For:  Mahalia1012
Author: theblackcat1236
Length: 1,391 words
Characters: MyungBer and ninja!YeoBo
A/N: This is a bit shorter than I imagined it being… OTL PLEASE DON’T HATE IT. Side note:

Amber is like a refreshing breeze in MyungSoo’s life. She isn’t manipulative, two-faced, and doesn’t try to hide what she’s thinking with cute words or aegyo. They can be honest with each other, and therefore he trusts her a lot more than he’s trusted anyone before. There’s no need to worry about whether she’s telling him because she means it or telling him because she wants him to feel good—there’s a mutual trust that they’re always telling the truth. This honesty comes through not just in her words but in her dress, in the way she carries herself, in her friendships.

Except… well…

When ‘mother nature’ hits, Amber gets a bit… strange.

It happens few and far between, but it honestly gets really, really bad. He decides to make a guide for their future children in case they’re ever stuck to deal with her alone during one of these times, because he’s not sure they’ll pass childhood if left unwarned.

SYMPTOMS
(IN THIS ORDER)

1. Whimsical behavior

“MYUNGSOO!” He hears a loud banshee-esque shriek in his ear. Groaning, MyungSoo turns over, only to have it shouted in his other ear.

“What is it?” He groans, turning over to stare at the alarm clock.

It’s three o’clock in the morning.

“DO I LOOK PRETTY?!”

“Prettiest in the world.” He replies immediately, sandwiching his head between his pillow and hers.

“YOU DIDN’T LOOK.” She replies, jumping and actually landing on his spine. He groans, and would be yelling right now if it didn’t take that much energy, and reluctantly sits up.  

Amber’s adorned in a frilly lavender tutu, the layers around her waist a gradient as they grow into darker and darker shades of purple. There are silver sparkles everywhere, mostly concentrated on the tulle skirt, and they fly off as Amber jumps on the bed. In her hand is a chopstick with a large silver bow tied at the end, and her hair is half-curled and half an enormous, voluminous mess.

He isn’t quite sure, but it looks like she drew on eyeliner with a magic marker.

There are also neon pink tights on, but MyungSoo averts his eyes immediately because they’re far too bright for his unadjusted eyes.

“Amber, where did you even get a tutu?”

“We wore it in one of our music videos. Sulli did.” She shrugs, jumping again and landing in his lap. He ignores the fact he now cannot feel his thighs.

“Oh. Well it’s beautiful.” He smiles absentmindedly, really hoping that’s enough.

It’s not.

Amber proceeds to put on a one-man show of Swan Like in said tutu, and he’s absolutely certain she doesn’t know the dance, but it’s okay because half an hour in he falls asleep and she doesn’t notice.

MyungSoo may or may not have shown the video to SungYeol at a later date, who may or may not have whined and muttered “All BoMi does is make me buy her Ferrero Rocher and hot chocolate” under his breath.

2. Severe aggression

MyungSoo come back to the apartment to find it a mess, and groans, figuring WooHyun must have picked the lock again or something. Shrugging and starved, he calls for Amber while looking through their fridge. Soon he smells red pepper flakes, and spins around to find that there’s an enormous bowl of ddukbokki on the table. It’s suspiciously just sitting there, steaming, but since Amber hasn’t shown up MyungSoo figures she left it for him and begins digging in.

His third bite in, a loud buzzing whizzes by his left ear and MyungSoo’s eyes widen as a huge fruit fly lands on the rice cake. He moves himself slowly to the trash can, wanting to dump the thing, but soon an enormous screech makes him flinch, and drop both the food and the fly.

“MYUNGSOO! DON’T MOVE! I’M GOING TO KILL IT!” Amber roars, running from the hallway where the bedrooms are in with a frying pan, yellow bandana across her face, and blue war paint on her cheeks. She also happens to be wearing his pajamas.

“Stop it! It’s gone already!” MyungSoo begins backing away, seeing her staring intensely at him. He looks around trying to find the fly, but a realization dawns on him as she continues chasing him.

The thing’s on his left shoulder.

