Surprises around every corner

Before I Go

"ASH!!!" Lyra screamed and fell backward onto the grass in total shock. hung wide open and her eyes bugged out of her head. 

"Are you ok?" said the kid with black spiky hair. His face betrayed his thoughts, *what's the matter with her?* However he held out a hand with the intention of helping her up. Lyra gaped at the spiky haired boy.

"Y-you're Ash! Ash Ketchum! ... Right?" she said hysterically pointing at him.

"Er, yeah...?" He replied nervously.

"Oh my gosh, and your Misty!" She screamed pointing at the orange haired girl behind Ash. Then she gaped at the last person behind Misty. " And your Brock!!" Then she fainted.

Misty, Ash, and Brock looked down at the unconsious Lyra in confusion.

"Well we can't leave her here, and we don't really have anyplace else to go so why don't we set up camp here?" said Brock shrugging his shoulders.

"Good idea Brock," said Misty happily, then she pointed at Ash, "why don't you get some firewood Ash while we set up the tents and make dinner?"

"Whaaat? Why me?!" complained Ash. 

"Because you've got Charizard! He can help carry!" MIsty replied irritably.

"That's not fair!" Grumbled Ash glaring at her. But he grudgingly took out his pokeball and began trudging towards the swirling mist. 

"Go Charizard!!" He yelled and threw the pokeball high in the air. In a flash of light, a huge, orange, dragonlike creature erupted from the pokeball. It roared loudly, and swung it's tail, the flame at the end lighting up a little of the surrounding forest. 

"Come on Charizard, we have to go collect firewood." Ash grumbled. Charizard roared in reply and followed Ash into the mist.

Meanwhile, Misty pulled camp equipment out of several backpacks and Brock set up a portable grill. A young pokemon with a body like an eggshell and shape patterns chirped happily on the ground next to Brock. Lyra still lay on the ground out cold, but Misty had put a pillow under her head, and a blanket covered her as well.

"What are we going to do with her?" siad Brock suddenly.

"I don't know. I wonder how she knew our names?" Misty replied puzzled.

"And why she fainted after she recognized us..." Brock mumbled thoughtfully.

Suddenly out of the mist three figures came into view. It was team rocket!

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Nekluna
#1
Chapter 3: Seems you can write a little descriptive if you want to.
Although it wasn't much in this chapter. Just some for Ash and Charizard and not for Brock nor Misty.
Can see that as a sign of them not being any important in this story.

If you wanted to add a bit of silliness, you could have named Ash Ketchum to Ash Ketchup instead.
Never liked his last name anyways. They sound pretty lame both of them.

Another short chapter, and takes merely a few minutes to get through with hardly any complications or depth to analyze.
You should try to add some later on if you can.
Otherwise this story will probably turn out to become one more of the many classic fic stories on the net you soon forget.
Even if it has pokemon elements in it.
Nekluna
#2
Chapter 2: Expected this to happen.
The bored girl started to get very stressed at an "unexpected" change in her daily life.
Well...if she acted with excitement it would be old anyways.
Nekluna
#3
Chapter 1: Pretty good first chapter.
But it is so classic to complain about having a normal life and not try to change it in any way more then some small cheap attempts such as making candy.

It is a little annoying when the default text is set kinda big and bolded in black. But i could shrink it is so it is somewhat ok.
Nekluna
#4
Seem interesting.
Mainly because i have seen no anime, manga, game or fanfic that have used this kind of story without failing on the way or in the end.

You have used the Foreword in one of the several ways to use it.
Remove the part that you dont know what it is, that will give your whole intro a more serious feel.
Sireika1011
#5
<3 XD omg!! Soo epic!!! <3 XD Keep writing ok?