"Calm down Lu Han. Breathe!" I yelled. Why was I talking to myself? I don't know. 

 

"Lu Han?" A little voice whispered from the other side of the room. Oh great. Someone was here. I looked up and there they were. Chanyeol, Kris and Su Ho sitting on Chanyeol's bed playing some kind of card game. They were all looking up at me in shock. I slammed my body onto my bed which was probably now Kris's and shoved my face into the soft pillow. Kill me now. 

 

"Lu Han? What's wrong?" Chanyeol's voice was closer, behind my shoulder now. 

 

"Go away. This is my room too you know. Don't think that just because I've been gone for a night it means I'm gone forever." I mumbled, trying to be aggressive but with my face still in the pillow, my words all came out in a blur.

 

"I know Lu Han. I never said it wasnt. I'm not asking you if you're okay just because you're in the room. I'm asking you because you look upset and your talking to yourself... And maybe you're doing that because you've got nobody else to talk to about whatever it is that's bothering you? But you don't have to talk about it with me. I'm here if you want to though." Chaneyol was always so kind. He's a loyal friend. Maybe a bit too emotional at times though. I just nodded because I couldn't be bothered saying anything. It was quiet for awhile but the others soon started chatting and eventually it was like I wasn't even there. Chanyeol, Kris and Su Ho laughing, talking and having fun while I ,what looked like lay on the bed silently. It wasn't silent for me. I could feel my thoughts screaming at me. They only yelled one word. Kai. I wonder what he's doing now. Obviously not something as pathetic as me. Probably working out or talking and socializing with the other members. Both of which, I was too lazy to do. I can't exercise or play sports, let alone work out even if I tried. Dancing was the only form I enjoyed. And communicating with people... Well, let's just say its not something I'm very good at. I heard the door open and footsteps walk into the room. Probably one of the other members. Hopefully not Se Hun. He was close with Su Ho. I stayed as still as possible. Everything went quiet. Okay, who was it? I turned my head to look in the direction if the door. Kai. Standing next to the bed with a huge grin on his face. He pushed my shoulder, forcing my body to turn over. 

 

"Get ready" He whispered. That's all he said. What did that mean? But before I could even guess at what it could mean, his lips pressed against mine. Not to mention his whole body which was now lying on top of mine. What is he doing? Why so suddenly? And in front of everyone too? I couldn't breathe at all. I couldn't think at all. Yet, I still managed to kiss back. A few gasps escaped the members mouths from the other side of the room. That's when I realized what I had done. I leaned out and turned my head to the side. He let out a sigh. Why is he doing this? I was so embarrassed. Was he doing this on purpose. I slipped out from underneath him and got off the bed. Chanyeols face was pressed against Kris's chest. He was holding him tightly in a comforting hug. What was he doing? Had Chanyeol been hurt or something? It didn't matter, I needed to get out now. I needed to breathe. I turned around and took a glance at Kai. He was grinning looking very proud of himself. I walked out of the room and into the living room. There, he couldn't do something stupid like that again and we wouldn't have to talk about what had just happened either. There were too many people. A sat down on the couch. Baekhyun and D.O were watching T.V next to me. All the other members were sitting at the table. 

 

"Hey Lu Han" Tao called from the table. "Youngmin wants to talk to you. He was looking for you. He went out but I'll call him and tell him you're here now." I just nodded. I didn't really care at all. 

 

"Kai! Ready for the photo shoot? We gotta leave soon you know?" one of the members called out. Kai? I turned my head around and saw Kai walking into the kitchen. Crap. I sunk down, hiding my head from behind the couch. D.O looked at me and raised his eyebrow.

 

"What's going on Lu Han? Have you got a cramp or something?" Shut up! Shut up! I didn't want him to say my name. Kai would know I'm here now. I nodded, hopefully he'd just be quiet now. It didn't matter anyway, Kai heard him. He walked around the couch and sat next to me. 

 

"Go away Kai. Go get ready for your photoshoot" I whispered. He did that crooked smile that made me melt and looked around at the other members.

 

"Why'd you stop kissing me Lu Han?" He asked, raising his voice when he said the word kissing. Oh my god. I wanted to die right at that moment. Everyone stopped talking.