“GET BACK HERE!”

“YOU’RE GOING TO HITME!”

“I’M JUST GOING TO GET THE FLY!”

“WITHOUT HITTING ME?”

“TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM!”

“NO!”

“COME BACK HERE AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!”

“I REFUSE!”

The fly seems to like the feel of MyungSoo’s sweater, as the entire seven minutes he’s being chased it doesn’t fly away.  

“MYUNGSOO! STOP IT!”

“YOU STOP IT! YOU’RE INSANE! IT’S JUST A FLY!”

“IS STARVATION JUST STARVATION? IS AIDS JUST AIDS! ARE YELLOW TISSUE BOXES JUST YELLOW TISSUE BOXES?!”

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING AB-”

Amberthrows the pan at his shoulder—hard.

“It’s a battle scar.” MyungSoo laughs sheepishly as his stylist noona gets a murderous glint in the eye seeing an enormous purple bruise on his left shoulder. He’s sure he’s not just imagining things when he sponges concealer on extra-angrily, but that’s soon forgot as he’s told he’s can’t move his shoulder or the inch of cover-up will crinkle.

3. Don’t let her near fruit flies.

4. Extreme sobbing (just wait this one out)

“I’m a horrible, horribly person.” Amber cries as he and she are at the cemetery, standing in front of a small cardboard tombstone.

“You did what you thought was the best.” MyungSoo replies, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. He’s extremely grateful for all the acting experience he has under his belt, because that is the only reason he’s not laughing right now.

“It had a family. It had kids. It had friends.” Amber sobs, kneeling in front of the buried fruit fly.

She had scooped it up in a spoon and buried it in an empty nail polish bottle next to her dog’s grave.

“I’m sure it forgives you. You were in the heat of the moment.” MyungSoo sits beside her as they admire the grave.

Mr. Anonymous Fruit Fly

??/??/???? – 06/01/2012
For there is no fear in heaven.

“I’m sorry.” Amber whispers one last time, before they stand up and leave.

5. She gets drunk eating tomato products. Avoid them.

MyungSoo discovers this because she likes Italian food, and to try to distract her from the cramps, he takes her to an Italian restaurant.

Big mistake.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FU WU YUAN~!” Amber calls, giggling over her Coca-Cola and gesturing wildly to the waiter as he’s serving another table.

When he doesn’t turn, she throws an ice cube at him.

“I NEED MOAR COKE! Not to snort though, she drinks.” Amber says somberly when he turns, gesturing to her now empty glass.

“Actually, just get her some water please.” MyungSoo sighs, taking the glass away despite her protests. He thinks it’s the Coca-Cola making her hyper.

He learns he’s wrong.

“THIS WATER TASTES LIKE TOILET WATER, AND I WOULD KNOW!” Amber screams at the end of their dinner, as she’s sipping it with her enormous brownie sundae. “I WANT MOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!” She roars.

MyungSoo almost face-plants in his sundae.

“It’s absolutely stunning.” The doctor says, tossing a file at MyungSoo as Amber flails on a hospital bed, giggling because the walls remind her of pee or something. They’re a pastel yellow. “The tomato paste she consumed has triggered something in her brain, along with her cycle, that, long story short, produces something close to an alcoholic haze.”

“Is that even possible?” MyungSoo asks, sighing.

“Apparently so. You’re girlfriend here is the first case I’ve ever heard of. It’s been found before in Switzerland with potatoes though.”

MyungSoo must have created the nuclear bomb in his past life.

6. The word “milk” will trigger a temper tantrum. Avoid it.

7. Do not go within the vicinity of a public bathhouse.

SOLUTION

Wait until the end of the day... and tuck her in.

“I’m tired.” Amber mumbles into MyungSoo’s shoulder, curled up on his side.

He thinks she looks adorable.

“You look tired.” He replies softly, tightening the grip on her waist.

“Thanks.” She huffs lightly, the breath making its way to his neck.

“Just go to bed. Good night.” He smiles at her, pulling her a little closer before completely resting on the pillow.

“Good night.”