I wonder..
Emptying the bag
(Lu Han's P.O.V)
"You're gay aren't you?" He quietly whispered. His eyes were full of sympathy. He didn't look at me in disgust when I slowly nodded. I closed my eyes as tightly as I could. I did not want to see his face. I wanted to pretend his eyes said something they didn't. I wanted to pretend he saw me differently. I wanted him to see me just as I saw him.
"You can go in now, please stay quiet; he's very tired" The nurse said as she opened the smooth, white modern door of Se Hun's room for us. Was he going to be awake? Were his wounds bad? Would any be visible? I wonder if he knew about the dinner meeting and that everybody went to that night. I wonder if he realized that they all went to celebrate Exo while he just lay there alone in the hospital. Full of pain and confusion. Not knowing whether he'd make it through.
"Lu Han? Are you coming in?" My thoughts were interrupted by Chanyeol's voice. I nodded and followed him inside. Only Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Xiu Min and I were able to come and visit Se Hun. Kai and Lay we're recording video teaser, Su Ho and Kris had a meeting with the manager, D.O and Chen had a recording in the studio and Tao was still injured and had to stay at the apartment. The room was plain and bland. The walls were colored with an off white paint and the window sill and door was a light creamy colour. All very pale, like Se Hun's fragile looking face.
"Hey guys" He barely whispered. The corner of his mouth slightly rose, as if even that was an effort. He weakly waved to us and sat up, repositioning himself on the bed so he was able to talk to us more easily.
"How are you feeling Se Hun?" Baekhyun said as he walked over to the chair beside the bed.
"Could be better" He mumbled with a weak smile on his face. And that's when I realized it. Se Hun could be much better. He could be great. He could've been his normal self. If it wasn't for me. If I hadn't of got so angry and just waited for the lights to go, Se Hun wouldn't have chased after me and got hit by the car. He would of been fine.
Everyone turned to look at me. Why were they looking at me? Baekhyun and Se Hun slightly rolled their eyes and Xiu Min walked towards me with a confused facial expression.
"Are you okay Lu Han?" He asked. What was he on about? I touched my face and realized I was crying. Why am I not realizing these things anymore? Why can't I hide them anymore? Has the bag at the back of my head ripped? Are my secrets spilling out and being exposed to everyone around me? Xiu Min looked over to Chanyeol and nodded. I glanced over at Se Hun, who had a painful expression written on his face. Chanyeol walked towards me and pulled me out of the room gently. He leaned against the wall and slid down, patting the floor beside him, gesturing for me to sit there with him. I did as he asked.
"Listen Lu Han. You need to toughen up. I know whatever it is may be upsetting and horrible... But rather than cry about it, tell somebody. It's the best way to make yourself feel better. Get it off your chest." He whispered.
"Nothing is wrong. I am fine. I'm just upset about Se Hun being injured and all." I mumbled, looking at the plain white wall in front of us. In a way, I was telling the truth. He gently grabbed my chin and turned me to face him. I tried to turn away but he gripped his palm onto my shoulder,forcing me to stay inline with him. What was he doing?
"Lu Han. Talk to me. I'm trying to tell you to talk to me. I always try so hard to help you. I want you to realize that I will listen to anything." He whispered. His eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips. Oh no. Was this what I thought it meant?
"Chanyeol. Let go of me please." I mumbled, looking down to break the eye contact. He slowly took his hand away from my shoulder and sat back against the wall again. I looked back at him, what was he thinking? Was this why he always got so upset suddenly when Kai kissed me?
Was this really happening? Chanyeol was my friend, why was he being like this? Why did this have to happen?
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sorry guys! It's just a bit.. i couldnt update for SOO long! and now i have so much homework! sorrryy it's such a crap little update too:( i'll update the rest soon!!!
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