 

"What are you talking about? Go get some quick rest. Clearly you're tired." I said. Why did he have to embarrass me like this? He stayed silent. Looking into my eyes. Like he was waiting for something. He glanced at the door every now and then. This went on for about a minute until I heard the door open. And as soon as that happened he leaned towards me. He closed his eyes and I don't know why, but I did the same. I didn't want to, but at the same time it was all I cared about. I knew I shouldnt of kissed him but it didn't matter. I forgot about everything. Everything except Kai. All the embarrassment and all that I had been feeling before had vanished. He ran his fingers through my hair and kept his other hand sitting on my chest. A loud fake cough the sound of someone clearing their throat was behind me. I jumped in shock and Kai stopped kissing me. He just wouldn't stop smiling, he looked up at the person behind me. I turned my head and saw who it was. Youngmin, the manager. I glanced around the room. Everybody was looking at me. 

 

"I want to talk to you Lu Han. In private. Come with me. You guys get to work. Remember, EXO-K have a photoshoot. And don't you worry, you pretty little Chinese boys, you're next. Tomorrow will be your turn." He said. His voice was the only noise heard. Nobody said a word. Even when we started walking out of the room. Everything stayed silent. Kai shot me a quick glance before I was out of sight. Not a good idea, my chest ached again. 

 

"Lu Han! Answer me please." Youngmins voice rose. Crap. 

 

"Sorry, can you repeat the question again. My Korean still isn't very good." I didn't hear the question being said what's so ever, but he didn't have to know that. It'd make things worse. So I just played innocent. We walked into Kai's room and sat down on Kris's bed. 

 

"This is not your room is it?" He asked. I felt that it was more of a statement though.

 

"No. It's not mine." Keep it simple.

 

"And do you know who's room this is?"

 

"This is Kris's and Kai's room". I made sure to say Kris's name before Kai's.

 

"Do you know why we set out the rooms like this? Why we put certain members in certain rooms? So things like this wouldn't happen. Kris and Kai's interests are very different. You're interests are also very different to Chanyeols. The age group. The backgrounds. We just try our best to pair you up so you can get a long well but not too much. This is why you weren't put in Kai's room. But look what's happened anyway. Lu Han. You have caused a lot of trouble lately. Don't think that now that you're in Exo you're safe. Because you're not. You can be replaced. Easily replaced. There are plenty of talented, prettier Chinese boys out there who I can replace you with. Exo hasn't debuted. And until it has, you're not safe. So stop what you're doing with Kai. Focus on Exo. Exo is your life now. It's all that matters. Otherwise, you'll be gone. You will be replaced. And I'll make sure you'll never get another chance like this one. You might get as far as a back up dancer or something, but no further than that. Alright? So snap out of it Lu han. Focus." He was right. I needed to focus. This was my dream. My life. I needed to work harder. But Kai. I had to get away from him. I couldn't. I'd work harder, but staying away from Kai would be difficult. Impossible. Youngmin patted my head and ruffled my hair.

 

"Anyway, you've been shipped with Se Hun. We've discussed it with a few people and we think the fans will love you two together; so you'll be put in a few teasers together maybe and we'll get you two to hold hands and stuff to make all the girls scream and whatever. So the Kai thing isnt gonna work. Im going to discuss this and a few other things with the rest of Exo tomorrow, so don't say a word okay?" What? Se Hun? I could not pretend to be in some bromance fake relationship with Se Hun. "Alrighty my little Chinese beauty. I hope you make the right choice." And with that, he left. Closed the door behind me and walked down the hall. I walked over to Kai's bed and crawlled under his covers and breathed in his scent. I wanted Kai. Not Se Hun. It was like I was forced into a marriage. I had no choice. No say. I didn't want anything to do with Se Hun and here I was, having to pretend to have some gay little brotherly feelings for him; when in reality I loved Kai. I barely knew him but it didn't matter, I knew I loved him. Call it what you want, love at first site, whatever. It didn't matter to me. I didn't care. 

 

(Kai's P.O.V)

 

"Don't worry about them. Just ignore them" Su Ho whispered to me. I liked him a lot. He was a good leader, never judged anyone. I smiled and nodded. The stupid photoshoot was so awkward. It took way too long and the whole time I just wanted to run away. And this car drive wasn't any better. We were all cramped up against each other. Se hun was glaring at me while everyone else just stared. I could see Su Ho trying to get them to back off by giving little looks, it it wasn't working. You can't gain power if you're not willing to get nasty. I could never imagine Su Ho yelling at someone. Until of course when he did. Right at that moment, in the car.

