Regret.
Emptying the bag
(Lu Han's P.O.V) "I actually hate you so much right now. I bet you're enjoying this. Watching me suffer like this. Yeah, this is all amusement for you. You aren't attached to anything, so you never have to worry about being hurt by anything at all. I hope you wake up one day and realize how much of an arse you are and how much of your life you've waisted." .I yelled at him. He didn't look like he was listening. God, he pissed me off so much. I couldn't believe the manager made us hold hands. We weren't even famous yet. We don't have any fans, nobody know about us yet. There was no reason we should be holding hands yet. But apparently "It's all about practice" according to Youngmin.
"Se Hun! Even a nod would be better than nothing. Are you even listening to me?". He looked up at me and nodded. He didn't look amused. He looked like he had been shot. His shoulders had crouched forward and his stomach was pressed inwards. Had it finally hit him? Had he finally realized what an arse he was?
"See, you get it now right?" I ripped my hand away from his and walked onto the road. I didn't bother looking back at him. He didn't deserve my effort.
"Lu Han!"He screeched. I turned around to look at him. His eyes were glued onto me. They were pleading, reaching out for something. What was wrong with him? He bolted at me, I went to turn around and thats when I saw it. A black, sleek car. It sharply turned around the corner, wheels screeching loudly. It didn't stop though, it was still coming straight at me. Sliding along the smooth, flat road. I was frozen, I couldn't move. My whole body flew over to the right as a huge force crushed against me. Se Hun. My shoulder smashed onto the sidewalk, with the rest of my body lying on the cold, black road. I saw it all. Everything. The car crashed into Se Hun's doll-like figure. His body collapsed onto the ground, not far from where I had fallen. The car didn't stop. It sped away down the dark street.
"Se Hun!" I screamed out, running towards his lifeless, pale body. There was no reply. No movement. Nothing.
~
(Se Hun's P.O.V) "Alright boys! Great work, great work!" Youngmin yelled out to us all, ruffling his hand in Chanyeol's fluffy cloud of hair. Lu Han was sitting down, talking to Kai. He looked uncomfortable. Kai wasn't uncomfortable. He was smiling and laughing. Lu Han looked cold. Trembling and lost. He almost looked confused, betrayed? Kai rested his hand on Lu Han's knee. Get your hands off him. I wanted to take them off. To rip them off. But I didn't want to make a scene. Stupid Kai. I looked back at Lu Han's face. A tiny, unconvincing little smile was plastered on his face. That poor kid. We exchanged a quick little second of eye contact. Vulnerable. He looked so vulnerable. But as his eyes clicked in with mine, that emotion was covered up with stubbornness and anger. He hated me. That was my fault, but I still wish he realized I wasn't the one to hate. Kai was. Why couldn't he see it? Hadn't he picked up on it yet? Had Kai not done anything obvious yet? He was a stupid player. A user. Kai looked at Lu Han to see that his eyes were no longer focused on him, but now me. He turned around to look at me. His eyes were also full of anger, but this anger was not like Lu Han's. It was strong, fierce.
"Piss off Se Hun." He yelled out from the corner of the dance studio. Lu Han looked down and back at Kai. Everyone turned to look at me, sitting beside Chanyeol against the wall.
"Well then... Let's go boys! Get some rest, alright?". Youngmin broke off the awkward silence. I stood up and walked out of the building with all the members. I trailed behind the group with Chanyeol by my side.
"Se Hun. Lu Han, hold hands." Lu Han turned around the face the manager, who was walking a few meters in front of me. He gave a little look to the manager that said "no way!" and turned around and continued walking with Kai. Thank god. I didn't really want to hold his hand either. Kai would be giving me death stares the whole time anyway.
"Hold hands now!" He yelled, looking at me this time as well. Lu Han stopped and turned around again.
"Exo hasn't even debuted. Nobody knows about us. Nobody knows we're training or that there's even a group forming. Nobody knows the members or any of their names. You and the trainers and whoever, choose for Se Hun and I to be shipped. No fans decided on it, because we don't have any yet. So until we do get fans and until we debut, it doesn't matter who I do what with because nobody will know about it!" He gasped for breath after shouting out at the manager.
