’s still outside using the laptop, while I’m using this table lamp to write out this page. Weird, normally I can be a night owl and get K.O only at 3am but I’m starting to lose the energy, hmm…

Sincerely,
Dongwoon who feel a bit restless now, just a bit

[Page Three]

2^nd November

I lost so much weight; my appetite is getting smaller and smaller. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I can’t even finish one bowl of cereal nowadays, though I still did because I know that girl would be worried sick if I don’t.

We went to the hospital yesterday for check-up, I wasn’t improving, in fact the Doctor told me to do whatever I want, eat whatever I want, play whatever I want now. I guess we all understood the hidden meaning behind it, yes; he thinks I’m not going to go through this. Thank God he said that only after I trick Nicole into buying water and leave us alone in the room.

I know I’m not a good boyfriend when I lied, but I couldn’t help it. Her smile was so precious that I felt it was so right to tell her, “The Doctor asked me what I did that make my condition so much better recently, he asked me to stay happy and I could be even better!”

Knowing Nicole and her distrusting personality, I was smart enough to remind the Doctor to act it out with me too; I knew she would go up to him and ask him personally anyway.

Its 10pm, I’m sleepy already…

Sincerely,
Dongwoon who need some sleep now =)