 

"Stop it! Can you do anything other than judge? Stop staring at him! So what if he kissed someone? Or is just because it was a guy? Because if thats the case, then it's even more pathetic! Just mind your own business and get a life so you don't have to watch others live theirs instead!" Everyone went silent. Su Ho was out of breathe. Clearly it wasn't something he did often. The car drive back was just plain awkward. As soon as the car stopped we all jumped out as quickly as possible. Su Ho and I walked slowly behind the others in silence for awhile.

 

"Thanks." I mumbled. "By the way, you know how Kris was holding Chanyeol this morning in his and Lu Han's room when I kis- yeah... What was that about?" I asked. I forgot about that until now. I think I was better off asking him rather than Kris or Chanyeol himself. He looked a bit shocked at my question at first.

 

"Well, I'm not sure if I can answer that question actually. You might have to ask Chanyeol yourself." Great. Now I've got no choice. Doesn't matter anyway, I don't care that much. If its a big deal it will come up again.

 

"Okay, well thanks anyway. And yeah, thanks again for standing up for me before" I didn't know what else to say. I kind of just wanted to see Lu Han. What had the manager said to him? Did he talk about us, like he did with me? I needed to ask him. Was he in trouble because of me? Had I gone too far?

 

~

 

I listened to the members laughing in the living room. I could hear them all the way from my my room. They were happy. Celebrating the photo shoot. The members of Exo-M greeted us as we walked into the apartment, asking us how it was. But Lu Han wasn't there. Where was he? What happened to him? I didn't want to look suspicious so I just walked straight to my room. I was a child  thinking it was a good idea to do all those things I did in front of the other members. Maybe Lu Han was in his room. I got off my bed and walked towards the door. Before I grabbed the handle, the door opened before me. I took a step back and the door fully opened. Lu Han. He stood there with a weak smile plastered on his face. His eyes read pain. I knew I shouldn't have read him. But it wasn't like I was keeping tabs every time I saw him like I used to do. When I was desperate to find out what he thought. What he thought if me. 

 

"Hey Kai." His voice cracked a little. His hands were shaking. I went to hold them but he clenched them into fists, glued to his side. I looked back up at him.  He wouldn't stop blinking! Hiding tears? What had happened? I tugged his shirt, getting him to step into the room and kicked the door shut behind him. 

 

"I'm sorry Lu Han. I was so child-ish". He shook his head in disagreement.

 

"No, it's all beca-" He cut his sentence off and just wrapped his arms around me. I could feel him tugging at my shirt, trying to get as close as possible to me. I put one arm around his waist and the other around his neck. Something was going on with Youngmin and Lu Han, but I could tell Lu Han wasn't going to tell me. He had told him more than he told me. What could he have said to make Lu Han so distressed? A threat maybe? Whatever it was, I was going to find out and fix it. I couldn't bare seeing Lu Han like this. His breathing was loud and uneven. I could feel my shirt getting damp, sticking to my chest. It didn't matter. I'd let him cry on me for as long as he wanted. 

 

"This wont work. Us. It's not going to work. Not like this." He whispered. I leaned back. Looking at his face. What did he mean? Was this a joke or something?

 

"We have two choices. Hide it from the others and pretend nothing's going on, or rebel and make it public." he continued.

 

"Rebel! Show Youngmin we're not weak. We don't have to follow his orders." I said. Youngmin couldn't stop us. I don't care if he says I can't have a relationship with Lu Han.  I'll prove him wrong. Lu Han looked away, sighing. What did Youngmin do to him? There was more to it for him.

 

"It's not that easy... Just keep it quiet until tomorrow. Youngmin will explain something to us." There was more. What wasn't he telling me? Youngmin wasn't going to explain everything they talked about yesterday. I don't think Lu Han had a second choice.

 

 

______

 

FINALLY! I did it.. that chapter was hard to write... plus, I didn't know what to call it, so I had to explain the whole chapter to my friend for an idea for the chapter's title... gosh.. Well.. no rest for me! I feel bad for not updating this one last night like I said I would.. so I'm trying hard to post two today instead... I haven't started the next one yet.. well... I better stop typing soon... get ready for the next chapter! Got some GREAT ideas from my friend for the next one! THANK YOU KATIE!! :) anyway, comment and subscribe pleasee! Keep supporting! you're all awesome! And like I've said a few times before.. give me ideas! if youve got any, comment or post on my wall or message me, or whatever! I write my chapters one by one in order with barely any plans.. So I'm always open for new ideas! Thanks guys!! tell me what you think please!! :D