"It doesn't matter. I want you to practice now! Its all about practice!" He said. Lu Han sighed and pulled out his arm, waiting for me to walk over and do as Youngmin had said. Chanyeol skipped away to Su Ho. I reached my hand out and wrapped my fingers around his. He was stiff and awkward. We stopped at the lights, the others had already crossed and were now on the other side of the road waiting for us. Lu Han didn't look at me once, his eyes were fixed on Kai. Damn you Kai. Lu Han had already fallen for him. I decided to distract myself by making conversation.
"So... Did you enjoy dance practice?" I couldn't think of anything else to say. He turned to look at me. Wow, maybe he was going to contribute to the conversation.
"I actually hate you so much right now. I bet you're enjoying this. Watching me suffer like this. Yeah, this is all amusement for you. You aren't attached to anything, so you never have to worry about being hurt by anything at all. I hope you wake up one day and realize how much of an arse you are and how much of your life you've waisted.". I couldn't believe it. I really did stuff up. He was never going to get away from Kai. And he'll never listen to me. Kai had won this. He had Lu Han. Lu Han was never going to see me differently.
"Se Hun! Even a nod would be better than nothing. Are you even listening to me?". I nodded, pretending I cared. Well, I did care. But for another reason. What he said was all misunderstandings.
"See, you get it now right?" He snapped, pulling his hand away from mine aggressively. He charged off, walking onto the road. The lights were still red. Did he not realize? A shiny, black cars swerved around the corner, heading towards the crossing. Would it see Lu han in all this darkness?
"Lu Han!" He turned around and looked at me with anger in his eyes. It was too close. The car tiers screeched down the road. Finally, he turned in the direction of it and saw the car. His eyes widened. His facial expression was totally drained out from anger to fear. He stood there, glued onto the road. Knees trembling. I ran at him as fast as I could and knocked him away. His body flung onto the road, his shoulder smashed onto the gutter of the footpath. Hope he didn't brake that. I turned my head in the direction of the car. The force hit me before I could even catch a glance of it.
Everything went black and fuzzy. I could only feel the coldness. Everything else was numb. Why was I so cold? I tried to open my eyes but they did not do as I ordered. I went to press my hands on the road to push myself up. Nothing happened. My hands did not move. I felt myself doing it, but nothing was happening. My chest ached. What was happening to me?
"Se Hun!" Lu han. He was screaming over me. I tried to reach my arm out to him. Nothing. I wanted to cry, I felt no tears. I wanted scream, I had no voice. My chest was throbbing. I was so scared, so cold.
"Se Hun, you stupid idiot! Why did you do that? Why? You're so stupid!" Lu Han cried out, weakly hitting my shoulder.
"C'mon! Come back! Don't do this! Why Se Hun? If you let me get hit then you'd be fine. It wouldn't effect you at all! You hate me, I know you hate me. What is wrong with you? Why did you do that?" I felt his tears fall onto my chest and soak through my shirt onto my skin. I wanted to reply. I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to tell him I didn't hate him at all, but I was too weak. He grabbed my shirt and pulled my body up, shaking me.
"Se Hun! Don't give up!" he screamed. Why did he care? He hated me.
"Lu Han! C'mon, let's go. He'll be okay. Youngmin called the ambulance. You shouldn't be moving around, you've hit you're shoulder pretty bad too y'know." Chanyeol spoke. He was a good person. He was always there for Lu Han. I could hear so many voices around me. It was all too loud. There were voices asking me questions, crying, pleading. What did I look like? Was there much blood? Everything was too loud. I wanted it to stop. That volume was the only thing that seemed to obey me. It suddenly all went silent. I heard nothing. The blackness was pure. Nothing was blurry. Black and silent. But coldness did not leave. It stayed with me. Loyal.
(Lu Han's P.O.V) "Don't touch me!" I screamed. Kai's face was shocked. He pulled his hand away from my shoulder.He didn't know what to do.
"I am not going to eat out at some stupid restaurant while Se Hun is in hospital fighting for his life! Go have fun with the others." I ran out of the room and headed towards the kitchen. Luckily nobody was in there. D.O and Baekhyun were sitting on the couch watching T.V in the living room, but I could be quite enough so they didn't hear me. I quickly opened the compartment underneath the sink and hoped inside. I didn't want anybody to find me. I wanted to be alone.
Why did Se Hun do that? Did he not hate me? No, of course he hated me. But that look in his eyes. Sorrow? Regret? Maybe he didn't want to hate me? No, that doesn't make sense. Why was he so confusing? If he just acted normal, if he just wasn't so confusing, I would be able to decide whether I hated him or not. But now I felt regretful. I did not want to hate him, but I had to. He was an arse. I think?
I heard footsteps walk into the kitchen.
"I can't find him anywhere! He ran out of the room and didn't come back." Kai.
"Oh, you talking about Lu Han? He couldn't have left the apartment because we've been sitting here the whole time,we would've heard the door open if he did." D.O spoke.
"Doesn't matter anyway. Tao injured himself during practice, he won't be eating out. He can stay here and call us if he sees Lu Han. C'mon guys, we're leaving now." Youngmin announced and soon enough the door opened, shut and everything went silent. They had all left.
I stayed curled up under the sink for about an hour until I started feeling pains in my back from staying in that position for so long. I opened the cupboard door slowly and crawled out. My back ached. That suddenly reminded me of the pain in my shoulder. It was the same shoulder I had fallen on earlier. I don't think it had fully healed, so this new injury really didn't help. Tao's dark figure was standing in the kitchen. I recognized it more than any of the other members other than Kai. He was so fit, so toned. He turned and looked at me and grabbed my collar aggressively.
"Hey! Who do you think you are kid? Stealing when you think everyone's left?" He pushed me against the fridge door and pulled out a wooden spoon. Although it was his weapon, he held it with such grace, even the way he aggressively hit me with it was done with elegance. He spun around and kicked me in the gut. I couldn't take the force and fell onto the floor. I reached out for something as if some kind of weapon would be lying on the kitchen floor. What else could I do? My god, this was embarrassing. Did he realize who I was? He leaned down and pulling me up again.
"It's me Lu-Lu Han." I mumbled. He let go of me immediately and I fell back to the floor again. He switched the light on and his eyes widened as he looked at me.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry Lu Han!" He screeched, picking me up and placing me onto the couch. My body was so numb, so I just nodded.
"I didn't realize it was you. I thought you were a robber. I'm so sorry! Are you hurt?" He asked. I shook my head, I wasn't hurt at all really. I was just very shocked.
"I'm fine. Don't worry Tao. What I did was stupid. Anybody would be freaked out if something came out from underneath their sink right?" I mumbled. My head was aching. I had been shook around so much.
"So why did you hide under the sink exactly?" He chuckled.
"I was tired." Wow Lu Han. Wow. But to my surprise Tao just nodded and accepted my answer. And the whole night we talked and laughed. He didn't ask anything personal about me. We just had fun, forgetting about everything else.
~
(Kai's P.O.V) Now I felt like the clueless one. I couldn't read Lu Han anymore. I didn't understand him. Had he changed? Or was it me? All I could see is that he was weaker. Weaker than he was before. But I couldn't help him anymore, because I didn't know what to do. And for some reason I blame Se Hun for all this. Ever since this thing about HuHan started, Lu Han began acting strange. I want to say I'm glad he got hit by the car, but that's awful. I guess I'm just scared. Scared for Lu Han. Why wouldn't he open up to me anymore? What did Se Hun do? I met Lu Han and he needed help, and I was there for him. I helped him and he got stronger. Stronger to the point where he was able to open up a little bit to me and the others. And now Se Hun has destroyed that. Se Hun has ruined it all. And now I'm being aggressive too. Now I'm becoming like him. A horrible person. I regret what I've said. I regret thinking I was glad Se Hun got hit by a car. Now, I know I'm glad.
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sorry about that teaser guys, i really wanted to advertise my poll at the time.. anyway, well.. theres the 11th chapter.. wow. 11, I don't really know what to say about this one..? well, Se Hun's definetly not who we thought he was.. and Kai seems to be .. changing? and poor little Lu Han is even more lost than usual.. well, I hope you enjoyed it! I might update another one.. I'm really sick, I wasnt at school yesterday or today.. so thats why I've been on so much.. anyway, comment, subscribe, keep supporting please!!
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